by R. G. Angel
“Ah, what the hell.” I sighed, finally reaching for the envelope and getting the program out.
“How…” I whispered, not believing the cover page.
'For the first time in history, the Universal Exposition will take place in the United States at Stonewood, CT. '
I trailed my finger across the word Stonewood. Grand-mère hated the US and still held a not so secret grudge against my father for having chosen to expatriate.
How had this even happened? I flipped the page. Photos of the Garwurst Museum on Mount Hill were proudly displayed.
I kept flipping the pages, my heart squeezing so painfully in my chest it took my breath away. I was going through the artists' pages and I knew that any second I would turn to Grayson’s page.
I took a drink. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath. “You can do it.”
I turned the page to see his face. He was sitting on a wooden stool, facing an easel, a paintbrush in his hand. He had one leg extended in front of him, the other put on the footbar of the stool. He was dressed in his trademark washed-up jeans and Henley. He was looking at the camera with a big smile on his face, but I knew better. I knew it was fake because I knew his real smiles. I’d seen them. I’d caused them and I’d lost them.
My fingers brushed the glossy page over his beautiful face. Looking at him both hurt and pleased me.
“I love you so much,” I whispered almost wistfully. “So much.”
I read the article. Grayson Clay, age twenty-five, was a self-taught artist and would be presenting his four piece collection titled ‘Heaven and Hell’.
“How fitting,” I muttered. Our relationship had gone from Heaven to Hell in the space of a few minutes.
I stared at his face a bit longer, letting myself fall back into the pit of despair I was not really trying to get out of.
Throwing the magazine on the table, I leaned back on the sofa and looked up at the ceiling. Sorrow washed over me. It was such a familiar feeling now that I almost enjoyed it.
I sighed, grabbing my phone.
You did this? I texted Taylor.
A couple of minutes later, my phone rang, signaling a video call from Taylor.
I took a deep breath, put some order into my hair, and forced a smile.
“Hey!” She was on her sofa. I could just about make out James’ face beside hers.
“James,” I greeted with a small nod.
His stern face appeared on the screen as he leaned against Taylor. “Hi, Antoine,” he said with a small sigh.
“Just a sec,” T told me before getting up and taking her phone into her room.
James didn’t like me. He hid it well and Taylor was oblivious, but I was quite receptive to it. At first, I’d thought he was just a bigot, but his best friend was gay, so nope it wasn’t that. Plus, he loved Grayson. But then, who didn’t?
No, I started to suspect that what he didn't like was the standing, the money, the name, and the eccentricities that followed. He knew Taylor was rich too and I could see that should they last, it would become an issue for them. I just hoped I was wrong. Maybe it was just all the time she’d been giving me these past few months. I always came before him. It was just the way it was with us. If he didn't like it, I wasn’t giving much time to their relationship.
“The Expo?” she asked. She’d probably just received the program herself.
I nodded once.
She shook her head. “No, for once it’s not me trying to work fate.” She sighed. “But I think it’s a good thing. It’s your turf with your friends and we know your grand-mère won’t come. She hates the US.”
I shrugged. “I’m not going either.”
Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Excuse me?”
“I’m not going. I never do. Why should this time be any different?”
“Because -” She frowned, a deep V settling between her eyebrows. “Are you serious? Because it’s home, because it’s Grayson!”
I looked up. “Are you going?” Ah, got you there. We both knew she was still in the ‘Avoid Archibald Forbes at All Costs!’ phase.
“Absolutely, I'm going!”
“Archibald will be there.”
“And?” She shrugged. “I can make do with Archibald for a day. This is Grayson. This is you. It’s important.”
“I’m not going,” I replied stubbornly.
“Ant-” She sighed. “Okay, we can discuss this when I come over this weekend.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to stay home? I’m sure James wants to spend more time with you.”
Her eyes flickered to her bedroom door. “He doesn't mind. He has stuff on weekends anyway.”
Was she telling the truth or was she lying to protect me? Either way I didn't care. I was selfish enough to accept every little minute she wanted to give me.
“He still loves you, you know,” she added, the certainty in her voice warming my broken heart.
She was seeing Grayson every so often. They were still friends, but I always did my best to avoid asking about him because no matter what the answer would be, it would never help me feel good. I would hurt if he was moving on and I would hurt if he was miserable. There was no winning.
“Love is not the problem here.”
“No,” she agreed. “But it’s a strong base.”
I huffed, running my hands across my face. “I can’t go. Being here is one thing, I manage to stay away, but if I see him?” I shook my head. “It won’t help.”
“Please, Ant, just think about it? I’ll be there with you every step of the way.”
“Okay, I’ll think about it.” But we both knew I was just humoring her.
I left the program opened on Grayson’s page so I could keep torturing myself like the fucking masochist I've become.
I started to write him notes, letters, anything that was going through my mind and I wished to tell him. Things that I would never send him and had lost the privilege to tell him. All of them were now safely tucked in a Berluti shoe box under my bed.
Yes, I was turning into a teenage girl. I was expecting to grow a vagina any day now.
I was still wallowing in self-pity when my phone rang on Thursday afternoon. The screen flashed with Caleb Astor's name. I frowned. Caleb almost never called. He was not the chatty type.
“Hello?”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” he barked at the other end of the line.
“I...ummm.” I looked at my phone screen before putting the phone back to my ear. “Are you sure you’ve dialed the right number?”
“I’m trying to reach Antoine the whiny bitch. Is this the right number?”
“Indeed it is.” Caleb had quite a mouth on him when he was frustrated, not something you would have expected from the head of the Astor fortune.
“Do you know how much time and money I had to spend? How many useless asses I had to kiss to make this happen?” he growled.
Caleb was the source of the Expo being in Stonewood. I would have lost all of my trust fund on that bet.
“I don’t think he wants to see me.” I sighed in defeat.
“And you think I give a fuck what the genuis artist wants because...?” Caleb trailed off. Caleb Astor didn’t give much thought to other people's tender feelings unless it concerned Esmeralda Forbes.
“I’m going to stay here.”
He groaned in frustration. “No, you fucking won’t. You better stop moping, dress nice, pack a bag, and get on the fucking plane this weekend. I’m sending you the jet and I gave Oppenheimer the authorization to drug you if she needs to.”
Ah, Taylor had ratted me out.
“How did you do it anyway? How did you even manage to get the expo to Stonewood?”
“I gave them twenty million dollars.”
I frowned. “Why? Why would you do that for me?” It was completely out of character.
“You’re my friend.”
I rolled my eyes. Caleb was a friend, sure, but he was first and foremost an asshole. He would
never really care about something as trivial as my love life - at least, not enough to spend twenty million dollars on it. “Caleb….”
He sighed. “Fine! Esmeralda said if I helped you and your genius artist get back together, she might consider letting me do anal.”
I laughed despite my sadness. Ah, Esmeralda Forbes, Caleb’s fiancée and the love of his life. His almost polar opposite. She was all kindness, light, and love. She was also Caleb Astor's only weakness. I loved Esme Forbes.
“Wow, a twenty million dollar anal?”
He snorted. “Have you seen her ass? Totally worth it.”
Caleb was obsessively in love with Esmeralda. I didn’t think there was anything in the world he would refuse her.
“Listen to me, St-Vincent. I’m only going to say this once and if you tell anyone, I will end you.”
A small smile tugged at my lips. I had missed my asshole friend; I was a masochist after all. “Okay?”
“You’ll regret it - not trying harder, not giving in to what you truly want. I’ve got Esmeralda now and there is not a day I don't thank the heavens she is as understanding as she is. Do I deserve her? Absolutely fucking not. Will I hold on to her with all my might? Of course I will. Who says he doesn't want you to chase him? Maybe he also thinks you gave up too easily, like you didn't really care that much.”
This thought had crossed my mind, but Grayson was not playing games. He was not the type to say something he didn’t mean. “I don't know.”
He muttered something I didn't completely understand. I had caught the ‘kill me now’ part though. “I don’t know much about love, but I know one thing for certain. If you give up now, you will wake up in a week, a month, a year, who knows when, but you will be riddled with ‘what could have been.’ Regrets will pull you into a deep pit of despair, but if you try, if you fight with all you have… You might be heartbroken, but you will at least wake up knowing you’d tried your hardest and that, my friend, is priceless.”
He had a point. I knew he did and maybe Grayson wanted me to fight for us. Show him that he did matter more than the name and status. And he did. Of course he did. It’d just taken me a minute too long to realize it. The little hope rekindled in my heart.
“Okay, I'll come.”
“Ah, you thought you’d had a choice?” He laughed. “That’s cute. The plane will be there next Friday. I'll text you a time next week. You better get on it. Bye.”
He hung up before I had a chance to add anything.
Chapter Twelve
“Don’t look like you’re about to get murdered,” Taylor scowled as we descended the plane and walked to the car waiting to take us to Stonewood.
I sighed. “I might very well be. Or I might just go jump from Mount Hill bridge if he rejects me.”
Taylor recoiled and I clicked onto what I'd just said. “No, Tay. That's not -”
She raised a hand. “He won’t reject you. Let's stick to the plan.”
I closed my eyes after getting into the car. Jump from Mount Hill bridge. I was a fucking degenerate for having said that in front of my best friend after what she’d done, after all she’d been through.
I sighed as I settled further into the leather clad seat of the sedan. “Didn’t James want to come with you?” I try, desperate to change the conversation.
She threw me a look that clearly showed she was on to me. “We’ve been together ten weeks. It's a bit early, don’t you think?”
I knew what she meant, but when you knew, you knew. I’d known from the moment I'd locked lips with Grayson in that pub that he'd mean the world to me.
“Are you dropping me off at my parents now?” My voice was carrying the reluctance I felt. I’d barely talked to them after what had happened at my grand-mère’s place. I also knew they would watch Grayson and I like hawks.
She shook her head. “No, Esme and Caleb are waiting for us at their mansion.”
“But -” I tensed. “Grayson is staying there! I can't!” I shook my head. “I’m not ready.” Was I going to have a panic attack on the backseat of this stupid car? Yes, yes I was.
She rested her hand on my thigh and squeezed. “Just breathe, Ant. He’s not there. I promise.”
I gave her a doubtful look.
She chuckled. “I swear! He has a schedule to follow with the other artists and he’s spending the day with them at the gallery to hang his pieces and then have dinner. He told Esme he wouldn’t be back until late.”
I smiled. “He likes Esme.”
She nodded. “He does, but in the end who doesn’t?”
Taylor and Esme were best friends. Everybody knew that Tay was going to be Esme’s Maid-of-Honor and that they'd missed each other terribly. It was true though. Esmeralda Forbes soon-to-be Astor was impossible not to love.
“We’re going there just to see our friends, be our little group once more. Don’t you miss that?”
“Archibald will be there, no?”
She nodded. “It’s time for me to face the music too, A.”
Fuck, my girl was so much braver than I was.
As soon as we arrived at the Astor’s mansion, Esme rushed out with a little squeal and ran into Tay’s arms.
As they hugged and beamed at each other, Caleb came out. He leaned against the door, his eyes on Esme, a small smile on his face.
He was so attuned to her, like the earth around the sun, his eyes always on her, his happiness an effect of hers. She was his center of gravity.
I used to think it was stupid, but I understood now - better than I'd thought.
He turned toward me, his blue eyes still full of warmth, something still so unfamiliar. He jerked his head toward me as a greeting.
I forced a little smile and joined him on the stairs.
“I'm glad you came willingly. The extraction team would have been messy.”
I laughed, but stopped when he looked at me with his face stoic. I wasn't really sure he’d been joking anymore.
“You’re joking, right?”
He shrugged, burying his hands in his pants pockets. “I guess we’ll never know.” He sighed. “She knows Archibald’s here, doesn’t she?”
I nodded. “She does.”
“And?”
I shrugged. “She says it's okay.”
He looked heavenward. “I can’t deal with more than one crisis at a time.”
“You see me as a crisis?”
He snorted. “Don’t I always?”
I shook my head. Who needed caring friends when they had Caleb Astor?
He turned to Esme, his face softening once more.
“Esmeralda, love, why don’t we take this heartwarming reunion inside? Benjamin has probably already served the collations in the library.”
“Of course.” Esme beamed at him, taking Taylor’s arm and coming up the stairs.
At least one thing was for sure. She was just as addicted to Caleb as he was to her.
Stopping beside me, she gave me a quick hug before kissing Caleb.
“Lead the way, fiancé,” she joked.
His lips tipped up as he gestured us in. These two were sickenly cute together.
“You go ahead,” Esmeralda stated suddenly, grabbing Taylor’s hand and pulling her up the stairs before we had a chance to say anything.
“Don’t be long, love,” Caleb simply said as he headed toward the library.
I walked in to find Archibald at the bar.
“Antoine, long time, no see,” he said, sipping his drink. It looked suspiciously like alcohol. I let my eyes roam to the wooden grandfather clock in the corner. It was a little early to start drinking, but he was about to face Taylor, so I couldn't really blame him.
“Indeed. You look well.”
He tipped his glass toward me. “I wish I could say the same.” Asshole.
There was no love lost between Archibald Forbes and I. Well, if I was being perfectly honest, there was no love lost between the three of us.
We’d been inseparable in high school
. The Kings they had called us. Archibald and Caleb had been the two sociopaths leading the show. I had just been along for the ride. Though honestly, I hadn’t even been along for that. I’d been too concerned about what would happen to me if I went against them, to actually enjoy watching what they’d done to others.
It had been like that until Esmeralda Forbes had arrived. She was Archibald's long-lost sister and Caleb's soulmate. They’d both grown a conscience then - a small one, but one nonetheless. With his new heart, Archibald had realized he'd loved Taylor Oppenheimer with a passion bordering on insanity, so when I'd started dating her both to protect her and hide my secret, our animosity had only deepened.
Once he'd learned the truth about me, things had gotten better, but it’d never be the type of friendship I shared with Taylor or Esmeralda or even Caleb for that matter.
Archibald was chuckling to himself about god knows what when Esmeralda and Taylor entered the room.
Archibald tensed right away, trying to keep his face as emotionless as possible, but he was not as good at it as Caleb and his misery was evident.
“Oppie, it’s good to see you.” He took a tentative step toward her, but she mirrored it with a step back.
He sighed, shaking his head slightly with defeat before turning to Caleb. “So you got us all here for the mission ‘Get Antoine Laid’?”
Esme threw him a glare. “No, we’re on the mission to get these two fantastic humans back together.”
Caleb nodded, picking up a cup of coffee and extending it to Esmeralda. He was so attuned to her needs.
“I like your Grayson.” Caleb nodded his approval, leaning against the library wall. “I also love that he’s gay.”
“Why?” I asked, but I was grateful too. I would have died if he hadn't been.
“Because he is too good looking to be in this house with my fiancée. I’d either have to kill him or chain her to the bed.” He cocked his head out the side, pondering. “Chain Esmeralda to the bed...Hmmmm, I can picture it. I’m sure she’d be game too.”
Archie punched him hard on the shoulder. “Bastard, why do you keep torturing me?”
Caleb grinned. “Because it works and it’s fun.”
