by Coralee June
"You're grieving t—"
"Please, don't finish that sentence."
We continued to walk in silence as I thought of my strained relationship with Linda. She was struggling to acclimate to Scavenger life, and I understood her anger now. She spent a lifetime in posh comfort, then lost everything and everyone she'd ever known. Linda Stonewell had a loveless marriage and a loveless affair. The only person that actually loved her back was her son, and he was dead.
They all were dead.
"Payne was asking about you yesterday," I told him.
Payne was the one bright spot in our lives. His naive innocence was infectious. He made even Huxley smile and thawed Linda's icy heart. It wasn't self-preservation keeping her here, it was Payne. Payne also lived in the small tent next to ours with Mistress Stonewell. Their dynamic was odd at best, but it worked. She spent so much time fussing over him that sometimes she'd go an entire day without complaining.
"What did he ask?"
"He wants you to take him fishing again. He enjoyed that."
I wasn't sure what it was about Payne that made me less reluctant to share my feelings. He wanted to know about the brother he never met. And since I'd known Josiah the best, I found myself offering him little pieces of information when I could handle it. I'd even caught Linda leaning forward to hear my stories of her son. I wondered if she knew how truly close we were. Payne was a sweet child. Genuine. Kind. But terrifyingly smart.
Exactly like Josiah.
We were almost at our tents. I couldn't wait to wash off in the water basin and go to sleep. Today, I’d pushed so hard that I was certain I’d have a dreamless night. I was about to descend the path to our home when the drums started.
The thudding beat had no repetitive cadence or method. It was madness, thumping and filling the Deadlands with its warning. One of the first things Chief Aarav taught us when he agreed to let us seek refuge in his camp was if you hear the drums—run.
It was a warning repeated many times, chanted at dinner and whispered at night. "Is Patrick on patrol?" I asked Huxley, whose eyes were on alert as he scouted the woods around us. White, glowing trees cast shadows in the dark, and towered overhead. The drums made it impossible to hear anything else.
Looking to the sky, I saw the dim, green embers of the Chief’s fire in the distance. We were only a few minutes away if we sprinted. "We have to go to him," I said as adrenaline flooded me. I started to turn towards the flames when a calloused hand wrapped around my elbow, pulling me back.
"You’re not going—"
"Sorry, were you just about to tell me not to go? Because it sounded like you were about to make another decision for me," I said with a growl, yanking out of his hold. I looked over Huxley's shoulder and saw the bushes shifting. I managed to shove Huxley's broad frame aside and crouch into a ready stance. I was ready for an attack— eager for it.
But instead of all the enemies I'd conjured up in my mind, it was Kemper that was barreling towards us. His long, lean legs moved impossibly fast.
"Ash!" he yelled, his voice frantic but determined. I warmed at the tone. Normally, he was so soft-spoken. It had been a while since I'd heard the commanding voice he reserved for our moments alone. He collided into me, cupping my warm, flushed cheeks. His blue eyes squinted as he looked me over. "Are you okay?" he asked.
"We have to get to Patrick." I pulled away then looked back towards the flickering flames and smoke off in the distance. My heart was racing. Kemper and Huxley exchanged wary looks when I turned my attention back to them. I saw the caution in their expressions. They had no intention of letting me anywhere near the danger, but I was done letting them control me. I stopped letting them make decisions about my safety when I lost Cyler, Maverick, and Jacob.
Within a flash, I was sprinting towards the center of camp. My tired feet pounded the hard ground as my warm muscles shook with adrenaline. I felt Huxley and Kemper at my back, following me as their shouts blended in with the warning drums. I could handle this, I could save Patrick.
I could save them all, right?
Tears streamed down my cheeks as I imagined all my guys at the finish line. I was no longer in the Deadlands. I was in Ethros. I was running towards the men I loved. Dodging fallen branches and hanging tree limbs, I leaped over a puddle and stumbled a bit when my feet hit the muddy ground. This was my moment to help. I could fight. I wasn't helpless. The grass crunched beneath my feet, and the smoky air filled my lungs. I breathed in the woodsy scent, sprinting as I thought of all the people I'd failed—and all the people who had failed me.
No more. This was what I'd been training for, right?
Kemper called to me. He wanted me to wait. Huxley grabbed the back of my shirt, but I slipped from his grasp. My curly hair caught on a branch. My heart caught in my throat.
Tents started to appear along the trail, scattered around us. Men and women with white hair and deep frowns ran in the opposite direction, darting by us as we headed towards the camp's center. Their fearful faces were nothing but a blur in my peripherals.
"Ash, wait, let's see what's ahead."
But I didn't want to wait. I didn't want to be the girl that waited for others to right the wrongs of the empire. "We don't even know if Patrick's there," Kemper added. "He could be on the outskirts of the camp. I don't know his patrol route!"
When I broke through the clearing, a group of Scavengers had formed a circle around the fire. As I searched for Patrick in the haze, an arm wrapped around my waist, yanking me back. The air was knocked out of me when I collided with his chest, and I let out a hoarse scream. Nothing but strained air escaped past my teeth.
"There's a difference," Huxley began while trying to catch his breath. His chest heaved against my back. "Between being the hero and being fucking stupid." His lips were against my ears as he spoke, and a tear fell down my cheek. I wiped away the stupid display of emotion. It was blurring my vision, stopping me from tackling the task at hand. I wanted a fight. I wanted an excuse to prove my worth.
Huxley sunk backward towards a tree as I fought to pull away from him. My feet hovered off the ground, and Kemper gave me a look that made me fill with shame. I couldn't tell the difference between the pounding drums and my heartbeat. The loud beat, a thundering cadence of chaos.
There, in Huxley's arms, the warnings faded away. The adrenaline subsided, and all that was left was shame. I knew I was being reckless. But that’s what happens when you have nothing to siphon your disappointment and anger into. You start looking for ways to let the pain out. Slowly, the thudding pulse in my ears calmed. I looked around, trying to get a sense for my surroundings. A clear voice echoed over the commotion, making my heart race.
"Are you an idiot? She needs a doctor. I demand you get your best healer here at once, or so help me, I will burn this camp to the ground. Don't you know who I am? I'm Jules. Motherfucking. Black."
Huxley dropped me in shock. It took me a moment to clear my head. Did I hear that right?
Jules?
I sprinted towards the fire where a group of men crowded around. I broke through the group, ignoring the various grunts of disapproval. I waded through the Scavengers until all I could see was sleek black hair and a scowl deep enough to wage wars.
"Jules?" I cried out, more tears streaming down my face. When her eyes met mine, her expression softened a bit, but not much. The last time I'd seen Jules, she was a pale skeleton on the brink of death. The vaccine rejection was claiming her bright life. Now, she had scratches on her cheeks and circles beneath her bloodshot eyes. She was thinner than before. Her frame looked malnourished, but she still commanded the attention of everyone within the vicinity. She was alive.
I didn't care that we only tolerated one another, I ran forward and wrapped my thin arms around her in a tight hug. "You're alive," I cooed as white-hot tears streamed down my cheeks. "I've been so worried."
A tentative hand patted my back, and I pulled away to stare at her. She stared deeply into my eyes, see
mingly moved by my display of affection. I saw her relief, her fear, her sadness. It all swirled within the black depths of her gaze, and I let out a sigh I didn't know I'd been holding. "You smell awful," Jules replied, her nose wrinkling. I couldn't help but smile. I knew that was her way of saying that she missed me too.
A moan nearby made me pause. I looked down at the ground to see Mia in the fetal position, clutching her stomach as blood the color of scarlet flowed from her chest. I knelt at her feet and screamed.
"Mia!"
Behind me, Huxley and Kemper took turns giving Jules hugs and murmuring their shocked greetings. But I had tunnel vision on my Scavenger friend writhing in pain on the ground beside me. I tried to move her arm to look at the wound, but she swatted me away while rocking back and forth on the ground. I screamed for the healer as Chief Aarav crouched down at my feet and said, "Agrio, I sent my brother to retrieve Lilly."
"What happened?" I asked Jules who was clutching Kemper's arm and staring at us. My eyes began scanning the camp. Were Maverick, Cyler, and Jacob here? Where were…
"They're not here," Jules said, answering my unspoken question. "Mia and I came alone. We ran into an Eastern Scavenger about a mile outside of your camp. He..." Jules looked down at the ground before looking back at me. The green glow of the campfire illuminated her pale face as she crossed her arms over her chest, emulating cool defiance. I saw the crack in her carefully constructed facade though. I understood her persona. "He wanted something he couldn't have. I killed him."
I opened my mouth in surprise and...jealousy. My eyes drifted down to take in her appearance. Before, I was so excited to see her that I didn't notice her torn shirt or the blood on her forest green pants. She'd defended herself. Fought her way out of a deadly situation.
"How do you know them?" Aarav asked, bringing my attention back to a moaning Mia. He brushed Mia's blood-stained white hair aside, revealing her pale face and blue lips.
"She's the one I told you about. The one who called me Agrio." My chest seized as emotion coursed through me. I’ll never forget when I earned the nickname meaning Wild One.
When I'd first met Aarav, he asked me what he should call me. At the time, even hearing my own name hurt. I wanted to steal a bit of Mia's confidence. I wanted to claim some of the Scavenger lifestyle for myself. So I'd told him to call me Agrio.
A loud cough erupted from Mia's chest as she rolled to face me. "Agrio? Is that you?" she asked, eyes half open and swimming in tears. She was struggling to stay awake, and my heart clenched at how weak she sounded. This certainly couldn't be Mia. Mia was strong. Mia always survived.
I leaned closer to stare into her brown eyes. How did Jules survive? How did they make it all the way here?
"Ah, Agrio," she began, flickering out of awareness, "you look like shit," she blurted out before losing consciousness.
Chapter Three
It took all night to stabilize Mia. Lilly and I bustled around the healer’s tent, struggling to keep her alive. Fourteen stitches lined her chest, and it’s a miracle she didn’t lose too much blood. I didn't have the opportunity to ask Jules how she got here and who she was with. I was too busy helping gather supplies and create antibacterial salves for Mia's wound care. Scavengers that had long-term exposure to the toxic water supply were more susceptible to infection. It affected their immune system, and they couldn't fight off normal sicknesses like others.
After six hours of stabilizing Mia, Lilly sent me outside to replenish her supply of herbs. Outside near the creek, I was digging up a root needed for pain relief when Patrick came up behind me with food. "You need to eat," he said while thrusting a bag of fruit my way. My stomach was too twisted with anxiety, but instead of refusing him, I took it from his outstretched hands then stood and dusted the dirt off of my skin.
"Thanks," I replied. I wondered if he would want to talk about what happened. Would he be mad that I ran to his rescue? Would he be relieved that I still cared? Worried that I was so reckless?
"I'm not going to scold you for running to danger," he answered my unspoken thoughts. "I stopped making decisions for you when I saw how hurt you were that we removed your choice in Ethros." He bent over and efficiently helped dig up the rest of the root I needed before continuing. "Especially now that you're getting fighting lessons from Hux, I don't wanna piss you off." He chuckled while pulling the root up and standing.
The morning air felt electric. Bugs that lived in the glowing trees of the Deadlands were alive and buzzing, sticking to my sweaty neck. I felt more alive too.
I smiled at his joke. Despite the exhaustion I felt, Patrick's lighthearted nature still managed to make me happy. "I could totally kick your ass," I choked out, willing this conversation to be normal. I was determined to try, not just because Huxley was threatening to stop our fighting lessons. I wanted to reconnect with them all. Maybe I was finally done with being numb? I was willing to risk being devastated again because at the end of the tunnel was hope.
"But I will say," Patrick began, taking a step closer and placing his fingers beneath my chin and lifting my gaze up, "I'm flattered that you were worried about me, but I'd rather have you safe. I'll always pick your safety over mine." That was the problem, wasn't it? I was in love with men all wanting to jump in front of danger for me. I was a Walker, I was used to having my decisions taken from me, but I didn't want that now. They couldn’t tease me with freedom then steal it back when it was convenient for them.
"Even now? Even after five months of..." of my mourning. Of my distancing myself. Of giving into my hurt and grief and letting myself fall into the pit of self-loathing and denial.
"There's no amount of time or distance that'll separate us," he replied, his tone earnest and deep. "This is unconditional, sweetie. I even love the parts of you that you think are hard to love." Patrick leaned forward and placed his lips against mine. I was covered in dirt, sweat, and grime. I was sure my curly hair was a mass of tangles, and Mia's blood covered my dress. But all I could think of was how good his lips felt. He didn't push too far, probably worried that I'd sink away again, but still, I found myself craving his contact. He threaded his fingers through my hair, getting caught on various tangles, then he smiled against me.
"I should bring you a comb," he chuckled, pulling away.
"Thank you for waiting," I whispered back. I knew that we weren't where we were, not even close. I knew that the new normal would take a while to get used to. Hell, I wasn't even used to the old normal before it was stolen from me. But I would try. My guys were worth trying for.
Patrick walked me back to the medic tent, and we held hands. He was practically glowing with excitement as we moved, but there was an edge of uncertainty to his walk. I worried that I'd ruined his confidence with my distance, and resolved to remedy that immediately.
"Try not to kill Jules," he said with a kiss on my cheek. "I'm going to go and get some sleep before patrol again tonight."
He turned to leave, but I wrapped my arms around his waist. "Sweet dreams, Patrick," I whispered into his back as he stroked the tops of my hands. After a moment, I reluctantly let him go and entered the crowded medic tent.
Although Lilly and I were able to stitch up Mia's stab wound and make sure that no vital organs were punctured, it was her fever that had us worried.
The Scavenger medic tent was already small, barely big enough for Lilly and me to shuffle about. But with Huxley, Kemper, Jules, and Aarav all fussing over Mia, I sensed that it was only a matter of time before Lilly snapped.
"Hovering over her won't help her heal faster. She needs to rest," she scolded, swatting at Huxley who was thumbing a vial of rosemary. "The only person who should be here is Agrio, and even she gets on my nerves. Out with you." The guys left with small frowns, Huxley and Kemper pausing to kiss me on the cheek goodbye, but Jules remained. I wondered when she and Mia became so close. Thinking back to their petty rivalry back in Dormas, I'd never imagined that they would become friends. But five months was a long
time, and disaster breeds companionship. Fear makes you cling to people you normally wouldn’t. We all just want to feel like we belong. Like we’re safe. Lilly was getting tired of her hovering though. Jules might have grown more compassionate towards the Scavengers, but she was still the same old ray of critical sunshine I'd come to accept.
"Are you sure you know what you're doing? What is that stuff anyway?" she asked Lilly as I made quick work of getting set up at the lab table and grinding the Kava root I just collected into a wooden bowl. It was commonly used for pain but also could be used to fight an infection.
"It'll help fight off the pain and help fight off the infection," I answered.
"Keep asking questions, and I'll have Aarav remove you from my tent, Malakas," Lilly sneered.
"Paliá trelí gynaíka," Jules responded with equal venom, causing Lilly's eyebrows to shoot up in shock. "I can insult people in the native Scavenger tongue too. Worry more about Mia and less about what I’m doing, and we’ll be good." Jules threw Lilly a self-satisfied smirk. I wanted to urge Jules not to tempt Lilly. She'd openly described how she poisoned her deceased husband when she caught him with another woman. Lilly was not someone you wanted to mess with.
"Just stay out of my way. She won't get any better if I have to spend time maneuvering around you," Lilly finally said. Jules tapped her foot against the floor of the tent, crossing her arms over her chest to stare at Mia before moving to a nearby chair.
