by Coralee June
"Can I go to the meeting?" Payne asked.
"Not today, buddy. And don't let me catch you hiding in the woods and eavesdropping again, either," Kemper replied. Something about his words made me pause. A memory as temporary as smoke tickled at the edge of my mind. I clung to it. I slumped and put my head in my hands, trying to picture the fading dream in my mind's eye.
"You okay, Agrio?" Lilly asked. Kemper massaged my neck as I visualized my dream. I was at Stonewell Manor. Josiah was there. I’d never believed in ghosts before. I wasn’t one to think that we were haunted by the dead. But maybe we could be haunted by the living, and the memories of life trapped in our heads.
"While I was asleep, I think I had a dream...or a memory," I replied. My voice was muffled, but Kemper's hand froze on my neck. A thick finger landed beneath my chin and tilted my gaze up until I was staring into Lilly's grey eyes.
"You were dead for a short while, Agrio. I’ve seen many things in my time here. Many unexplainable things. Maybe you saw a ghost," Lilly said, her voice ominous as she plopped a heavy hand on my forehead to check for a fever. "But, you feel fine. No fever. The only thing wrong with you is your smell. I thought I’d have to burn down the medic tent. What you need is a good bath." Lilly looked to Kemper. "You said three hours?"
"Yes," Kemper replied.
"She's going to need all three to get cleaned up," Lilly said, wrinkling her nose, causing Payne and Mia to burst out in conspiratory giggles. I didn't bother to respond, I simply rolled my eyes and stood. I'd focus on the strange memory later.
Kemper stood with me, and Lilly made quick work of giving Payne more to do. "Aarav said that Jules could get out of confinement when you woke up," Kemper said as we exited the tent.
"Well, then I guess I should have stayed dead," I replied with a giggle. It felt easier to joke with Kemper. Losing the fetter and having Jules and Mia here was bringing back tiny parts of myself. Now, if only I could get back the parts I missed most: Cyler, Maverick, and Jacob.
While I was underwater, the world felt quiet. The only sound I could hear was the rushing water and my pounding pulse. The lack of oxygen had my lungs craving air, and the tingling toxic water from the Deadlands had my skin humming. The river was a force to be reckoned with. When we first moved here, many elders warned us to be wary of the current. I liked to test myself. While under, I’d dig my feet into the riverbed and stand against the current until the need to breathe was too much and my muscles felt weak.
Since my time in Ethros, I’d spent a lot of time seeking opportunities to feel strong. Whereas in the areas of my life where genuine strength mattered, I was weak. I couldn't get over the betrayal. The abandonment. The anger.
When I emerged from the water, my eyes connected with Kemper. Once, I thought the kind, blue-eyed man from Dormas was shy. I believed him to be soft-spoken and timid. But the way his hungry stare trailed over my skin was brash and confident. He looked at me like I was his to look at. The brazen stare was unbreakable. I didn’t cover myself. There was no need for modesty. Nudity was common in the Deadlands, and it felt freeing to see his attraction as he drank in my appearance.
When Kemp insisted on accompanying me to bathe in the creek, I knew the tension between us would return. It was palpable. Unavoidable. Although I'd been numb to the passion between us these last five months, it was like I had reawakened. I wanted to pick back up where we left off, but I didn't know how. Diving into the physical aspects of my relationships with Kemper, Patrick, and Huxley felt like giving up on Cyler, Maverick, and Jacob.
As I walked out of the water, droplets of the acidic water tingled trails down my bare skin. It left irritated streaks of red. The sun felt more intense here, and I noticed a healthy tan along my arms, legs, and stomach. When I stood on the bank, I stretched my arms high above my head, welcoming the heat of the sun as it dried me, and gave Kemper a generous view of my naked form.
My eyes were closed, but I could feel his appraisal of me. I knew that he was savoring each inch of my skin. “You’re beautiful,” Kemper said in awe. The Galla girl I once was would have squirmed under his heated gaze, but not me. I opened my eyes to stare back at Kemper. No bashful blush donned my cheeks. I accepted his compliment and wore it like armor. I'd lost my timidness in Ethros. I might not have deserved the adoring look in Kemper's gaze, but I craved it. “I thought when I failed you in Ethros that perfection was unattainable. But looking at you now, it sure seems to exist.”
“Why’s that?” I asked, already sensing where this line of thinking was going. Why was Kemper so obsessed with perfection?
“You’re perfect, Ash. Absolutely perfect.”
I lowered my arms and wrapped them around my stomach, suddenly feeling less confident. Before Ethros, I liked the pedestal the guys put me on, but now I wanted equal ground. I didn't want to be worshipped and saved. I wanted respect and love. “I’m not perfect, Kemper. No one is. And you didn’t fail.” Dragging each step, I walked towards him with a frown on my face. “We failed. All of us.”
Kemper reached behind himself, grabbing a thick blanket hanging on a low Deadlands branch. Once we were close enough, he wrapped it around my shoulders. His fingers lightly brushed along my breasts, making my heart race as he closed the fabric around me.
"How?" Kemper asked.
I wrapped the blanket tighter around me. "We didn't talk. We failed because we expected the intense love we had for one another to be enough. You self-sacrificing assholes didn't include me, and I blindly trusted that we'd never be apart. We failed each other."
“All my life, my grandfather taught me to fix the things that are broken,” Kemper said while licking his lips. “Now I want to fix you, but I don’t know where to start.”
“Don’t you think that’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself, Kemper? My brokenness isn’t your responsibility. Loving someone means accepting them as they are. I won’t be...grieving...forever. But I’m not just some problem you can fix. The sooner you realize that, the easier this will be.” For all my talk, I couldn't help but feel somewhat insecure that my brokenness was pushing him away. Could the guys handle this sort of unconditional love?
Would they ever get the chance to try?
Kemper nodded his head in agreement, but the uncertain look on his face made me doubt that he’d absorbed my words. I didn’t like feeling like a broken project. I was sad. I was angry. I was experiencing the normal progression of feelings. When you’re trying to survive, there's no time to process your grief. The empire was full of desensitized citizens, but I would rather be motivated by anger than be complacent.
"I know things are about to change," Kemper said before tucking a curly strand of my hair behind my ears. "I'm thankful for our time here, but I'm done hitting pause on our relationship. I'm going to help you get mad. I'm going to bring you back, flaws and all. I can love your brokenness, Ash. I'll cherish each little jagged piece of you."
My heart clenched, and I squeezed my eyes shut. Kemper looked so determined. I didn't have the heart to tell him that three of my jagged pieces were left behind in Ethros.
Chapter Five
“I knew you'd be fine. Maverick never fails,” she said with a flick of her wrist. Kemper and I had made our way back towards camp after I got dressed. The moment I heard Jules mention Maverick, I practically sprinted towards her, eager to hear more. I was like an addict for information.
“Is he okay? When did you see him?” I asked, done with dancing around what she knew. I wanted answers, now.
The cage was made out of carved wood and stood only about six feet tall and four feet wide. Although it was the camp's makeshift prison, Jules made it look like she was living in a palace. With her sleek hair and rosy cheeks, you wouldn’t have known that, yesterday, she killed a man and, today, killed me. She was too relaxed, too unaffected. Aside from where Tallis and Mia were concerned, she was always unaffected.
“I didn’t actually see him. I have a contact in the Resistance that visits him regu
larly. She was able to bring me a note and the pill.”
I tried to ignore the ebbing jealousy that rocked through me like a punch to the chest. My mind lingered on the idea that a woman was visiting Maverick regularly. It sounded like they had a system of sorts, but I couldn't help but consider he'd moved on during our time apart.
"What did the note say?" I asked.
"It was a short description of the medicine he concocted and how to use it."
"What else has he said? Do you talk to them often? What happened to Jacob?"
“I’ll explain it all at the meeting.”
Behind me, Huxley and Patrick arrived, each wearing matching scowls. “Happy to see you’re okay. Kinda pissed we were the last to know,” Huxley growled at me before giving Kemper a pointed stare.
“Ash needed a bath, and I went to accompany her,” Kemper replied nonchalantly, but I heard the teasing edge in his tone, taunting the twins with the implications of his statement. Patrick’s lip quirked up in a smirk.
“I can’t even blame you, Kemp.”
I looked over my shoulder at Huxley and nodded, wordlessly indicating for him to let her out of solitary. I wanted to get to this meeting as quickly as possible. He took his time finding the key in his pocket. And before he could slide the metal into the lock, I shot my hand out and clamped down on his wrist, stopping him.
“Why?”
“Why what?” Jules asked. She was bouncing on the balls of her feet, ready to strike. I'd come to understand Jules well during our short time together. She enjoyed conflict.
“Why go through all those theatrics? You could have explained. You didn’t have to knock me over and shove a pill down my throat.”
I watched as Jules crossed her thin arms over her chest and looked between Huxley, Patrick, and Kemper. “For starters, while you’ve been hiding away here in the Deadlands, I’ve been fighting for my brothers’ lives. I joined the Resistance and helped come up with a plan. This is paradise compared to what I've been through. Maybe I was angry. Maybe I wanted a little revenge. Maybe I’ve become desensitized to death.”
I squinted my eyes in confusion. What did she expect from me? “I wasn’t trying to abandon anyone,” I said. “I had no choice.”
“There is always a choice. And you didn’t just abandon my brothers, you abandoned me.”
“I never abandoned you, Jules. I was grieving you. I thought you were dead.”
Her black pupils widened in surprise as if the concept had never occurred to her. She was so quick to assume that people would leave, she couldn’t comprehend that I had spent the last five months feeling devastated over the unknown. Jules was another person I'd lost before I ever really got her. We were at the beginning stages of a friendship and not knowing felt better than acceptance.
She coughed back whatever emotion was bubbling up in her chest before speaking. “Well. I’m alive. And fine. Your grief wasn’t necessary. It takes more than rejection to kill me.” I didn’t miss the double meaning in her words. “And now I need your help. So let me out of here so we can move forward.”
I released Huxley’s wrist so that he could let her out of solitary. And once the cage doors opened, she glided out with a frown. Passing me with her confident posture, she made her way towards the main campfire.
“Oh, and Ash?” she called out over her shoulder. “I should be honest with you. I didn’t sit you down to talk to you because I knew there was a very slim chance that it could kill you. Maverick didn’t know who the pill was for. We told him it was for another immune Companion. He has been against you using it because some people have adverse reactions. Some never wake up.”
I sucked in a breath as Huxley went still. His muscles tensed and shook, and I sensed that one of his episodes was imminent. “I was clinging to my anger because it was the only way I could do what I needed to do. You’re no use to the Resistance with a fetter.”
I understood better than anyone that we must do what we can to survive. Some risks are worth the reward. “Thank you,” I said. I appreciated that Jules never held back her punches. She was a realist and stuck to her decisions. I was glad she took the risk because I'm not sure I would’ve ever been free had she waited for the guys to give her the okay. While wrapping my arm around Huxley’s waist, I pulled my body towards his. I knew that he needed to feel me, to ground himself against me.
“You’re welcome,” Jules choked out before lifting her chin up and straightening her spine once more. Patrick and Kemper gaped at her as she walked proudly towards the meeting. They saw a heartless woman, but I saw the truth—she was just a girl doing what she had to do.
The hazy green smoke of the fire filled the space as the Scavenger elders and Chief Aarav entered. Jules sat across from us alone until, to my surprise, Linda Stonewell joined her. Linda sauntered over to Jules while scowling at me. I was sure she had to get her own water today and was not amused by my absence. Death wasn’t an excuse.
When she settled by Jules, they didn’t acknowledge one another. I often wondered if Linda Stonewell regretted bringing Jules Black into her life. It was her arranged marriage with Josiah that led to the sequence of events that caused Josiah’s death. Even so, they sat side-by-side in wordless solidarity. Despite Jules’ new infatuation with the Resistance, Linda Stonewell still viewed her as an Elite. It made me wonder if she shared Cavil’s views on a person’s breeding surpassing all. According to him, a person's worth was dependent on their ability to afford the cure.
Aarav made his way towards the fire, ignoring the huffs of Mistress Stonewell’s disapproval at his bare feet and torso. She made it very clear what she thought of the Scavenger way of life. Linda couldn't see the beauty in their simplistic approach to living.
Just as Aarav opened his mouth to speak, it dawned on me that people from every class were here.
Walker.
Elite.
Resistance.
Scavenger.
“These new guests have raised some security concerns for our people,” Aarav explained. He gestured behind him to a row of elders with stoic expressions. “We feel that if you can be so easily found, then it is no longer safe for you to stay here.”
I wasn’t surprised. Our time in the Deadlands was limited. In a way, I was happy that Jules and Mia found us. I was tired of feeling stuck in limbo.
“However, we do see the value in supporting your cause. We would like to listen to your plan for ending Cavil’s reign. Then, we will make a decision about our involvement which will mutually benefit everyone. We want to know how best to support you all while protecting our community."
Spoken like a true politician. The way Aarav commanded a space almost reminded me of Cyler. Aarav turned to stare at Jules who preened under the attention. “I guess it’s my turn then?” she asked while standing.
Flipping her hair over her shoulder, she made her way towards the fire, stopping at Aarav to place her palm on his chest and bow, a sign I’d learned meant respect. She mastered the move effortlessly as if the Scavenger way of life had become second nature to her during our time apart.
“Tallis of the Western Scavenger tribe is recruiting a team of the best fighters to bring down Cavil from within. We are using a brothel in the Zone to infiltrate his home. At the end of the month, a small team of Companions is going to kill Cavil in his tower in Galla.”
“A brothel?” Huxley asked.
“Walker Companions have more access than members of the Elite. They’re with Cavil and his team of soldiers when they are their most vulnerable.” It was brilliant, actually. Who else could slip under Cavil's radar?
“We’re working with a woman, Madam B. She has been very instrumental. Her girls exchange intelligence between our people. But lately, Cavil has been more picky about who he is letting into his home. With the cure becoming obsolete, only immune Walker Companions are allowed.”
I’m immune. This was my chance!
“Yes, little Walker,” Jules said, rolling her eyes. “This means you
get to finally join the adults and help.” I was almost embarrassed at how pleased I looked. I rolled my eyes. When I first met Jules, I thought she was so naive. She might be younger than me, but now I felt inexperienced compared to her.
“Absolutely not,” Huxley murmured under his breath. I knew he would be an obstacle, but he didn’t have a choice. I’d do this with or without him.
“Rumor has it that you killed Lackley when the lights went dark. It’s how Tallis has been recruiting people. Everyone wants to help the "Queen of the Walkers." She threw up finger quotations to stress her point. "Forget the woman actually doing all the hard work here,” she scoffed.
My mouth dropped open in shock. They thought I killed Lackley? They were calling me Queen of the Walkers? I was no queen. I was a coward.
“Don’t look at me that way, little Walker. I don’t like it any more than you do, but don’t go playing the victim now. Accept it. Hell, embrace it. It's going to save them.”
Patrick stood and ran his hands through his hair, looking around at the elders while taking in a deep breath, “So, what about us? What can we do?”
“You can help the Resistance in however they deem fit,” she replied with a smirk.
“I don’t like this,” Kemper grumbled. Beside me, Huxley was sitting tall, his back straight and stiff.
“The database,” Kemper finally said. He had his hand on his chin and was deep in thought. “She can’t get past the database. They’ll scan her on arrival and know who she is right off the bat." Kemper sat up and snapped his fingers. "And what about her scar? Won’t Cavil and his men think it's strange that she's had her fetter removed? And what if Cavil recognizes her, or what if, as a Companion, she’s selected to do...well...what Companions do? Too many variables. I vote no.”
Jules seemed unfazed by Kemper's line of reasoning. However, Aarav seemed interested in her response. “I agree. There seems to be a lot of vulnerabilities in this plan. We cannot provide our support unless we know it has a high likelihood of succeeding,” Aarav said.
