by Nalini Singh
Arousal hitting her in a hard slap, she was barely aware of walking into the box. However its spectacular view of the flawless green of the pitch had her sucking in a breath. The stadium lights bathed that green in a bright white light that made everything crisp and sharp. There were seats inside, but the tiered game seating was directly in front--on what looked to be a private balcony.
Already, the girls were outside on that balcony, standing on tiptoe to look over the rail at the bottom. Gabriel's brothers, meanwhile, were at the small bar to one side of the box itself, popping the tops off beer cans they'd taken from a well-stocked fridge. Fancy but delicious-looking canapes--crumbed prawns with sauce, for one--sat within easy reach, and there was a steward who seemed to be taking orders for other drinks.
He'd also managed to produce small bags of potato chips for the girls.
"Next thing you know, they'll be bringing up gourmet meals," Charlotte whispered to Gabriel, who'd leaned down to her.
His smile creased his cheeks. "Those have been ordered." Rubbing his hand over her lower back, he said, "You good? I'm going to grab a beer."
"Yes, I want to go look outside." Joining the girls, she just soaked in the view as the stadium began to fill, an excited buzz in the air.
"Charlotte." Joseph patted the seat next to him in the front row. "Come talk to me."
It was odd; her father had been physically slight, had worn glasses like Charlotte. Gabriel's stepfather was an ex-rugby player with twenty-twenty eyesight, a full-sleeve tattoo that she could see now he'd taken off his coat, and had a voice like a bullhorn. Yet she felt the same sense of comfort with him that she had with her father. Before she knew it, she had her coat off too and they were debating the finer points of last weekend's game.
Sailor took a sip of his beer, his blue eyes gleaming. "She's a bit bite-sized for you, isn't she, bro?"
Gabriel imagined taking little bites of Charlotte and felt his lips curve. "Good things. Small packages," he said, enjoying watching her mobile face, her bright, intelligent eyes as she spoke to his father.
Leaning back against the bar, Sailor followed Gabriel's gaze. "You think I should tell her she's the first woman you've ever brought to a game with us?"
"Sure. If you want a black eye." Charlotte wasn't yet ready for the pressure the knowledge would put on her.
"Isalind won't let you hurt me." Sailor blew a kiss to his wife.
Dimpling, Isa blew one back before returning to her conversation with their mom.
"Anyway, you sure you won't break her?" Sailor asked, a dubious look on his face. "Remember that magazine called you a sexy brute."
"Keep it up and I'll break you." He knew damn well Sailor was needling him in revenge for all the teasing he'd endured after falling so hard for his English-teacher wife that he'd actually read poetry for chrissakes. As if his siblings weren't going to rag on him when that came out.
"Daddy!" Esme tugged on Jake's hand. "My shoelace is all messy."
Putting his beer on the bar, Jake bent down to fix the knotted-up lace after tapping his daughter playfully on the cheek. Jake had become a father at eighteen and it had fundamentally changed him. Gone was the boy who'd spent all his money on parts for his souped-up car, and in his place was a stable single dad whose daughter adored him.
"You talk to Danny?" Gabriel asked Sailor, at once proud of Jake and worried about him--the kid had become too serious at too young an age.
"This afternoon," Sailor said, his eyes connecting with Gabriel's in a silent understanding about Jake. "He's pumped."
Shoelace issue fixed, their second-youngest brother rose to pick up his beer. "You talking about Danny?"
Gabriel nodded. "If they win this game, they're on their way to the top of the table."
"Cakewalk as long as they watch their passes, don't allow intercepts." Jake took a drink of his beer.
Eating a piece of cheese in a single bite, Sailor returned his attention to Gabriel. "Getting back to your girl, I want to say I'm happy for you, man. I thought for sure you'd end up a sad and lonely old man I'd have to bring meals on wheels."
"I'm touched," Gabriel said as Jake grinned and high-fived Sailor. "I would've expected you to leave me to starve."
"Naw, the girls like you too much."
They talked, tried to piss each other off, let Esme and Emmaline raid the food when the girls ran over. Kickoff though, everyone had their eyes on the pitch. Grabbing a seat in the last row after stealing Charlotte away from his dad, Gabriel put his arm along the back of her seat and gave her a plate of cheese and crackers and grapes. "I grabbed that for you before the horde could demolish it."
Esme, who'd chosen to sit next to Charlotte, giggled. "Can I have some, Uncle Gabe?"
"Only if you come give me a kiss."
Small arms wrapped around his neck seconds later as she reached up on her toes to plant an enthusiastic kiss on his cheek. Seating her on his lap afterward, he returned his other arm to behind Charlotte. That was how they watched the start of the game. Ten minutes in, Esme wiggled off and went to play with Emmaline, their parents having brought toys for them.
Gabriel turned to tease Charlotte about the effectiveness of tiny chaperones and found her eyes riveted to the pitch. He followed her gaze, saw what had her transfixed.
20
Being Petted by a T-Rex Can Be a Delicious Experience
Danny had the ball in one hand, was barreling down the field, avoiding opponents with some seriously fancy footwork that made him seem much smaller than the six foot three, two hundred and twenty pounds of muscle that he was.
"Come on, come on."
Gabriel caught the fierce words, realized they came from Charlotte. Heart in his throat as he saw a defender heading to tackle Danny, he willed his youngest brother to pass. Danny's weakness on the field was his tunnel vision--he sometimes didn't see the teammates he had in support.
"Pass, Danny, pass!" Sailor was on his feet, yelling at their brother.
Esme and Emmaline immediately lost interest in their toys and went to their position at the front of the balcony again. "Go, Uncle Danny! Go! Go!"
"Goddammit!" Gabriel growled, up on his feet. "Pass!"
It was a sweetheart move. Danny swiveled just slightly on one foot, the oval of the ball gliding out of his hands to land safely in the hands of the teammate to his left and behind him, just as the defender tackled Danny, having committed to the attack. It left no one in front of Danny's teammate.
Two seconds later, that teammate ran across the try line with enough breathing room to slam the ball down right behind the goal posts. He did so to the roar of every single person on the balcony--including Charlotte. Pumped, Gabriel grabbed her face in his hands and smacked a kiss on her lips.
Eyes wide, she kissed him back. "That pass was incredible!"
"The little shit's learned something," Gabriel said with a grin, having spent more evenings and weekends than he could count helping Danny fix the weakness in his game. He and his other brothers had played out situations just like this, and now their baby brother had aced it.
Three minutes later, the team's fly-half converted the try, the kick sailing easily through the posts because of where the ball had been grounded during the try.
Charlotte hadn't had so much fun in a long, long time. Everyone in Gabriel's family was a furious supporter of Daniel Esera and his team and had an incredible love for the game. There was passionate yelling, groaning when passes were fumbled or penalty kicks sent wide of the goalposts, and rapid-fire exchanges of opinions on the rucks and lineouts.
"Fucking offside, ref! Are you blind?" Sailor yelled at one point, only for Esme to pipe up and say, "Swear jar, Uncle Sailor."
Charlotte laughed as Sailor dug out a gold dollar coin and put it in the piggybank Emmaline had pulled out of the backpack that held the girls' toys.
"You two are going to bankrupt me." He jerked his thumb at Gabriel. "You missed him. He owes you two dollars."
By Charlotte's count, the girls mad
e a total of twenty-seven dollars in the first half--including multiple contributions from Gabriel, Jake, and Sailor when the referee didn't award a penalty for what had been a dangerously high tackle. Then there was the scrum that collapsed twice.
Charlotte loved every second of the experience.
Everyone calmed down close to halftime, with Danny's team holding on to their lead. That was when Charlotte became aware of male fingers brushing gently over her nape.
The tiny hairs on her arms rose up, her response a mix of fear and arousal. It took conscious effort not to stiffen up under the lazy, absent caress. Gabriel wasn't threatening her, wasn't hurting her. He was... petting her. Thinking of it that way made it easier to focus on the pleasure rather than the pain.
But when he would've curved his fingers over her nape, she reached up and tugged his hand away. Giving her a measuring look, he put his arm back on the chair but didn't touch her nape again. And though the possibility of a hold there had made nausea churn in her gut, she felt as if she'd lost something precious.
Charlotte sat fidgeting with Gabriel's scarf as he drove her home. "That was fun," she blurted out when she couldn't take the screaming tension anymore.
"Yeah. Danny's over the moon at the win."
Charlotte had only seen Gabriel's youngest brother for a few minutes before he had to leave with the rest of his team for the after-match briefing, but though he was sporting a cut on his eyebrow and a bruise on his jaw from what had been a hard battle of a game, he'd been in high spirits. "Did you see that fucking awesome pass?" had been his opening comment.
His family had all clapped, then hugged and kissed him. Charlotte had stayed out of the way, watching as Esme and Emmaline wriggled into the heavy mass of humanity without fear of being crushed or hurt. Danny had cuddled both girls and laughingly given them an IOU for the swear jar before heading back out, and Charlotte wasn't sure he'd even seen her.
"I heard Danny was thinking of changing teams next season," she said, wondering if the tension in the car was real or just a figment of her imagination. If Gabriel had already started to give up on her...
Ice picks stabbed at her heart.
"Charlotte, why are you determined to pick a hole in my scarf?"
She stopped her nervous motions. "Sorry." Smoothing out the wool, she looked carefully at the nubby edges, the worn weave. "Is this from when you played?"
"Dad got it for me when I was selected. It became my pregame lucky charm."
And he'd given it to her to wear. Teeth sinking into her lower lip, she stroked the weave of the scarf again, caught between hope and despair.
"You didn't answer my question."
"It was nothing."
"Ms. Baird."
She shivered. "Stop doing that."
"Why? It gets you hot." Gabriel liked making Charlotte hot. "We'll play boss and secretary in bed one day, and you can call me Mr. Bishop and say 'yes, sir' and 'of course, sir.'" He also had a very dirty fantasy of hearing her say "fuck me, Gabriel."
"Stop putting those thoughts in my head," she ordered, chest rising and falling in jerky breaths. "How am I supposed to act naturally at work when you call me Ms. Baird in that tone of voice?"
"I won't, not unless we're alone." All bets were off in private, he thought as he pulled into her drive, parking in front of her town house a short time later.
Switching off the lights and the engine, he turned to brace his arm along the back of her seat. "Now, Ms. Baird, we need to have a conversation."
"A c-conversation." She coughed, faced him with squared shoulders. "About what?"
"About the reason you don't like certain touches and why you don't like being boxed in." Gabriel could've danced around it, but it was becoming obvious to him that that would achieve exactly nothing. They had to get this out in the open, not keep it in the dark where it haunted and imprisoned Charlotte.
She gripped at his scarf. "What makes you think you have the right to know?"
"Charlotte." He waited until she met his gaze, hazel eyes wary behind her spectacles. "You know how hardheaded I am, how determined. I can figure out a solution, but first I need to know the problem."
"What if there is no solution?" A tremor rippled over her skin. "What if I'm just too messed up?"
"No."
"No?" Her voice rose. "You can't just decide something is impossible!"
"Sure I can, when I'm the one making the decision." He gripped her chin. "Unless you've decided you don't want me anymore, then I'm making the call."
Her skin was so delicate under his touch, made him want to rub his bristled jaw against it so she'd wear his mark. He'd do it across the taut softness of her breasts too, enjoy knowing she wore him against her skin all day long. "Charlotte?"
"Not here, not now," she said, pulling away. "Are you free tomorrow?"
"Yeah." He'd intended to run some numbers on a prospective property purchase, but that could wait.
"Pick me up in the morning? Around nine?"
"I'll be here."
Charlotte shuddered against the door after she shut it, watching the lights of Gabriel's SUV slice across the windows as he drove away. He hadn't kissed her good night, just cupped her face and said, "I'll see you tomorrow."
It was as if he knew she couldn't have handled a kiss. Not now. Not when she'd promised to tell him the truth.
Her heart felt ice-cold, shivers crushing her ribcage outward.
Shoving trembling hands through her hair, she walked into the bedroom after switching on all the lights in the house one by one, then stripped to change into her nightgown.
She brushed her teeth, cleaned her face using hot, hot water.
Afterward she did a second walk around and turned the lights off. For the first six months following her release from the hospital, she'd left the house ablaze all night except for Molly's room, but then it had become a matter of pride to give that up. It was still hard and she turned off the lights in a pattern that meant she was never in the dark, but it was better than surrendering to the fear.
Once behind the locked door of her bedroom, she turned on a bedside light before switching off the main overhead light and slipped into bed. Her stomach still churned; she knew she should've just told Gabriel in the car, but she hadn't been able to bear talking about it in the dark, in the night. That was the time of terror.
Given her thoughts, it wasn't a surprise she had a nightmare when she did finally fall asleep. Though most people wouldn't have labeled it that, would've seen only a memory.
Charlotte lay naked in the narrow single bed in Richard's room, uncomfortable and in pain. Still, she thought, it had been worth it. It had made Richard so happy. "Hi," she said with a shaky smile when he came out of the bathroom, having pulled on his sweatpants.
"Hi." Lying down beside her, he smiled that flawless, brilliant smile. "Hey, don't worry, you'll get better."
The burgeoning happiness inside her began to fizzle. "Was I that bad?" She'd known she'd be awkward, but he'd said it didn't matter, that he was honored she was giving him the gift of her body.
He chuckled in response to her question. "Your rhythm was off, but I can teach you that." Tugging away the sheet, he looked down at her body.
It made her feel cold and exposed, but when she would've reached for the thin shield of cotton, he held it out of reach. "Richard." She fought not to cry.
"You have a good body," he said, eyes assessing. "A little skinny and your tits aren't huge, but--" He looked up, caught the distress on her face, and suddenly he was the boy she'd fallen for, sweet and caring. "I'm sorry, Charlotte. You know I love you. Here, let me show you."
She went to say no, that it hurt, but he was kissing her and she didn't want to disappoint him again, so she didn't say anything. Instead, she gritted her teeth through the pain and smiled at him when he did things to her that she knew were supposed to arouse her. They had before, but now she was too embarrassed and ashamed and feeling like a failure.
"There," he said
afterward, his breath rough as he flopped down beside her. "See? I love you."
No boy had ever paid so much attention to her, told her he wanted her, told her he loved her. He probably hadn't meant to hurt her feelings; she just wasn't sophisticated enough to understand what he'd been trying to say. After all, he could have any girl on campus, and he'd chosen her.
"I love you too," she whispered.
And she had, Charlotte thought the next morning as she dressed after her shower. It had been the needy, heartbreaking love of a girl who wanted someone of her own. She and Molly had one another, but unlike her strong, determined friend, Charlotte was unsure of her path in life. She hadn't even thought of further education after high school, loathe to miss even a day with her mom.
The only reason she'd sent in the university application had been to make her mom and dad happy. After which, she'd promptly forgotten about it. It was only when the pre-semester letters started arriving that she'd realized her father had accepted the placement offer on her behalf and that he'd enrolled her in the classes she'd said she'd take when he'd quizzed her about them months earlier.
She'd had no intention of going... but then everything had unraveled three weeks before the start of the semester, her parents both gone in a heartbeat. She'd buried them one after the other, found herself lost. University had simply been a place she could go so she didn't drown in grief.
Two months into the semester and she'd believed she'd begun to heal, had finally started taking a real interest in her studies. Then had come Richard, and she'd learned she did still have jagged fractures in her psyche.
"Jesus, a real woman would've gotten it by now."
"I'm sorry, Charlotte. Sometimes I forget how inexperienced you are--I don't mean to be impatient with you."
"You do as I say, Charlotte. No lip."
"Don't be ridiculous. You know no one else will ever want you--if they did, I wouldn't be your first and only boyfriend."
Charlotte hadn't understood it at the time, but Richard had been a predator who'd zeroed in on her grief and her insecurities. A self-confident woman would've told him to stick it when he said those ugly things to her after her very first time. Molly probably would've punched him.
