by Nalini Singh
"I want to feel Gabriel's hand on my nape, Molly," she said softly, her eyes hot with emotion. "I want him to tug my hair and pin me down and tie me up if that's what we want. I don't want Richard to have stolen that from me. I don't want his ugly shadow on any part of my life."
No more. No more.
Gabriel got a call from Charlotte while he was shaving after his post-run shower.
"I'll be late," she said.
"Why?"
"I'm sleepy."
A ringtone buzzed in his ear a second later. He thought about calling her back, but she had sounded adorably sleepy, so he let it go. It wasn't as if Charlotte had ever taken a sick day. She didn't today either, coming in at eleven.
"Damn it, Charlotte!" he yelled when he saw her. "Where the hell do you keep the Paxton files?"
"Right here." Putting down her fancy coffee but not sitting, she bent to her computer and e-mailed the file to him. "I've sent it to your tablet."
He put his hands on her hips and tugged her close. She was wearing a dark pink dress with a square neckline and tailored lines, her hair in a prim bun; she looked so neat and tidy that he just wanted to mess her up. Restraining the urge, he nibbled at her throat instead.
She pushed gently at his shoulder even as her pulse thudded against her skin. "Not here," she murmured but pressed a quick kiss to his jaw before stepping back.
He released her, his entire body reluctant, but his mind reminding him of where they were. "Yeah. I have a conference call in two minutes."
It was hours later that he finally took a breath, to find Charlotte standing in his office doorway, frowning at him. "Did you come back to work after leaving me last night?"
"Yes."
Her frown deepened. "And you'd just got back from your run when I called you this morning?"
"Your point, Ms. Baird?"
"You can't have had more than four or five hours of sleep at most. You need to break for lunch at least."
"No time." Having already folded up his sleeves, he now tugged off his tie. "Can you order me something?"
She didn't move. "This is not healthy."
"Just order the damn meal, Charlotte."
She did and, to his surprise, wasn't mad at him for snapping at her. When he pointed that out, she rolled her eyes.
"I've been working with you for months, remember?"
However, the next time she told him to stop working, there was definite temper in her eyes.
"Enough, Gabriel," she said. "You've been working nonstop since before I came in. That's not good for you."
"I'm a big boy." Scrawling his name on a contract, he held it out. "Make sure that gets in the morning mail."
"Sure."
"Thanks," he said absently, trusting Charlotte to get things done.
Looking up some time later, he said, "Charlotte?"
No response.
Figuring she must've gone to grab a cup of coffee or something, he waited, but there was still no sound from the front office. He finally stood and went out to see what was up--and found her computer shut down, her desk tidied up as she always did when she left for home.
He scowled, looked for a note. That was when his eye fell on the time displayed on her office phone: 9:47 PM.
"Shit!" No wonder she'd been so pissed.
Hauling ass, he shut down his own computer while calling Charlotte's cell. He half expected it to go to voice mail, but she picked up.
"Yes?"
"I'm sorry," he said, figuring he might as well get that out of the way. "I'll be there soon."
"Don't bother. I already had dinner, and I'm about to read my book."
He winced. "Charlotte."
"I'll see you tomorrow."
Click.
Not about to give up, he headed out. By the time he reached her town house, it was a quarter after ten, but her lights were on. He pressed the doorbell, got no response. Okay, yeah, she was pissed.
He took out his phone, decided to send her a text message rather than calling.
It's cold outside.
The response was sharp: I'm sure your car is warm.
What if I say sorry again?
The door opened a minute later, and at first, he thought he was in. Then he saw her face. "Hey," he said, reaching out to cup her cheek and jaw.
Turning into his touch, she pressed her lips to his palm but didn't unfold her arms. "I don't want sorry, Gabriel. I just want you to take care of yourself."
"That's what I have you for." He kissed her, taking the chance that she wouldn't push him away.
She didn't, the kiss red-hot.
Pressing her hand to his chest even as she softened against him, she said, "You need to get some rest."
"I'm starving." He deepened the kiss, made sure she understood his hunger had nothing to do with food, his tongue stroking aggressively against hers.
Her nails dug into him through his shirt, and it was so damn good. He wanted Charlotte's nails scratching him up, wanted to get wild and dirty and sweaty with her. Locking his muscles when his body urged him to haul her close, get rougher, he just kissed her until she was melting and soft; she didn't resist when he nudged his way inside and kicked the door shut.
Stroking his hands down to her gorgeous ass, he lifted her up and pinned her against the wall, alert for any sign of fear. "Finally I see the sexy flannel pants," he said as her legs came around him.
She bit him. It was a tiny bite on his lower lip, but it was a bite. He grinned, bit back. It made her shiver, the shiver rippling over her body when he slipped his hand under her tank top to fondle her bare breast.
She moaned. "We can't just keep having sex."
"Why not? We've got months of frustration built up." Since he had no scruples when it came to being naked with Charlotte, he went for her throat.
"Oh, God, Gabriel." Fingers tight in his hair, she seemed to lose her train of thought for several long, pleasurable minutes. He busied himself getting her tank top off, then leaned down to suck and taste the pretty breasts that made him want to do bad, bad, bad things.
"Touch my nape."
He froze. Giving a final suck of one pouting nipple, he lifted his head to look into her eyes. "That makes you have a panic attack."
Chest rising and falling in a jagged rhythm as her fingers flexed on his shoulders, she said, "I know. But I don't want it to."
"I'm not going to do anything that hurts you."
A stubborn glint in her eye, teeth gritted. "I want to do this, Gabriel. I want to do everything."
Gabriel pressed his hands palms-down on either side of her head, holding her up by the simple pressure of his body, her thighs locked around his hips. "What did Dr. Mac say?"
Her expression mutinous, she folded her arms over her naked upper body. "I know better than Dr. Mac what I need. I'm ready!"
Gabriel gripped her jaw, tilted up her face. "Do you know what it does to me when you flinch or go all stiff and scared?" Seeing the shadows, he shook his head. "I'm not saying I'm giving up, Charlotte. I'm saying I will not do something that I know will hurt you."
She closed her hand over his wrist, her slender fingers holding him in place more effectively than any manacle. "It hurts me to be like this, to know that you're always thinking." Raw emotion in her voice, in her eyes. "I don't want you to think when we're intimate. I want you to let go."
He couldn't dispute her statement. He was always thinking, always making sure he didn't handle her too roughly or touch her in any of the areas that traumatized her. But he also knew something else. "You couldn't have handled any of this when I first started trying to get you naked."
No smile at his words.
"We could do more damage than good by pushing it," he said.
"I'm sick of being stuck in the past!"
The fury of her was a beautiful thing. "I'll do what you want," he said, holding up his hand when she began to smile. "If Dr. Mac tells me it won't hurt you."
A little scream. "Let me down."
Pulling her tank top back on, she stomped off to the kitchen. "I want you to listen to me! Dr. Mac has only met me once. I know me! I know I'm ready!"
He watched her pull open her freezer, take something out. "What are you doing?"
"Defrosting a stew I made." A glare. "Don't expect to get fed next time you come home at a ridiculous hour."
Warmth and anger combined inside him. Home. He liked her talking of them as being at home. He was also still pissed at her for trying to force him to hurt her. "What if we do this and it destroys all the healing you've done so far?"
"I'm not that weak." She stabbed the buttons on the microwave, set it to humming. "If I fall, I'll pick myself back up."
"I don't want you to fall!" he roared.
"You're an overprotective Neanderthal," Charlotte muttered but came over to cup his face in her hands. "I'll talk to Dr. Mac tomorrow, and then you can go and talk to him. But we are doing this."
"When did you get so bossy, Ms. Baird?"
"Self-defense against a certain T-Rex."
33
Snarling and Growling and a Bad-tempered T-Rex
Gabriel was not in a good mood the next day. He'd had to leave Charlotte again last night when all he'd wanted to do was hold her in his arms the whole night through. He'd barely slept, his mind raging at the fact that it was only a few more days till that piece of shit who'd hurt her would be out in the world once again.
He wasn't sure he could stop himself from hunting down and killing Richard.
Then as soon as he arrived at work, he had to handle a holdover fuckup from the previous CEO's reign that had suddenly taken on new life.
"When are you moving into the apartment?" he asked Charlotte in the car on the way to Dr. Mac's, the doctor having squeezed them in during what should've been his lunch break. It was the first time they'd had a chance to speak about anything other than fixing the fuckup.
"We'll talk about it after the visit."
Once at Dr. Mac's, Charlotte went in and he paced the waiting room until the receptionist gave him the evil eye. Scowling, he went outside and forced himself to deal with his e-mail as he paced. When Charlotte came out, her cheeks were hot with color and her eyes sparking. Gabriel didn't ask what had happened, just went straight in to see the doctor. "Did she yell at you too?"
Dr. Mac chuckled. "A little, but it's good for her. Sit, Gabriel."
"I can't." He was too wound up. "She tell you what she wants me to do?"
"Yes." The doctor rose to come stand with Gabriel. "She's right in one way--she does know herself far better than I do, and I think the incident with the letter was a significant breakthrough."
Gabriel blew out a breath. "It fucking kills me when she gets that scared look in her eyes, Doc." Like being stabbed over and over.
The doctor patted his arm. "You're a strong man." Solemn eyes. "Now you have to be strong enough to help her through this next stage of her healing. She's made the choice, and we have to honor it."
Muscles tense, Gabriel nodded.
Charlotte glared at him as he stepped out of the doc's office. "Well?"
He kissed her smart mouth, needing the contact. Arms unfolding, she spread her hands on his chest and rose on tiptoe to sink into the kiss.
"Ahem."
Gabriel barely stopped himself from snarling at the receptionist. Wrapping his arm around Charlotte, he led her out to the car, which he'd parked in front of the villa.
"Fine," he said, "we'll do this at your pace. But I reserve the right to call things to a halt if it's breaking you." He put his fingers over her lips when she would've spoken. "I can't hurt you and live with myself, so just deal with it."
Eyebrows drawing together, she bit at his fingers. "Do you think I want to hurt you?" she said, and tugged on his tie until he bent to her. "Next time you tell me to just deal with something in that tone of voice, I will throw more than a muffin at your head."
He kissed her again, thrusting his tongue deep and pressing her against the warm metal of the car, his emotions raw. It was only the screech of tires on the road past the shrubbery hedge that had him pulling back. "Go for it," he said, taking in her swollen lips with intense satisfaction. "I like fighting with you."
"I'm moving in with you." She smoothed out his tie, that fire still in her eyes. "We'll be fighting more often in the future."
His bad mood was gone in a heartbeat. Pressing into her with his palms braced on either side of the car behind her, he smiled. "Game on, Ms. Baird."
Six hours later and a trip to Charlotte's place to move some of her stuff over, and Gabriel leaned against the doorjamb of the spare bedroom as Charlotte finished her phone call. "What did she say?" he asked, knowing Charlotte had finally managed to touch base with the woman who would've been her landlady if Charlotte hadn't decided to move in with him.
"She was lovely," Charlotte said with a smile. "I offered to pay a penalty for changing my mind, but she wouldn't accept it, said she already had someone on a waiting list who'd be delighted to take it."
"Good." He watched in possessive satisfaction as she put away some of her things. This room was right next to his, and while he had every intention of seducing her into his bed, this was good for now. "You like it here?"
A delighted laugh. "Gabriel, I have a penthouse room with a view!" Walking to the sliding doors that faced the balcony, she pushed them open. "Wow."
He walked through and out onto the balcony with her. It had a solid concrete wall around it that hit him at waist height, higher on her. Above that was a gap of about five inches, topped with a smooth railing that was comfortable to lean against. Charlotte did just that, the night wind tugging at her curls as the city sparkled not far in the distance.
Gabriel thought of what the doctor had said, what Charlotte had demanded, and tensed his abdomen. "I'm going to come up behind you."
Her spine went stiff; he could almost see her forcing herself to relax. "Okay." A husky response.
Not drawing out the suspense, he shifted to stand at her back and put his hands on either side of hers on the railing. Her small body went rigid again.
"Hey." He nuzzled a kiss to the side of her face. "Gabriel, that's who's holding you right now. Say it."
"G--" She swallowed. "Gabriel." A deep inhale, a slow exhale. "Gabriel."
Charlotte had never felt so scared and so good at the same time. Gabriel was an impenetrable wall of protection around her. He was also trapping her.
When he leaned forward, his chest pressing along her back, her muscles threatened to tense regardless of her attempt otherwise, but then she caught his scent and it was raw and hot and Gabriel. "Come closer," she murmured. "I want to smell you."
A chuckle rippled through him, but he shifted his arms closer and bent so that his breath brushed her temple. "What do I smell like?"
His voice made her sense of safety deepen. "Good."
"Look," Gabriel said, "there's the office."
She followed the line of his arm, got distracted by the muscular strength of it. Turning to brace her back against the railing, she ran her hands up his chest. Big and gorgeous and hers, he'd made her an addict. When she undid a couple of buttons on the work shirt he hadn't yet changed out of, he stayed in position, head lowered to watch her.
Breasts swelling against her bra, she rose on her toes to press a kiss to the triangle of skin she'd bared. He shifted his arms closer but didn't otherwise move. Charlotte undid a couple more buttons, nuzzled at him, his scent making her drunk. "We should go inside."
"Not into public displays of affection?" His voice was rough with arousal.
Charlotte licked at him, nuzzled again. "My best friend ended up splashed across the tabloids making out with her guy. I don't think anyone has a zoom lens on us, but you are a rugby god, so you never know." It was pure luck the g
ossip magazines hadn't caught on to their relationship--her position as his PA added to his notoriously intense work habits had helped explain away the times they were seen together.
That wouldn't work if she was caught kissing the boss.
Gabriel shifted back, ran a finger down her throat. It made her shiver.
"Come on then, Ms. Baird. Let me suck on you in private."
She tripped as she stepped forward, but he caught her wrist, tumbled her against his chest before tugging her into the bedroom. "Stay." It was an order.
Charlotte stayed. She really had no reason to disobey--not when she wanted Gabriel so very badly. Her heart kicked at hearing him shut the balcony doors and flick the switch to close the blinds. This time when he stepped behind her it was a little easier.
Her pulse still went into overdrive, her spine still locked, but she knew it was Gabriel behind her, was no longer so blinded by terror that she didn't see or hear or smell anything but the horror of the past. A rustle of sound and when he slipped his arms around her, he wasn't wearing his shirt. She turned her face deliberately into his arm, breathed him in as her skin brushed his.
Running his hands up her body, Gabriel shaped her hips, her ribs, her breasts. He squeezed, and it made her moan, try to get closer to him. His breath kissed her throat, his mouth wet as he sucked. Shivering , she reached back for him, touched the hard bulk of his thighs.
"I like your hands on me."
The rumble of his voice was another caress.
"I like your hands on me too," she said. "And your mouth."
That got her more suckling kisses on her neck before he lifted one of his hands from her breasts to gently collar her throat. "Yes?"
Her lungs strained, though he wasn't restricting her airway. Gabriel, this is Gabriel with his hand around my throat. Oh, God, she was starting to hyperventilate. If she did, he'd back off, and she didn't want him to back off. She wanted him exactly where he was. "Gabriel," she managed to get out, the sound thin but audible.
Kisses along her shoulder, her throat. "That's it, sweetheart. Stay with me."
Chest heaving, she dug her nails into his thighs. "Don't stop." Her heart beat so hard it felt as if it would punch out of her ribcage. When she tried to say more, it was to find her throat had closed up.
No, no, no.
Her body wouldn't obey her mind, panic a trapped bird inside her skull.
"I think," Gabriel said, his voice rough, "this'll work better."
