I sniffle, and turn my head away. I can’t look at Ryder without seeing the two fresh bodies in the room, and if I look at them again I’m going to be sick. I swallow repeatedly to keep from retching, and Ryder pulls me closer. “Sam, I’m sorry,” he says again. I can look at him now without seeing the bodies, and it calms me down a little.
He forces me to take deep, even breaths until the shaking stops, and then he finishes cleaning my arms. Then I take the handkerchief from him and wipe my neck and chest, trying to get as much of the remaining blood as possible. When I pluck a bone fragment from the inside of my bra, I almost lose my composure again.
Ryder takes my hand and gives it a tight squeeze. “Are you gonna be alright?”
I nod slowly. “I’ll be fine. I just need a few minutes.”
My heartbeat slowly evens out, as does my breathing. It takes a few minutes, but I’m finally at the point where I can calmly look around without fear of being sick. When Ryder is sure I’m not going to freak out or start screaming again, he leads me from the bedroom.
He sits me down on a couch while he goes through everything in the house, searching for anything that might be of use. I wait impatiently, sipping occasionally from a bottle of water, wanting nothing more than to be back with the others so I can wash myself, crawl into bed, and sleep until the end of time.
Ryder comes back with an extra flashlight, six more batteries, two boxes of matches, and the man’s gun. There’s a box of ammo in a desk near the door, and Ryder tosses it into the duffel bag along with the other stuff. Then he nods to me, and we head back to the others.
Tobe boils water for me to wash with, and I take my time, making sure to scrub every last inch of my body. No matter how hard I scrub, I don’t feel clean. I can still see the man’s blood coating my skin, and it makes me scrub until my skin is really red and raw. When I finally dress in clean clothes and head back to the living room, I’ve been in the bathroom for over an hour.
Nobody says anything when I sit down on the couch between Tobe and Reese, but he puts his arm around my shoulder comfortingly. Tobe is sipping at a glass of wine even though it’s only about eleven o’clock, Ryder is flipping through a book of plants he found, and Reese is looking me over for injury.
“Reese, I’m alright.”
“I’m just making sure. Ryder told us about what you guys found in that house. I can’t believe someone would be so fucked up that they would have sex with their zombie wife.”
Just thinking about it makes my stomach clench painfully, and I fight to keep from being sick. “I know. How crazy do you need to be to have sex with a dead person?”
Reese shakes his head, kicks his feet up on the coffee table, and leans back. “You know, there isn’t much to do here other than read or play pool in the recreational room back there, and kicking Ryder’s ass at it gets boring after a while.”
“Ha-ha,” Ryder says dryly, never looking up from his book.
Tobe sips at her wine, and I watch her, slightly concerned. It’s not even noon, and she’s already drinking. One glass of wine isn’t going to hurt her, but it’s so early, and I’m sure it won’t stop at one; I’m tempted to say something. But it’s not my place, and she’s a grown woman. If she wants to have wine before lunch, she can have wine before lunch.
She finishes off the glass of wine, sets it on the coffee table, and gets up to find something to do. Reese watches her go with a concerned look on her face, “How much has she had to drink since we got here?”
“She’s on her second bottle of wine in like two days,” Ryder says. “I wouldn’t worry too much though. The wine will run out eventually, and she’ll have nothing left to drink.”
“Think she’s an alcoholic?” Reese asks quietly, looking over his shoulder. The kitchen is out of sight, but I can hear Tobe rummaging around in the panty for something, presumably more wine. “I mean, she hasn’t even eaten lunch yet, and she’s already looking for her second glass.”
“If she is a borderline alcoholic, she certainly has a reason to be. Look at what was done to her. This is probably just her way of coping,” I say, looking over my shoulder. “I don’t think we have the right to do or say anything about it.”
“If we need to leave in a hurry, she’s gonna need to be in top shape. If she’s even the slightest bit tipsy, she could be a danger to herself or to us,” Ryder says. “I like Tobe just fine, but I’m not going to let her kill herself or get us killed.”
He tosses his book on the couch, gets up, and heads into the kitchen. He doesn’t look happy at the thought of confronting Tobe, but he considers it his job to keep us all alive, and Tobe’s drinking is going to possibly hinder that. Reese and I both turn around on the couch, unsure of what’s going to happen in the next few minutes.
“Tobe, we need to talk.”
Ryder’s voice carries, and we can hear every word said.
“About what?”
“The wine. We’re all worried that you might have a bit of a problem, and–”
“I don’t have a problem!”
Ryder hushes her, and he speaks again. I can’t hear what he’s saying, but it doesn’t calm Tobe down. Her voice raises and cracks, “I said I don’t have a problem! If I wanna have a glass or two of wine, I’ll do it, and you can’t stop me!”
Tobe appears in the kitchen doorway, holding an open bottle of wine. She lifts it to her lips and drinks straight from the bottle. When she pulls the bottle away, she glares at the two of us.
“I don’t have a problem.”
“Nobody is saying you do,” I say, getting to my feet. “We’re just worried that if something happens, you might not be in the best shape to escape. If we’re attacked by a horde of zombies, or if the Warriors manage to track us down, we’re in trouble. You need to be able to think fast and react faster; we don’t wanna see anything happen to you, Tobe.”
She sighs, but doesn’t put the bottle down. “I know you guys are worried, but you don’t have to be. We’re safe here. In the time we’ve been here, we’ve only seen like three zombies, and–”
“That’s because Ryder and I have been keeping them away from this place. We’ve killed more than thirty of them while scoping out the island. This place is safer than any we’ve been in, but it’s not perfect yet, Tobe, and it won’t be for a while. You have to be careful.”
She takes another gulp from the wine bottle, and heads down the hall without another word. She slams the bedroom door behind her, and I sigh. “I bet I’m sleeping on the couch tonight.”
Tobe stays in our room for the rest of the day, coming out only twice, both times to use the bathroom. When she does come out, she refuses to look at anyone, and goes back to her room with the wine bottle. After her second trip to the bathroom just before dinner, I notice that she looks kind of tipsy, and she almost knocks a vase over on her way back to the room.
Ryder and Reese are in the kitchen, making a bag of lasagna with meat sauce. Reese opens a can of Vienna sausages and splits them up between the three of us. He looks up when I stop beside him, and he frowns. “Is she still in your room?”
I nod. “I think she’s drunk, too. I didn’t think you could get drunk off one bottle of wine.”
“It depends on the person. Tobe’s pretty average height for a woman her age, but she hasn’t eaten since breakfast and that definitely affects a person’s ability to get drunk. I’m not sure one bottle will do more than give her a buzz, but even so, that’s not a good thing. She can’t afford to be anything other than perfectly clear-headed.”
I think about last night. Tobe tossed and turned all night, moaning in her sleep. It wasn’t hard to figure out what she was dreaming of, and she woke up so terrified she cried herself back to sleep. In the morning, I pretended I hadn’t heard anything, and she pretended that it didn’t happen.
But it did. Tobe’s reliving the abuse she suffered, and I think I know why. When we were on the road, there were scarier things to worry about. Now that we’re here and rela
tively safe, she has more time to think about what was done to her.
I sigh. “She’s been having nightmares.”
“I think everyone that’s survived this long has nightmares, Sam. It’s not like she’s the only one that’s worried.”
I look at Reese. “You weren’t held against your will and raped by Warriors, were you? She’s not having nightmares about zombies; it’s about the abuse, and she probably just needs someone to talk to about it. I’m gonna see if I can’t get her to open up a little.”
Ryder and Reese both watch me go, and I can’t help but feel a little angry. They obviously don’t understand the trauma of what Tobe went through, and while I’ve never been assaulted like that, I can at least feel bad and try to understand how she must feel right now.
I knock on our bedroom door.
“Go away!” she snaps.
“Tobe? I just wanna talk for a bit. Will you let me in, or do I have to talk to you through the door?”
She doesn’t say anything, and I sigh after a minute of silence. I can’t make her talk if she doesn’t want to, and even though I think she’s making a mistake, I won’t say it. I can understand that she might want to be private about her experiences, but I want her to know that I’ll be willing to listen whenever she’s ready.
“Tobe? I’ll leave you alone now. But if you ever wanna talk, I’ll listen to you. Just find me, and we’ll sit down, and you can vent about anything you want.”
Chapter Fourteen
Tobe doesn’t come out for dinner, and our talk is mostly subdued. I know that I should be worried about Tobe’s drinking, but she is an adult, and she is relatively safe here. If she wants to get drunk once in a while, I don’t really have a say in the matter. I can tell that Ryder and Reese don’t necessarily agree with me, and I know Ryder is tempted to say something to her, but I keep him from doing it.
After dinner, Ryder gets up to explore all of the cupboards and drawers in the house, and I sit on the couch with a book, trying to read by candlelight. I’ve barely read five pages when Ryder comes back with a triumphant smile on his face. In his hands is an old, massive, purple radio with a built in CD and tape player.
Reese sees it and smiles. “What did you find? Anything good?”
Ryder shrugs. “Don’t know. Thought I’d let it be a surprise.”
I set my book on the table next to the purple radio, and get to my feet. I haven’t heard music in ages, and I’ve really missed it. Almost as much as I’ve missed reading, and I can’t wait to get up and move. I’ve always been a horrible dancer, but right now I could care less.
“Shouldn’t we conserve the batteries? Save them for something else?” I hate to sound practical, but we might need them eventually.
Ryder shakes his head. “This beast takes four of those massive batteries that don’t ever fit anything else. We’ll be alright using them. I just hope they still work.”
“Well, while you figure out if it works, I’m gonna go grab a stack of CD’s I found in the bedroom. I think there are a few different ones,” Reese says, getting up. He disappears down the hallway, and I turn to Ryder.
Ryder presses the play button on the top, and Bryan Adams begins belting out from the ancient speakers. I smile and begin singing along with Heaven, which, in my opinion, is one of the most romantic songs ever composed. It was one of my favorites, and at one point I had it on replay for practically two straight weeks.
Ryder and I listen to it for a second, and I notice the smile has faded from his face. There’s a second where neither of us moves, until he extends his hand out to me. “Do you wanna dance?” he asks, watching me hesitantly.
The living room is bathed in soft candlelight, and the music is playing softly in the background. I stare at his outstretched hand for a second, before slowly taking it. His callused hand grips mine, and he pulls me close. His free hand drifts to my lower back, and I put my hand on his chest.
I’ve never slow danced with someone before, especially not someone I might have feelings for, and this new experience makes me a little nervous. His hands are warm and gentle, and I feel safer in this moment than I ever have before, even before the outbreak.
I curl into his chest, and he bends his head down and whispers, “Relax, would ya?”
Ryder slowly moves us back and forth, and neither of us says anything else. That’s good, because I definitely need the time to think. Over the last couple of days, I’ve felt myself being drawn more to Ryder and less to Reese. I feel bad that I’ve felt attracted to both of them, but its Ryder that captures my attention most.
It’s Ryder that angers me while simultaneously protecting me. It’s Ryder that is willing to do whatever necessary to keep us all alive, and it’s Ryder that’s saved my life several times since meeting him, all without asking anything in return. And even though Reese has asked for little, I don’t feel the same connection with him as I do with his brother.
With the music and candlelight surrounding us, right now I could really care less that he’s almost ten years older than me, that’s there have probably been many other women in his life, and that he probably doesn’t feel the same way. At this moment, I’ve only known Ryder for about six days, and I already care more for him than any other man I’ve ever met, and I don’t want that change.
I just hope he can feel the same way…
I pull my head away from his chest just enough so that I can look him in the eyes. They’re such a wonderful, light blue color, and right now they’re the softest I’ve ever seen them. I’m not sure, but I think he’s considering letting his guard down for just one night.
“Ryder–”
He lowers his head a fraction of an inch, and I hold my breath, willing him with every bit of me to just lean in a little more. He hesitates, and I try not to groan in frustration. His lips are mere inches from mine. I can feel his heart beating beneath my hand, and I know he’s as nervous right now as I am.
He moves closer. He’s going to do it!
Reese clears his throat, interrupting the moment, and Ryder pulls away as if I have some kind of disease. The second he sees Reese standing in the hallway with a handful of CD’s, a shameful look crosses over his face, and he ducks his head. Without a word, he turns and brushes past Reese, and shuts himself in their room.
That leaves me standing in the living room, unsure of whether I want to cry with humiliation, hang my head in shame, or throw something in anger. Right now there are so many emotions passing through me I can’t even register them all. Frustration and sadness are the most prominent; the look on Reese’s face is enough to make me hate myself, and I look away from his upset gaze.
After a minute of silence, he finally sighs. “I saw it; I just didn’t wanna believe it.”
“Reese, I’m sorry–”
“Don’t be,” he says quickly. “You and Ryder have this weird thing, I get that. Don’t worry about me, Sam. I mean, don’t take this the wrong way or anything, but I’ve only known you for about a week; I’ll get over it. You’re a nice girl, and I thought you liked me, but it’s not the end of the world.”
I look up at him, and notice that he doesn’t look too upset. He even manages a small smile, but it doesn’t actually make me feel better. “I’m still sorry, Reese. I don’t know why I feel the way I do about Ryder, I just do. I can’t help it.”
“I understand. He’s saved your life, and he’s kept you out of harm’s way a few times. That creates a bond between two people, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. I’m sorry I interrupted the two of you. I doubt you’ll find him that open and vulnerable again. I think I might have just ruined your chance to admit your feelings for each other.”
I sigh. “I think you might be right.”
Reese reaches over and turns off the CD player. He then blows out the candles, leaving the room in near total darkness. He leaves one on, and hands it to me. “There’s a closet at the end of the hallway with spare blankets and pillows. Tobe’s still refusing to come out, so I�
�m gonna sleep on the floor to make sure you’re alright.”
That makes me feel really horrible, and he senses that.
“It’s alright, Sam. Don’t worry about me. Ryder and I have slept in worse places. One night we slept in an abandoned subway tunnel. The ledges were grimy, and there were cockroaches and rats everywhere. A warm, cabin floor isn’t exactly hell, alright? I’ve got a pillow and a blanket if I need it. Just try to get some sleep.”
I walk down the hallway to the closet, and bring a blanket and pillow back to the couch. Reese is already settled in by the time I get back, and I blow out the candle and set it on the coffee table near his gun. I hope he knows exactly where he left it, because he won’t be able to see much in this darkened living room.
The two of us sit around in an awkward silence in the dark, waiting for the other to fall asleep first. It takes me almost an hour to finally fall asleep and when I do, I have terrible dreams all night.
Tobe shakes me away some time later, and when I open my eyes, I notice that it’s barely light out. She puts her finger to her lips, nods to Reese’s still sleeping form, and drags me from the couch as quietly as possible. She looks terrible with her un-brushed hair and her crumpled clothes, but she looks excited about something.
She shuts the door to our room behind us, and forces me to sit on one of the twin-sized beds. I sigh, “Tobe, what are you doing? It’s so early,” I complain, covering a yawn.
She shushes me, and starts to dig around in one of the three white bags against the wall. It looks like they’re filled with new clothes, and I groan. “You did not get me up this early to show me a new pair of jeans, did you? If you did, you’re gonna pay.”
“No, I do not want to show you a new pair of jeans,” she says. “Aha! Found it.”
She pulls a sundress from one of the bags and holds it up for me to see. It’s a sky blue color, sleeveless, and it has white flowers all over it. The dress isn’t truly remarkable, but it’s still one of the most beautiful things I’ve seen in months. “You’ll look great in it,” I say, getting to my feet. “Now, I’m gonna go make breakfast since you woke me so freaking early.”
Zombie Island Page 13
