Voyage to Ayama

by K. A Knight

  Some call me crazy, I say I'm just an adrenaline junkie. Lee says I accelerate when I should brake, but that's why I win. I ignore the cheering crowd as everything narrows to me and this corner. I switch gears last minute and ignore the beeping from the control panel. My heart races and my hands are clenched on the wheel, the thrill is amazing.

  My adrenaline is rocketing, and nerves have no place here, so I grin as I twist the wheel. I hear the screams of the crowd as they expect me to flip and burn. I just manage to make the corner, two of the wheels lifting from the track, but I even out. I look back to see Cain a couple of feet behind me and I laugh, knowing I’ve won and that he is going to hate it. I rush across the finish line, my adrenaline still racing through my body. Pulling my helmet off, I jump out of the speeder. The crowd goes wild, screams mixing with chants. I simply grin and make my way to Lee. He rolls his brown eyes at me, but I can see the hungry gleam in them. I’m his money maker and he knows it, he never bets against me. Cain has only beaten me once and that was because I was distracted by seeing Barrott in the crowd.

  “Transferring the credits to the usual?” He drawls, running his hand through his perfectly styled black hair. I roll my eyes this time. He knows the deal. He’s always hoping I’ll get greedy and take them for myself - it would mean he has a handle on me.

  “Yep,” I pop the ‘P’ and grin at him, the win still riding me. His jumpsuit frames his lean body, but he can’t be much taller than me. I wait for him to nod before I start to walk away.

  “That was a big risk out there. You’re taking more and more. I don't want dead bodies on my track - they attract the wrong kind of attention.” He shouts to be heard over the crowd, his southern accent falling away.

  I go to answer when a horn sounds, drowning out the crowd and causing everyone to panic. I groan and lean against the nearest speeder, waiting for Barrott’s stormy face to make his way to me. Lee mutters and heads over to the guards making their way through the crowd, probably to pay them off.

  I spot Barrott’s tall form at the front of the guards. His body now fills out the guard uniform, it’s like a second skin on him. He has no idea how attractive he is, and I hate him for it. His face is all clean, sharp lines apart from his ever-present stubble. It makes him look ruggedly handsome instead of too perfect to look at. He looks around at the other officers who are rounding up people and then makes a beeline for me.

  Cain wanders past me, whispering in my ear as he goes, not the least bit bothered about Barrott bearing down on us, or the fury clearly etched on his face.

  “Catch you later, speed demon,” he chuckles as Barrott scowls at him. Barrott stops in front of me and waits for Cain to swagger off. I watch him go, his lithe, muscular body showcased in his tight clothes. His ear length brown hair catches the light, almost making a halo appear around it.

  “Indy,” Barrott starts, a warning in his voice. I hold my hands out with a smirk on my face, but my stomach flips at my name on his lips. It’s freaking annoying. That’s why I try and stay away from him; not that he lets me.

  “Cuff me or don't, but can we skip the lecture?” I keep my smirk in place, knowing it will anger him further. It’s my favourite game: see how much Barrott can take before he explodes.

  He grabs his hair and yanks. Looking around, he quickly turns and grabs my arm, pulling me behind him. He pushes through the crowd and doesn't stop until we are in an empty maintenance hall. Somewhere deep, and I mean real deep, my heart warms for his concern. No matter how much trouble I get into, he’s always there. I know he’s always a pace behind me, watching my back; it’s the reason why that rubs me the wrong way. I hate that I’m attracted to him and, he sees me as nothing but a responsibility, like a kid sister. He stands in front of me, arms crossed over his barrel chest, one eyebrow raised. I lean back against the wall, knowing he needs to rant before he will let me go.

  When my parents died, Barrott decided to take me under his wing. He started treating me like a kid, and it's annoying because he’s only two years older than me. As I worked on trying to forget, he worked his way up the ladder, and now he’s a lieutenant of the guards. He told me once he did it so he could keep a better eye on me and get me out of trouble. Effie thinks its sweet, I told her it’s about as sweet as a turd hitting you in the face.

  “Why do we have to do this?” he gripes, his grey eyes laser into me. He knows I race, all the guards know what happens below, but they have bigger issues at the moment. However, they do bust them up every now and again as a show of force. Barrott usually makes a point to sit in the crowd where I can see him. I sometimes slip away before he notices, I guess today is not one of those days.

  “Yes, why do we? Can’t you just leave me be?” I groan. His eyes soften, but his posture doesn’t.

  “You know why Indy, someone’s got to look out for you.” I grind my teeth. “That was a stupid risk out there.” He says sternly, the softness disappearing in an instant, making me question if it was ever there.

  I step into his space and ignore the flash in his eyes.

  “Barrott, you need to stop this. I don’t know what messed up sense of protection you claim. I am an adult, I can look after myself.” I go to walk around him, and his arm shoots out, blocking my path.

  “I know you’re an adult Indy, but everyone needs someone. You might think no one cares since...” his voice trails off, knowing it won’t end well if he says their names “but I do. So, you can push me away all you want and keep up the attitude, but know that every stupid thing you do, every risk you take, I’ll be there, frowning behind you.”

  I stand there, waiting for his arm to drop, while he waits for my response. He won’t get one, we both know that. I stand there breathing in his clean, fresh scent, trying to not betray my reaction to his words. Maybe it’s because I know he claims he will be there that I push him away, so I push harder and harder seeing how long it takes for him to walk away. Because everyone leaves eventually, first my mum and dad then dickhead.

  He’s not joking about everywhere either. When I found my last boyfriend, the cum bubble who was cheating on me, Barrott watched as I punched him in the face and then stormed off. The next day that massive thunder cunt turned up with a fractured wrist and two black eyes - oh and a strange aversion to Barrott. Wonder what happened there? I roll my eyes. Or the time I tried to avoid everyone on my birthday and get shit faced with some randoms. He turned up and carried me home and then held my hair as I vomited. He stayed most of the night, holding me as I drunkenly cried about how much I missed my parents. I woke up in my bed with a present and card next to me and his scent wrapped around me. Not to mention how proud he is when telling everyone about my flight training and scores.

  “Okay, come on, Indy. I’ll walk you back.” His voice is disappointed. It sends a pang through my chest, but I don’t let it show.

  I wait for his arm to drop and then walk by his side back to my housing unit. It’s large; it’s a family one after all. But there’s no one else who needs it and I refuse to stay with Effie and Howard, no matter how much I love them. I like being surrounded by my parent's stuff and reminded about the good times. It’s my own form of personal torture.

  We don’t talk along the way, he says ‘hi’ to fellow guards and smiles at people whereas I’m grumpy and withdrawn, imagining how I can slip away before he notices, so I don’t have to have the awkward talk with him at my door. Honestly, I just need to not be around him with my attraction to him growing. Two giggling girls stop us and start talking to him. My heart clenches at their flirting and his smile for them - it’s so different than the one he uses with me. It does seem more friendly than anything, but I hate it. While he’s distracted trying to get them to move, I slip around them and march back to my unit. I’m locked inside by the time he turns up, and I watch through the camera as he stands outside.

  “Let me in Indy, we need to talk.” I ignore him and watch as he yanks on his hair again. He’s going to go bald at this rate.


  “I’m not leaving until you let me in, I really do need to talk to you,” his voice is stern, but I just stand and watch him, unable to move away. He looks up at the camera and raises an eyebrow at me.

  “Fine.”

  He slides down the side of the door and sits there with his legs outstretched; waiting. He’ll be waiting all night. I slide down on my side and stare at the empty space that is my home. My mother’s usual warmth and my dad’s laugh don’t even echo here anymore. Their things are thrown where they had them last. I can’t bring myself to move them. I know I won’t sleep tonight without seeing her dead face, so I sit there and let their memories cocoon me. I must fall asleep there because a noise startles me awake. The door slides open and I’m in someone’s arms before I can move.

  “Stop,” I grumble.

  He ignores me as I try and fight my exhaustion. In all honesty, it’s been two days since I last slept, so it’s hard. Barrott’s arms surround me, making me feel safe as I fight against his warmth.

  “Sleep,” he commands.

  His voice lulls me to fall into a dreamless sleep for once, and the last thing I remember is him kissing my forehead as he places me in my bed.

  DAY 912

  Flight training today was amazing, I got to take one of the flyers out for a spin with my instructor. There’s only six of us in the class, I’m the only one below thirty, oh and a girl. It’s an exclusive programme meant to select only a few to train in case of an emergency and for when we get to Ayama. You can either stay there and continue to be a pilot or go back with the ship as part of the flight crew. I’ve already made up my mind to go back. I haven’t told anyone yet because I know it will break their hearts. The idea of a new start on the planet meant for me, my mum, and my father is a no go. I don’t belong there anymore, and it wouldn’t be a fresh start; I’d be alone. Howard and Effie would live together while Effie finishes her medical training. I know I could live with them, but it seems wrong. Barrott will be busy fitting into the army on the ground and won’t have time for me anymore. No, it’s better for everyone that I don’t drag them down. They need this, and they don’t need me there as a reminder of everything that went wrong.

  I’m on my way to one of the dining rooms; it’s the one we usually use. The other is for the crew and the guards. I step through the door to the noise of the loud crowd ready for dinner time. I start walking to our usual table, and halfway through the crowd, I spot Effie already there with two trays. That girl. I shake my head and smile. A body moves, blocking my view, and I look up to see Cain. I don’t have to look far, I’m in no way small. In fact, I tower over most girls here. It also doesn’t help that my curvy body is easy to spot with my double d’s. Honestly, my ex told me I looked like a porn star, but I just think I look out of proportion.

  Cain is smiling his sinful smile at me. Light blonde hair is swept across his forehead in a rough style, it’s obvious he just got up and didn’t brush it. His baby blue eyes ooze his charm. It doesn’t help that he has an amazing body - all lean muscle. You have to be fit for space and Cain certainly is that. His eyes heat with the knowledge that only someone who has tasted you can get. Bastard, one drunken night I kissed him, and he never lets me forget. He really is insufferable; attitude and charm bigger than life. I let my face fall into its bored mask.

  “What?” I ask.

  “So, you got escorted home last night. If you wanted to play, you should have come to me, not that stiff.” He winks at me. Ugh. I know Barrott knows we kissed, he did find us after all. Not that it bothered him, but Cain teases me about the overprotective man all the time.

  “Nah, I like my men, well...men. Not boys,” I walk around him, and his laughter follows me.

  “Sure. We are inevitable Indy, you’ll see.”

  Jerk. I look up and spot a strawberry blonde head now at our table. I barely control my sigh as I trudge over.

  Effie looks up at me in relief as I stand over our table, the girl is too nice for her own good. I look at the vindictive bitch who sits opposite her, no doubt tearing into Effie. She was the one piss-flaps cheated on me with, and she made it very obvious the only reason she did it was to try and hurt me. I look her over, she cut her basic t-shirt into a crop top and is probably wearing shorts or something crazy. Her hair is perfectly styled and her makeup flawless. Seriously who has the time for that in space? I arch my eyebrow, my eyes trained on her.

  She only comes up to my shoulders and her body looks like a child, that’s what makes her jealous, according to Effie. Her dyed hair is going brown at the roots and I almost laugh. My own hair is messy around my head. It starts out brown, then red and blonde highlights towards the bottom. The difference? Mine is natural.

  “What do you want Chrissy?” I ask as she plays with her hair.

  She frowns, her perfectly painted lips pursing at me. “It’s Christina,” she says snottily, making me snort.

  “Since when?” I scoff.

  She flips her hair over her shoulder, her eyes turning menacing. I wish Effie would just let me bitch slap her. “Anyway, I’m just here to talk to Effie about me maybe tutoring her, she is struggling after all.”

  I laugh, I can’t help it. What she means is she wants Effie to tutor her. She’s useless. No one knows why she picked medicine; she doesn’t have the intellect, patience or stomach. Effie is at the top of her class and due for early graduation. I flash my teeth at her.

  “Sure. Now piss off,” I grunt, already done with her. She narrows her eyes at me.

  “You know, Indy, you could really use a look in the mirror in the morning. I mean, it's embarrassing really.” Her voice is snotty again. I don’t bother looking down, I know my shirt is creased and my jeans have rips in them from climbing about in the flyers. I don’t care. I just stare at her and she flounces up.

  “Maybe if you had a mum, you would have some fashion sense.”

  Oh, fuck no. I barely control my anger, I clench my fists at my side.

  I won’t react, I won’t react, I won’t react.

  I chant it like a mantra in my head. I can’t let her know how much her barb hurts. I try not to give a shit what she says to me. She waits, and when I don’t say anything, she turns to Effie.

  “I could help you, Effie, God knows you need it, with your grunt of a father.”

  Nope. Talk shit about me and I don’t care, but mention Howard and Effie? I shake my head and lean over towards her.

  “I was considering insulting you, but I remembered that I would have to explain it to you after. So, I’ll make myself clear in another way,” I grab the bowl sitting on the table and tip it over her perfect head. I lean back and watch as she shrieks like a banshee, the red sauce running down her face and onto her crisp white shirt. I’ve been wanting to do something like that forever. I smirk as Effie doubles over in laughter.

  “Chrissy,” she ignores me, screeching about her clothes. I can see people looking, but I don’t care.

  “Chrissy,” I say louder. She looks at me and glares, starting up with what will probably be a threat, but I cut her off.

  “You ever mention Howard and Effie again and I will destroy you,” I let my voice go cold to show her I mean it. She stops and stares at me, her face paling.

  “Now, you should get back to your Malibu dream house. It misses you,” I say, sitting down next to Effie. She stomps off, sauce dripping as she goes.

  “Oh my god.” Effie is bent over the table laughing. I sit and watch her, a small smile on my lips. I meant my threat; I would do anything for this girl and her father. No matter how much I push them, they never leave. Howard pretty much adopted me as much as I would allow, and even after dragging himself home after a ridiculously long shift, he still makes time for me. I hear clapping and turn to the table next to us. Two men are sitting there, one in a black shirt, one in a white. Their shoulders are broad, and they are clearly brothers.

  One has brown wavy hair and an open looking face; he’s handsome. I look to his left, his brother has
blonde hair and his eyes twinkle with laughter, his mouth smiling. They both look like cover models from Earth magazines. They must be transfers from the upper decks or lower. They are both clapping and smiling widely at me. I offer them a smile and turn back to Effie. Chairs scrape and then the brothers plop down on our table, avoiding the side where the sauce is.

  “That was amazing,” the brown haired one gushes, his voice is soft and smooth. His brother nods.

  “I wish I had filmed it,” the blonde haired one joins in, his voice is deeper than his brother’s, it reminds me of those voiceover voices. One that you could get lost in.

  I tilt my head at them. “Thanks, you are?” I ask.

  The blonde haired one leans over, offering me his hand. He is still smiling, and I wonder if he ever stops; he seems way too happy.

  “I’m Eldon.” I shake his hand. His face is all sharp angles and his eyes are a deep brown. His brother snatches my hand and shakes it.

  “And I’m Auden.” His eyes are the same brown as his brother’s. I take my hand back gently and jerk my head to Effie.

  “That’s Effie, I’m Indy.” Their smiles widen. They nod at Effie who is staring at them like she’s never seen a man before.

  “Nice to meet you.”

  I offer them a small smile.

  “Where are you from?” Effie bursts out then covers her mouth with her hand. They smile softly at her.

  “What she means is, we haven’t seen you around. You uppers or lowers?” Their eyes sparkle with mischief.

  “Does it matter?” Auden asks.

  “Guess not,” I lean back in my chair and watch Effie turn red from her outburst. Poor girl, she can take charge in an emergency and operate on people, but she’s lost when talking to boys.