by Lynne Graham
When Zac walked into the kitchen, she was munching on a half-cooked oven chip, and in shock at his sudden appearance she almost swallowed it whole. He looked so achingly familiar in black jeans and a dark green shirt that accentuated every lean line of his muscular physique. And she looked such a mess. Stupid to care about that, a little voice sniped inside her, but she did care at being caught without make-up with her hair in her mess and wearing her oldest clothes.
‘I thought it was time I came for a visit,’ he told her, his gaze roaming over her very slowly as though he didn’t quite recognise her, and probably he didn’t because she looked dreadful.
‘You should’ve phoned, given me some warning. I hope you’ve eaten already because we’re out of food,’ she told him shakily, battling to steady herself and rise to the challenge of greeting Zac as if he were merely an old friend.
‘How can you be out of food?’ he demanded, and she explained about her not being able to drive and Jen being ill and Izzy off while his lean, darkly handsome face grew more and more grim.
About then she noticed the silence and peered out of the door. ‘Where are the builders?’
‘I told them to pack up for the day.’
‘Oh...’ Freddie could think of nothing to say to that, beyond, ‘Maybe the water’s back on!’
And mercifully it was, she discovered by dint of turning on a tap. By then Zac’s presence had drawn Eloise and Jack and they threw themselves at him as if he had been absent for weeks rather than days. He produced a bag from the hall behind him and dug into it to bestow a fluffy unicorn on Eloise, her latest craze, and some kind of robot ball that was self-propelled, and which Jack immediately went off to chase round the room.
‘I want to forget about the agreement we made before we married,’ Zac informed her.
‘But why?’ she asked uncertainly.
‘Because I’ve changed and I’m hoping you’ve changed too.’ Zac rested his stunning eyes on her, thinking that she looked frazzled and feeling guilty because he had allowed that to happen when he was responsible for her well-being.
‘What way have you changed?’ she asked nervously.
‘You changed my priorities. I don’t want my freedom back. I’ve had ten years of complete freedom and it didn’t bring me half as much happiness as you and the children have in two months. Two months of you wasn’t enough,’ he added, in case she had still not caught his drift because she was staring back at him with an expression as blank as a clean page.
‘So...er...’ Thoroughly confused by that speech, because her tired brain was malfunctioning, Freddie fumbled for words. ‘You don’t want a divorce any more?’ she checked.
Zac lunged at the oven as the smell of burning assailed him, and grabbed up a dishcloth to pull a smoking selection of burning nuggets out of the oven.
‘Auntie forgot them again,’ Eloise told him forlornly. ‘I’m hungry but now they burnt.’
‘No problem.’ Zac dug out his phone and spoke to his bodyguards. ‘We’ll order in tonight. What would you like, meu pequenino?’
‘Anything,’ she framed, too tied up in noticing that he hadn’t answered her question about the divorce he had originally planned. ‘But there isn’t much choice of takeout round here.’
‘Marco will find us something. We won’t go hungry,’ Zac declared, gathering Eloise up in his arms. ‘Now, why don’t you go and get some rest while I look after these two?’
‘I can’t do that.’
‘Yes, you can. You’re ready to pass out standing up and you shouldn’t be in that condition,’ Zac told her censoriously. ‘You’re supposed to be looking after yourself but, by the looks of it, you’re not doing it very well.’
‘Always the soul of tact!’ Freddie snapped back at him, her colour roused, her brown eyes angry. ‘I have bad days and good days and this has been one of the bad ones.’
‘Which is why you need to lie down and let me take care of things,’ Zac interjected impatiently.
The nagging tiredness that Freddie realised was a feature of early pregnancy, and which reduced her brain to mush, pushed Freddie up the stairs to the bedroom. He would ensure the kids ate and for one night it really didn’t matter if they went to bed in the wrong pyjamas or he let them eat unhealthy stuff. But, exhausted as she was, she still trudged into the bathroom. She turned on the shower to check that both water supply and heating element were functioning before she washed herself from head to toe, slowly mulling over what Zac had said. Did the three of them make Zac happy? Had he missed them? Or had he simply missed the constant supply of sex? Was it possible that he had changed?
She fell into bed with hair that was still damp and thought about how she had changed. She had been so sure that she could keep control of her emotions and yet she had failed dismally. She had changed, learning what it was like to love someone even if she hadn’t realise that she had loved him at the time and then learning what it was like to lose him again. She must’ve loved Zac when she’d offered him that annulment because she hadn’t been able to bear the idea of him feeling trapped and unhappy in their marriage. Unable to reach a conclusion, she let sleep take over.
When she wakened again, it was dark outside and the bedside lamp was lit. Zac rose from the chair in the corner. ‘Are you hungry?’
‘Yes, but—’
‘I’ll bring you something.’ And he was gone and clattering down the stairs before she could say another word.
She checked her watch. She had been asleep for hours. It was after eleven now and Zac was still on the premises, which meant that he was definitely staying the night. Her hopes rose exponentially and by the time he came back upstairs with a tray she was able to smile more normally at him. She looked down at the perfectly presented steak and salad in surprise.
‘Marco. He used to be a chef,’ Zac explained. ‘He couldn’t find a decent takeout place, so he bought food and cooked it for all of us, including Jen.’
Freddie picked up her knife and fork. ‘Do you or do you not still want a divorce?’ she demanded bluntly.
Zac leant back against the wall by the door. ‘Don’t...don’t want to lose you,’ he extended with precision.
‘And when did this change take place?’ Freddie asked helplessly, because she was afraid to believe in what he was saying. ‘Only a few days ago, you were telling me that—’
‘I didn’t know I’d changed until you walked out. I wasn’t exactly on the ball with that,’ Zac conceded with a sardonic twist of his mouth that could have signified embarrassment. ‘I was just sailing along from day to day with you, perfectly happy, and then you exploded me out of my comfort zone.’
‘By telling you that I was pregnant?’ Freddie prodded.
‘No, by leaving me,’ Zac emphasised. ‘I want you back. I have this big Freddie-shaped hole in my life and nothing other than you will fill it. I’m sorry that it took me so long to realise how I felt about you, but I was enjoying myself far too much with you to waste my energy psychoanalysing my...er...emotions.’
Freddie tried hard not to smile. ‘And how long did it take you to work out that little speech?’
‘The whole trip here,’ Zac admitted with a grimace.
Freddie bent down to set the tray on the floor, her appetite having receded. She rested back against the pillows and surveyed him. He was nervous, long brown fingers clenching and unclenching, his glorious eyes intent on her. ‘And how do you feel about me?’
‘I love you. I’ve never said that to a woman before. I’ve never felt what you make me feel and I want to hang onto it with both hands,’ he confessed in a driven undertone. ‘I have a question for you.’
‘No, if you tell me you love me, you have to throw yourself on the bed and kiss me passionately,’ Freddie instructed gently. ‘Then you can ask all the questions you like.’
An unholy grin lit up Zac’s unusually sombre features and he stalked as fluidly as a jungle cat across the room to throw himself down on the bed with alacrity. ‘This is wh
y I love you. You always say the right thing at the right time...like asking me to do what I want to do anyway.’
Freddie leant primly forward, keeping the duvet locked beneath her arms, as if making it clear that a kiss was all she was offering. His big hands spread across her cheekbones, his beautiful eyes full of tenderness. ‘You don’t believe me yet, do you?’ he guessed.
‘I’m working on it,’ she mumbled, and then he kissed her and she fell into that kiss like ice cream sliding down a hot griddle, both hands clutching the front of his shirt as if she would never let him go again. She tasted him and savoured him, her head falling back as he ravaged her mouth with all the hunger she welcomed.
‘So that question...’ Zac dragged out the last word, his attention welded to the lush, inviting line of her swollen mouth. ‘Did you walk out because you assumed that that would make me happy? Or were you teaching me a lesson?’
‘I thought it would make you happy and cut out the emotional awkwardness of you having to tell me you wanted a divorce at some point. I really wasn’t trying to teach you a lesson.’
‘Even though I deserved it after all the times I told you not to fall in love with me? Please tell me you didn’t listen. Please tell me that you feel the same way and that I can keep you for good,’ he breathed raggedly.
‘Yes, I love you, of course, I do,’ she soothed him, running a gentle fingertip along the tense and vulnerable line of his full lower lip. ‘I really, really love you and I want to be with you for ever.’
‘For ever and ever and ever, like in a fairy story. You’re too good for me. I’ve never been good. I’m often selfish. I suffer from tunnel vision. I married you sincerely believing in everything I said about our agreement and then you made me want so much more. In fact you gave me so much more I couldn’t get enough of it or you,’ he confessed in a shaken undertone. ‘Your warmth, your open heart, your kindness, your sense of fun.’
‘Getting a hugely swollen head here!’ she warned, tears of happiness running down her cheeks.
‘Why are you crying?’ Zac demanded.
‘Because I’m happy and I was so unhappy without you!’ she confided convulsively on the back of a sob. ‘I truly believed we were over.’
‘Never. I missed you and Eloise and Jack far too much to stay away. I was lonely. I’ve been lonely all my life but I’m not lonely when I have you three as my family. The children are in bed, by the way,’ he added. ‘But Eloise insisted on wearing her princess dress to bed and Jack screamed the place down when I tried to separate him from that stupid toy I brought him, so I switched it off so it won’t fire up and wake him in the middle of the night,’ Zac told her. ‘It plays the most horrible tunes over and over again.’
‘He’ll be bored with it by tomorrow,’ Freddie forecast. ‘Do you really want the children as well as me? I mean, I could never turn my back on them but you didn’t sign up for that.’
‘I fell in love with them too and it’s largely getting to know Eloise and Jack that has encouraged me to feel that I can hardly wait to meet our baby,’ Zac admitted reflectively, spreading his fingers across her flat stomach, the heat of his skin burning through the loose tee she wore to bed. ‘They’ve taught me the basics. I’ll be more useful by the time the third arrives.’
He had let the last of his barriers down and now he trusted and valued them enough to love them. She wanted to tell him that he had a warm, loving heart too, but sensed he wouldn’t accept it yet though she saw that generous acceptance in his attitude to Eloise and Jack.
‘I have one more confession to make,’ Zac declared abruptly, resting back from her and withdrawing his caressing hand. ‘And I should’ve made it months ago when you confronted me about it.’
‘The two women at the royal ball?’ Freddie exclaimed, frowning. ‘I don’t want to talk about that ever. It was your lowest moment.’
Zac winced. ‘Even if nothing happened?’
‘Nothing?’ Freddie looked at him in open disbelief.
‘I saved face at the expense of your feelings,’ Zac admitted guiltily. ‘Nothing happened because I didn’t want either of them. I only wanted you and I only get turned on by you. I was too proud to tell you that at the time but I hurt you and I’m sorry for it.’
Freddie flung herself on top of him, finally convinced that he loved her because he had broken through his macho conditioning to tell her the truth. She wrapped both arms round his neck and Zac took it from there. He made love to her with all the passionate tenderness and smouldering sexiness she had learned to crave from him, but it was so much sweeter an experience when he was telling her that he loved her and holding her close in the aftermath, without feeling the need to pretend that she was the one forcing affection on him.
The toy ball woke Jack up in the middle of the night and his screams wakened the whole household, and the following day it was clear that Jack was scared of the ball because he wouldn’t go near it and it had to be put away. Eloise arrived at dawn with her unicorn and her new unicorn story book and settled herself carefully between her future parents for over an hour. She was still wearing her princess dress and only gave it up when Freddie threatened to put her in the bath in it.
EPILOGUE
ON THE LAWN of Molderstone Manor, Jack, who was two and a half now, was playing ball. He was turning into an athletic little boy, Freddie mused, smiling as Eloise sat down to play with her little sister, Antonella, who was trying to crawl on her rug and not getting very far. It was a glorious sunny day and it was her youngest daughter Antonella’s first birthday.
As she basked in the heat the past eighteen months played through Freddie’s memory in fast and colourful images, crowded with milestones of happiness. To celebrate the adoption of Eloise and Jack, they had travelled to Brazil and had enjoyed a fabulous holiday, while also visiting Zac’s elderly grandmother, Maria. Antonella had been born before that summer really took off and she was an adaptable baby with a nature as sunny and smiley as Jack’s. Her hair was dark, her skin the colour of milk coffee and she looked very much like her namesake.
Zac had fussed a lot over Freddie during her pregnancy and she had been relieved that she had suffered none of the crises or complications that his late mother had endured. In fact her pregnancy had been relatively easy and the delivery straightforward. She suspected that if they decided to have another child, Zac would be considerably less prone to panic the second time around. Regardless, she was happier than she had ever hoped she could be, the shadows of past loss and pain finally laid to rest by both of them.
After their daughter’s birth Zac had become CEO of the vast da Rocha business empire and during the months that followed he had flown from one end of the globe to the other, settling into his new role. Eventually he had taken Angel’s advice and had hired several executive managers so that he could spend more time at home, or at least base most of his work in London. Molderstone Manor had blossomed since their first viewing and they were all now comfortably accommodated in the main house, where Zac enjoyed every comfort he craved amidst the floral fabrics he had learned to live with. His office, however, was strictly beige and functional.
The breeding stables he had established with the support of the Brazilian staff he had brought in were already doing very well. Freddie had taken a Montessori diploma course during the months that Zac was travelling most, knowing it would be useful to her when she was raising three children. Her aunt, Claire, had married her boyfriend earlier that year and Zac and Freddie had flown out to the wedding in Spain.
Jazz, now the Queen of Lerovia, strolled out of the house with her twins, Abramo and Chiara, tucked into a double buggy and walked over to join Freddie with the lack of ceremony that Freddie liked most about Zac’s family. They all visited each other’s homes, they all relaxed in those homes as if they were their own and, in making that effort to stay in regular contact, their husbands were getting closer and their children were growing up together.
‘Where’s Merry?’ Freddie enquired
sleepily.
‘She decided to take a nap while Cosmas is down for his,’ Jazz told her, for Merry’s second child was a newborn and had not yet settled into a regular sleep pattern. ‘And Vitale and Angel are hanging around the barbecue with Charles acting like grilling a hamburger is rocket science. Sybil’s with them too.’
Merry’s grandmother was Charles’s girlfriend and rarely strayed from his side.
‘It’s so wonderfully peaceful here.’ Jazz sighed, sinking down into a seat in the shade.
‘Famous last words!’ Freddie laughed as the racket of a helicopter disturbed the peace.
‘Zac?’
‘I hope so.’ Freddie peered up at the sky but couldn’t read the logo and then the craft circled and lowered, making identification unnecessary.
‘Go and meet him,’ Jazz urged. ‘I’ll watch Antonella.’
Freddie pelted at speed across the grass towards the helipad. Zac had been touring the mines in South Africa and Russia for two weeks and each week had felt like a month. Late-night phone calls hadn’t made up for his absence. Zac sprang out of the helicopter and she raced into his arms.
‘Missed you so much!’ She gasped as he grabbed her up into his arms, the familiar scent and feel of him washing over her like a healing drug.
‘And I missed you too,’ Zac groaned, staring down at her smiling face with a wealth of love and appreciation.
He tasted her ripe pink mouth with sexy, hungry brevity and gazed down at her with devouring crystalline eyes.
‘No, we can’t,’ she told him as if he had asked a question, scanning his lean, darkly handsome features with a heady combination of longing and admiration. ‘Later.’
‘Why do we have two nannies?’ Zac breathed in exasperation.
‘We have your family here. Right now, we’re hosts and we are not sneaking off like randy teenagers,’ she declared. ‘Lift a beer and be sociable round the barbecue instead.’
‘I want you so much,’ Zac husked in Portuguese and she could feel her bones turning to water, but at the same time she was also remembering the cracks the last time they had disappeared at such an event and the ensuing embarrassment. Sadly, Zac didn’t get embarrassed about stuff of that nature. ‘And I promise to make you very, very happy.’
