by Molly McLain
“You’re just getting old, dude. Remind me to take it easy on you next time.” Fletcher clapped him on the back and they both started toward the sidelines where Dan and Tony gulped down bottles of water, calling the game. Thank Christ. He’d suffered all the beating he cared for today. Didn’t stop him from prodding an elbow into his friend’s ribs for the smartass comment.
Fletcher gave him a lighthearted shoulder check. “Crazy, isn’t it? How time has flown? Remember how we used to hit the lake on the Fourth, thinking we were the shit? Pulling along coolers filled with beer we weren’t old enough to drink and skipping across the water on jet-skis like we owned the place? Trying to score with anything in a bikini?”
Hard to forget those free-spirited years. Even harder to forget how close he and Fletcher had been. How years, pride, and a woman began to change that once invincible friendship. Only Fletcher was completely naïve to it all and Josh knew the fault was all his own. Soon, he told himself, he’ll know soon enough.
“And now we just chill on the boat, hollering at the punks who make waves in the no-wake zone,” he muttered. He wasn’t proud of the fact that he’d been lying to his best friend, but he wasn’t looking forward to owning up to the truth either. At one time, he’d thought his decision to keep his history with Carissa quiet had been to protect Carissa and also Fletcher. But over the past few days it became clear that he’d done it to protect what was the most amazing connection he’d ever had with another human being. He really didn’t want to share that with anyone but her.
“We should take the jets out this weekend,” Fletcher spoke up. “For old time’s sake. Break out the swagger.”
Josh snorted. “What would Heather think of that?”
“Who cares? I’m not seeing her anymore.”
“What? You’re telling me you worked that hard for a few weeks of tail?”
His friend lifted an idle shoulder. “She’s a nice girl, but I’m not looking to go down that road. At least not with her.”
“That road being?” Josh stopped several yards short of his brother and Tony and turned toward Fletcher, his curiosity piqued.
“You know what road. Me and Heather long term? No way.”
“Why not?”
“She’s a friggin’ bartender,” Fletcher muttered, giving the ball a toss into the air.
“So?” He spread his hands wide. “What does that have to do with anything? You like her, don’t you?”
“Yeah, but, come on, man, she’s not Carissa. Not by a long shot.”
Josh’s arms fell to his sides like they weighed a thousand pounds. He cocked his head to the side and pinned his friend with a disbelieving glare. “What?”
“You heard me.” Fletcher lifted his chin a little too confidently for Josh’s liking. “Seeing her so much lately? It’s got me thinking I should have tried a little harder with her.”
Josh clenched his hands into hard fists, trying desperately to keep his temper in check. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I think I might test the waters again. See if she’s feeling it, too. I know she turned me down the other day, but that’s just because she doesn’t realize it would be different this time.”
There shouldn’t have been a last time—there definitely wouldn’t be a this time. Still... “How would it be different?” he asked, damn near choking on his own tongue just forming the words and momentarily playing along.
He friend hesitated. “We were more...friends with benefits before. Neither of us wanted anything serious. This time, I think I could offer her something more genuine. You know, with feelings and shit.”
“You’ve gotta be kidding me.” It was all he could do not to throw a punch. Friends with benefits? All that time it hadn’t been real? And now, now, Fletcher wanted the real deal? With the woman he wanted something real with too? Un-friggin’-believable.
“Nope.” Fletcher laughed, clearly pleased with his decision. “Come on, bro. You’ve gotta admit we’re a good match.”
“The fuck you are.”
Fletcher’s brows hit his hairline and Josh had to force himself to take a step backward, needing space between them.
“What the hell is your problem?” Fletcher demanded. “What do you have against me and Carissa?”
“Two seconds ago, you were talking about being twenty again. Now you’re saying you want her back. Sounds to me like you don’t know what the hell you want.”
“Maybe I don’t.” Fletcher lifted a shoulder and tucked the ball into his side. “But I do know there’s something special about Carissa. And the sex was pretty damn—”
“Don’t friggin’ say it,” Josh snarled. He opened his mouth again, ready to unload and mark his territory when it hit him—he was ready to kick Fletcher’s ass for entertaining the possibility of doing with Carissa something very similar to what he was doing himself. Messing around with her, using her to get off whenever he wanted, but offering her nothing close to what she deserved. Yeah, he wanted to give her something more, but that wasn’t really possible, was it? It would never work out, no matter how good it felt, because there was too much history, too much baggage between them. And he’d known it all along. Yet he kept sleeping with her. Kept leading them both on.
Fuck! How had he missed that? How had he been so stupid?
They would never be able to have anything more than what they had now, which, much as he hated to acknowledge it, wasn’t anything better than what Fletcher wanted to give her.
The back of his tongue began to itch and his stomach began to churn.
He was no better than the man whose ass he wanted to go completely postal on right now. It didn’t matter that he cared about Carissa, because regardless of how he felt, no one would ever be able to see past what they’d done or how he’d treated her. And Carissa might think she was okay with it now, but someday she’d realize she deserved better. That she deserved a man who gave her everything she was worthy of from the beginning. And when she realized he wasn’t that guy, it’d be over.
“What were you gonna say, Hudson?” Fletcher asked, an arrogant lilt to his voice.
His temper a hairsbreadth away from bursting, Josh pulled in a deep, controlled breath. “Friends with benefits? She deserves a hell of a lot better than that.”
“We both knew the score. And I never once disrespected her.”
Josh stuck his tongue in his cheek. “But do you love her?”
“I care about her,” Fletcher countered and Josh shook his head, his frustration building.
“Not good enough,” he snarled. “That girl has been through hell and back since her mom died. She deserves a million times better than your selfish half-measures.”
Fletcher grunted. "When did you become such a goddamn expert on what she needs, huh? You're her contractor, bro, not her shrink.”
"I was her friend before I was her contractor," Josh growled. "And whether you like it or not, I care about her too. You and I may go back to kindergarten, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna stand around and watch you use her because she meets your social criteria or because she's the perfect trophy for your friggin' collection.”
“Obviously you didn’t hear what I said. I know she deserves better and, this time, she’ll have it.”
Josh pulsed his jaw. After last night, he was fairly sure he didn’t have to worry about Carissa even considering round two with Fletcher, but he was done stepping back so his friend could share in her limelight. He took a step forward until he and Fletcher were almost chest to chest. With a sniff, he looked his oldest friend in the eye and spoke as clearly and as unmistakably as he could. “Leave her alone.”
Fletcher narrowed his eyes. “You threatening me?” He gave a wry grunt. “In fact, you sure there isn’t something else you wanna say, Hudson? I mean, this is the second time this week you’ve stuck your nose in my business with Carissa. Makes a guy wonder...”
Josh swallowed hard. What would be the point in telling the truth now? It didn’t matter anymore.
And, if things between him and Carissa were destined to end, he at least wanted to keep the memories he had of her sacred.
With that, he shook his head and retreated. “She deserves the best, man. You know it just as well as I do. Don’t cheat her out of the opportunity to find someone who can give her that.”
He turned and began to walk away, completely numb and in shock of how his world had turned completely upside down since this morning.
The slap of the football between his kidneys stopped him short, but he barely acknowledged the sting.
“Any ideas who that someone might be?” Fletcher asked arrogantly. “Because right fucking now would be the time to tell me, you know what I’m saying?”
Back still to his friend, Josh closed his eyes and cursed his stupidity. “Nope,” he said honestly. “Not a clue.” And he didn’t.
Chapter Twenty-three
Maddie was right—she did look different.
Carissa blinked at the reflection in her rearview mirror and bit her lips together to keep her perpetual smile at bay. It had been there since she’d left Josh’s this morning, so much so that her cheeks hurt.
Pulling in a deep breath and carefully blowing it out again, she willed herself to keep collected. Tonight was going to be a true test of strength and, unless she wanted things with Josh to end—which she absolutely did not—she needed to keep it together.
She also needed to come up with a plan. A tactful way to approach a much needed discussion with him. Because something had changed with them. A big something. They weren’t just sleeping together anymore and she was pretty sure last night, and then this morning, had solidified that for him as well. The question was...what the heck were they going to do about it?
She climbed out of her car, locked it, and smoothed her hands down the front and back of her dress as she made her way across the beaten down field turned parking lot. The place was packed and, stopping here and there to make idle chit chat with a handful of her Cameron High coworkers, she finally made her way into crush of street dance goers just as the country and classic rock cover band began to play on the makeshift stage. And, of course, it wouldn’t be a party in downtown River Bend without a Sweet Home Alabama kick-off.
Smiling to herself, she scanned the crowd until she spotted Maddie perched on a stack of hay bales, swaying to the music. Her friend had a bottle of beer in each hand and her rhythm left something to be desired.
“I’d offer you one, but I’ve already licked them both,” Maddie said by way of greeting when Carissa approached. Clearly, the bride- to-be was already halfway to a good time.
“You’re such a cheap date,” Carissa laughed.
“I know. You should give it a try. Dan’s in line for a refill. I bet he’ll let you cut in if you promise him a dance.”
A drink sounded amazing and since she was hoping for another sleepover with Josh tonight, she could probably forego her usual limit without having to worry about the driving too far. “I think I’ll do that. Save me a seat on that hay bale.”
Maddie winked and Carissa went in search of Dan. She found him ten people back in line from the bar, tapping an empty bottle against his leg as music blasted from a speaker mounted on top of McCauley’s temporary bar space.
“Look at you, all itchin’ to shake it,” she teased, coming up along Dan’s side. “You gonna make a spectacle of yourself tonight, Mr. D.A.?”
Dan grunted. “Maddie’s well on her way to that honor.”
Carissa laughed. “I noticed. Mind if I sneak into line?”
He gestured for her to cut in front of him. “I just hope she can make it to ten o’clock. I’d like to actually enjoy myself tonight.”
“Me too. But if you need me to babysit, I’ll take one for the team.”
Dan made a wry sound. “Pretty sure you’ll have your own drama to deal with.”
She lifted an eyebrow. “Oh?”
He gave her a grin very similar to the one he’d had on his parents’ patio last week. Like he knew something no one else did. He leaned in and whispered, “You’re sleeping with my brother.”
Oh God...
“He told you?” she gasped, her heart slamming against her chest wall and making her suddenly lightheaded.
“No.” Dan shook his head. “He doesn’t kiss and tell. But he doesn’t exactly lie either. I guess you could say I caught onto his lies by omission. And you’re not exactly hard to read either. Fortunately for you two, I’m more intuitive than most.”
She swallowed. “I, um—”
He held up a hand. “I don’t need an explanation. Your business is your business.”
Thank God for that. But he’d still brought it up, so...
“I’m more generous than Reed will be, Carissa.”
Ah, yes. A warning. “I know. It’s why we’ve kept this quiet.”
“I get it,” he said, then paused. “Okay, no, I don’t get it, because my brother has never done anything like this before. This is unlike him in a big way.”
No kidding. She debated how much more to tell Dan. And did Josh know that he was onto them? “I like him. A lot.” And like was pretty much an understatement.
“Do you?” Dan chuckled, almost in disbelief. “Same as you liked his best friend?”
Ouch. But she deserved that, didn’t she?
Embarrassed by the decisions she made, Carissa glanced down at the asphalt. “It’s completely different,” she admitted quietly.
“Is it?”
Mustering her courage, because she’d already decided she was done hiding, she met his gaze. “I’m falling in love with him.”
Eyes wide and chin pulled back, Dan, the ever articulate lawyer, appeared at a loss for words. “You’re kidding me.”
“I’ve made mistakes, but your brother isn’t one of them.”
‘Wow.”
“I don’t expect you to understand. And I don’t need you to, because as long as Josh does, nothing else matters.” No longer thirsty, she stepped out of line. She wasn't sure where she was going, but she needed to get out of there, needed to find Josh as soon as possible, because there was no way she was going to waste another minute without him knowing what he meant to her.
“Carissa.” Dan snagged her arm to halt her escape, and the older man behind him in line wasted no time sliding up to take his place when he abandoned his position. He opened his mouth, hesitated, then tried again. “Listen, I don’t want either of you to get hurt because of this, okay?”
“If I can help it, neither of us will.”
He let go of her arm, scrubbed a hand over his face and cursed under his breath. “I wasn’t going to say anything, because I didn’t want to get involved, but I think Reed’s onto you. Or if he isn’t, he’s close to figuring it out.”
Panic washed over her. “Does Josh know?”
“I think so. I didn’t hear their conversation, but something happened on the field today. It looked tense.”
Shit. “Is he here yet?”
“Not that I’ve seen. But if he is, he’ll be at the horseshoe pits.”
She nodded, emotion suddenly thick in her throat, because if Reed was onto them, then Josh was likely at a crossroads, torn between his friend and her. She needed to tell him how she felt and she needed to do it ASAP.
"You really do care about him, don't you?"
“So much it hurts.”
***
What the hell are you doing here, man?
Josh’s mind was everywhere but on the game of horseshoes in front of him. Carissa, the vandalism, his near fisticuffs with Fletcher, Carissa...
Shit.
If Mark hadn’t come up with the grand idea that he go about his business as if the vandalism hadn’t occurred, hoping to piss off the perp and provoke a sloppy error that would get the bastard busted, Josh wouldn’t have even considered attending the street dance. After the altercation with Fletcher, putting on a happy face was the last thing he wanted to do. There wasn’t a damn thing in his life to be happy
about right now and shit was only gonna get worse before it got better. If it ever got better.
Fact of the matter was, he needed to end the things with Carissa and he had no idea how to do it. Shit between them weren’t supposed to get complicated, serious, or emotional. It was supposed to be fun and casual and easy to walk away from when it had run its course or if anyone became suspicious.
Given this afternoon’s confrontation, it was only a matter of time before all hell broke loose. And he didn’t want Carissa caught in the crossfire when it did.
He’d done enough to hurt her, albeit unintentionally, and though she might not realize it now, she was definitely better off without an asshole like him. Much as he’d wanted to leave the field earlier and go straight to her, to pull her close and promise to protect her from the drama, he realized today that he would never be able to live down or forgive himself for the position he put her in.
The saddest part was that he could have probably prevented this from happening if he’d been honest from the start. With himself. With her. With his best friend. It chapped his ass that, for all his life he’d prided himself on always being honest and forthcoming, but when it mattered the most, he’d gone and fucking blown it.
And now Carissa would pay the price with him. And she deserved better than the fallout that was to come. All he could hope for was that their friends would put the majority of the blame on him and not her, because none of this would have happened, including her involvement with Fletcher, if he’d manned up from the start.
He knew he’d see her tonight and he dreaded it more than he had the news of his back to back deployments. He’d been trained to go to war, but he’d never had to intentionally hurt the woman he loved.
Mostly because he’d never been in love before.
“Your throw.” Tony’s voice broke Josh’s trance.
He tossed back a swallow of his beer before gathering the horseshoes and taking his first shot. He missed the stake by at least a foot. The second, however, spun around the peg, metal on metal, a perfect ring settling comfortably in the sand.
