Enjoying his firm grip while their shoes crunched on the gravel, she replied, “Well, I really think Lynn might get it because they have a lot on him and know the public was watching them. It’s odd that this is happening at the same time that football coach Sandusky’s abuses are being uncovered. Such synchronicities may be signs of a field shift, a change in the thoughts of a large enough group of people to turn events in another direction.” Gesturing with her free hand, she went on, “Take last year’s Arab Spring in the Middle East. Suddenly many people fought to throw out dictators. The battle for basic rights was contagious. You and I have a lot of work to do as writers. Now that a monsignor is being held accountable, Church scandals creep closer to the Vatican and you will be called to write about it. To be frank, I am so sickened by the graphic descriptions of what these men are doing to children that I wonder why anybody would want to have sex! There is a stinking pestilence in the air, an evil distortion of physical integrity tainting the world. I don’t know how to mature in this environment; It’s the reason I’m how I am with you.” She stopped in the road, wrapped her arms around his neck, pulled him tightly to her and said, “Here’s a hug for hoping that the world will be safe for children for a change.”
He nuzzled into her ear and kissed it, holding her close and enjoying her warmth. “We have plenty of time, and I can’t wait to be with you in Rome again.” They just stood for a while in the safety of a warm embrace. Simon hadn’t had sex with a woman in months and didn’t care. Time stops with Sarah. Whatever is happening between us is so much bigger than any of my petty needs and desires. I never thought I’d feel this way but I do. “You know, it has been a long time since you’ve said a word about your research. What’s happening with your work right now?”
Turning down the dark road, she said, “For me, Jesus’s heart opens with these convictions, the vindication of children who suffered who are now men. They were wounded and forgotten until now. Something is happening in the world, Simon, a turn to the good after so many years of intensifying evil. Abuse happens when hearts are dead, yet now hearts are coming alive. The eternal quest for light in the world is coming forth in our times. Divine infusion was diverted two thousand years ago, yet the seeds were planted that are sprouting now. According to quantum science, past, present, and future are not real, so the potential for divine infusion is always there.” She paused for a second. “There’s so much coming together right now. I’m ready to get back to work.”
On Summer Solstice 2012, grown men and women who had once suffered in the hands of priests and others in positions of authority came to new conclusions about fairness. Some were beginning to feel sane for the first time in many years. The public’s refusal to believe them often damaged and confused them as much as the abuse itself. Now they could heal. As for the perpetrators, the victim’s pain had never mattered. This was a reckoning and past conquests didn’t feel so exciting anymore. For once the perpetrators were afraid instead of the other way around. Those who dared to tell the truth were the heroes, not the smug and pompous lying hierarchy or the leering and slavering coach who loved to smear his face all over the TV until he got caught. Finally the loss of innocence mattered.
As broken victims went to sleep that night, for some their souls returned to enter their battered bodies; they could feel again! Others were not able to respond to the truths being revealed. William Adamson, who was sleeping alone because he snored in the summer, drifted off. His soul took him back to that sickening afternoon in the rectory when he was nine years old. Father Rafferty grabbed him from behind and rammed his stomach against a prayer kneeler. As he lay in bed, the sticky sweet smell of stale incense awakened him, but he fell back into a dead sleep. As usual, his unconscious again blocked out every detail of that day in the summer of 1962.
15
Sister Hildegard
Sarah felt free as she settled into a small room in an old house near the university for the month of August. Instead of flying back to Rome with Simon in late July, she had gone back to England to consult with her thesis advisor. Sarah worried she was losing her sense of direction and felt she needed to refocus and deepen her priorities. The attention of two extremely unusual men was confusing her. Time flew while she read and took notes all day in the university’s Victorian library while dusty summer light filtered through tall windows and warmed the creaky old wooden floors that groaned under the feet of heavy nuns passing by her cubicle to go to nearby study desks. Observing them, Sarah thought what she always did, that they were species from another time. When it was cooler she went to meditate in a pristine Norman chapel, her sanctuary for clear thought. I have to find the answer. I have to know why Jesus burns in my heart. When I seek you, I see Simon’s face. Are you reaching me through this good man? Is this how I will know you? Is falling in love my way to be with you?
Raising her eyes slowly up to the only object in the chapel—an exquisite Italian Renaissance-style ivory Jesus carved in perfect anatomical detail nailed to a rosewood crucifix—she noticed the aging ivory was slightly yellowed and his body glowed in the soft light as if he were alive. In the past, the deep lines and agonized eyes of his suffering face had evoked peace in her mind, but not anymore. Why are you on the cross yet not in the eyes of children? I have seen you in Simon’s glistening body on the quarry rocks. I need to know you not just as one who suffers. Why have you abandoned my religion, the Church stained by the sins of priests who say they carry your cross? Will you ever return to the Church?
By the middle of July, Simon was back in Rome after visiting his parents at Shelter Island. Before he left, his father gave him a substantial income out of his inheritance and some advice. “Live a better life now that you’re thinking of having a wife. Don’t get used to being a lazy bachelor. Good women notice things like that, since how you live indicates how their life with you would be. Sure, Sarah likes our home in Brooklyn Heights, and our home here on the island, but what about your home? What about creating something that shows who you are? Seems like the place to start is with a good apartment in Rome, since you will be there for another year or two.” Simon, who liked the good life as much as anybody, accepted the money gratefully. He was deeply touched that his parents cared about him so much and hoped his father was right and that Sarah would become his wife.
Rents were high in Rome, but with his improved circumstances he found a very special apartment. He couldn’t wait to say goodbye to his room with a kitchen above a noisy tailor shop in favor of the furnished one-bedroom apartment on the Via Frattina, a few blocks west of the Spanish Steps. It was on the fourth floor of a small building with trendy shops on the street floor and a private entrance out of the courtyard garden for the twelve flats upstairs. The street was very quiet because cars were not allowed, and the garden had old trees and felt peaceful.
I feel like pinching myself. It’s too good to be true—a dream!
The owner lived in the building because he loved it, and he’d furnished all the flats with charming antiques. After the owner had proudly shown Simon around, Simon had paid the deposit on the spot. The building was five hundred years old and had been updated more than once. The façade above the shops had been redesigned during the Art Nouveau period when an architect had added ornate rococo plaster carvings and rusting ironwork balconies. The interior still retained the Renaissance style with handsome original woodwork with many layers of soft white paint. The wacky facade reminded him of Gaudí’s buildings in Barcelona—distinctive, slightly decadent, and very sensual.
The plaster walls were painted in subtle pastels, and the kitchen was charming with deeply worn white marble counters that glistened when the afternoon sunlight streamed in through deep casement windows that were perfect for plants. The casement windows with their worn deep slate sills accentuated the thick walls, giving a feeling of security and depth to the kitchen. Subtle light from the inner courtyard warmed the bedroom. Simon could imagine a Vermeer painting of Sarah looking out through the deep wind
ows. The front door opened into the living room, which had a gas fireplace with a large and ornate marble mantle decorated with carved griffins and vines. The fireplace would be very cozy in the winter when he entertained Sarah, and it had not escaped his notice that the apartment was located a mere twenty blocks from the Vatican and Sarah’s apartment. The four-poster double bed afforded a view out to the balcony through tall French doors that made the room feel breezy and magical. A hallway with large closets led into a sensual bathroom with a Victorian copper bathtub in an alcove tiled with evocative burgundy and deep blue fleur-de-lis tiles bordered by fading golden lions that sparkled in the sunlight. What an incredible find!
He got right to work after moving in boxes of books and files. He was amazed by how much had gone on in Rome the past two months. It was as if the Vatican had been hit by a tornado. They had thought the irksome scandal regarding Cardinal Anthony Bevilacqua, Archbishop of Philadelphia from 1988–2003, would just melt into the past once he died in early 2012. When an American civil court convicted Monsignor Lynn after the solstice, however, the ugly reality of the corruption during Bevilacqua’s reign was thrust into the limelight. The truth about the bizarre sexual free-for-all could no longer be hidden. The Vatican quaked during summer 2012 as the scandals edged closer to Saint Peter’s dome, and Simon was thrilled to be back in Rome to cover the escalating scandals. Thomas Doyle, the priest who’d cast the spotlight on Cardinal Bevilacqua and Monsignor Lynn, testified at Lynn’s trial that Bevilacqua ordered the shredding of the list of thirty-five abusing priests in the Philadelphia Archdiocese. Doyle, already a well-known whistle-blower on priestly abuse, successfully exposed the depth of the corruption in Philadelphia. Simon knew it was a game changer and viewed Doyle as a hero. Simon had been following Doyle’s activities for years, ever since he had stated publicly that the pope had to have known what was going on in the Philadelphia Diocese. Rechecking his sources, Simon read again what Doyle had said in 2010: “Pope Benedict is a micromanager. He’s the old style. Anything like that would necessarily have been brought to his attention. Tell the vicar general to find a better line. What he’s trying to do, obviously, is to protect the pope.” The vicar general who had tried to protect the pope was Gerhard Gruber, who worked under Ratzinger when he was the Archbishop of Munich. In 1981 Ratzinger was appointed to head the Congregation of the Doctrine of the Faithful, an insider group that searched out heretics and operated in total secrecy and autonomy, the modern-day version of the Inquisition. Then in 2005 Ratzinger became Pope Benedict XVI. Now in 2012 settlements for victims were more than $2 billion and rising. The scandal spread to Ireland, Italy, and Germany, edging ever closer to the pontiff.
Sitting out on his balcony at 10 p.m., watching the last glow of the setting sun behind the Vatican in the western sky, Simon was in deep thought, strategizing. He knew the hierarchy would say it was an unpleasant phase in Church history, one that would soon pass. This papacy may be a rotten nest of sexually deviant secrecy freaks, but as soon as Benedict is gone there will be another pope and another reality. What was going on seemed much bigger than that to Simon, big enough to set up a second Reformation. Based on the excellent data gathered by Doyle and others, at least ten percent of priests and bishops had abused children during the past sixty years. It was outrageous, since most pederasts had multiple victims. The Church’s response was simply to say sexual abuse by clerics had always been a huge problem. What kind of answer was that? Did the hierarchy shield abusers because they were directing a long-standing systemic Catholic program that serves deeply hidden purposes? What was the real reason for this shocking amount of deviance? Simon knew he had to dig deeper, but at least the laity now knew the rectory was dangerous for children.
Back in England, Sarah entered the office of her advisor, Sister Hildegard Brennan, a renowned author on early Christian sects, a Discalced Carmelite who had come out of seclusion twenty years ago. This was only Sarah’s second meeting with her, but she had been greatly impressed with Sister Hildegard’s wisdom and compassion and looked forward to talking to her again. Warm summer air wafted in from the rose garden as Sister Hildegard embraced Sarah and pointed her to an old comfortable chair. Sister Hildegard settled into a seat facing her.
“How have you been, Sarah? What’s it been like to study in Rome, the center of our Catholic world?” She spoke softly while looking deeply into Sarah’s clouded green eyes.
Sarah studied Sister Hildegard’s delicate features, soft skin with just a trace of wrinkles, and steady gray eyes. She was still very beautiful in her seventies, with inner grace suffusing her face. Her white-collared periwinkle blouse was tucked into a demure gray cotton skirt that went down almost to the top of black, mannish shoes. Sarah noticed a print on the wall in a faded gilt frame, depicting St. Teresa of Avila praying by a huge rock with light shining down on her from above. I wonder if she misses the life of total seclusion away from the sins of the world? I see her in sandals and a long gray robe walking in walled gardens during daily meditation.
“Thank you for taking time with me,” Sarah said. “I’m progressing well, but the deeper I go into early Christianity, the more I am confused. Can we talk about that? Am I free to express what is really on my mind, or would you prefer to discuss only academics?” She’d carefully composed these lines in advance so she could observe Sister Hildegard’s body language and facial expressions. Sarah was beholden to her father’s generous financial support, and she wasn’t going to risk her status by being too open, but she hoped to share her crisis of faith with Hildegard.
Hildegard detected deep worry in Sarah’s eyes, a subtle fear masked by her sweet virginal purity. Whether she’s a virgin or not, she’s very pure in heart and soul. She would have been a great nun. “Sarah, I’m not your spiritual advisor, yet I am here to guide you. You can feel absolutely safe with your confidences, since your personal and spiritual welfare affects your studies. I’ve discussed early Church doctrinal issues with many students, and the early period often brings up a crisis of faith. We accepted you because you are deeply thoughtful and dedicated, so I’d be surprised if you weren’t disturbed by these topics.”
Relieved, Sarah blurted out, “Sister Hildegard, I feel like I will be thrown to the lions if I follow my thoughts to their logical conclusions! Back in the second century, early Christians were not the same as Christians after Constantine. They lived in simple communities and practiced Jesus’s message of love and compassion, which was lost when the hierarchy went in the opposite direction. The original way of life mostly vanishes after 400 CE except in some orders, such as the one you lived in for so many years. Today the Church struggles with rampant sexual, financial, and power abuse, and I want to know how this happened. Many second-century Christians said the Church would eventually destroy itself unless it confronted some difficult theological issues, such as questions raised by the Gnostics.” Sarah watched Hildegard’s face very closely when she said the word Gnostic, but Hildegard didn’t seem to react at all to the word.
Hildegard crossed her long-fingered hands. Sarah’s eye was caught by the thin gold band that identified her as a bride of Christ.
Hildegard said, “As far as I am concerned, nothing could be more important than investigating the early period to determine what the first Christians really believed. If the Gnostics were right about what Our Lord intended, then the suppression of their beliefs could explain why we are having a crisis in the Church today. As we both know, male theologians scream Heresy! Gnostics! Yet the sins committed by the male hierarchy over a thousand years are beyond belief! They invented Absolution as a way to clear the path for the next sin! Frankly, I don’t see how you could look deeply into this period without seeing that Our Lord’s intentions blew away in the winds of history. So would you like to be more specific?”
Sister Hildegard’s blatantly heretical comment about Absolution—forgiveness granted during Confession—stunned Sarah. It unknotted a tight coil in the center of her body, causing a tin
gling spin in her brain. It had been a relief to share these ideas with Simon, but it was an even greater relief to share her thoughts with a knowledgeable female theologian. I’m not the only one.
“Sister Hildegard, what are your thoughts about Marcion of Pontus? Considering the size and spread of his early episcopate, a tremendous number of Christians must have thought our Bible should not include Hebrew scripture. Marcionite bishops were once in the line of apostolic succession, but their authority was stripped away when Marcion was excommunicated in 144 CE by Peter’s church. Then it claimed all powers of succession, allowing them to absolve themselves, just as you’ve said. We can’t alter early history, but in light of recently discovered sources, we see why Marcion advocated a fresh start, a New Covenant. Reading what the Gnostics actually said, not just what the early Fathers said about them, means we can examine their stance on evil in the world. For example, the Fathers said the Gnostics hated the world. But now we know the Gnostics said they hated evil in the world, not the world itself. Well, I detest evil in the world!
Encouraged by Hildegard’s supportive nod, Sarah continued, the words tumbling out one on top of the other. “Ironically, rampant evil possesses the Church today. As soon as a priest or bishop is accused, the faithful are instructed to forgive him in the name of the Lord. But what if these horrific sins reflect a struggle with demons, the forces the Gnostics feared? Why were the Gnostics so concerned about the sins of the Fallen Angels and the cruel god Yahweh? Possibly this arcane esoteric drama is being played out day by day, parish by parish because the early Fathers didn’t confront the problem! If that is true, are we going to keep on absolving abusers and sending them out to do it again? How can the Church tell a mother to forgive a priest who attacked her child? Demanding forgiveness for unbridled lust is a hierarchical power play! During the fourth and fifth centuries, early synods hammered out the doctrine of original sin—Christ came to die for our sins so that we can be saved. Well, what if Christ actually came to found a new religion of love and compassion, a religion that could not thrive and grow if people feared the old evil god, Yahweh? Jesus himself said he came through the domains to free us from the grip of the powers and principalities, the throne of the jealous and angry god. I know my statements are blasphemous, but the Church is making arrogant and obscene demands! Gnostic beliefs about the evil, jealous god may explain why so many priests indulge in such evil acts. The Church commission reports say priests have abused children as young as two years old!”
Revelations of the Ruby Crystal Page 16
