by Kyra Lennon
This was so different from when we danced together at the club. That night was filled with tension, even after I’d calmed him down. Now the tension was different. Aroused instead of angry, both anticipating what would happen next.
“What are you thinking about, Ells?” Drew asked, his hands sliding down to my hips.
“Us. How good it feels to be on a date with you. How much better it is now I don’t have to pretend or hide my feelings anymore.”
I hadn’t been aware of tension in Drew’s body but as I spoke, his muscles loosened beneath my fingers and he pulled me in tighter, as if my words were everything he needed to hear.
He kissed the top of my head. “I didn’t think we’d ever get here.”
“I didn’t think you wanted to.”
He laughed softly. “I didn’t think you wanted to.”
“Well, aren’t we a pair of idiots.” I grinned at him, and he closed his eyes, resting a hand on my cheek.
“You were so worth waiting for, Ellie.”
I loved this side of him. The I-can’t-imagine-being-anywhere-else side. Even so, I couldn’t resist teasing him. “You are the cheesiest rock star ever.”
Drew opened his eyes, raising an eyebrow. “Oh really?”
“Really.”
Without warning, he lifted me off the ground. He crushed his mouth against mine, knocking the breath out of me for the second time that evening. My legs clamped around his waist, my arms around his neck. His fingers moved up and down my spine, unknowingly following the tingles he’d created as his lips claimed mine.
“Still think I’m cheesy?” he asked, his breath hot on my neck.
“Shut up and kiss me.”
Drew laughed and granted my request. I pressed myself into him, loving how easy it was to switch from joking around to... this. As his tongue slid into my mouth, my fingers delved into his hair, curling it between my fingers. The wine on his lips was a million times more intoxicating than if I’d drank the whole bottle myself, and the brush of his stubble against my cheek shot my senses into overdrive. I trembled from the intensity, the long-suppressed desire, and before I could stop it, a small moan escaped me.
Drew stopped, mid-kiss, and I froze, hoping he’d breeze past the moment and go back to tormenting me with his lips.
“Ellie, what was that?”
Dammit.
I didn’t answer, instead I tried to kiss him again but he leaned back, laughing. I unclenched my legs from his waist and dropped to the floor, hiding the blush on my cheeks by burying my face into his shoulder.
Ah, he smells so good! My body was on sensory overload.
“I’ve never heard you make that sound before,” he teased. I gave his hair a playful tug.
“I bet you’re pleased with yourself now, aren’t you? You made me moan like a porn star.”
He gathered me into him. “Ells, come on. You don’t think I feel that way, too?”
“I know you do, but you didn’t embarrass yourself!”
“Don’t be embarrassed, it was sexy as hell. I only laughed because I was surprised.”
“Why?”
“Because I didn’t realise I made you feel that way.”
Really? My underwear is vibrating with the urge to pop off so you can touch me properly.
The voice telling him he wasn’t good enough was still loud and clear, reminding me how far I had to go to make him understand.
And it was that part of me that knew it was too soon for us to go any further yet.
“Drew, I’ve waited a long time to be here with you. But this… wanting you this much… it’s new for me too. You do make me feel that way, though. More than I can tell you. Which… erm… explains the moaning.”
Drew laughed softly, before leaning down to brush his lips against mine. “Want to finish our dance?”
I nodded. “I’d love to.”
Not gonna lie, sneaking around with Drew was hard. We’d decided against telling anyone we were together for the time being. What we had was so new. We weren’t only trying to avoid another media storm, we were adjusting to a huge change in our relationship. Involving anyone else, even our closest friends and families, was too big a step. Keeping our relationship under wraps was something we needed to do for a while, to protect it, nurture it before we let anyone else in.
After our first date, all we wanted was to spend more time together. With Drew having to disappear for interviews since Razes Hell’s album reached the Top 20 in the download charts, and me working through some of my unfinished projects, time alone was scarce. An opportunity to be together presented itself a little over a week after our first date. Instead of cancelling their remaining small gigs, the band chose to honour them before taking time out to get their next album recorded, and bigger venues booked. Drew asked if I wanted to go to London with them for their final pub show; a farewell to their old life before the new one began.
It couldn’t have been clearer how glad Jason was to be saying goodbye to the pub scene. Drew, however, would miss the simplicity. I knew there was a big part of him that didn’t want their career to change, and I couldn’t help feeling the same way. I was thrilled about their success, but Drew and I had just got together, and no matter how much freedom my job gave me, I wouldn’t be able to travel with them once they were on the road more often. There are only so many art supplies you can fit in a suitcase.
My phone buzzed across the bedside table in my hotel room, and I sat up. The number was unfamiliar, but I answered anyway.
“Is that Ellie Hayes?”
The professional sounding female voice surprised me. I’d expected one of those annoying recorded messages, telling me I’d won a holiday.
“Yes, this is Ellie.”
“I’m Jayne Black, author of ‘Where Are You, Grey Rabbit?’”
My mouth went dry. Oh, God. She’s calling me. And she sounds happy.
“Uh… I… wow. It’s great to hear from you.”
“I have some news for you. I had a lot of illustrations to choose from, and picking my favourite wasn’t easy but your sketches were the ones I kept coming back to. Ellie, I’d love for you to illustrate the book.”
My shriek probably deafened several dogs, not to mention the woman who was about to employ me, but I couldn’t help myself. I’d waited so long for an opportunity this big; I never expected to be chosen on my first attempt.
“Oh, God. Sorry for screaming in your ear! Thank you. Thank you so much.”
Jayne laughed. “If I can expect this level of enthusiasm in everything you do, I’m sure we’ll get along brilliantly.”
“I guarantee it.” She must have heard the smile in my voice. The Cheshire Cat had nothing on me.
“I’ll email all the details and the contract to you in the morning. If you have any questions, please tell me and I’ll do my best to answer them.”
“Okay. Thanks again, Jayne. This is amazing. You’re amazing!”
She laughed again. “I’ll look forward to hearing from you soon, and thank you, Ellie. Your work is wonderful.”
“Thank you.”
As I hung up the phone, I tried to calculate exactly how many times I’d thanked her, but then the realisation set in. I was about to become an illustrator! I slipped my phone into my pocket, and galloped – Miranda style – around the room.
Drew. I had to tell Drew.
I was so ready to pounce on him that when Jason opened Drew’s door, my body did a weird backwards jolt thing, making me look like I was having a seizure.
“Hey Ellie,” he said, as I struggled to remove the surprise from my face. “We’re heading out in a few minutes, but come in.”
Drew looked up from the notes on his lap and smiled in the special way he reserved for me. It had only been three days since we last saw each other, but my breath hitched in anticipation of having some alone time with him later.
“I have news. The author of the bunny book called. I got the illustrator job!”
I bounced up
and down on the spot, and Jason launched himself at me.
“Congratulations! I know how long you’ve wanted this.”
He did, too. Possibly even more than Drew. He was the one I showed my work to when we were younger, getting his opinions on which of my drawings would look good in a book.
I was such a dorky kid.
And when we grew up, many drunken nights ended with us sharing our plans for the future. It was pretty amazing two of our biggest dreams had come true at the exact same time.
“Thank you.” I hugged him tightly.
“I’m proud of you, Ellie. You did it.”
“We both did it!”
I pulled back a little to smile at my best friend. We’d come a long way since the days when it seemed as though the dreams we had would always be out of reach.
“Can I get a hug with the superstar now?”
Jason let me go and Drew bundled me into his arms. I tried not to give a pathetic sigh of joy as I breathed him in. “You two are the superstars.”
“Not today. Today is all about you. This is amazing, Ells.”
“It’s only a small publication.”
“So? It’s still a book that’ll have your name in, and who knows what that could lead to?”
“Not to break up the hug-fest,” Jason said, “but we need to go.”
Drew glanced down at his watch, one arm still around me. “Yeah, you’re right.”
“I’m gonna go grab the rest of the new song lyrics from my room. I’ll meet you downstairs in ten.” He fixed me with a grin. “Congratulations again, Ellie.”
When Jason left, Drew lifted me up and spun me around in a circle, before pressing me against the door. “God, I’ve missed you.”
His lips met mine in a way that somehow managed to be both sweet and romantic, and hot as hell, not giving me a chance to tell him I’d missed him, too. The awkwardness we’d had on our first date faded more with every kiss – and there had been a lot of kisses.
Drew gently stroked my cheek with his thumb. “I wish I didn’t have to leave you already.”
“Me too. But you’ve got a show to prepare for.”
“You wanna come with us? We won’t get much time alone, but… this is a big day for you, Ells. I hate to think of you sitting in your room instead of celebrating.”
I loved how much he got it. How he knew being stuck in a hotel room when I wanted to jump around screaming with joy was my idea of a nightmare. How he knew exactly how much the job meant to me, even without being the one I’d divulged my childhood dreams to.
“It’s okay.” I brushed my lips against his. “We’ll celebrate later. Your full attention should be on the band today.”
He let out a small groan. “Can’t I pretend to be ill?” His fingers pressed into my hips, drawing me closer.
I could so easily have given in. Not seeing him for a few days, the way he touched me, the way his eyes never left mine – I wanted him to stay.
But I didn’t want our first time to be a quickie up against his hotel room door.
“No.” I laughed, lacing our fingers together. “You have to go. But believe me, if I had a choice, I’d spend the whole day in here with you, instead of trying to hide what we are.”
Drew brought my hand to his lips, but a slight frown crossed his face. “You are okay with keeping this a secret, aren’t you? I mean, we agreed it was best.”
“Yeah. For now. I hate lying to everyone, but this is what’s right for us.”
“Are you worried about Jason?”
A ripple of dread shimmied across my skin. I’d anticipated that Drew wouldn’t let his issues with Jason fade easily into the background. Letting go had never been his strong point.
But I was worried. Both of the guys had witnessed every significant moment in my life, sometimes before my family, so keeping Jason in the dark about me and Drew felt unnatural and wrong.
“Yes, I’m worried. We’ve never kept secrets from him before.”
He nodded, and from the way his face clouded over, I could tell I’d cracked open the door to his insecurities again.
“I know. I…” he paused, shaking his head. “Never mind.”
“Tell me.”
“Forget it.” He stepped away, but I stood in front of him, blocking him. He had that look again. The one that told me he was done talking.
Except, he hadn’t begun.
I’d dealt with that side of him for as long as I’d known him, but things were different now. He wasn’t only shutting out a friend, he was shutting out his girlfriend and as much as I didn’t want to change him, I didn’t want any barriers between us, either.
“Drew.”
“Ells, come on. I have to go.”
Everything about his stance, from the way his shoulders stiffened to the sudden lack of warmth in his eyes told me not to push him. But if he didn’t snap out of it, the entire day would stop being about the band’s farewell to pub gigs, and become about Drew’s change in mood.
I hooked my arms around his neck, making him look at me. “You don’t have to tell me what you’re thinking but… I’m with you, Drew. Completely, one hundred percent with you. So if I am worried about Jason it doesn’t change how I feel about you. I need you to understand.”
His eyes softened a little. “I do understand, Ells. But that nagging voice in my head telling me I’m second best… I can’t just turn it off. I can’t tell you I’m not worried there’ll always be a small part of you that would rather be with him.”
“And that’s okay.” I ran my hands through his hair, curling the ends around my fingers. “Because every day, I’m going to prove you wrong.”
Drew smiled, some of the worry melting away from his face. He kissed me softly. “I’ll work through this, Ellie. I promise.”
“I know you will. But right now, you have a rehearsal to get to.”
With a sigh, he reached over to pick up the pieces of paper he’d been studying when I arrived. “What’s that?”
Drew fanned the pages out in his fingers. “Song lyrics for the new album.”
“Ooh, can I see them?” I reached out to grab them, but Drew was too quick.
“No,” he answered, whipping them out of my grasp and opening the door. “You’ll have to wait a while. We’ve still got a lot of work to do.”
We stepped out into the corridor. “Fine. While you’re working, maybe you could write a song about me.”
His eyes, which a second ago were heavy with worry, flashed with mischief. “What makes you think I haven’t already?”
Drew took advantage of my stunned silence to kiss me. I gently sucked his bottom lip, reinforcing exactly how much I wanted him. How much I wanted to do this with him forever. He let out another groan, forcing us to remember where we were. We both glanced up and down the hallway but, thankfully, there was nobody in sight.
“Yeah, I need to go right now.” Drew straightened up. “I don’t trust myself to stay any longer.”
“Me neither.”
The rest of my afternoon was spent on the phone to my mum, telling her my good news, then trying to work out how to pretend nothing had changed between Drew and me when we were around other people.
As it turned out, I didn’t get enough time with Drew for pretending to be a problem. I was late to the pub and after I fought my way through to the backstage area, there were only a few minutes until they started their set.
“Ellie!” Mack threw his arms around me. “Drew told us you got the illustrator job. Congratulations!”
Joey patted my arm. “Proud of you, Ellie. Let me know when I can buy a copy of the book.”
“Yeah, me too,” Mack added.
A vision of two long-haired rockers intently reading a book about a lost bunny sent me into a fit of giggles. “I’ll definitely let you know.”
“Are you ready to go?” Jason leapt to his feet.
The guys confirmed they were indeed ready, but before they headed for the door, they all paused, exchanging und
erstanding glances.
“This is it,” Jason said. “Our last small gig.”
Mack nodded. “I can’t believe how much things are going to change.”
“Or how much they’ve already changed,” Joey pointed out. “We can’t walk down the street without someone following us.”
“And this is only the beginning. From now on, we’ll be playing huge, sold out venues, and fighting women off with a stick.”
“Speak for yourself!” Mack laughed. “I’ve got a woman, and I don’t plan to swap her!”
“What about you, Drew?” Jason asked. “Are you ready for groupies sneaking into your dressing room?”
“We’ll have security for that kind of thing.” Drew’s eyes narrowed. A strange bubble of tension surrounded them, and then burst as if nothing happened.
What the hell?
“I’d welcome any groupie who wanted to enter my room.” Joey grinned.
Some colourful banter followed, but I blocked it out, wondering what was up with Drew and Jason. I shot Drew a questioning look, but he shook his head, as if to tell me it was nothing. Rubbish. It might only have been for a split second, but I saw it. I just didn’t know what it was.
Razes Hell’s last pub gig was exceptional. They played as if they’d never perform again, and the crowd was right behind them. It took forever for us to get out because so many fans wanted photos, autographs, and the chance to speak with them. It was almost ten when we got back to the hotel, and we wanted to eat before we went out again, so we rushed to the hotel dining room before it closed for the night. Surprisingly, it was still quite busy. Perhaps everyone had the same plan to eat late before hitting the town.
Dinner was the first chance we’d had to relax all evening, but I still couldn’t completely loosen up. I hadn’t forgotten the weirdness from before the show. The tension hung in the air, and I wondered if Mack and Joey were oblivious or ignoring it for the sake of keeping the peace. What made things worse was that I couldn’t figure out what caused the frostiness between the brothers. They weren’t fighting, yet their conversations were strained even though nothing obvious had happened to trigger the hostility.
“Should we all be sitting so close together?” I asked, trying to force myself to eat the spaghetti bolognese in front of me. My throat had closed up and I felt sure I’d puke if I swallowed another mouthful. “I mean, you’re not supposed to be seen together off stage.”
