The atmosphere soon changed from funny to fear when I realised Yas wasn’t kidding and we both started tugging on the bottle of whiskey. Yas won the struggle and took the bottle, running towards the stairs as I ran after her calling her back.
“Yas, stop being a bitch; you’re going to get us all in trouble!” I pleaded, grabbing her dress and pulling her back, but she lashed out with the bottle.
“You’re such a spoil sport!” she yelled as she swung the bottle and hit me across the head. The bottle just clipped the side of my head, but I fell on the step and passed out.
I woke up on the step and Yas and Farouse were gone. I was most probably only out a few seconds but they were nowhere to be seen; they had gone to the other house. I went upstairs to the kitchen rubbing my head checking for blood. I had a little lump but no cuts. “What a bitch!” I thought out loud. “Leaving me alone like that on the stairs, I’d never do that to her!”
They came back a few minutes later; I could hear them on the stairs laughing as they walked up and my heart sank thinking they were drunk. As they walked in the kitchen I was rubbing water on my head, I didn’t even look at them.
“You OK, Moo?” I could hear the concern in Yas’s voice.
“What do you care? You left me passed out on the stairs and you ran off!” She could tell I was pissed off with her by the tone of my voice.
“No I didn’t, I didn’t even look back, I promise I didn’t see you, I just thought you were sulking!” I could hear her desperation and I believed her, but I wasn’t going to let her know she was off the hook just yet.
“So, how much did you drink?” I asked, worried.
They both assured me they didn’t touch the alcohol. Yas had decided she couldn’t be bothered with the hassle, so they did what they were told to do with the bottle and hid it in its new hiding place.
That night Yas snuck into my bed and cuddled up to me. “I’m sorry Moo for being a bitch, I’m just struggling a bit because you’re going away, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want you to go because I do, it just means I’m going to miss you. I shouldn’t be taking this out on you because it’s not your fault, it’s Dad’s. Love you, Moo,” she said, nudging me in the side with her elbow.
“Love you too, Yas,” I said, nudging her back. We cuddled up under a blanket and chatted for a bit before she finally fell asleep.
“I know you didn’t mean to hurt me earlier,” I whispered as I drifted off to sleep.
Chapter Nine
Mana, Never Talk of Dying
We were back in our house with Amina when Mana came back to the village; he was accompanied by his father. We made dinner for everyone and that afternoon a price was agreed between both families and the deal was sealed, I was sold!
That afternoon I was allowed to sit with Mana for what everyone thought was the first time. We laughed and giggled and held hands and he told me that his family were over the moon that he had found someone he wanted to marry. Just like me, he hadn’t told his family that we had been meeting in secret because they wouldn’t have taken it well. They would most probably have thought I wasn’t pure enough to marry their son, but we knew that our meetings were innocent and we had done nothing wrong.
Mana saw the bruises on my face from Uncle Nasser; I could see the sadness in his eyes as he promised me that once I was his wife no one would ever lay a finger on me again. We only had about 20 minutes together before Dad knocked at the door and then came and stood in the doorway to say that Mana had to leave. Mana shook my hand as he was leaving trying to pretend to be the stranger that was meeting me for the very first time, and as Dad stood at the door he whispered for me not to worry, he would be back soon and we would be together forever.
The next day Mana went back to his village with his father to prepare for the wedding and our preparations began. The wedding was happening in a week so I was to stay inside and do only minor housework. Yas and I spent every moment we could together and Dad agreed she could come to Mana’s family home with me on my wedding day and stay until the celebrations ended. Our grandparents were fuming with Dad for agreeing with this but he insisted she was allowed to come and that was that.
On the day of the henna Al Mouzayna was brought in to do the henna and negsha to my hands and feet, but I’d asked Dad to send her home after she was done because I didn’t want her with me when I travelled to Mana’s house. I had Yas and she was all I needed. Dad was happy that I was happy with the wedding, and he was doing everything he could to make sure this wedding stayed a happy one, so he agreed.
A few days before the wedding Mana sent three suitcases full of things I would need to start my new life with him, including my wedding dress. He had told me he would choose everything himself and would buy me modern day clothes, not clothes that I would have seen other Yemeni girls wear in our village. He had tried the best he could to buy clothes resembling English dresses and trousers. Ready-made dresses and trousers that, although we would never wear them in England because they were not for young girls, over here people thought were beautiful.
Yas and I laughed and joked at the clothes, but gave him credit for trying to please me so much! It was then I remembered I still had an outfit I’d hidden away which I’d brought from England. We had all been made to hand over our clothes but we had hidden little things we loved so much, I’d hidden a pair of jeans and a little crop top. I didn’t even know why I’d hidden these clothes, I never expected to wear them again, but now I wanted to take them with me to Mana’s house. They were hidden in our grandparent’s house so Farouse went and got them for me and I folded them at the bottom of my suitcase underneath my new clothes.
Nebat came the day before the wedding, it was the first time we had seen her since Issy’s death and she looked thin and tired. She told us she hadn’t been well; we hadn’t really thought about how much Issy’s death must have affected her. Although she hadn’t grown up with us she was still our blood sister and she loved Issy. It must have been difficult for her, just when she found her sisters to have one of them tragically taken away from her. We also found out that all of her gold, worth thousands, that she had given Issy to wear on her wedding day, and which had taken her a lifetime to collect, was stolen from Issy’s body in the hospital whilst she lay dead!
Nebat insisted she didn’t care about the gold and we believed her, however, that gold had been what she was going to sell to build her own home, now it was gone, along with her sister. Nebat would need to start all over again and this was not something she thought she was able to do; this laid heavily on her heart. We would most probably never have heard about this from Nebat because she wasn’t the type of person to think materialistically. It was Gran who told us as soon as she found out the gold had been stolen and that wasn’t long after Issy died. Gran didn’t hesitate in telling us that Issy’s ‘selfish actions’ cost Nebat a fortune.
My wedding day arrived and I was a bag of nerves! Yas did her best to be happy for me and I knew that in her heart she was. She was happy that I was escaping this life of abuse by our family and going somewhere where, hopefully, someone would treat me better. I was also happy in that same way. I knew Mana was kind because I could feel it when I was close to him and the look in his eyes told me he would treat me right.
Yas and I could feel each other’s hearts breaking. It was only a matter of days before we would be saying goodbye and we wouldn’t know when we would be seeing each other again. Although Mana promised me he would never stop me from seeing my sister, Yas could be sold to a family who forbade her from seeing me, we might never know what family she would be married into, or where? We could be kept apart, forever!
The emotions that went through my mind as I put on my wedding dress were confusing. My mind wandered back to Issy’s wedding day and how she must have felt when they made her put on her dress. I knew I was going to be spending my life with a man I was crazy about and I was as happy as I could be given the situation I was in. However at the same time I was hurtin
g; I felt lost and trapped and if I could have found another way out I would have taken it!
The women gasped as I walked into the room in my wedding dress. It was pure white, huge and heavy. The tiara and white long veil Mana had bought me was up to date with the latest fashion, so the women had lots to gossip about. I didn’t have fancy gold but I didn’t care; although I could see and hear a few comments about the lack of gold I was wearing I took no notice. The afternoon went well and as my last night with Farouse came to an end, I couldn’t help but wonder what her fate would be, or if I would ever see her again.
The next morning my convoy left the village in a blaze of gun shots and fireworks. Yas and I were sat side by side in the jeep wearing our sharsharfs; as the bride I had to have my face covered with my black veil, whereas Yas didn’t.
We went far into the mountains and past many villages and eventually came to Mana’s town, Al Naderah. As we drove up to the town we were joined by the groom’s convoy that were waiting for us. They greeted us with gun shots and fireworks as they escorted us to Mana’s family home. As soon as we arrived, dozens of women filled the street to welcome us and the whole street filled with the sound of the women’s whistles as they escorted me into the house with Yas by my side.
Once inside the door a lady came up to me, a huge smile on her face as she gently took a sneaky peak under my veil so that only she could see.
“Marsh Allah! Marsh Allah!” she said as she put the veil down and kissed my head over my sharsharf.
It was Mana’s mother, called Saada, and she was pleased with her son’s choice for his wife. Mana’s mother guided me into what was to be my bedroom. My heart started to beat when she opened the door and I saw the throne already set up! She was acting as though it wasn’t even in the room, chatting away to us, but Yas and I looked at it and each other, and although we didn’t say anything straight away we both knew what the other one was thinking! It was the speculation of what was about to happen to me.
Mana’s mum left once she finished asking me if I needed anything and said she would be back in a bit, as soon as she left I turned to Yas. We had both sat on a bed that was next to the throne.
“Looks bloody scary, it’s giving me the creeps just looking at it!” I said as a shudder went down my spine. Yas came closer and hugged me.
“You sure you’re OK?”
“Yeah, honest I’m fine, it will all be over in a few hours!” I tried to reassure her, but I was nervous and she could tell.
It wasn’t just that I was about to lose my virginity, but the way I was going to lose it and the consequences if things went wrong that terrified me! There was a constant nagging in the back of my mind. “What if I don’t bleed?”
Mana’s mother came back into the room; we had arrived just before dinner and she had come to tell us what the plan of the day would be. She was a nice lady, around five foot four and a little plump, but she had a nice smile and kept saying how beautiful I was and how happy she was to have me there. She told us we would have dinner brought in to the bedroom for both of us and then after dinner I would spend time with Mana before the women arrived for the gathering.
Yas had hold of my hand when she entered the room and as she carried on with the conversation, she kept squeezing it at points. By conversation I mean it was totally one sided with Mana’s mother stood in front of us chatting away and us sat on the bed with a look of pure horror on both our faces while she spoke.
When she came to the bit where I would need to gently fold the white blood stained cloth and knock on the door to hand it over to her, because she would be stood outside, Yas squeezed my hand so hard I nearly passed out! Mana’s mother kissed my forehead one more time and left us alone.
“Oh my God! She’s going to be stood outside standing guard!” Yas whispered. “There’s no bloody escaping now!”
I looked at Yas searching her face, I couldn’t tell whether she was joking or not. “Why would I want to escape?” I asked. “And go back to what?”
She nudged me. “Yeah I know, Moo, but what if things go wrong? You can never find a gun when you need one!” she joked.
“Ha, ha, don’t even joke about it Yas, and promise me no more stupid stuff when you go back to Dad’s house!” Yas looked at me but then looked away. “No Yas, I mean it, promise me!” I nagged, giving her a stern look.
“I can’t Moo, I’m sorry but I can’t swear to you if I can’t be sure. If they piss me off then I’ll snap, you’ve done it too so you know what it’s like, but I promise to try my best!”
I couldn’t really push her for any more than that. I was leaving her all alone with those people and only the two of us knew what the other one was feeling. It would be easier for me from now on because I would have Mana to keep me safe; she would have nobody.
We were brought our dinner by a few family members; only the closest relatives are allowed to see the bride before her revealing and they were Mana’s female cousins. They commented on my beauty each time they entered and left the room but I couldn’t tell if this was something that was said to every bride or if they truly meant it.
After dinner the same females came back and helped me redo my hair and makeup, it looked stupid! Layered on thick and way too much, but that’s how it was done so that’s how I let them do it. I had a dress picked out for me by Mana’s mother to wear because my wedding dress was being kept for the afternoon, after I had spent time with Mana; he would see me in it tonight after everyone had gone home.
We could hear all the commotion outside, guns going off, the drums beating and people singing. It had started far away in the distance but now it was getting closer. Mana and the men had eaten dinner down the street because this house was too full of women that had come to the wedding. He was now being escorted over on foot by hundreds of men all singing and dancing in the street, and he was nearly here!
I could feel my heart beating faster as the music got closer and I realised it wasn’t just nerves, now I was becoming terrified and I was struggling to hold back my tears. I knew Mana wouldn’t hurt me but the fear of what was about to happen and not knowing what could become of me over the next 24 hours brought a pain deep down into the pit of my stomach! I knew I couldn’t fall apart because if I did then Yas would, and all hell would break loose! I pulled myself together and smiled, knowing Mana would protect me.
Mana’s mother told everyone they needed to leave because her son was coming to the room so everyone rushed out, all except Yas who hung on to me like glue. “Go on, go, I’m OK, stop being silly,” I told her, pushing her away, untangling her arms from behind my neck. She left with me telling her to go and her telling me how much she loved me; eventually the door was shut and I was all alone.
For those few minutes before Mana entered the room I quickly glanced around, biting my fingernails. I had never felt so alone or lost. I hadn’t taken much notice of what furniture was or wasn’t in the room, but now I was looking for a chair or something other than the bed to sit on. There wasn’t one. The bed was made up of a few mattresses on top of each other and there was a big trunk suitcase for his clothes, also my new suitcases. There were pictures on the walls, lots of pictures, but no chair. I looked at the throne; there was no way I was going to sit on that!
I nearly jumped out of my skin when there was a knock on the door! Mana opened the door and quickly closed it behind him. “You scared me!” I whispered as he came in and sat next to me.
“Weren’t you expecting me?” he whispered back sitting beside me. “Anyway why are we whispering? We are married now; we no longer have to whisper or hide.” He leant over and kissed me on the cheek but I pulled away. “What’s wrong?” he asked, worried.
“Your mum’s outside the door listening to us!” I whispered.
Mana laughed at me so I told him what his mother had told us. I felt at ease with him and wasn’t shy about bringing up the subject of me losing my virginity and the fact that we had to show everyone the white blood-stained cloth. Mana lis
tened patiently and after I’d finished babbling on he took my hand.
“I won’t hurt you; I promise you I will do nothing without your permission.” He then got up off the bed and went over to the throne; he tugged at the sheets and ripped the white cloth off it.
The cloth had been tucked nice and tightly into big pillows, but now all those pillows had fallen down in a heap, it was no more a throne! “What are you doing?” I gasped. I couldn’t believe my eyes; he had just destroyed the throne! He then took the sheet and laid it on the bed spreading it out, and as he patted the sheet down I couldn’t help admiring how handsome he looked in his wedding outfit. He had a long brand new white zenna on and his hair had been freshly cut.
“There, if we do anything today we will do it here and we will take our time. You are my wife now and I’m the only one that has a say in what you do, with your permission of course my love! Therefore, if we choose we can stay in this room all day and all night!”
Mana playfully grabbed me and pushed me down on the bed and we started play fighting. I was trying my hardest not to laugh out loud, worried what his mum would be thinking stood outside. I was sure this wasn’t the sound she was expecting to hear! After about an hour of playing, cuddling and kissing we got serious and started to talk again about what needed to be done.
I told him I wanted to get it over and done with; it wasn’t something I wanted to worry about every morning when I woke up. My only fear was not bleeding; I told him that although I was a virgin I couldn’t help but feel scared that things would go wrong for me. Mana held me close to him and kissed my head, and then he told me that I was the best thing that ever happened to him in his life. He told me that from the first moment he set eyes on me his heart was taken and he knew we would be together. He said that he would never let anything come between us and if I didn’t bleed he would cut himself with his own knife and stain the cloth, as long as it meant that we would be together forever. I believed he meant ever word of what he said.
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