by Diane Munier
She hadn't been up long, her eyes were still swollen, and he knew she was tired, deeply so, but he was looking to make sure Seth wasn't on the couch and he pushed her back and closed the door behind him.
"Are you alright?" she said, her hands attaching to his arms.
"Yes. For the first…." He gripped her waist.
"Did you sleep?" She looked over him, his rumpled clothes.
"I did some. In my car…I know…."
"You look…."
"Listen, Cori…it's clear to me…like…everything is…lit."
She laughed a little.
He had her in his arms, wrapped tight and she reciprocated and he held her that way and when Seth didn't show he lifted her face and kissed her lips soft, then more urgently, and she seemed as needy to do this as he was.
He broke apart and breathing, his hand on her face, holding her chin…"Cori," he said, "I'm in love with you."
She swallowed and a little smile at the corner of her mouth.
"Is that okay?" he said, a laugh…like a giggle and if he had the time he'd feel ashamed of such a sound, but he didn't really care…at all.
She laughed too. "You're asking permission? I never asked yours."
He touched her cheek, her bottom lip. She said it tickled and they laughed again.
"I'm glad you didn't. I might still be alone."
"You couldn't get rid of me that easily. I was never afraid of what I felt," she said.
He nodded. He had been…afraid of what she felt…afraid of his feelings for her.
"Let's bring Seth back to the beach with us."
"Are you crazy? He has school, Jordan."
That's when Seth showed up, on the top stair. "Yeah…the beach!"
It was well past lunchtime when they were finally on the road. It hadn't been easy to reach consensus and actually do this. Cori was fleshed out here at home where she was a mother. Of course Jordan had only known her as an apparition from the sea while at the beach. The embodiment of his physical and emotional needs.
But here in Danville she was dimensional. And so practical. He was fascinated by this side too, her relationship with Seth, protective, indulgent, but not as indulgent as he would have thought with them being on their own and with Seth coming so close to death. She was on the phone with his doctor, then with his school.
"You're trouble," Jordan told Seth.
"I can be," Seth said back with a raised brow.
He had 'confident' down. He wanted the beach, but appeared to be handing out a warning with it.
Jordan told him there were a lot of rest stops on the trip and he wasn't above forgetting to wait for Seth should he prove to be annoying.
Seth seemed surprised for a minute, but Jordan saw him smile before he turned away and asked his mother where his water shoes were.
Jordan tried to help speed it along, but he more got in the way than anything. He put the perishables in the cooler, as instructed. He put the last load of clothes in the dryer and folded the load already in there. He even made Seth's bed. He ended going in to Danville to get his oil changed and filled the car with gas.
But eventually they did get on the road, and all that morning, and now as they traveled, Jordan's thoughts about Cori ran unimpeded.
She had watched over their interactions, his and Seth's the night before, but she had stayed away, just far enough. She couldn't know how much that meant to him.
She was insightful and generous. She was wise. She had quality, as far as he was concerned, an admirable willingness to trust, to not interfere to make herself feel better.
What he realized…she came for him…knew he needed to meet Seth. Yet her way was so open…so vulnerable and unswerving. She took all the risk. When she loved, she held nothing back, nothing. Genuine love. He kept looking at her, was she this brilliant, orchestrating everything? She had no idea what he felt…how it ran…so deep, worked on him, on any and every obstruction, blasting them to bits now, anything, everything, there was no reason, not one reason to resist.
And all of this hit him while she told him a funny story. Seth was talking, too. Cori was turned to look over the seat. "Yes," they were saying, egging each other on, the story so rehearsed, letting Jordan in on it now, knowing how to tell it, who said what parts better.
Jordan heard them from far away. She'd turned her body some, opened herself so she was the connecting point for himself and her son, so they made a type of circle now…a beginning….
There were songs and bad fast food that tasted so good going down, and serious answers to careful questions, and silly jokes, and 'pea-punch yellow' until Cori didn't want to play anymore, and falling asleep, first the mother, then the son and Jordan kept driving, and looking, at her, all the time, but in the rearview, at him, at the boy, the son.
It was the most amazing discovery, this feeling…the paths in him jerking straight.
His little finger was against her leg, and the warmth, just there, like Michelangelo's Sistine, God sending life into Adam through a near touch, Adam receiving…the spark. Jordan was romanticizing, of course, but even this small contact felt alive, felt fantastic.
For a split second the awful thought…he was falling…a leap, a drop. No, no fear now. He was in love with Cori. Seth was already his. Yes, he knew that. It had chosen him…fatherhood. He was just responding. They…were his charges. His causes. He could be so hurt now…more hurt than ever before cause if this kept up…it would be one of those loves…it already was, dammit, one of those poems…songs…one of those sonnets…he was there.
Now he could get ground-down to nothing. He loved. And he always knew that when it happened…if…he would be ridiculous with his devotion…he always knew this about himself…look how he'd followed God…that surrender…in him still though he didn't want to worry over it now…but still…he didn't know halfway, he didn't know what it meant to be a percentage less than one hundred and fifty out of one hundred. When he loved…it was complete immersion. And so he'd held off…and dreaded the day…and now, yes, he was drunk with it, drunk with love.
Cori had driven the final miles to the beach-house as Jordan had not been able to keep his eyes open once they crossed the final state line. She had slept so he was free to pass out in the backseat. Seth was plugged into his earphones and his phone, his face slightly lit by the screen, the Holy Spirit of technology his generation warmed themselves by. Jordan wrapped one arm around himself and leaned his head on his crumpled jacket and closed his eyes. He reached his other hand between the driver's seat and the door and her hip, his thumb sandwiched beneath, and her hand worming to touch the back of his, oh God, this. It was as soothing as a touch might be. Lover to lover. God all the pining for one another this world knew and had known and would know, it kept the place spinning, it did, he thought as he drifted off.
So it was dark when he roused to life. Seth was already out so the car was lit. Jordan smiled at Cori and they unloaded then and he had the keys to the house and Seth had gone to the dark water and Cori called after, he was supposed to be helping, but he'd dumped his stuff on the porch at least. As soon as Jordan was in the house and smelled the air there, he wanted Cori in the worst way, had just awoken that way, as if, once all of his restraint had fallen asleep, the lust took over.
It would be difficult to keep his hands off her. They'd have to be clear with Seth that they loved each other. Well, after a couple of days maybe, they could talk to him about it, so they could show affection at least. But the kid had to know. He'd seen them in one another's arms that morning so Cori had probably already talked to him about them, that it was serious. Yeah it was a fast moving train, but it was real and it was here…the circle…the family thing.
In the morning Jordan was roused from sleep by a banging. He sat up, and the room swam a little. His head felt clogged and he'd been deep in his dream, what was it, he'd been talking to James Carson, he was at a fair of sorts and Carson was working a booth and he'd gone up to it and Carson was selling cupca
kes and all he had left was…it didn't matter now.
"Stop that pounding," he called out cause someone was hitting something and they shouldn't.
As soon as his head cleared enough he got up and instead of going to the window to look at the ocean, he went in the hall, the smell of coffee there and he followed it down the stairs. The pounding came from on the porch outside, and Jordan didn't see Cori in the kitchen, and the coffee, he remembered Cori had set the pot before they'd all turned in.
Someone was on the porch. He opened the door and it was Paul striking a plastic bucket with a piece of driftwood. Alisha stood at the bottom of the stairs holding a beach bag and a suitcase. Paul had more bags heaped in one of the chairs. His shirt was unbuttoned, his undershirt on display, even though it was downright brisk.
Well, Paul knew how obnoxious it was to wake people this way, but they both broke out laughing as Paul tossed the wood over the rail and Alisha said, "Finally!"
Jordan guessed they'd tried the more traditional methods of entering.
"Where's your key?" Jordan asked.
"In your pocket, bro," Paul said digging into the pile of belongings.
Jordan gathered what was left and they went in.
"You look good," Alisha said. "Are we…good?"
Well last they'd spoken….
"Yeah. Sorry about my latest explosion."
She laughed and hit his arm, then she did a sweep of the house and said, "I'm home."
This place…once a year growing up…then a gap of time after their mom died…then sporadic. But Alisha had come here frequently the last couple of years.
Jordan only recently.
"So…," Jordan said helping himself to coffee while Alisha suddenly grabbed him in a hug from behind.
"How have you been? Ignoring my texts and calls, but other than that…," she went on.
Paul brought several bags of groceries to the counter.
Apparently they were staying.
"I've been good," Jordan sighed. Paul officially shook Jordan's hand on his way to the fridge.
"Hear that babe, he's been good," Alisha said proudly.
"Yeah…he's grownin' up," Paul said, backside showing beyond the fridge door as he bent to unload oranges into the bin.
"I take it you're moving in?" Jordan said over the cup.
Alisha went for one of the cups stacked in a rack on the counter. She reached behind Jordan for the pot and poured some of Cori's brew.
"Just visiting…which you would know…." Alisha let it die. That must have been what some of the texting was about.
Paul was in line for coffee now.
Jordan remembered Cori then, how they'd schemed together. He could be mad at Alisha now…if things had gone badly. He should be anyway.
Alisha seemed to know what he was thinking. She'd always been weird that way, not just with him, but especially with him.
Her eyes were sheepish, watching him as she sipped. "This is good," she said. "You didn't make it."
"No," he said, stern.
"Uht-oh," Paul sang, having filled his cup.
How many times over the years had he heard Paul say that, just like that, over something Alisha had done.
"Yeah, the uht-oh queen," Jordan said.
Alisha lowered her mug and smiled.
"That's why you're here," Jordan said. "You couldn't stand it…not knowing."
She was going to deny it, but she ended up laughing.
"Actually…we had planned to come next week…after…."
After Cori would have gone home.
"But then…," Alisha's eyes landed on Paul and she widened her smile.
"You might need to sit down," Paul said.
"Why?" Jordan.
"So I don't spill your coffee all over you when I tell you you're going to be an uncle!" Alisha pretty much shouted.
Jordan quickly set his coffee down and prepared for her leap. She was also coffee free and already in the air. He caught her easily as she'd stopped growing at twelve.
He held her then.
"That's great," he got out. "When?"
"May 4th."
Jordan let go of her long enough to shake Paul's hand. They were all laughing.
"Good job, man," Jordan said.
Paul nodded. "Best job I ever had."
Alisha lifted her head, and Paul helped her get her feet back on the floor. That's when they saw Cori standing there, in sleep pants and a tank with a light robe over.
Her hair was long and her hands clasped in front.
"Cori!" Alisha said loudly. Then she snapped out of her shock and crossed the floor quickly once again. She grabbed Cori in a hug and that one looked surprised, but couldn't help grinning and laughing too as her hands awkwardly patted Alisha.
"Oh Cori it's so good to meet you," Alisha said stepping back and holding Cori's hands.
"You too," Cori said softly.
Paul followed the tail of Alisha's comet like always and graciously shook Cori's hand. They exchanged pleasantries and Alisha asked if she'd heard their good news and Cori apologized for overhearing, and they both insisted they were glad she heard and Cori gave hearty congratulations, looking over Alisha's shoulder this time to smile at Jordan.
Seth was up now, coming slowly down the stairs. Cori said, "This is Seth."
Alisha went right to him, on the stairs, and shook his hand. Seth smiled, like he was trying to believe this woman accosting him so early in the morning, well it was ten, but they'd all been sleeping late.
Paul waved from the bottom of the stairs, always a softer breeze than Alisha's tempest, except in matters of protecting Alisha, or business, or games, he was a competitive asshole in games sometimes. He was also aggressive in traffic.
Paul and Cori were cooking breakfast, and Alisha was busy unpacking, putting herself and Paul into the downstairs bedroom. She had already been upstairs, flitting about in search of fresh sheets, but Jordan knew she was checking out the sleeping arrangements. He knew her so well, knew it was her first thought when she saw the lovely Cori materialize. Then Seth had thrown her, and she had to know how it was, if Jordan and Cori had the audacity to shack right up with Seth around, or if they were apart. Alisha wouldn't have counted on Seth. He was not in the original plan, but it was unlikely she would know about their run home. Or maybe she did. Maybe Cori was in constant communication with her. How did he know?
He didn't.
Seth was quickly dressed and out to look at the water. He'd asked Cori's permission and Cori told him not to go far. Jordan dressed for a run, and followed Seth out, but not before catching Cori's eye and shooting her a kiss because no one was looking.
He hoped that would give her something to think about, and he was smiling when he caught up to Seth. "Can you jog?"
He didn't know, with the chest injury, the leg injury.
"I'm not much of a runner," Seth said, but he started to jog a little. He was slow, and he gave up quick so they walked. They were headed toward the cabins where Cori stayed, where he knew she still had some stuff which she planned to clean out today. She had the place for three weeks and there were three days left.
So Seth was pretty surprised when Jordan smacked his arm with the back of his hand and said, "Hey that's where your mom was staying. Let's see if we can get her stuff."
But it was locked and Jordan figured Cori had the key, so they looked in the windows. All Jordan could think about was the sex they'd had in that little kitchen.
Man, they hadn't held back. It had been unbelievable. He nearly groaned out loud thinking about her.
But he was with Seth, and he needed to get a grip and he laughed a little.
"So what…Alisha knows Mom…and she stayed here…and you said you guys just met…." Seth said.
"Yeah. Does it matter?" Jordan said taking a big step off the porch.
"I wanted to come with her," he said.
"Yeah, she said that," Jordan said.
"So…you're like…you and my mom…."
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"You asked her this, right?" Jordan said.
"Yeah."
Jordan nodded like that explained it.
"It's like I said, I really like her…a lot. That okay?"
Seth shrugged but he was quiet. Thoughtful.
They were back along the water. Breakfast was probably ready and Jordan was starving.
"She tell you about my ex-step-father?"
"Yeah. She said…he travels."
"Yeah. He was…well at first I was happy for her. He seemed…good. But then…I don't even see him anymore."
"Yeah. That's tough. His loss though…right?"
Seth shrugged again.
"I'm…I'm not him," Jordan said. "Just so you know."
Seth didn't say anything. It remained to be seen and they both knew it.
They got caught up looking out at the water again. "You ever…like the happiest things make you sad?" Seth said.
Jordan thought this over. He didn't want to make this about the incident if it wasn't. He didn't want to be known by Seth as the one you couldn't talk to because he'd always make everything about 'it.'
"You mean like…feeling depressed or something?"
Seth had his hands on his hips. "No…more like…I don't know. It's stupid."
"Tell me."
"More like…if you're already sad…you're just more sad…but if you feel happy…you go to the same place. Sad."
"Are you talking about the guys again? About the thing?"
"The shootings. Yes," Seth said impatiently.
"Like a survivor's guilt thing?" Jordan said.
"Mom said that's probably it, but I don't know. I'm not sorry I'm here. I'm not guilty. But I'm sad for them. And when I'm happy about something…I can't help but think…like the ocean. They'll never see it. I'm not sure they had. Lots of kids at school haven't. Not everyone has the money to take trips."
Jordan had his hands shoved deep in his pockets. His shoulders were hunched because he'd dressed to run and not stand still. "It just sucks," Jordan said. "Truth is…it just sucks."
Seth looked at him and smiled. "Yeah."
"I think the ocean is one of those places…it's so forceful and enormous…it's life. Hey…it's got its sad stories too, right?"
