by Wendy Smith
When he rolls to my side, I snuggle into his arms.
“What do you think about having children?”
I swallow. “I love kids. They’re why I became a teacher.”
“Drew and Hayley want a rugby union team’s worth.”
I laugh. “Fifteen?”
“I want a lot, but maybe not that much. I’ll settle for a baker’s dozen. About the same as a rugby league team.”
My heart hurts. “Thirteen. You want that many children?”
“Not really, but it would be nice to have one or two. I’ve been thinking a lot since Ava moved in, and it upsets me that she’s alone. I mean, can you imagine how much she’d love a brother or sister?”
I know more than ever that he’s changed now. The Owen Becky knew would never have spoken about having children. I’m not taking credit for it. He’s been through a lot these past couple of months, but this is just another example of the Owen I love.
What hurts is that I don’t know if I can be the one to give him what he wants.
22
Owen
Over the next month we fall into a routine.
Ginny still stays with us over the weekends. She and Ava grow closer, and I love seeing the two of them together. It just cements her place in our little family.
I just want her to stay.
“Mum wants us to come over for dinner on Saturday,” Ginny says. It’s been two months since I met her brother, and I’m more than ready to meet the rest of the family. We’ve tried to organise something a few times, but as it turns out, it’s not so easy to get all the Robinsons in one place at one time.
“Sounds good. Does she need us to bring anything? I can bake a dessert.”
She grins. “Sounds wonderful.”
“Do they not eat gluten either? I’ll make it gluten free, but I’m just curious.”
She shakes her head. “No, they’re all fine.”
“What is it that makes you avoid it?” I flick a lock of her hair behind her ear. We’re vegged out in front of the television while Ava plays in her room.
Ginny takes a deep breath. “Well—”
“Owen, Ginny, look at this.” Ava comes running in with her colouring book. I’ve discovered she loves drawing and colouring, and bought her all kinds of pens and paper.
“What is it?”
She beams, holding her book up. “It’s a family. I coloured this in. There’s Ginny, you, and me.” Ava frowns. “There’s a dog too. I think that must be Lucky.”
I grab her around the waist, and she squeals as I pull her onto my lap. “That’s a very nice picture. You’re pretty good at staying in the lines.”
When I look over at Ginny, she has tears in her eyes. “That’s us?” Her voice cracks.
“Yep.” Ava leans into me, and I kiss her temple.
“Oh, honey, it’s beautiful.”
Ava leaps off me and runs back toward her room. “Where are you going?” I call.
“More pictures.”
I shift my gaze to Ginny, and pull her into my arms. “You okay?”
“She thinks of us all as a family.”
“Because we are.”
The conflict’s all over her face. “I can’t step in as her mother.”
“I think it’s too late for that. And I don’t think that either of us are stepping in as her parents. Cara and Ryan will always be her parents. But she loves both of us.”
Ginny swallows hard as she looks at me, and the tears roll down her cheeks.
“Come here.” I hug her, and she leans her head to rest on my shoulder.
Whether she wants it or not, she’s it, as far as Ava’s concerned.
And I think she makes an amazing mother.
On Saturday, we make the drive to Carlstown to have dinner with Ginny’s family.
Kyle stands in the doorway, smiling as we pull into the backyard. I present him with a plastic bag. “For you and Jordan.”
His jaw drops. “No. You didn’t.” He opens the bag. “Holy shit, you did.”
“Hope that’s enough.”
“I told him not to give you any,” Ginny says. “It’s setting a dangerous precedent.”
“What’s a dangerous precedent?” Another tall, well-built guy comes up behind Kyle.
“Owen, this is Jordan. Jordan, this is Owen.”
“Hey, dude,” Jordan says.
“Check this out. Owen brought us a bag of pies. You know those amazing ones we get in Copper Creek?”
His grin widens. “Awesome. They’re worth the drive.”
“Thanks.” I laugh.
“Come in. Mum and Dad are gonna love meeting you.”
I take a step into the kitchen. The air’s full of the aroma of roasting lamb, and my mouth waters at the scent.
“This must be Owen.” A woman I can only assume is Ginny’s mother comes walking toward me. She’s a lot like Ginny, only older.
“It is.” I grin.
“I’m Adele.” She points to a man sitting at the table. “And this is Lloyd, Ginny’s Dad.”
“It’s so good to meet both of you. I made a cheesecake for dessert,” I say, and she takes the container from me.
“Thank you.” She beams.
“Dad, Owen brought some of those pies Jordan and I told you about,” Kyle says.
Lloyd grins. “Sounds great.” He gets up and walks toward me, extending his hand. He claps me on the back as we shake hands. “It’s great to finally meet you. Ginny’s told us all about you, and your little girl.”
“Here she is,” Ginny says.
Adele’s mother claps her hands to her cheeks. “Oh, Ginny, she’s just as beautiful as you told me she was.”
“Ava, this is my mum and dad.” Ginny takes another step forward.
I’ve been here two minutes, and already I feel comfortable.
I think Ava and I are going to like this place just fine.
Dinner is amazing.
It reminds me a lot of the family dinners we used to have before Adam went away and Mum got sick. The Robinsons are obviously a close family when they actually get together, and Ava doesn’t know who to look at, they’re all so busy fussing over her.
“I’m glad you’ve found a good boyfriend after the awful one you had last time.”
“Mum,” Ginny says.
“Piece of shit,” Jordan mutters.
I turn to Ginny.
“Not in front of Ava.” She grits her teeth.
“Shit, sorry,” Kyle says, and Ginny rolls her eyes.
“Ava, don’t listen to either of them. They’re so bad at saying naughty words,” Ginny says.
Ava snuggles in against me.
“Owen, you need to marry my sister. These pies are the best ever.” Kyle’s already eaten his dinner, and is now getting stuck into the pies. He takes another bite, and I chuckle.
“I’ll never understand how you can interrogate him like you’re so suspicious of his intentions, and the next you’re wanting to marry me off for a meat pie.” Ginny laughs.
“Nah, he’s a good dude. Ava’s pretty cool too.” Kyle winks at Ava. “We just like giving him a hard time because he’s with you.”
“Never could have guessed.” I grin.
Ava tugs on my arm, and I lean over so she can whisper in my ear. “Are there any gingerbread men?” She tries to whisper, but it comes out so loud everyone can hear it.
I shake my head. “Not here. Maybe when we get home. There’s a cheesecake for dessert though, so you can have a piece of that.”
She frowns. “But I want a gingerbread man.”
“I’m sorry, Ava, but I don’t have any.”
She lets go of an almighty wail, and tears roll down her cheeks. In the past month, she’s been so good. This is the first time she’s played up, and of course, it has to be while I’m trying to impress Ginny’s family.
“Ava, come on.”
“I want to go home.” She sniffs, and I pull her onto my lap.
“What’s goin
g on?” I stroke her hair.
“She’s tired,” Ginny says. “Do you want to go for a nap, Ava?”
Ava rubs her eyes, and snuggles into my chest.
“Do you know what? You can sleep in my old room if you want. I’ll sit with you until you go to sleep, and then we can wake you up when it’s time to go home.” Ginny gets up and walks around the table, squatting beside me. “Come on, munchkin. Today’s been a big, exciting day for you.”
Ava takes Ginny’s hand, and I watch helplessly as they leave the room.
“She’s so good with kids,” Jordan says.
“She’s been amazing with Ava. I don’t know what I would have done without her these past few weeks.” I look at Adele. “I only discovered Ava was my daughter a few months ago when she came to live with me. It’s a big thing to adjust to, but Ginny’s been fantastic.”
Adele’s eyes mist over. “Ginny always wanted children. She was so disappointed to find out there wasn’t much chance she’d ever have them. It does my heart good to see her with your daughter.”
I blink in rapid succession, trying to take in what she’s just told me. But there’s no way I can hide from her that what she’s just said has come as a surprise to me.
“Good one, Mum,” Jordan grumbles.
“Oh, Owen, I’m sorry. I just assumed Ginny had told you. I’ve got such a big mouth sometimes.”
I lick my lips. “It’s okay. I’m sure she’ll tell me when she’s ready.”
Ginny appears in the doorway, a big smile on her face. “She was out like a light. Remember when we came here shopping, and she fell asleep in the car on the way home? I think the travel just wears her out.”
“It would explain why she was so cranky. She’s never got upset like that before.”
Ginny shakes her head, making her way back to the table. “No, it’s not like her, but I guess we’re still learning about each other.”
I meet her gaze. “We sure are.”
We feel like our own little family back home.
Ava’s back to her usual self after a nap, and she’s awake the whole car ride home, but a story from Ginny and she falls asleep.
I watch from the doorway. My whole world is in this room, and it’s not tainted by my discovery. It disappoints me Ginny hasn’t confided in me yet, but I guess she will in time.
All I know is that no matter what, it’s her I want.
I know the thought of her and Ava getting too attached to one another scares her, but it’s a magical thing to watch. And deep down I love that I can give Ginny what she wants, even if she can’t have children with me.
In the absence of Ava’s biological mother, she’s got the next best thing. And Ginny couldn’t love Ava any more than she does.
Sometimes at night, I lie awake and think of Cara. It’s too late to tell her how hurt and angry I am at her for not telling me I had a daughter, for this to have been sprung on me without any prior knowledge. It’s turned my life upside down, but in such a short space of time I’ve been left not wanting things to be any other way.
It also hurts that Cara will never see her little girl grow up.
Somehow, I have to guide Ava through that, work out how to help her become a young woman without screwing things up.
I just hope that Ginny’s by my side the whole way.
23
Owen
Today’s the day of Adam and Lily’s little ceremony, the one they’ve been planning since Rose was born.
It’s a Māori tradition to bury the placenta and umbilical cord of your baby. It symbolises the relationship between the child and the place of their birth, but for Adam and Lily, it’s also about finding each other again and forming their family. Adam bought this house with the garage when he came home, and it’s their first family home. One they plan on being in for a long time.
Doing this seems so appropriate for their situation.
Knowing what they’ve been through has helped give me confidence that I can do the family thing too. And so far, so good.
Ginny’s in the car with me on the way to Adam and Lily’s, with Ava in the back seat. A little voice sings the Dora the Explorer theme at the top of her lungs. It was the last thing Ava saw before we got in the car.
Ava’s been with me for four months, and in that time, her self-confidence has grown. She rarely speaks about her parents, but sometimes she slips them into the conversation. Usually when I’m saying no to something Cara apparently used to say yes to. If she’s testing boundaries now, I hate to think of what she’ll be like as a teenager.
“We’re here.” I pull up outside. The driveway’s full, with Drew’s car, Corey’s truck, and … “Huh.”
“What’s up?” Ginny asks.
“That’s Dad’s car. Hell must have frozen over.”
She nudges me with her elbow. “That’s not nice.”
“Maybe not, but it’s true.” I lean over and peck her on the lips. “Let’s go do this. Ava, are you excited to see Max and Rose?”
“And Luckyyyyyyyy,” she yells.
“Even Lucky.”
She’s so noisy, but it’s music to my ears.
Ava’s happy.
We all get out of the car, and I grab the bread from the back seat. We’re having a barbecue for dinner, and that’s my contribution.
Ava holds out her hands to both of us, and Ginny and I take one each, swinging our arms as we walk in the gate. As we reach the deck, I come to a complete stop.
“What are you doing?” Ginny laughs.
I nod toward the chairs. “Look.”
On the deck and overlooking proceedings are my parents. Both of them.
Mum sits in a chair, a shawl around her shoulders. She’s looking more frail than last time I saw her, but that was in the comfort of her home and not sitting outside in a warm breeze.
Lily walks toward us, smiling widely. “Hi, guys. Ava, Max is just inside playing games with Corey if you want to go and see them. Your grandad’s in there too.”
“I’ll take you.” Adam comes up behind her, and Ava follows him in.
“What’s going on? Mum’s here?”
Lily nods. “I called them. Today is a special day, and I kept hearing how she’s going downhill. What she did to Adam and me was unforgivable, but we need to set that aside for the kids. She’s likely to have only a few months left, and they should be able to get to know her.”
Ginny grasps Lily’s arm. “That’s a lovely gesture.”
“It’s not easy. We’ll be planning our wedding soon, as Adam’s therapy isn’t so frequent now, and we’ll have a bit more money to spend on it. So, I figured it was time to try and mend a bridge.”
“That’s great,” Ginny says.
“Honestly, Ginny, I just want to marry him and be done with it. But we deserve something special.”
I slip my arm around Ginny’s waist. “Yeah, you both do. And I need an excuse to make another amazing cake.”
She laughs. “Yes. Now, go and see your mother and keep her entertained so I don’t have to talk to her. Once our ceremony’s over, she’ll move inside and spend some time with the kids.”
“That’s such a great idea. Are they coming out here for the ceremony?”
Lily nods. “I think it’ll be a bit boring for them, but it won’t take long, and then they can go back to playing.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
I mount the steps to the deck, heading toward my mother.
“Hey, Mum.” I lean over and plant a kiss on her forehead before taking the seat next to her.
“Owen.”
“It’s good to see you here.”
She nods. “Lily called. I was surprised, but I appreciate the gesture.”
“We’re only missing James.”
Mum nods. “He said he’d come, and Lily arranged the weekend around his schedule. But I think he’s struggling a bit to prepare for his exams, and he wanted to stay in Auckland.”
“That’s a shame.”
�
�He’s a good boy. You all are.” She sighs. “I know they don’t really want me here, but I’m grateful to see my grandchildren. Max is such a delight.” Her eyes grow misty. “I’m only sorry I didn’t take the time to get to know him years ago. I’ll always regret it.”
“Have you told Lily and Adam that?”
She shakes her head.
“God, Mum, you’re so stubborn.”
Mum smiles. “It’s a trait more than one of my sons has inherited.”
I grin. “I think you’re right there.”
“You and Ginny make a beautiful couple.” Her change of subject catches me by surprise. “Marry that girl, Owen. If I’ve learned one thing, it’s that life’s too short for regrets. No one knows that more than I do right now.”
I lean over, and wrap my arms around her frail body. “I will. If she’ll agree.”
“It’s very clear how much she loves you. And that little girl needs both of you.”
“I know,” I whisper.
“I’m glad you found someone. Now to sort out Corey.”
Letting go, I look into her eyes. “No one can sort Corey out, Mum.”
She laughs. “Maybe you’re right. He’s the most stubborn of all my boys. I’m so proud of all of you.”
It’s been a long time since I’ve seen her like this. Maybe it’s because she’s resigned to her fate, but I’m so glad she’s not become more bitter and twisted than ever before. It’s been so many years since we’ve been together like this, back before Adam left. And now, our family’s become so much bigger.
If only we could be like this all the time.
It’s hard to think of a world without my mother. Even when we disagree, and her nasty streak comes out, she is always a stable in our lives. My brothers and I all always knew if we ever needed defending, she’d be our staunchest advocate. And even though we’re all grown up now, someone having that unwavering faith in us is something we’ve all appreciated at different times during our lives.
Mum’s no angel, but she loves us. Even if she has a funny way of showing it at times.
Ginny sits on my other side, and I reach for her hand, lifting it to my lips. She looks past me.
