“I must warn you, though,” Jim had said to her while she stood on the edge of the pool. “I don’t know how long a soul’s imprint can stay in the mortal world before it disappears. It’s been over two months. It might be too late.”
“I know,” Alexa had said. “Chances are it is already too late, but I have to try. I can’t give up.”
And with that, she’d jumped into the pool and vanished.
Silver light spilled from the starry sky as Alexa made her way north through the forest. The foot of snow that covered the ground acted like a mirror and illuminated the trees and shrubs in soft silver light. Despite herself, despite her growing fear, she subdued the relentless, vicious part of her mind and enjoyed the snow-veiled woods. The gentle beauty of the winter was mesmerizing. In life, Alexa had always loved winter. She had never minded the shortened days, the freezing temperature, or the occasional ice storm. But her favorite part was—she couldn’t remember.
Strange? Why couldn’t she remember?
Alexa shook her head. It must have been another M-suit defect or just one of those short-term memory losses due to her sudden transition from Horizon to Earth. Her concern drifted away as she concentrated on her surroundings.
The icy snow crunched under her boots. After a few minutes of careful searching and swearing, she spotted a brook flowing through a familiar clearing. Hoof prints in the snow suggested it was frequently used by deer.
The forest was both familiar and foreign when it was covered in a blanket of snow.
Was she lost? Shouldn’t she have found it by now?
It wasn’t easy to find the path to the Hellgate with the snow blanketing the grounds. In the summer months, she could have found it with her eyes closed. It looked different from the last time she was here, more ominous, as though the forest itself wanted to trap her in its maze of snow and ice.
But this time around the forest simply felt like a forest. She felt no pull of darkness, no pulsing in her ears, and no evil. At least, nothing she could sense.
It had been in this very forest that she had surrendered her soul to Hades to save Erik’s life.
I love you, too.
The thought of Erik sent a sharp pain to her chest, but she tried to ignore it and focused on her surroundings and the task ahead.
I’m stronger than this. I will not be ruled by my emotions. I am an angel.
In life, she would have crumbled in a downward spiral of self-pity—but she was stronger in death. She would not fail.
I am an angel.
With a new sense of purpose, Alexa ducked under a thick branch of white pine and labored on. She was responsible. She had enabled Hades to step into the mortal world. It was her fault. And she would fix it.
First, she needed to find the imprint of her soul, whatever that was, gather some new strength from it, and then track down the pagan god Hades and kill him.
Alexa laughed out loud. “This is so screwed up.”
The wind howled around her, and for a moment Alexa thought she heard something—a twig snapped, and then another. She froze, homing in on the sounds, but she could only hear the wind as it diminished into a soft sigh.
Alexa snapped a branch from a fallen tree. She swung it around like a sword, feeling its weight in her hand. It wasn’t sharp, but she could bludgeon a demon’s skull with it, preferably Ryan’s.
Feeling more at ease and alert, she kept on. She scanned the area for something familiar that she could use to guide her. But every tree, bush, shrub, and bramble looked exactly the same. She was lost.
The bushes rustled, and yellow eyes shone in a thicket of trees. Alexa raised her wooden club.
Gargon demons?
A few of them could have slipped away the night of the attacks. She gripped her club until she could barely feel her fingers.
Something behind the wall of trees moved, and her breath caught.
Less than twenty feet away stood a wolf. It was not a scrawny coyote or a tiny fox, but a real, massive wolf. He was the size of a pony with a coat of charcoal black fur, and he was strikingly beautiful. Mesmerized, Alexa couldn’t look away. There was something unnatural about the way it was watching her, like it had human eyes.
Alexa moved forward. “Lance? Lance is that you?”
The wolf blinked once, turned around slowly, and then in a great, graceful leap disappeared into the forest.
“Lance! Wait!”
Alexa ran after the wolf. It was crazy, running after what might be an actual wolf, but somehow she wasn’t afraid. Branches slapped her face, and she cursed at their sting. But after running blindly for five minutes, Alexa stopped. She’d lost the wolf.
A few paces ahead she saw large paw prints. When she bent down to inspect them, she noticed that the paws crossed another set of tracks. They appeared to be fresh, and they were either human or demon. She could make out the shape of a large boot that definitely belonged to a male.
No human male would have ventured out in the middle of the night in the dead of winter unless they wanted to freeze to death. There was nothing in these woods apart from trees, snow, hypothermia, and wolves.
Alexa cursed. Ryan was back.
With her club in her hand, Alexa bounded after the tracks. Her angel body buzzed with something like adrenaline. She no longer felt the searing pain of branches slapping her cheeks as she ran. Her mind was only on one thing—she was going to kill that SOB.
Had he opened the Hellgate again? Was it even possible?
It didn’t matter. Ryan was somewhere at the end of these tracks, and she was going to kill him.
Alexa shot through the forest, each step fueled only by her near-dizzying hatred for the angel. A white-hot flame of rage, terror, or wild instinct blazed in her. She didn’t think. She just ran.
What if this wasn’t Ryan? What if Hades was back here?
She only had a wooden club as a weapon.
She stumbled into a familiar clearing. She had emerged into the circle of snow that surrounded a giant oak. The tree was gnarled and deformed, and she could see the forest through the cleft in its trunk.
Someone stood in the clearing next to the tree, and it wasn’t Ryan or Hades.
CHAPTER 15
“ERIK? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?”
Alexa was surprised that her voice sounded so calm.
Erik flinched. “Alexa?”
His eyes widened in surprise. “What am I doing here? What are you doing here?”
He wore a long wool coat with a cowl and held a short sword in his gloved hand. He looked more like a medieval mountain warrior than a modern young man. His dark eyes sparkled under his hood.
The jerk was still as handsome as ever.
He didn’t sound angry, and she could almost forget what had happened. Almost.
When their eyes met she realized the bond between them had loosened. The passion and longing that had flashed in his eyes had gone. Now she only saw guilt and sorrow. His feelings for her had changed. He had changed.
Alexa stumbled away. Her eyes stung, and she blinked as she tried to gather herself. She would not break down. There were worse things than a broken heart. She would not have a meltdown in front of the guy she loved, or thought she loved. She needed to be strong.
I am an angel.
It was a blessing that she understood his true feelings now, she thought, before she humiliated herself further.
If the attacks on Hallow Hall had never happened, would Erik still have had feelings for her? Would he have eventually pulled away from her as he did now?
She knew the answer. It pained her, but she knew Erik would never return her feelings. Their relationship had been doomed from the beginning.
But she kept her chin up and said, “I’m looking for something. It’s important.”
Her eyes narrowed. “You still haven’t told me what you’re doing here so close to the Hellgate. Something I should know?”
Erik pulled off his hood. “I’m on patrol. Ever since the opening of
the Hellgate, we’ve had a lot more supernatural activity in town. We take turns watching this area.”
He sheathed his sword inside his jacket. “Tonight’s my night.”
She noticed he couldn’t hold her gaze for more than a second, and she smiled inwardly. He had the look of a guy who was guilty or ashamed. Maybe he suspected she would learn his true feelings if he looked at her for too long.
Alexa wanted to ask him if the Sensitives had any information about the books Ryan had taken, but she decided against it. The attacks were still too fresh. She knew he’d tell her nothing.
Whatever Erik had felt for her before was gone. The attacks had changed everything, and she knew Erik would never trust an angel again.
There was an uncomfortably long silence, and then Alexa said, “How’s Rachel?”
She hated asking, but she was genuinely worried. Rachel hadn’t betrayed her.
Erik flushed. “She’s good. She’s going to be fine. The healers did a great job on her. They said she was very lucky to be alive.”
Alexa just nodded. She remembered the conversation she had overheard all too well. She didn’t trust herself to speak.
“What’s that in your hand?” Erik moved towards her with a strange smile on his face. “Is that a stick?”
“How about you mind your own business,” she snapped.
She turned away from him and kicked some snow with her boots. She wished he would just disappear and leave her alone. She was having a hard time clearing her mind and staying focused when he was so near.
Alexa needed to find her soul’s imprint. It was the only real reason she was here. Erik was a surprise and a distraction of the wrong kind. She had risked a lot coming back, and she wasn’t about to let her plan fail because she had become too soft, too mortal. It wasn’t entirely her fault the guy was so irritably handsome and excruciatingly sexy, however, and she found it difficult to concentrate. She tried to ignore him.
What did her soul’s imprint look like?
She decided to move to the spot where Hades had reached out and grabbed it. But as she moved towards the spot, Erik stepped into her line of sight.
“Please move. You’re in my way.”
She didn’t care how rude she sounded. Erik deserved it. When he didn’t move, she pushed past him and focused on her surroundings.
She stood next to the oak tree and scanned everything. She even sent her angel essence into the forest to search. Surely a soul would recognize its own imprint. She looked for a sign of light because somehow she knew her soul’s aura would glow.
But after a few minutes of searching, Alexa grew impatient. It was hopeless. She was surrounded by ice, snow, and darkness. She didn’t see a spark of light in the shady clearing or feel the tug of anything that would indicate she was nearing the imprint. She felt nothing.
She clamped her teeth together in frustration. It had to be here…
“What are you looking for? If you tell me, maybe I can help you.” Erik’s voice sent ripples through her.
She didn’t know why, but she answered him. “I’m looking for my soul—an imprint of my soul,” she said. “You know, my fragmented soul, the one you promised to help me find, the one I sacrificed to save your ass.”
Alexa heard his intake of breath, but she didn’t care. She moved around the tree and looked everywhere but at Erik. She was thankful he was here, and that she hadn’t run into Hades with just a stick to defend herself. But she also wished he would just go away. Having him near was like opening a wound.
“Alexa, I’m sorry about that—”
“It doesn’t matter anymore. None of it does. I just wish I knew what I was looking for so I could get out of here.”
And away from you, she wanted to say.
Alexa moved past him again and looked around the base of the oak tree.
“And this imprint…it’s going to help you get that missing part of your soul back?” asked Erik.
Alexa sighed. “Not exactly. But it’s supposed to. It’s supposed to help. That’s all I know.”
Erik looked as though he was in pain. He raked his fingers through his hair.
“Alexa, can we talk for a minute.”
“No.”
She flinched as he closed the distance between them. He reached for her, but she jerked away from the man she had once yearned to touch.
“Can you please just listen? There’s something I need to tell you—”
“Don’t bother,” said Alexa. She choked out a laugh. “You’ve said enough. I heard what you said to Rachel. I went to check up on her in the medical wing after the attacks. I heard what you said to her. I heard everything. So, you see, you don’t have to repeat it.”
She strained to keep her voice steady, but she couldn’t look at him.
“It’s fine. You needn’t worry about breaking me or hurting my poor angel feelings. I don’t break that easily. You should be with her anyway, not with a dead girl like me.”
“Alexa, you don’t understand—”
“I might be dead, but I’m not stupid,” she hissed. “Or desperate. I get it, Erik. I really do. I was an experiment, the monthly fling. You wanted to know what it was like to kiss the dead girl, and now you have.”
“Now you’re being an idiot,” Erik’s voice was hard. “That’s not what happened. I care about you, Alexa.”
“Well, slap my ass and call me Sally.” Alexa felt her chest tighten. “Aren’t I lucky. You care about me.”
She paused and then said. “I get it, you know. After all that happened, after the attacks, I knew you could never feel for me the way you would feel for a mortal girl. I can see the detachment in your face. Angels killed your parents, and then they killed your friends in Hallow Hall.”
She swallowed hard, her voice shaky. “It could have never been more than what it was.”
Erik leaned forward. “You’re bleeding. I didn’t know angels could bleed.”
He reached toward her, and she shuddered as he ran his cool gloved fingers down her stinging cheek.
She smacked his hand away.
“It’s not real blood. You know what? You should leave. There’s obviously no demon activity tonight, and you’re distracting me. I need to find my imprint if I want to have a chance at this angel thing—my life.”
She looked up into the dark sky. “Rachel needs you. You should be with her—”
“Will you shut up and let me explain,” said Erik.
Alexa scowled. “No. And don’t tell me to shut up if you don’t want my fist to connect with the side of your head. I don’t want to hear it. Okay? And if you respect me at all, you will respect my request and go away.”
He shook his head, more at himself than at Alexa. But he didn’t leave.
“So, who was the guy that was with you,” inquired Erik, as though small talk was the right thing to do. “The one that looked like he stepped out of a Viking movie.”
“That’s Milo,” she said, wondering why they were having this conversation. “He’s my petty officer, but more like my parole officer. I’m supposed to follow him, you know. I go where he goes, that sort of thing, at least until I’m not on probation anymore.”
“You ditched him to come here, didn’t you?” said Erik. He sounded mildly impressed. “How long are you staying? If you don’t want to talk now…maybe you’ll change your mind later.”
“I won’t.” If he was going to give her the let’s be friend’s speech, she was going to bludgeon him with her stick.
“Maybe we could go for coffee or something,” he pressed.
He ignored the scowl on Alexa’s face. “I mean, I know you don’t drink coffee, but the change of scenery could do you some good. A more normal one—”
“A more normal what? Life? Are you serious?” Alexa’s anger overcame her common sense. “I’m dead, so that makes me unnormal because being alive makes a person normal? What is normal, huh? Define normal.”
Erik shook his head. “That’s not what I’m saying.
Try to be reasonable—”
“Me? Try to be reasonable.”
She had had enough. She was going to whack him.
Erik shrugged. “I could take you to see your mom if you’d like.”
“My mother?” Alexa looked at him. “Why would I visit my—” she faltered as a cold wave rushed through her. The club in her hand felt as though it were made of steel.
Her mother? Who was her mother?
Alexa rummaged through her memories, trying to remember her mother’s face, but all she could see was darkness. It was as though her mother had never existed, as though she never had a mother.
“Alexa? What’s wrong?”
A wave of vertigo swamped her with nausea, and she squeezed her eyes shut.
She looked at Erik and said, “I don’t remember who I am.”
CHAPTER 16
ALEXA BIT BACK A CRY. “I can’t remember anything. I can’t remember my mother. I can’t remember her or anything else about my past.”
Her muscles tensed, and an odd shivery feeling grew in the pit of her stomach. “There’s a block in my mind like a black wall.”
“What?” The color leached from Erik’s face. “Could it be just a temporary glitch, like you haven’t warmed up yet or something? Maybe you just need time to adjust to your new body.”
Alexa struggled for breath. “I don’t think so. I—I remember on my fist assignment…my legs were a little stiff…I was a little dizzy at first…but I always remembered who I was. Well, at least I think I did. It never affected me like it is now. I would have remembered that. This is recent.”
Her eyes burned, and she stepped away from Erik. She searched her memory for her mother’s face, but there was only emptiness. It was as if her memory had never existed at all.
“Has this happened before?” Erik’s voice was gentle.
Alexa glanced at him and shook her head. “No. I don’t think so.”
Erik was frowning. “It just doesn’t make sense.”
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