by Nancy Barone
‘How did it change your life, having your children?’ Connor asked.
I grinned. ‘It actually gave my life meaning.’
‘I’ll bet,’ he answered, then rolled his eyes. ‘Not that it didn’t before, what with your busy life.’
‘Is that something you wanted? Children?’ I ventured, feeling my cheeks go hot.
His hand stole to the back of his neck. ‘Children deserve the right attention and love. They need to come first. In our marriage, let’s say they weren’t an option. And besides, I don’t know if I’d be any good as a father.’
‘Trust me, Connor, if you can deal with my nieces, you’re very good. Fantastic, actually.’
‘You think? Babysitting the twins is a treat. But I can only imagine the responsibilities of being their main carer. A child is forever.’
I studied him as a smile formed on my lips. ‘I think you’d be brilliant. If you have the main ingredient, love, you’re already two-thirds of the way there.’
He thought about it. ‘I guess you’re right. Besides, how can you not love those two?’
‘Oh, yeah, especially when they fight,’ I agreed and we laughed and toasted to them.
‘Well, maybe I will have kids, one day after all. If I find a woman who will put up with me.’
As if. All he had to do was stick his head out the door and there’d be swarms of women, young and old. My mother was living proof. And well, so was I.
*
The next day Mum wanted to sit in an armchair in the orangery, so after I’d returned from the school run, I joined her and began planning my next article. Something that would hopefully interest a younger woman.
I looked out to the garden for inspiration. Despite the bushes teeming with new floribunda roses and another couple of pots that had sprouted the purple agapanthus I’d been waiting for all spring, and Mum’s incessant nattering about everything and nothing, it seemed empty and lonely without Connor pottering around in the distance.
After breakfast he’d gone back upstairs like most mornings where he worked until lunchtime. I checked my watch. Only ten o’clock. Pretty soon Mum would lapse into her usual pre-lunch nap. She would sleep for at least two hours without moving a muscle.
Connor. Now he would interest a young woman. I wondered whether he’d met anyone else in the village. Apart from Tuesday evenings and Thursday mornings and the rare times he popped out, he didn’t seem to go anywhere, which made me think that he wasn’t seeing anyone – a woman – on a regular basis.
‘It’s a gorgeous day, Mum,’ I said. ‘What do you think, would you like to go down into the village? Mum?’
She answered me with a loud snore and I chuckled under my breath. Ten thirty on the dot. Big Ben had nothing on her.
Sighing, I looked down at my empty pad of paper. All I needed was one good idea. Just one.
‘Hey,’ came a whisper from the doorway.
I turned to see Connor tiptoeing into the kitchen, and grinning down at my mother. ‘You could set your clock by her.’
I chuckled again. ‘That’s exactly what I was thinking.’
‘Care for a walk around the village?’ he asked, flexing his back against the island. ‘I need to stretch my legs.’
‘Gosh, I was thinking that, too.’ I glanced at Mum and chewed my lip.
‘Just a quickie,’ he urged. ‘We won’t be gone for long. She’ll still be asleep when we get back. She’s perfectly safe, look. She can’t fall or anything.’
‘Well, uhm…’
‘Nat,’ he said. ‘As important as you are to this family, it won’t fall apart if you go take a short break every now and then.’
‘I guess you’re right,’ I conceded, grabbing my pouch from the countertop and sneaking out the back door he held open for me.
We took the footpath that led right down to the cove in a gymkhana of twists and turns among gorse, heather and marram grass. Connor was light on his feet, keeping up as I negotiated the tricky parts.
‘I knew you were fit, Nat, but Christ, this should be an Olympic sport!’
I laughed. ‘Don’t tell me you don’t have any cliffs in Ireland!’
‘Oh, we certainly have – the Cliffs of Moher are our most breath-taking, but you wouldn’t want to be there on a blustery day. Take it from me!’
When we reached the end of the coastal path, as always, joy filled my heart. There was something about the pastel-coloured cottages lined up in neat rows and the tiny shops on the quay front. As I watched in complete satisfaction, the villagers – all my friends – milled around, stopping for a chat or waving.
‘Hi, Nat; hi, Connor!’ Geoff, the village vet, called out in passing.
‘You know Geoff?’ I asked.
‘Yeah, we played squash together last week.’
‘Wow, you seem to have fit right in,’ I observed.
‘Yeah, everyone is so friendly here. Plus, you know me by now, I just can’t sit still. Hey, fancy a pasty?’ he asked.
‘I’d love one!’ I answered and together we ducked into The Rising Bun where Dora and Felicity were serving their customers with such efficiency you’d think they were on the deck of a cargo ship.
‘Mornin’, Nat; mornin’, Connor!’ Dora said. ‘Your usuals?’
I turned to look at Connor. Obviously he was at home here, too.
‘Just two pasties, thanks, Dora,’ Connor said as Felicity slid him a coy smile from the other end of the counter. I couldn’t blame her.
‘Mmh,’ I swooned. ‘Dora, I don’t think I could live without your famous pasties!’
She cackled in delight. ‘I’m glad, pet. So, Connor, how’s it going? Did you sort yourself out?’
He slid her a tenner. ‘Yeah, thanks, Dora. Keep the change.’
I looked at him, but he didn’t elaborate. ‘Let’s go sit on the quay,’ Connor suggested, practically steering me out of there before I could say bon appétit.
We ambled down to the very end, passing children on bikes, tourists armed with cameras and couples strolling hand in hand. Of course, it would have been nice to have been part of a couple, too. With Connor, I mean. Fantasising about us had become a regular thing for me, but every time I had to tell myself to wake up. Because soon enough, Connor would go back home to his own family. And we’d be nothing but a blurred memory, like old Polaroids in a box at the back of an unopened drawer.
How silly of me to even fret over it. Connor’s life was elsewhere, and it certainly didn’t include us. And still, whenever I thought about him leaving, a weight descended into my stomach.
But he was here now, and I was determined to enjoy his company, so we unwrapped our pasties and I took a huge bite of mine.
He grinned and nudged me. ‘Crikey, hungry much? Where the heck do you put all that food, so?’
I covered my mouth and nodded happily. ‘I love Cornish pasties.’
He took a bite of his own and sighed as he looked out over to the horizon from where seagulls were coming in on the scent of our food.
‘I love everything Cornish,’ he said and ducked out of the way, bringing me with him. ‘Except for these little buggers!’
‘Get used to them, they never give up!’ I warned him.
‘It’s nice, though, to just sit here, isn’t it? And so rare to have you all to myself,’ he said, taking another bite.
Now that was the kind of talking I liked, but when I hoped he’d continue flirting, all he said was, ‘Just two adults chatting and eating good food.’
I had been too optimistic. Connor, in all fairness, had never shown any interest in me in that sense. I willed my heart to calm down.
‘Enjoy being single and not having any children,’ I said. ‘Once they come, your life gets a little more complicated.’
‘I’ll bet.’ He took another bite. ‘So, besides buying the cottage of your dreams and telling your boss to sod off, what else do you desire?’
You, I almost blurted out had it not been for the huge chunk of pasty in my mouth.
I swallowed again, all too aware of his scrutinising dark eyes on my face. It was getting quite hot now.
I shrugged. ‘For my family to be happy,’ I offered.
‘Would you ever remarry?’
‘Not making that mistake again,’ I answered. ‘Unless, of course, I find someone irresistible who loves me and respects me for me…’
‘Well, how hard can that be?’ he wanted to know.
‘Harder than you think. For now, I’ll just see what’s what.’
‘You mean a fling?’
I stopped chewing. ‘Why not? If I find someone I fancy enough.’
‘Is that so?’ he said, taking another bite, his dark eyes studying me.
‘Can I ask you something?’ I ventured, trying to change the subject.
‘Anything.’
‘I understand the new start and all but why, of all the places, did you choose to come Wyllow Cove?’
‘Ah.’ He laughed, turning red. ‘Good question. I did it for love.’
I waited for him to explain, but judging by the look on his face, that was all he was prepared to say.
Of course. Silly, stupid me, how could I not have realised it? He had a woman down in the village. It had all been too good to be true. And then I couldn’t help but wonder who it was.
7
The Ex Always Returns
The next day, I took advantage of a moment during my mother’s nap to sit down and actually try and write and save my career. I did work well under pressure, but not so much pressure that my job was in danger. I’d have to think of something that would amaze Octavia and shoot me up to her circle of Untouchables. And there was me thinking that I had been safe before she came along.
So I sat down at the patio table with my laptop and started making notes. It was a beautiful day and I could hear the sparrows, goldfinches and blue tits flitting back and forth between the trees. The sun was warm and the sea breeze refreshing.
Of course my choice of working space had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Connor was also in the garden, working on my fences. I should’ve known I wouldn’t be able to concentrate with him bending and stretching in only a pair of shorts and a tank top that rose to reveal his spinal cord at the back, along with a very narrow waist. I didn’t know why I continued to torture myself this way, but then I figured it was good for my soul – stay young at heart and all that.
And in that precise moment, instead of ringing the doorbell like every other human being, Neil appeared at the back gate, peering through the gap in the fence, convinced no one was there. And then Connor suddenly stood up, making Neil jump.
‘Y’all right?’ said Connor, unlocking the gate to let him in. Neil glared, then nodded at him, making a show of stepping over his tools strewn across the lawn.
‘Yes, quite all right, thank y-aaaah!’ He slipped and lurched forward and would have gone flying across the garden had it not been for Connor who caught him by the arm.
Composing himself, Neil eyed me to make sure I hadn’t seen or heard anything as I was some way up the garden, so I buried my face behind the lid of my laptop to save him at least one shred of dignity. I was after all a kind woman despite what he’d done to me.
‘Hello,’ he said sourly as he came up the path, all one with his leather bag. ‘Enjoying the view, I see.’
Seriously? I had pretended not to see him out of kindness and he was actually allowing himself to be sarcastic with me? I made a show of looking up and being surprised to find him there. ‘Hello, Neil. Come to see my mother?’
‘I have.’
‘Well, then, maybe you want to use the front door next time. It’s safer.’
From the corner of my eye, I saw Connor flash me an amused grin before he placed another new panel into its slot.
‘How amusing for you. I will,’ he said. ‘Is Mum up?’
‘When are you actually going to stop calling her that?’
‘But I’ve always called her Mum.’
‘Yes, well, she’s not. So kindly use her name.’
He sighed. ‘Anything else?’
‘She’s in her room.’
‘Right, then.’ Neil’s eyes swung to where Connor was now banging in a new post. ‘I shan’t be long. Wouldn’t mind a cup of tea when I’m done.’
I raised an eyebrow at him. ‘Don’t you have tea in your own home? Or can’t your new girlfriend even boil water?’
I knew I sounded bitter, but I was sick and tired of him commanding me, left, right and centre. For twenty years I’d baked, slaved, cooked and cleaned so he could look good in front of his colleagues without so much as a word of thanks as I delivered, served, poured, displayed in servile silence. And now that I was done with all that, he could make his own bloody tea. Preferably in his own new home.
‘Well, she’s not my girlfriend anymore, Nat. It was a mistake.’
‘A mistake that lasted years, apparently.’
‘Nat—’
‘Don’t you have your rounds to finish?’ I said. ‘Besides, I’m busy working.’
‘Yes, I see how you are working,’ he retorted, shooting Connor a disapproving glance before he went into the house. ‘You might want to tell Adam over there to put some clothes on. There are ladies in this house.’
I shrugged, relishing being one step ahead or on top for once. ‘My mother absolutely adores him. Particularly when he lounges around in his smalls.’
Neil’s eyes popped out of his head, and then he huffed when he realised I was only teasing him. And then, without further comment, he stomped off inside the house.
‘Sorry about that,’ I said to Connor who came to the table for a glass of lemonade from the tray. ‘I think Neil resents the fact that you have fit in so well.’
‘None taken. He still loves you, Nat,’ he said as he gulped down half a glass in one swig. ‘Hm, very nice, did you make this?’
I nodded, glad that someone appreciated the things I did around the house. ‘He doesn’t, actually,’ I corrected him. ‘Love me, I mean. He just likes to think he does.’
He made a face. ‘Why would he want to do that?’
I shrugged. ‘Because now that I’m out of his life, he’s started to understand just how much I did for him.’
‘Do you think he’s out of your life?’
‘He only comes for Mum. When she goes back to her own place, I won’t be seeing much of him.’
He swallowed the rest of the lemonade and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. ‘Fancy a drink tonight?’ he said, straight out of the blue.
‘A… drink?’ It’s not a date, I told myself. Just a casual… thing.
‘Yeah. You know, that thing that friends do?’
You see? That kind of drink. What had you expected, a hot date? Really, Natalia, you should get your act together and start acting your age.
‘There’s a nice place just over in Little Kettering. It’s called The Old Bell Inn and they have a good bar.’
I knew The Old Bell Inn. It had bedrooms and all. To go, or not to go, then? That was the question. If I didn’t go, he’d think that I didn’t want to fraternise with him, which I did. Oh, how I did! But if I said yes, how could I stop myself from really falling for him when he didn’t seem interested in anything more than friendship?
Up until now, the girls and Mum had acted as a buffer between us. But the two of us, out at night, alone, all the while I fancied the pants off him, pun intended? What if we drank too much and something… happened? And if, rather than an insane, ongoing passion for me, he instead blamed the booze? I couldn’t live with the heartache.
‘I, uhm, I can’t. I’d need a sitter and all.’
‘You don’t know any?’
‘None that I can call on such short notice.’
His beautiful face fell. ‘Oh. Okay, then.’
‘Maybe next time?’ I suggested, not wanting to kill his enthusiasm altogether. At least not until I figured out what I wanted. And how to go about it without getti
ng hurt.
‘Don’t forget, though,’ he said, pulling back his hair into a man bun. In doing so, his tank top rose to reveal his washboard tummy and a trail of fur leading south. Either he was the most drop-dead gorgeous man I’d ever seen in my entire life, or I was lonelier than I thought. I gulped and turned away.
‘Also because,’ he said, pointing at me as he ambled backwards to his fences, ‘I know where you live.’
I chuckled, pushing my hair behind my ear and giving him, I confess, a look halfway between flattered and incredulous. Call me Bashful. What the heck was happening to me?
‘Hmmm…’ I sighed to myself happily once he was out of earshot.
‘Your mother is fine, in case you’re still interested,’ Neil snapped as he stopped on the threshold of the French doors, making me jump. Busted.
‘I know,’ I snapped back. ‘I see her every day.’
He glared at me, then turned to go, swinging his damn leather bag so hard I thought he’d fly off into the air with it like Mary Poppins.
Neil being able to access my home again, albeit for a few weeks, was definitely something I hadn’t factored in when I had brought Mum to live with me. Nor when Sarah had moved in. She absolutely loved her father. But I had the feeling that since Sam’s stunt, she was beginning to understand my reasons for kicking him out. I had to find a way to limit his visits, or at least not be there when he came round. He still had the power to annoy me tremendously as he had neither truly apologised for what he’d done to me, nor had he suffered any consequences apart from losing me.
Which maddened me. He still hadn’t realised what a horrible thing he’d done to me, and thought it was more a question of me over-reacting rather than him being a right shit. I just didn’t need to see all that much of him to remind me how he’d humiliated me for years and then given me the final shove by choosing a lover whom he’d actually brought to our home while I was out.
Besides, Mum’s ankle was much better. In a couple of weeks tops she’d be able to walk around like before and she could go back to being independent in her own home. Where Neil could continue to visit her if he so pleased.
