You might wonder if I was sad to see my dearest friend married to another man.
I should have been, I suppose.
But I happened to meet the daughter of Leonyd Balanchine that afternoon. I speak of you.
We had met once before but you had been a little girl then. At the wedding, you were almost an adult—a young adult, at least. Very tough. I liked you. And Sophia’s poisoning of the Balanchine supply had had an unintended effect. It had made you the star of the American Balanchines. Everyone that afternoon was watching you. Could you feel their eyes?
That night, I had a thought. Wouldn’t it be better to make you the head of Balanchine Chocolate in America? Let Mickey and Sophia run the Family for a couple of years on an interim basis and then, when you were old enough, you’d take over. My gut said that you would be a strong business partner. A stronger business partner than Sophia even—although she was smart, she was ruthless and selfish, too. These are weaknesses in business.
I did not express this to Sophia. I knew what her reaction would be.
I tried to express myself to you, but you were, of course, very young. You had your boyfriend—is he still your boyfriend? You had high school and a complicated family life.
Sophia teased me about my interest in you, but I did not much care. I made up my mind to help you where I could. I took in your brother. I helped you get out of New York.
And here is where the situation gets complicated.
Sophia was unhappy with how long Yuri Balanchine was taking to die. She wanted to speed the process along. She wanted to clear the way for Mickey to be the head of the Family. However, many in your Family had become interested in you becoming the head of Balanchine Chocolate. I was not the only one who saw your father in you. Sophia felt that Mickey had been in error when he’d gone to you to ask you to run the business with him. I’m not sure if she knew that this had been my suggestion.
Sophia had begun to resent you, to see you as a rival not only in the Family but, I believe, for my affections and Mickey’s. You were probably unaware of this. That is how Sophia is. She keeps her resentments secret.
I thought I knew a way to keep you out of harm’s way and to keep Sophia at bay.
I decided to propose marriage.
I have thought about that day for a long time.
Looking back, I did everything wrong.
I tried to make a deal with you, but I wish I had spoken from my heart. I wish I had said, You may be young, but I see so much potential in you. I believe in you. I want to do what I can to keep you safe. I know I ask a lot, but I will give a lot in return. I believe we could be great partners. I believe we could love each other. Maybe your answer would have been the same, but still, I wish I had been more candid.
I did not tell Sophia that I had proposed to you, but she found out anyway. She had become friends with Theobroma Marquez’s older sister, and I imagine that is the way the news traveled. I had never seen her so angry. “How can you betray me this way?” she screamed. “I will tell the police about what you did for Leo and Anya, too. I will make it so you can never come to America again. You will never see Anya Balanchine, you weak-minded fool.”
Forgive me, Anya, if I did not intercede enough. I was hurt by your response to me. Perhaps I lied when I said I did not love you.
But let us back up. Something had happened while your brother was in Japan. He fell in love with my sister.
Noriko is actually my half sister, by my father’s mistress. I don’t know if she knows this. We never speak of it, and I know that people believe mistakenly that she is my cousin or even my niece. But my father let me know that she was my responsibility. With Sophia on a rampage, I was worried about what she might do to Leo and Noriko. I decided to hide them. I contacted Simon Green. I knew of his background and I knew that he would help me and be discreet.
The best option was to let Sophia think she had been successful, and so that was what I did. I sent you ashes. I wrote you a letter saying I had seen your brother’s body.
You drove her out of the country later that year. She went to Germany. And then she came to me in Japan.
She said that she had forgiven me, but I believe she paid one of my servants to poison me. She wanted me to suffer because I did not love her enough. No one could, Anya.
I grew very sick. I thought it was an infection I had caught during my travels.
I had a heart attack. And then another. My organs shut down.
I was alive, but not by much.
Meanwhile, you had opened the Dark Room in New York. I hoped I would get well enough to see your club for myself, and now I have. I am glad I can tell you how proud I am of you in person, Anya. You have done what none of us have been able to. You have made chocolate legal.
I still had so many questions for Yuji.
“Anya, I do not regret anything I ever did to help you, even if it cost me my life. My only regret is that I didn’t do more for you. You are the future of our industry. And that is why I have come.
“I will die, Anya, and soon. When I do, I want you to run Ono Sweets Company. I want you to open legal cacao bars across Japan.”
“But how, Yuji?”
“I am sorry I cannot get down on one knee. I am sorry I am not young and healthy. I am going to ask you a question I asked you a very long time ago. I want you to marry me before I die. I have six months, perhaps a year, and when I am gone, everything will be yours. Then you will be able to turn my company into a company of tomorrow. There are many people in our world who are threatened by what you do, Anya, including people in the Russian part of your Family. These people can only function in a world where chocolate is illegal. They fear change. If you become the head of Ono Sweets Company, you can more easily fight against them.”
“Yuji, I…” I didn’t know what to say.
“Build an empire with me,” Yuji said. “Every resource I have, my employees, my money will be at your disposal. Every enemy of yours will become mine for as long as I’m alive. Every enemy of the Balanchine family will be an enemy of the Ono family even long after I am dead.
“Years ago, when your father brought you and your sister to my family’s estate in Japan, he wanted to form an alliance between our two families. My father did not agree to it. He had his reasons, but I believe he lived to regret it.”
“Yuji, what were those reasons?”
“The Russian Balanchines thought your father had made the wrong decisions. He had been trying to steer the business in a more ethical direction, changing cacao suppliers and improving conditions in the factories. It made your father many enemies.”
“That’s why he was killed?” I had lost my father because of a dispute involving cacao suppliers.
“Yes, I believe so, though it is only a theory and I cannot say for certain. But I worry for you, Anya. The Balanchiadzes are ruthless and you are their enemy.”
“You think I am in danger?”
“I know it. But once you have my influence and resources, they will be more cautious when it comes to you.” He took my hand. “I am so proud of you,” he said. “I am sorry I cannot be here to turn my company around myself. I could simply leave you in charge without marrying you, but mine is a family business and the only way they will respect you is if you are considered to be an Ono.”
“Yuji, I don’t love you. Not that way.”
“But you don’t love anyone else either?”
I thought of Theo, but the situation did not seem worth mentioning.
“Am I right? Win Delacroix is in your past, and there is no one else right now?”
“If you knew he was in my past, why did you ask about him before?”
“Because I wanted to see your eyes. I wanted to be certain.”
The last time Yuji had asked me for my hand in marriage, I had been sure that I could only love Win.
Yuji offered me his hand. “We both go into this with our eyes open. There are many worse reasons to make a marriage.” He looked at me. “Be
sides, I have very little time left on this earth. I would not mind spending it with you.”
I told him I needed to think, and then I walked him out to his car.
XIII
I HAVE THOUGHTS; I AM MOSTLY WRONG
I COULD NOT SLEEP that night.
I thought of Win and how much I had loved him and how much he had claimed he loved me and how that still hadn’t been enough to make him understand why I had to open the club.
I thought of Theo and how well he understood both my business and me. I thought of how very, very much I liked him. I thought how it had made me feel petty and mean that I couldn’t seem to love him the way he loved me, the way I had loved Win. What is so great about you that you turn down a perfectly good boy’s love? I asked myself.
I thought of how I’d tried the entire winter to end my relationship with Theo. I thought this would certainly be one way of ending it.
Mostly I thought of Yuji, who had saved my life and my brother’s life. I thought of the good the union would do my business and the many people I was responsible for.
I thought that Yuji did not have very long to live.
I thought how, when he died, it wouldn’t hurt much because I had never loved him in the first place.
I thought of the many people who married and ended up divorced or miserable. I thought of Win’s parents and my parents.
I thought, romantic love is not a very good reason to marry anyway. People change; love dies. You might, for instance, find yourself standing in a nightclub on New Year’s Eve, with the boy you loved saying that he wished he had never met you. That sometimes happened.
Family. Obligation. Legacy. The more I thought about it, the more these seemed like good and practical reasons to wed.
I thought I was grown-up.
I thought I knew what I was doing.
These were a few of the lies I told myself.
XIV
I ATTEND A GRADUATION
“ HOW CAN YOU EVEN CONSIDER THIS?” Theo yelled. It was three weeks later, and he had returned from San Francisco to find me packing my bags and making preparations to leave for Japan with a stop in Boston. As hard as it was for me to believe, Natty was graduating from high school and she would be giving the valedictory speech at Sacred Heart.
Theo removed the clothes from my suitcase and threw them across the room.
“Stop that,” I said.
“I will not. I should go even further. I should tie you up or lock you in a closet. You are making a terrible mistake.”
“Theo, please, you’re my dearest friend.”
“Then, as your friend, I am not happy for you,” he said. “You should not leave me for someone you don’t love.”
“Love has nothing to do with this.”
“What is the reason, then? You are richer than your father. You have done everything you wanted. You cannot owe this man your heart.”
“I’m not giving him my heart. Only my hand.”
“We are happy, Anya. We have been happy for over a year. Why do you wish to make someone else your husband?”
“We have not been happy. We have been arguing for months. And our being unhappy has nothing to do with this anyway. I am marrying Yuji Ono because I have to. No, because I want to.”
“Yuji Ono ruined my cousin Sophia.”
“That isn’t true.”
He changed his tone. “Anya, por favor. We must discuss this. If you still wish to marry Yuji Ono, then do it. But do not be hasty. Why must you rush?”
“He is dying, Theo. And he wants me to inherit his business so that I can do for Ono Sweets what we have done in New York.”
“Puta,” Theo spat.
“What?”
“It means ‘whore.’”
“I know what it means. Are you calling me a whore?”
“I am calling you a person who chooses money over love. That is a whore.”
“I don’t love you, Theo. I don’t know how else or how many times I can say this. And even if I did love you, I’m not sure it would be enough.”
Theo muttered something in Spanish.
“What?”
“You are a sad person, Anya. I pity you.”
My phone rang. “That’s my cab,” I said. “I’m leaving.”
He didn’t reply.
“Congratulate me. I would congratulate you.”
“You cannot honestly think that. Sometimes I feel I have never known you at all.” He left my room and then I heard him leave the apartment.
I picked up my rumpled clothes and jammed them back into the suitcase. I would be lying if I told you my spirits hadn’t also been slightly rumpled by Theo’s words.
As I went into the hallway, Scarlet came out of her bedroom—she and Felix were now using Noriko and Leo’s old room. Scarlet was still in her Dark Room uniform from the night before. She must have fallen asleep in it. About a month ago, Scarlet had been cast in a play. Something experimental in a black-box theater. Something for no pay. Her character was called Truth. Between her job and the play, I barely saw her despite the fact that we lived together. “Anya!” she said. “Wait.”
“Are you going to try to stop me and tell me what a terrible person I am, too?” I asked.
“Of course not. How could I judge anyone, especially you, my darling? I wanted to say be safe and call me when you can.” She put her arms around me. “Also, wish Natty a happy graduation for me.”
* * *
Two years ago, I had graduated in a room with a broken-down air conditioner. In contrast, Natty graduated in a garden on the most perfect day in May. Navy-blue and white ribbons hung from the awnings and the trees. Roses were in bloom and their scent perfumed the air. The church kept peacocks, and there were peacock feathers strewn about the grounds, which I found strange but charming. Natty, who had cut her hair into a short bob, was tall and lovely in her pale yellow cap and gown. Next year, she would be going to the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Her valedictory speech was about water and the importance of developing new divining technologies. I loved watching the way other people listened to her. My sister was going to be someone.
People clustered around her after the graduation was over. I was milling about toward the back of the crowd when I felt a hand on my shoulder.
“Annie,” Win said. “How are you?”
I knew Natty had invited him—they had been friends in Boston, and it did not escape my notice that their friendship had outlasted my relationship with Win—and so I was not surprised to see him. He was wearing a light gray three-piece suit. The pants were cut very slim, and he was as handsome as ever. I offered him my hand, and he shook it. “It is good to see you,” I said.
He was carrying a peacock feather and he smelled like citrus and musk. “How are you?” we both said at the same time.
I laughed. “You first. Your dad says you are still thinking about medical school?”
“I can see exactly what type of conversation this is going to be. Yes. Yes, I am.”
“What would you rather talk about?”
“Anything. The weather,” he said.
“It’s a perfect day for a graduation.”
“Your hair.”
“I’m thinking about letting it grow out.”
“Though I don’t have a vote, I would approve of such a plan.”
I picked up the peacock feather. “What’s this?” I asked.
“I’m not sure. Maybe I’ll write my novel with it,” he said.
“Oh yes?” I asked. “What will it be about?”
“Hmm. Bad girl meets good boy. Ambitious father gets in the middle. Girl chooses business over boy. That kind of thing.”
“I think I’ve read that story before,” I said.
“That’s probably because it’s a cliché.”
“What happens in the end?”
“The girl marries someone else. That’s what I’ve heard.” He paused. “Is it true?”
“Yes,” I said, looking away. “But it isn’
t what it looks like.”
“Will it look like you walking down an aisle?”
“It will.”
He cleared his throat. “Well, you have always known what you want. You have always known your own heart.”
“Have I?”
“I think so,” he said. “I … I made a mistake two years ago in trying to tell you what to do. I still think I was right, but the reason I liked you in the first place was because you were so independent, so stubborn, and so much yourself. One cannot change Anya Balanchine’s mind about anything. I was wrong even to try.” He looked at my sister, who was talking to one of her teachers at the podium. “You must be so proud.”
“I am.”
“You did everything right, Anya. I know she thinks so, too.”
“I did my best, but I’m sure I made mistakes. I’m glad we are finally talking like this,” I said. “I’ve missed you.”
“Really? I wouldn’t think you missed anyone. You look straight ahead into the future, and you don’t look back. Besides, I know you haven’t suffered for company these last two years. Theo Marquez, Yuji Ono.”
“You haven’t either! Natty says you have a different girlfriend every time she sees you.”
“That ought to make you feel important. I’m serious about no one.” He looked at me. “You ruined me,” he said in as playful a way as it is possible to make such a remark. “I was hoping I’d see you today. I’ve had something I’ve wanted to say to you for a while, but then the years pass, and things go unsaid. The truth is, I read about your club sometimes.”
“You do?”
“I like to keep up. But that’s the context, not the point. What I wanted to tell you is how very proud of you I am.” He took my hand in his. “I don’t know if it will even matter to you, but I wanted to have said it.”
I was about to reply that of course it mattered to me, but at that moment, Natty joined us. “Win,” she said, “come to lunch with us!”
“I can’t,” he said. “Your speech was great, kid.” He took a small box out of his pocket and handed it to her. “For you, Natty. Congratulations again.”
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