by Haley Weir
“Why call him ‘that Ethan guy’? What’s your point? You know his name is Ethan,” Mikayla says. She’s exhausted and no longer feels the energy of liquor coursing through her system. Her head is spinning as the hangover creeps up on her.
“Yeah, speaking of Ethan…” Cat begins, “Where is he? I haven’t seen him in a while.”
“Oh, he said goodbye. He had...something to deal with,” Mikayla says. Slick, she thinks to herself. They’ll totally buy that.
“Am I getting clothes back?” William asks.
“Yes,” Mikayla lies. No damn way, she thinks. She saw that outfit get torn to shreds. She’ll have to replace it.
“He couldn’t even say goodbye to the bride and groom?” Cat asks. She seems hurt, and Mikayla can understand that. It’s her day. Plus, Cat has been the most supportive of her relationship, or whatever it is, with Ethan. Mikayla's cheeks flush, embarrassed and a bit ashamed of Ethan’s disappearance. She’s just thankful no one has inquired about Tony. Suzanne is out of sight as well.
“He’s an Irish goodbye type,” Mikayla explains, trying to defend him.
“Oh, like Mom and Tony,” says Cat. “They disappeared a while ago. But, it’s whatever. I guess it’s nice that they came at all.”
“You give your mother too much slack,” Roger says. Mikayla practically rolls her eyes.
“I give both my parents too much slack,” she immediately fires back. Good for Cat, she’s actually sticking up for herself, Mikayla thinks. “Listen, Mikayla. Speaking of slack, I’m not sure if we’ve given too much to Ethan.”
“Oh, we’re roasting Ethan? Finally!” says Jimmy. Mikayla could have guessed this conversation was coming.
“I’m getting a vibe that he’s super….controlling,” says Cat earnestly. “And no, I’m not trying to ‘roast’ the guy. I just want to share my honest opinion with my sister, you doofus,” she replies to Jimmy.
“Oh, me too! Pick me!” Cal says, jumping up and down, waving his hand in the air like an eager school boy. Mikayla can’t help but notice she’s never seen her deadbeat brother so enthusiastic about a topic. Of course it’s about her relationship.
“Listen. Mikayla. He’s a handsome guy, so I get the appeal,” he says.
“Sooooo sexy,” Mike says, mocking Cal.
“You know what I mean. I’m good at thinking like a woman. That’s why I’m so good with women,” he says.
“Can you get to the point?” Mikayla says. But she feels like she already knows what her family is ramping up to. “Controlling” isn’t the word she would use to describe Ethan, but she can see how her family would interpret that based on their interactions. His dependence can be suffocating. She has to be prepared to drop everything for him, at any point, to help him manage. He’s not controlling, Mikayla realizes. It’s quite the opposite. He lacks control and needs Mikaya to keep him in check, which is not the job she signed up for this summer.
“We don’t like him,” Mike says simply.
“Yeah, he seems like he wants so much from you. We saw him try to tell you where to go and when. He seems overwhelming, and being that you are who you are,” Jimmy says, “I can’t imagine that you enjoy having someone so bossy in your life.”
“You guys have never cared about any aspect of my life this much,” Mikayla notes. “What changed?”
“We just get weird vibes from the dude,” says Cal. “Like he has a secret. There’s something he’s not telling us.”
“You clearly watch too much true crime,” Mikayla jokes, trying to diffuse the tension. But she does feel an odd sense of appreciation for her family’s investment in her romantic life. They’ve never cared much about her, other than to tease her endlessly. While their sentiments aren’t exactly kind, Mikayla can’t help but consider them. Is it because she believed them, or she wanted to?
“You need someone who knows when to give you space and not push you so hard,” says Cat. “We love you, that’s all.”
“Speak for yourself,” says Mike. Mikayla gives him a playful shove.
“All three of you are idiots,” she says to her brothers. “Love you, Cat.”
Mikayla heads towards the car waiting to bring her back to Blake and Avery’s. She’s hoping Ethan isn’t there, and that fact indicates that she has a lot to think about.
Chapter 26
It’s late by the time Mikayla’s car service drops her back at the cabin. She slowly walks to the door and pushes it open, desperately trying not to make a sound. She wishes she could float to her bed without having to worry about getting herself up the stairs or removing her makeup. She’s so exhausted from the long day full of drama and family, and of course, family drama. As she enters the house, she tries to come up with the right words to tell Ethan how she feels about him. The light turns on as she enters the living room, catching her off guard. She lets out a small yelp.
“Hey, it’s just me,” Ethan says. He’s sitting on the couch, completely human and fully dressed.
“You scared me,” she says. “I wasn’t expecting to see you, you know, since the way you left was...abrupt…to say the least.”
“I didn’t want to just not see you for the rest of the night. I’m sorry I left you like that. It was just the safest option,” says Ethan.
“Where is he, Ethan?” Mikayla says. She doesn’t care very much about Tony’s well-being, but the last thing she needs is to get wrapped up in a missing person’s situation. She wonders if her mother is panicked and alone. Despite knowing better, she feels badly.
“He’s gone. It’s taken care of,” Ethan replies cryptically.
“Gone? What do you mean gone? You can’t just...get rid of people, Ethan!” Mikayla says in a panic.
“But you hate that guy. He was easy to get rid of. No one is going to question where he is.” He is way too confident and it scares Mikayla a little.
“How can you say that? What about my mother? He’s all she has. Had,” Mikayla says, near tears. She’s so tired and wants to go to bed, but there’s so many unspoken words between her and Ethan. Sleeping on this will only make her feel worse. She knows she would be tossing and turning in bed, dreading the conversation she knows they need to have.
“Ethan,” she begins. “You cannot just do these things. You can’t just get rid of people, and you can’t just shift into a bear during a wedding. Twice!” she continues.
“I didn’t mean to-,” he starts, but Mikayla keeps going. She feels a surge of adrenaline.
“We can’t do this anymore,” she finally says.
“What can’t we do?” Ethan asks, genuinely confused.
“This. Any of this. All of this.”
“What can’t we do?” Ethan repeats, clearly in denial about what Mikayla is alluding to.
“It’s over. We’re over. I don’t know if we ever actually officially began, but we’re officially over. I’m so sorry. I really don’t know how to put this lightly. I just have to come out and say it.”
“Is it because of the shifting? I knew it would be too much for you to handle.”
Mikayla is offended by the assumption, even though, at this moment, she has no right to be. There was some truth to it.
“It’s not the shifting,” she says, although she can’t deny that it all plays into her decision. “It’s my family. They don’t think we’re a good match. They don’t like you, Ethan,” she says. Her words are stinging. He says nothing.
“I didn’t realize...I thought that...” Ethan is scrambling for the right words to express his shock and pain.
“Since when do you care about what your family thinks? To me it kind of feels like you hate them,” he continues. “Or that’s how you made it seem, at least. I guess I don’t really know you like I thought I knew you,” he says.
“I’m...sorry,” Mikayla manages. She feels a huge lump in her throat. Shes filled with guilt, uncertainty, and possibly regret.
“So, this is because your family doesn’t like me. It has nothing to do with your own feelings?”
<
br /> Mikayla feels trapped by the question. She so badly wants to run to her room and pretend this conversation never happened. She looks down at the cast on her leg, blaming it for being the reason she’s out here in the cabin, so far from her home in the city.
Ethan continues, “the woman I thought I knew would never do something just because someone else, especially her family, thought it was best for her.”
“Well, maybe you don’t really know me,” Mikayla says. She immediately feels terrible, and wonders if she’ll ever learn to stop speaking without thinking.
“What about everything we shared? The secrets, the conversations, and...all the physical stuff? You’re prepared to pretend none of that ever happened? I really, really thought we had something special, Mikayla. Don’t do this. Please,” Ethan says. Mikayla is pretty sure his green eyes with the yellow flecks are filling with tears, but she refuses to look him in the eyes. The last thing she needs is to see him cry.
“I can’t pretend none of that ever happened. We just can’t keep letting it happen. I can’t do this anymore,” Mikayla says. She feels guilty because she knows her reasons are not nearly as thoughtful as Ethan deserves. He only ever wanted to make her happy, but for Mikayla, it isn’t enough. She wonders if it’ll ever be enough. Will she continue to sabotage the only good things in her life forever?
“I’m just not ready for something so intense,” she says, and she means it. She just wishes she didn’t.
“Okay, Mikayla, but I really hope you change your mind,” Ethan says. “I’m going to give you some space. I’ll stay out of your way,” he promises. He puts his head down like a sad, abused dog. He walks off into the night, towards the shed. Mikayla wonders how’s he going to get through the night without her, but remembers there was a time before her. He’ll just have to figure it out. She has the relief she wants now. She’s no longer committed to Ethan or his particular needs. If this is relief, then why does it feel so bad? Mikayla wonders.
Chapter 27
“I can’t believe this dreamy summer is about to come to an end,” says Avery to Mikayla. All of Mikayla’s bags are packed, and she’s about to hop in a car service back to Manhattan.
“I can’t either,” Mikayla says. It’s bittersweet. There will never be a summer that compares to the one she just had. There will never be a summer fling like the one she just had.
“I bet you’re eager to get that old thing off though,” Avery says, gesturing towards her cast.
“You have no idea. I can’t wait to feel free!” Mikayla says. She plans to drop off her bags at her apartment, and immediately hail a cab to the doctor, who will finally remove her cast.
“Thanks again for having me, Avery. This was a special summer and I can promise you I’ll never forget it,” Mikayla says.
“Totally agree! It was awesome having you here. I loved having a gal pal around,” Avery adds. “So, that’s it for you and Ethan, huh?”
Mikayla feels the lump in her throat. Ethan. They had not spoken since the night she told him it was over. It’s been three days of awkwardly passing by each other, exchanging half smiles, and avoiding interaction. Mikayla wishes she could’ve gone back home immediately after, but that was never part of the plan. She didn’t want Ethan, Avery, or Blake to think she was running away. Mikayla prides herself in her ability to face her problems head on. She doesn’t love the lingering feeling that there are unspoken truths between her and Ethan. But she has no choice other than to move forward and let the summer fling be nothing but a fading memory.
“That’s it,” Mikayla says.
“You know, I didn’t want to get involved, but he’s completely torn up about it. He’s been drinking. Blake told me,” she explains.
“And that’s my fault?” The last thing Mikayla needs is to feel guiltier.
“No. No, not at all. He makes his own decisions,” she says. Mikayla thinks about how that isn’t true at all for Ethan, how some of his actions are purely the result of a supernatural force that he must carry the burden of.
“Right. So?”
“So, just consider calling the guy. Checking in on him. I know he’s not going to reach out to you, but he wants to,” says Avery. “By the way, I’m not just saying this. Insider info via Blake, of course.”
“Of course.”
“Just think about it. Not everything that is meant to be takes off perfectly on the first run. I mean, Blake and I had quite a rocky start. I never imagined that we would make it to where we are now,” she says.
Mikayla wonders how much truth there is to Avery’s suggestion. Is it possible that Mikayla and Ethan could have another chance? It seems like their fate is entirely in Mikayla’s hands, which is yet another responsibility that feels too heavy to hold.
“If things are meant to be, they’ll find a way,” Mikayla says.
“Call me when you’re back in the city, okay? We’ll make lunch plans as soon as I’m back,” Avery says, putting a cap on the conversation.
“Absolutely,” says Mikayla, and Avery closes the front door behind Mikayla. Mikayla looks back at the cabin that sits surrounded by the beautiful mountains. The sun is beginning to set, which casts an orange glow all around. It is a picturesque scene. Mikayla would like to preserve the image in her memories as a gentle reminder of her unexpectedly wild summer. But, like the summer nights and the summer itself, everything comes to an end.
Mikayla is only certain about one thing, and it’s how uncertain she feels about the way she left things with Ethan. Mikayla is never one to go back on a decision. She’s headstrong. When she makes up her mind, she carries out her decisions. It’s how she’s survived her chaotic family, making it in the city, and even in acting and developing her career. Mikayla fully commits.
So, why can’t she shake the feeling she made a mistake? Is she being true to herself about her feelings for Ethan? Her gut instinct is always strong, but this time she feels like her instincts are betraying her. She followed them when breaking things off with Ethan. Now they’re pulling her in another direction causing self-doubt and questions like, “what if?”
She can’t help but think about her final words to Avery. If things are meant to be, they’ll find a way. That’s what she’ll settle on. That’s the glimmer of hope she’ll keep with her as an assurance that even if she made the wrong decision, it’ll work out, one way or the other.
Chapter 28
She wiggles her ankle around, marveling at how freeing the movement is. Mikayla’s been home and cast-free for a week. Her window is open, with the shouts of people on the street and the blaring horns of cars in traffic waft into her living room. She takes a deep breath and inhales the smells of the city. She would take the New York City stench over Blue Ridge Mountain air any day. She’s a city girl, through and through.
She checks her phone and sees she has no notifications. She’s disappointed and relieved. She hasn’t stopped thinking about Ethan, but she’s glad he hasn’t reached out. She knows that its what is best for her. She’s gone over the reasons in her head, over and over, trying to convince herself that she made the right decision.
She’s appreciating her alone time, but misses the company at the cabin. She’s realizing how few friends she has to spend time with as the hot August summer stretches out, and there’s a hint of fall breeze in the air. Her air conditioner hums, and drips down on the sidewalk below. It’s a comforting sound, but she’s beginning to miss the sound of the bugs humming in the air in the grassy field behind the cabin. Mikayla can’t tell if she misses the summer days, or the idea of the cabin and all the possibilities it gave her. Like the possibility of love.
Mikayla opens Tinder on her phone, only to swipe left for 10 minutes before throwing it across the room. She knows that she can’t judge a person just from a photo and a short biography. But the fact that she also can’t stop comparing every face to Ethan’s is weighing heavily on her as well. His strong jawline, his green eyes with their yellow sparkles, his towering stature, his ro
ck hard abs, and his chest. She misses laying on his chest, a comfort so rare and so special for her.
Her apartment buzzer goes off. It’s happening. The moment she thinks of him, Ethan is here. She launches herself off the couch in a panic, realizing her apartment is a mess and so is she. Then again, should she care? While she’s been thinking about him constantly, she never quite prepared for what she would say to him if he showed up. She never really thought he would, especially without calling or texting. When she buzzes back, a voice comes through that surprises her, and is certainly not Ethan. Relief and disappointment wash over her at once, and the reality of the unexpected visitor sinks in.
“Honey, it’s me,” says the voice. “It’s Mom.”
Chapter 29
“Sorry to come by unannounced,” says Suzanne. “I was just in the neighborhood and thought I could see you.” Her mom nervously sits across from Mikayla at her kitchen table.
“It’s okay,” Mikayla says, but it’s not. Mikayla’s hands are shaking violently. As she passes her mom a glass of ice water, they can both hear the clink of the ice as it shakes. Mikayla is sure her mother is here to talk about Tony. Did she find a body? Or worse- maybe he’s alive, and he is going to tell everyone what happened. Mikayla wishes Ethan would appear and tell her he took care of everything and it’s going to be okay.
“So, what’s going on?” Mikayla asks to break the tension in the room. She can’t put off the inevitable any longer. She needs to find out what her mom knows.
“Well, I guess you could say I’m on my own now,” Suzanne says. Mikayla is intrigued by how calm her mom seems. If she found the mangled body of her boyfriend, she probably wouldn’t be so relaxed.
“That’s...I’m sorry?” Mikayla says with uncertainty, wishing she knew how to react.
“Oh, it’s okay. It’s for the best. The worst parts of Tony had been coming out more and more as time went on. I was in denial for so long,” Suzanne says.
“I’m sorry to hear that. But I’m happy to hear you’re okay with everything.”
