by Haley Weir
Jenna kisses back, a whirlwind of emotions at once. This is not why she came here. But, at the same time, she can’t deny the attraction she has to Xander, growing each moment as they pour their hearts out to each other. She’s turned on by his sensitivity despite the rough exterior he tries to hide behind.
Then, Jenna pulls away.
“We can’t,” whispers Jenna, gently pushing his chest away from her.
“You’re right,” says Xander. Jenna secretly wishes he would’ve put up more of a fight, but knows it’s for the best.
“Sorry,” says Xander. “I don’t know what came over me,” he says while leaping off the bed.
Jenna looks at the clock and sees it’s only 8 p.m. She has still 2 hours before she shifts, and she’ll have to spend them alone. No matter where she is, it seems that loneliness is the norm for her.
“You don’t need help getting ready for the night?” asks Xander as he grabs clean linens and pillows for the bed.
“No, I’ll be okay. I think I’ll spend some time in the library and then head outside. Maybe just let it happen. You're sure it's safe?”
“It’s safe,” confirms Xander. “You’re safe here. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Thanks,” says Jenna, wishing they could go back to that magical moment. But he leaves, and Jenna is on her own for the night.
Chapter 8
Jenna wakes up outside, just a few yards away from The Headquarters. Her night before was as normal as someone in her situation would imagine. She shifted, free of her shackles, and spent the night outside. She feels so calm, waking up in the grass completely undressed. She loves to be connected to nature and wake up as the dew soaks her skin. The sun is out and she wants to be outside, but figures it’s safe to get dressed. She stands up and heads back inside to take a shower.
Once inside, she passes the bookshelf with the poachers book that Xander put back. She is tempted to open it again. Something about it seems so familiar. Is it one she read as a kid at the library, trying to find more about her identity? It’s possible, but she can’t seem to place why the faces of the poachers struck such a chord with her.
While Jenna is putting her hair up in a ponytail, there’s a knock at the door. It catches her off guard. Wouldn’t anyone who knows where this is have access? She slowly approaches the door. There’s a knock again, this time more rapid. Jenna opens it slowly.
She’s relieved to see Ellen, Mikayla, and Avery.
“You all scared me,” breathes Jenna as the ladies flow inside.
“Sorry!” exclaims Avery, cheery as usual.
“We could have let ourselves on with the passcode but we didn’t want to frighten you by entering unannounced,” says Ellen.
“But clearly, that plan failed,” Mikayla adds, relaying her apologies.
“Well,” says Avery, “we wanted to come say good morning and walk with you back to the house. You don’t have to spend the whole day out here.”
“I was going to come find you,” Jenna says. “You didn’t need to come all the way out here. Where’s Xander?”
“Why do you need Xander?” Mikayla says with an eyebrow raised. “We can walk you out of these woods ourselves, you know.”
“Oh, I know. I just thought he was the one in charge of guiding me and all that. He’s going to help me,” explains Jenna.
“How so?” asks Mikayla. The other ladies giggle. Jenna ignores it.
“He’s supposed to train me. I need to learn how to be in control.”
“Well, I’m sure he will. I guess you guys hit it off, huh?” asks Avery.
“Yeah,” says Jenna. “He’s a nice guy. Seems really knowledgeable.”
“Oh, sure,” teases Mikayla. “I bet he’s quite knowledgeable.” The ladies smirk.
Jenna blushes. “Stop!” she demands of her new friends, but gives in and laughs along. “We maybe had a moment last night,” Jenna admits.
“You move quickly!” Avery says approvingly. “Go girl!”
“Oh, you should talk, Avery,” Mikayla defends Jenna. “We all know how you threw yourself at Blake.”
“Don’t say that!” Avery shrieks. “You know it wasn’t like that.”
“Hey, everyone,” calls Ellen, trying to return order to the room. “When did we become a bunch of high school girls?”
“I never stopped,” says Avery. Mikayla laughs.
“Okay, well, shouldn’t we tell Jenna the other thing we heard. You know, the reason we walked all the way out here,” leads Ellen.
“Yeah, what was so important?” Jenna asks. The room is silent, and there’s a shift in the mood. Everyone seems afraid to talk.
“The men all have contact with local packs,” Avery begins to explain. “There’s a network. The Headquarters where we are right now? There’s others scattered across the Northeast and they all make up a giant network to help protect shifters.”
“Okay,” says Jenna, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
“Things are typically calm,” Avery continues. “But Blake received word that a gang of poachers is making itself known in the area. They’re not quite here yet, but not far enough that we can be completely comfortable. There’s been a fatality.”
Jenna inhales sharply. She came here hoping for community and safety. Is all of that about to be torn out from under her?
“Jenna, you don’t need to be nervous,” Ellen says kindly.
“I’m not nervous,” spits Jenna. “I’m angry.”
“Well, you’re going to get angrier when the guys ask you to leave,” admits Mikayla.
“What?”
“We heard them talking. They don’t think it’s safe for you to be here, whether you’re a shifter or not.”
“And they get to decide that without talking to me first?” Jenna asks, anger beginning to give her a pounding headache. She hates being told what to do, especially by men.
“That’s why we came to give you a heads up,” explains Avery. “We don’t think it’s too late to change their minds. We want you here. We’ll stand by you.”
“Do they not like me?” Jenna asks.
“It’s not like that at all,” Ellen jumps in. “They want to get to know you, too. That was always part of the plan, ever since Chris told us you were coming. But poachers? It’s somewhat unprecedented. They just don’t want you to get hurt. They think it’s for the best.”
“And what about Xander? Did he say anything about all of this?” wonders Jenna aloud.
“He hasn’t, no,” answers Mikayla. “We actually haven’t seen him yet this morning, but he’ll have something to say. He always does.”
“And Chris? Is Chris still around? I could really benefit from a conversation with him.”
“Yeah, Chris is back at the house. We’ll take you there. Do you have everything you need to go?” Ellen asks.
“Give me one minute,” Jenna says, darting back to the bedroom that's only purpose was a closet, being that Jenna spent the whole night outdoors. She grabs her bags and closes the door, hoping she won’t be sent back here to spend the night on her own. If she does get kicked out of the house, she’ll have to make different sleeping arrangements. As she enters the library where the ladies are gathered, she discreetly slips the book on poachers into her bag. She returns to the group, ready to find out what twists in her journey ahead await her.
Chapter 9
When the women get to the house, there’s a meeting already underway. Ethan, Blake, Douglas, Xander, and Chris are gathered in the living room. Everyone is seated except Xander, who is pacing around the room. When he sees Jenna, his face lights up for just a moment before his frown returns.
“What’s going on?” asks Avery. “Did we get any updates?”
“The guys over at The Headquarters in the Pine Barrens told us they’re moving north. We aren’t safe here,” explains Xander.
“Then we should leave,” says Chris.
“No,” Blake sternly asserts. “We’re not leaving. I refuse to be
pushed out of my home because of rumors.”
“They’re not just rumors,” argues Xander. “You need to trust what we know. The source is reliable.”
“Well, what do we know, exactly? How many are there? And who are they?” Douglas asks.
“There’s a group. Maybe 5 or 6. So we’re not outnumbered, but we need to be prepared for the worst. Their weapons are advanced and they are determined,” explains Xander. Jenna feels pain for her new friends, especially Xander. She knows he deals with a lot, and another attack on his people is the last thing he needs to worry about.
“What if we just prepare here? And don’t let them push us...you...out,” Jenna suggests.
“Let us figure it out,” says a stone-faced Ethan. “Thanks, though.”
“Hey,” Mikayla nudges him. “She’s a part of this now, too.”
“She could be anyone. We don’t know her,” answers Ethan. Jenna feels embarrassed. Just when she thought she was making progress in getting to know the others, she finds out she’s further from the inner circle than before.
“Well, we know her,” says Mikayla, gesturing to the other women. “And Xander knows her, right Xander?”
Xander looks caught off-guard. “Please don’t bring me into this. I have a lot on my plate right now if you can’t tell.” Jenna’s heart sinks and she wishes she could disappear. It’s nice to have the women on her side, but she really thought Xander would back her up, too. After everything they learned about one another, and the kiss she hasn’t stopped thinking about, how could he just leave her hanging like that?
She doesn’t say anything, and hopes her silence says enough. That’s the first and last time she’ll speak up.
“So, what are we going to do?” asks Chris.
“Chris, gather as much information as you can. The more research we have, the better chances we have of putting up a fair fight.”
“On it,” replies Chris. “I’m going to go to The Headquarters and look at some books from the library.”
“Douglas and I will go with you,” Ellen says.
“No,” says Xander. “Douglas stays here. I need all the brute strength we have.”
“Do you think they’re coming now?” asks Ellen.
“I think they’re going to try to attack us when we least expect it,” Xander seethes. “I need us to be prepared. Sleep with one eye open.”
“Sleep?” Blake laughs. “Like I’ll sleep. I’ll be roaming the territory, looking out for anything suspicious.”
Jenna’s interest is piqued. She has yet to talk to Blake, Ethan, or Douglas, the three men who understand her affliction more than anyone she’s met. What if Jenna volunteers to be on lookout, too? She can show them who she really is, and how much she has to offer. They don’t truly know who she is yet. She’s determined to prove herself to them.
“I can stay up and guard, too,” Jenna offers. The room falls silent.
“No,” says Ethan. “It’s not personal, but no. What if she gets hurt? That’s on us.”
“You’re not wrong,” answers Xander. “We don’t know what she’s capable of yet.” Jenna didn’t love their habit of talking about her like she wasn’t standing in the room with the rest of them, but she stays quiet.
“There’s a lot we don’t know about her, actually,” says a suspicious Ethan. Jenna is starting to feel attacked. Why does it seem like Ethan is the only one who wants her out of the picture? Jenna looks at Mikayla, hoping she’ll step in, but she avoids eye contact.
“I want to show you all why I’m here,” says Jenna. “I feel like I’m here for a reason. Especially with everything going on. I’m meant to be here and I’m meant to help out.”
Jenna looks at Xander who doesn’t look back at her. Her face feels hot, and she wishes she could disappear. It’s like they shared nothing the night before at all. She isn’t asking him to fall in love with her, just to respect her like any friend would. Her plea is met with silence.
“Chris?” Jenna asks. “You know why I’m here. You trust me, right?”
“I do,” admits Chris. “But, I have to respect the others and what they want. I’m not in charge.”
“So you all want me to leave?” asks Jenna with tears stinging her eyes.
“No,” says Avery. “No, you’re staying. She’s staying, right Blake?”
“She can stay,” says Blake. “She’s already here. And we don’t know about her yet. If she is what she says she is, then it would be irresponsible to send her packing, no?”
“You’re right,” sighs Xander. “Fine. She can stay. But she’ll have to stay in the house. I don’t want anyone on their own at The Headquarters.”
“That’s fine by me,” Blake says. “There are plenty of extra rooms.”
Jenna feels relief and wants to hug Blake for coming to her defense. At the same time, she’s furious with Xander. He doesn’t owe her much, but a little support would’ve been nice. Maybe Jenna is silly for thinking anything romantic is happening between them. That’s not why she’s here, and she’s told herself that repeatedly. It’s time she smothered the little butterflies that appear when she thinks about him.
“Thanks, Blake,” she says. “Thanks everyone. I promise not to let you down.”
Xander glances at Jenna. He feels badly about being so harsh with her, but it’s just how he is. He cannot be responsible for making her feel good. His priorities are the safety of the group. If she threatens that in anyway as an outsider, he can’t guarantee he’ll be there for her. He likes to think that, in another life, he could have meet a nice woman to settle down with. There wouldn’t be threats of outsiders or poachers. Just a normal life with normal problems, like where to go for a summer vacation, or whose parents they’d visit for the holidays. Xander thinks Jenna could be the woman for him, but only in this fantasy. There’s no reality where he has that kind of happily ever after. For him, happy ever after means keeping his loved ones safe and protected.
“We’re going to have to work with you to see what type of skills you bring to the table and see what we need to sharpen,” says Xander to Jenna. “If you’ve got anything to hide, lay it out for us now. We need to be extremely careful.”
“I’ve got nothing to hide. I want to show you all what I am and what I can do,” Jenna boasts proudly.
Xander shakes his head, uncertain if he’s made a good call or a destructive decision.
Chapter 10
“So, it’s time you shift. If you want to be part of this pack, you’ll have to show us what you’re capable of,” Xander asserts. He and Jenna are in the back of the house. It’s just the two of them and the sprawling green field that makes up the backyard. The sun is hiding behind clouds, giving them relief on the warm day. Jenna takes in the scenery and the rays of sun that sneak through the clouds tickle her face.
Xander knows he’s being tough with Jenna, but she’ll have to deal with it. Despite their intimate moment at The Headquarters, he’s still hesitant to trust her. Even though her eyes are honest and gentle, and her brain is sharp, he can’t take any chances. Plus, it’s not lost on him that their first threat of poachers in years comes at a time when there’s a newbie amongst them. He hopes there’s a correlation, but he can’t ignore the coincidence. She’ll need to prove who she is now more than ever.
“Okay, so, with the others, adrenaline always seems to be a big factor,” Xander notes. “I’m sure you know that. If you are angry, or scared, or shocked, there’s a good chance you’ll start to feel it happening. It’s just a matter of using mindfulness to be in control.”
“Those are definitely triggers for me,” says Jenna.
“Great,” responds Xander. “Then you’ll need to channel one or all of those feelings. Get yourself in the headspace and focus. It won’t be fun.”
“It doesn’t seem like too much of this is fun, huh?” Jenna adds.
“No, it’s mostly working hard and watching our backs.”
Jenna wants so badly to show Xander how she shifts jus
t like the others, but she knows she can’t conjure her bear easily. She’s doubtful of her ability to shift under Xander’s instruction. If she does, she’ll be humiliated. It’s an intense and personal experience to go through a shift, and she can’t let Xander see her like that. She’ll take his courses and listen to his advice, but will do the real work on her own, in private.
“Okay, so do I just close my eyes and think really hard about something upsetting?” Jenna inquires.
“That works for some,” says Xander. “I think we should sit down, though. It’ll help you to focus. Think of it like meditation. The more relaxed you become, the more control you have over your forms. It takes a lot of concentration, so don’t expect it to come easily.”
Jenna sits down as instructed. Xander sits across from her. She likes having him in the grass with her. He looks funny to her as he sits cross legged in the grass like a kid at summer camp. Jenna takes a sneak peek at his bulging calf muscles that show through his pants, and she considers that he must work hard to maintain a body like that. Jenna imagines a life with him where they run side by side in their top-of-the-line work out clothes, smiling at neighbors as they jog through the happy town where they raise a family. She snaps back to reality when Xander asks her what she’s thinking about. Quickly, Jenna fabricates a response.
“About my parents,” she says without missing a beat. “I’m thinking about the accident.”
“That’s good. Keep focusing on it. Relive each minute.”
Jenna shuts her eyes and tries to focus on the traumatic memory. She was just a child, and the accident was over 20 years ago. First, she remembers the sounds. The tearing of metal as the car slams into the guardrail on the side of the highway. Her mom’s shriek as the car begins to lose control. Next, she remembers the smell of burning rubber and the look her parents exchanged. Then suddenly, she is hit with an unexpected memory. There’s another person at the scene. He isn’t a cop or a paramedic, and doesn’t do anything to help. He just stands there briefly before fleeing over the guardrail, and runs deep into the woods. Jenna tries to remember more about this mysterious individual, but she can’t. She can’t make out his face or any distinguishing features. She can’t tell why he was there, or what role he had in the accident. But she suddenly feels sick to her stomach and it must be apparent on her face.
