by G. Benson
He was Carmen’s everything, and Ollie almost couldn’t breathe as the hearing went on, as all the air seemed to disappear from the room.
Someone representing the state sat there, another lawyer sitting at a different table.
“He represents Mattie,” her father murmured in her ear.
And again, Ollie couldn’t help but wonder how that could be, because if anyone represented Mattie, Carmen did.
Maria spoke in a blur of words. She presented both the other lawyer and the judge with documents. “I submit signed statements by Matthew’s current foster family about their points of view on his situation, and on Carmen’s. Carmen has been having regular contact with Matthew since her eighteenth birthday, as approved by his caseworker and his foster family. She has picked him up from school, helped him study, taken him for meals. Recently, she had him in her house overnight, after clearance from his caseworker. As you can see in the statements, both foster caregivers have found her punctual, responsible, and contactable at all times. If they’ve called because Mattie wanted her, Carmen has dropped everything to visit him. I also submit a copy of her twelve-month lease on an apartment, her work contract, bank statements, and income reports.” She walked again between both officials, handing them copies of everything.
Ollie wanted to draw her in her pantsuit, her hair in a braid like a warrior.
“Also included is her certificate of attendance to the training required of all foster caregivers, as the state of Connecticut requires. As you can see, Carmen has taken every step available to her to take Mattie under her care.”
Judge Falkowitz flipped through the documents one by one, those caterpillars bunching together until they formed one long one. “And the applicant is eighteen?”
“Yes, Your Honor.”
He looked up over the papers, eyes on Carmen. “And why does she feel she will make the best guardian for Mattie?”
“Well, Your Honor—”
“Actually, I’d like to hear from her.”
Ollie’s palms grew clammy, and Carmen stood, her shoulders straightening as she seemed to take a deep breath.
That, there. That was how Ollie wanted to draw her. That moment as she raised her eyes and set her jaw, her gaze steady on the judge, when a moment before it had been on the floor.
“Hello, Carmen.” Judge Falkowitz smiled then for the first time, and a fan of wrinkles bloomed around his eyes.
“Hello…uh, Your Honor.”
Any other time, Ollie would slip behind Carmen and thread their fingers together, or at least just stand close enough so Carmen would know she was there. But they were separated by seats and a wooden barrier, there to isolate those involved from those observing.
“How are you this morning?”
“I’m good.”
Ollie wanted to hug her.
“Nervous,” Carmen added.
He smiled again. “Normal, I’m sure. Now, I’ve heard a lot from your lawyer, and I did scan over your case beforehand. Lots of foster homes in your background and two removals from your mother. I’m sorry she passed.”
Carmen’s shoulders relaxed just slightly. “Thank you.”
“A disappearance and a reappearance at sixteen and eighteen respectively. But sworn statements that you weren’t with your brother. And it would seem you looked after yourself okay.”
“Uh, yes, Your Honor.”
“I’m assuming, though, that those two removals from your family home before weren’t really the only times they should have happened. Did your mother ever have any other support? Anyone else there with the two of you?”
“No.” Carmen shrugged a little. The added, “Your Honor.”
“Did she ever leave you alone for long periods of time?”
“Yes.”
“For how long?”
“Anything from a few days to a few weeks. I think the longest was around a month. Though that was just once.”
“And how old were you when she left you alone for this long?”
“I don’t remember a time she didn’t.”
He just nodded, and Ollie wondered how many things he had to have heard in his career to be able to react to that with a neutral face. Her father had tensed next to her.
“And what type of care did she give you when she was home?”
“Um.” Carmen looked down at Maria, who gave a nod. “Not a lot. Sometimes she tried. They were nicer weeks. But generally, she didn’t do a lot. There were a lot of drugs, which I tried to hide from Mattie. Mostly, it was Mattie and me. Mattie was born when I was eight. I remember her leaving me with him when he was tiny, still a baby. I learned to rock him to sleep and give him bottles. I cooked and, later, got him to school and cleaned the house. I tried to make sure we were together.”
“And when you were put in separate foster homes, how was that?”
“Horrible. They were supposed to try to get us to see each other, but it happened once, I think. Maybe twice.”
“And how do you think Mattie was?”
For a moment, Carmen didn’t answer. Finally, she said, “When we were sent back home, he was really withdrawn. He was always shy with people he didn’t know, but this was different. I couldn’t get him to leave my side, and he cried when I tried to take him to school. He was six when we got back the first time. He—he wet his bed a few times, which he hadn’t done in years.”
His face was impassive. “I have to ask you a question, though I think I know the answer from what you’ve already said. But I have to ask you anyway, okay?” He waited for Carmen’s agreement before he continued. “Do you really understand what taking on your brother would mean? You’re eighteen. You could go back to school, which I see you’ve dropped out of to work. You could have a life and still see Mattie, like you do now.”
Carmen’s shoulders straightened again, and Ollie knew there’d be a fire licking at her gaze. “I am fully aware of what having Mattie would mean. I know it would mean it’ll be hard to finish my education. I know it would mean I won’t be hanging out with friends or seeing my girlfriend often at all. I know Mattie will always have to come first. But the thing is, he always has come first. And he always will.” Carmen dropped her gaze, biting at her lip as she thought for a second. “I wondered for a while if I should do that—leave him in foster care.” She looked up again. “Not for me. I want Mattie with me. There’s never been a second I’ve wanted differently. But for him? For what a steady foster home could do, with two adults in the house, and everything they can provide?”
She didn’t say anything more until Judge Falkowitz prompted her. “And?”
“Mattie made me realize that wasn’t true. All he’s said to me the last few months is that he wants to be back with me. He wants to be at home, and we’re each other’s homes.”
“Well then.” The judge sat back in his chair, head cocked as he gazed at Carmen. “Let’s hear from Mattie. It is, after all, his life.”
One of the guards walked over to a door and when it opened, disappeared for a moment before he led Mattie out.
Carmen had sat back down, but the second he was in the room, she stood up. Before the guard could even move, Mattie had ducked in front of him and dashed into Carmen, her arms around him instantly.
The guard had moved to intercept, but Judge Falkowitz said, “Can we get a chair for young Mattie, please.”
The guard produced a chair, and Mattie pushed it even closer to Carmen’s before sitting down. If Carmen had looked small, he was tiny. He had always been small for his age, but the room seemed to swamp him. Even from her view of his profile, Ollie could see how huge his eyes were as he stared up at Judge Falkowitz.
“Good afternoon, Mattie.”
Carmen nudged him and he finally said, “Hello.”
“So, how old are you
?”
This always seemed to be what adults asked kids.
Mattie straightened a little. “I’m almost ten.”
“Big age. Now, do you know why we’re here today?”
Mattie nodded.
Carmen nudged him again.
“Yes.”
“Good. Can you tell me why?”
“To decide if I can live with Carmen or not.”
“That’s right.” Those lines around Judge Falkowitz’s eyes deepened a little again. He wasn’t smiling, but he did look friendlier. “Do you know why it’s complicated?”
Mattie shrugged, his voice small when he spoke. “I think because Carmen’s not really an adult. Though that’s not true.” His voice gained some volume, his chest expanding a little. “She’s eighteen, and that makes her one. And, um, because I need to be somewhere safe, like a house, and she needs to have money. But she has a house and a job. She looked after us without money before.”
“That’s all true.” Judge Falkowitz put his hands together on top of the table. “It’s all about something called the child’s best interests. It’s complicated, as that can mean a lot of things. Tell me, Mattie, do you like your current house?”
“It’s okay.” The unsure posture was gone, and the Mattie who Ollie had come to know was back, straight-spined and sure. “It’s better than the other ones from before.”
“I’m sorry the others were like that, then.” Judge Falkowitz cocked his head. “Where would you like to live, Mattie?”
“With Carmen.” The answer was instant.
Judge Falkowitz nodded slowly. He took his time with Mattie, Ollie could tell, to watch him. He had to see the way Mattie was as close to Carmen as he could be. He had to notice the way Carmen watched him. “Even if that means you may not have as much as in this house?”
Mattie’s nose wrinkled up. “I don’t need much. I’m pretty small. I don’t really eat a lot.”
Judge Falkowitz smothered a smile, but not before it showed itself. Both the lawyers huffed a laugh, and Carmen rolled her eyes. Next to Ollie, her father snorted softly.
“Yes, well, what about other things? Clothes and toys? Extra classes? Extracurriculars? Pocket money?”
“I’ve never had that stuff. But I’ve always had Carmen.”
The room was silent for a moment, and Judge Falkowitz said, “Okay.”
Ollie looked at her dad, and he widened his eyes at her and shrugged.
What did that mean?
A silence went on for a minute, and, finally, Judge Falkowitz cleared his throat. “It is unusual to grant guardianship at eighteen. However, it is unusual to find an eighteen-year-old who has clearly done everything in her power just to gain that custody. She has an apartment and a job and has completed foster parent training even before knowing if she would receive guardianship, despite Connecticut allowing ninety days after receiving guardianship to attend the training. She has demonstrated her ability to take care of her brother since he was born.”
He paused, and Ollie thought that moment would stretch on forever. “I’m going to grant guardianship of Matthew Anders to Carmen García.”
Mattie was grinning as if he hadn’t expected anything else, and Carmen’s mouth had fallen open, disbelief written all over her face. Ollie’s eyes welled up, her breath catching.
Judge Falkowitz just kept talking.
“This is dependent on home visits by his caseworker twice a week for a month. After that, if the caseworker is satisfied, it’ll be twice a month for two months and then monthly for the rest of a twelve-month period. After this, the usual home visits for a foster family will start if the case worker is unconcerned. Carmen García will receive the weekly support sum given to all foster families as deemed by the state of Connecticut.”
Maria had put her hand on Carmen’s shoulder, and Mattie was staring at Carmen, and Carmen was still just staring at the judge.
“You can close your mouth, Carmen. I’m not joking.”
Mattie stood up, face alight, and turned with his hand held out to Carmen. “Finally. Let’s go home.”
Ollie’s dad snorted again, and Carmen gave an incredulous laugh.
Epilogue
Sometimes, Carmen got off work a little late and met Mattie at the library near his school. That was rare, though. She normally finished just before three o’clock and made it to the school to get on the bus with him. Ollie’s dad had been trying to get her to have driving lessons, but she never had time, between work and Mattie and the course she’d just started to get her GED. Besides, a car cost too much money, and the buses worked fine. She liked sitting next to him on the bus, talking or watching the city go by, feeling the press of his shoulders.
He was almost eleven now but still sat as close to her as he could. It made her think of nights winding through alleyways, the city quiet around them and the warehouse ahead of them.
Today, though, she didn’t have to rush. Working Christmas Eve was never fun, but there’d been no way to get out of it. Luckily, the art store Ollie had taken a job with six months ago was closed today, for some reason, and she’d said she’d be happy to hang out with him since he had no school.
Which meant they’d probably sat on the couch all day watching the television Carmen had managed to find secondhand on Craigslist. Ollie usually brought over a cable and her laptop and hooked up movies for them to watch.
Just as she suspected, the smell of popcorn hit her as she walked into the apartment with heavy grocery bags in her arms, and her two favorite faces stared up at her from under a blanket on the couch.
“Uh…hi.” Ollie grinned.
Something inside Carmen’s chest melted at the sight. A year had come and gone since Carmen had moved into the apartment, but coming home to find Ollie on her couch waiting for her still had the same effect as the first time it had happened. It didn’t occur as often as they’d like, but when it did, it made the wait worth it.
“Are you home early?”
Carmen shook her head. “A little late, actually.”
“Oh.” She nudged Mattie, who was staring at the TV. “We’ve been busted.”
He finally looked at Carmen, his head turning before his eyes followed the movement. He flashed a smile. “We were going to turn the TV off and pull out our homework and pretend we’d been studying all day.”
Unwinding her scarf from her neck, Carmen scoffed. “Yeah, because I would have believed that.”
Ollie looked wounded. “I study.”
“I know you do. But getting Mattie to do that when he still has two weeks of vacation? Not a chance.”
“I did some.” He was back to not looking at her.
Carmen put her coat and scarf over the back of her chair and raised her eyebrows. “I’d believe that more if you took your eyes off the TV.”
“If I did that, you’d see the lie in them.”
In spite of herself, Carmen laughed. He was too clever for his own good. “Just make sure you sit down with me with that math stuff before school goes back.”
He grunted an answer.
“Seriously. It’s awesome you’re so far ahead with English and social sciences, but we need to work on your math.”
He was behind. Not drastically, but enough. He’d spent all year catching up, even after the summer school, and had done really well. He got distracted sometimes. But Carmen was just glad he seemed to have adjusted.
“I will.”
It would be better if it hadn’t been said as a groan, but Carmen would take it.
Smirking, Ollie stood up and left him to his movie. She grabbed one of the bags Carmen had put on the floor and followed Carmen to the kitchen.
“Hi.” Ollie’s attention was all on Carmen.
Carmen pulled her forward. “Hey.” She k
issed her, resisting the urge to sigh against Ollie’s lips. They were both so busy that times like this felt precious. She splayed her fingers over Ollie’s back, wishing she could pull her even closer. “Thanks for hanging here today.”
Ollie’s arms wound around Carmen’s waist, their foreheads coming together. “No problem. We actually did do some stuff besides watch TV.”
“I know—I saw the books on the table. Thanks. I really appreciate it.”
“You know I don’t mind. Anyway, I wouldn’t have done much today anyway. No work and no school? I was a bit lost.”
“Well, feel free to come around anytime.”
“Yeah?”
Carmen smiled, her lips curving up against Ollie’s. “Yeah.”
They kissed again, slowly, lips barely moving.
“Ugh.”
Pulling apart, they turned their heads and leaned to see that Mattie hadn’t even taken his gaze off the movie to make the disgusted noise.
“You can’t even see us,” Ollie called.
“Don’t need to,” he said.
Ollie looked back at Carmen and rolled her eyes. “So. You ready to cook up a storm?”
“I think so.” Carmen had never cooked as much food as they were planning that night. “What time are your dad and Deon coming again?”
“Around six. What about Dex and Jia and Rae?”
“Same time. It’s a pity Sara couldn’t come.”
Ollie actually pouted when she said it, and Carmen had to stop herself from kissing the expression off her face. “It really is,” Ollie said. “And Rae has just been moping around the apartment since she found out. Though she thinks she looks badass and broody. Really, she looks pathetic.”
Snorting, Carmen finally moved away from Ollie and started pulling out groceries. “Still glad you’re living with Rae?”
“It’s been six months, and we haven’t killed each other.”
