Rose sighed loudly, it didn’t make any difference, she couldn’t go anywhere near him. All her family had been warned to be cautious about his family and her parents would be really concerned. It was fine for Jack and Alex to be friendly to him when they were all thrown together, like this Christmas. It was in their nature to be friendly to everyone. But they wouldn’t deliberately seek him out and they would be horrified if Rose were to ever be more than friends with him.
Across the room, Diana began to wake up. Rose snatched up a book and pretended to be reading it. Diana was another problem. Diana wouldn’t like the idea of Rose and Leo kissing, she was sure of it, and she still had to share a room with Diana for the next year and a half.
Why was she even thinking about this? Ok, so they kissed. Big deal. It wasn’t likely to happen again. So they were attracted to each other. She was attracted to lots of boys, she reasoned. He had kissed several girls if the stories were true. In fact he was probably just proving he could. Pushing boundaries. Nothing more.
But what a kiss!
She had acknowledged he was attractive a long time ago, but that hadn’t made her want to do anything about it. Now she wondered how she could have been in the same room as him for years without wanting to kiss him. It was like a spell had lifted, or had been cast, she wasn’t sure which, but the kiss had changed everything. Now she wanted him to kiss her again and then maybe kiss her some more.
It wasn’t personal, it was just chemical; an unfortunate attraction to the wrong person. He had even admitted he didn’t like her, hadn’t he? She frowned trying to remember his exact words.
But what about the necklace? He had put thought into it. When had he bought it? She reached up and touched it again.
“Happy Christmas.” Diana said brightly swinging her legs off the bed.
Rose was surprised, Diana wasn’t a morning person as a rule and usually said very little for a few hours after she got up. Actually she said very little to Rose or the other girls most of the time. Rose wondered for the first time if maybe Diana wasn’t stuck up but was just shy.
Rose smiled back at her and said “Same to you. Isn’t it fun being here?”
“Fun?” Diana looked mockingly at her before walking off into the bathroom. Rose ground her teeth; maybe Diana was just stuck up!
She dressed quickly in jeans, trainers and pulled a long baggy jumper on over a t-shirt.
Looking in the mirror she suddenly wanted to look a bit less ordinary and a bit more girly. “Because it’s Christmas Day,” she told herself firmly. She brushed her hair and put it up in a ponytail, then added a bit of eyeliner and mascara. Just a little bit, so Alex wouldn’t notice and tease her. But she did feel she looked instantly better. She swapped her trainers for brown leather boots and her baggy jumper for a white cashmere cardigan.
Stopping in front of the mirror again she got cross with herself. Why was she making such an effort? Did it look like she was making an effort? Critically she looked over the outfit. It was a perfectly normal outfit, similar to what many of the girls would wear at the weekend. She looked good, but not over the top. Satisfied, she smiled at her reflection and quickly did up her top button, so the necklace wasn’t showing. Half way down the stairs she had a vain moment and pulled the band out of her hair so it swung loose around her shoulders.
Leo watched Rose enter the breakfast hall where one long table had been put out for the teachers and the students to all sit down together. She looked fantastic. Actually he reasoned, she always looked fantastic, but he had never seen her in such tight jeans, or maybe he just hadn’t noticed before. He was sure she was even better looking this year than she had been last year. Not that it mattered, she didn’t like him, and he tried to avoid her so she wouldn’t know how much he wanted her to.
Had she opened the gift yet? Her eyes scanned the room in a general sort of way. She saw him and her hand went up to touch something round her neck. Yes. She’d opened the present and was clearly wearing it. She gave him a very quick smile and then waved at Alex Parkhurst, making her way to the far end of the table beside him. Leo didn’t care. Inside he was grinning like a maniac. She wasn’t pissed at him for kissing her. He was sure she would be angry or disgusted or maybe even laugh at him. But instead she had smiled at him and she was wearing the necklace.
Diana came into the room and he jumped up to meet her.
“Happy Christmas” he said warmly. “How are you feeling?”
Diana smiled back at him for his constant niceness. “I’m fine, I’m glad we’re here.” She settled onto the bench opposite him and he poured her some juice.
Rose watched them beneath lowered lashes. What was going on between those two?
“Al, can I have some juice?” Rose nudged her glass towards Alex.
“Sure.” He didn’t even look up, just shoved the jug of juice in her direction.
“Gee, thanks.” She said, more sharply than she intended. Alex's head jerked up and his eyes narrowed as he looked at her. It was an appraising look.
“What?” she said trying to keep her voice normal and smile.
“Are you wearing makeup?” he said in a neutral tone.
“I’m sixteen, Alex, it’s quite normal for girls to wear some makeup.” She waited for him to point out that she never really wore makeup. But he didn’t say anything more, just looked thoughtful as he chewed his cereal. Beside her Toby laughed and said she needed it. Jack, sat across from Toby, disagreed and said she didn’t. Which was unusually nice of him.
“Shall we go for a walk after breakfast?” Rose poked Alex as he didn’t seem to be listening. “A walk down to the river? Work up an appetite for lunch?”
“What just the two of us?” Alex frowned “No, I don’t think we should.” Was Alex being odd or was it her imagination?
“Ohhh kaaay then… Are you ok, Al?”
“Of course!” he smiled at her “I just think we should do stuff as a family, you know, as it’s Christmas.”
Maybe it was just as well, Rose thought. The urge to confide everything that had happened to Alex would be hard to overcome if they went off privately together. She wasn’t sure yet how much she wanted to tell him, or even if she should at all. But she had never kept secrets from him and she was desperate to tell someone. Maybe she should send a text to Grace after breakfast. Grace was great at practical advice. Though actually she didn’t really want any advice, she just wanted to talk about Leo. Or maybe she wanted to talk to Leo.
She fiddled with the necklace and looked down the table at him and Diana conversing quietly.
“I need some fresh air.” She told Alex loudly “I’m going to go down to the river on my own, do you mind?”
“’Course not,” he said buttering some toast “I’m not finished anyway.”
Leo watched her leave the hall and wondered whether he should follow.
Chapter Five
Rose walked slowly along the edge of the river. She was getting near the woods and would have to turn back soon. Why had she not worn her trainers? These boots were not made for walking! She sighed and tried to remind herself that she liked walking alone, when she heard someone coming. Her heart leapt at the sight of Leo. She hadn’t realized how much she had wanted him to follow and she hadn’t realized how happy it would make her to see him. She sat on a boulder and waited for him to reach her.
“Fancy seeing you here.” He quipped with a raised eyebrow.
She grinned back at him. “Shocking surprise, clearly!”
“Do say if you really did want to be alone?” he asked looking more serious.
“No.” She felt suddenly shy. “I wanted to thank you for the necklace. I love it. It’s so perfect.” She was desperate to ask him when and why he bought it, but wasn’t sure how.
“I really wish I’d given you something more than chocolate now.” She said.
“Oh, but you did.” He smiled wickedly. “Or have you forgotten already?”
Rose blushed at the memory. “It stil
l doesn’t seem enough compared to this.” Her fingers stroked the winged horse.
“Well, we could always do it again,” he suggested sitting down beside her “and maybe again after that?”
Rose sighed. God yes, she wanted to. “Leo, you know we can’t. You’re a …” She broke off realizing how stupid it sounded.
“A Flanagan, yes, I know. We’re just the regular Romeo and Juliet. A plague on both our houses!” He quoted.
She laughed, “I know it’s daft. But yes, it is a bit like that. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” He squeezed her hand to show he understood.
They sat in silence for a moment then he said quietly “I know some of the things my family has done, but they’re not all bad you know.”
“Oh Leo!” Rose felt her heart contract with regret “I didn’t mean to suggest that. It’s my Dad, really. He wanted to take me away from Compass to stop me being friends with you. He could still take me away if he thought we were getting closer.”
“I think we already are friends Rose, except that nobody else actually knows.”
“Oh, come on,” she laughed. “This is our first real conversation in over five years. That’s not much of a friendship.”
“I like you. If you could like me too then that’s how friendships start.” He brushed a lock of her hair off her cheek and tucked it behind her ear. She quivered at what felt such an intimate touch.
“Are you cold?” he asked, misreading her shiver.
“Yes, a little.” She fibbed, suddenly needing to be nearer to him. He shifted closer on the boulder and put an arm around her shoulders. She allowed herself to nestle into his warmth. She couldn’t resist bringing one hand up and placing it on his jumper against his chest. She could feel his heart beating under her hand. She looked up at him under low lashes.
“Careful, Rose,” he warned, “You’re playing with fire.”
She trailed her hand down his chest, across his stomach and then along the edge of the waistband of his jeans. She didn’t know what inner demon made her do it, only that she wanted to very much. She was usually so shy around boys.
He pulled her against him. Her chest crushed against his, and kissed her once again.
She sighed with satisfaction against his mouth. She had craved this since the first kiss. A warm spiral of pleasure wound through her. She curled her hands around his biceps and reveled in his physique; how could she not have noticed before just how incredibly yummy he was?
He pulled back suddenly and she looked up at him, taking in almost for the first time the tousled black hair, the sky blue of his eyes, the fantastic cheekbones and strong chin. But he wasn’t looking at her. His eyes were on the row of trees between them and the school, and then she heard what he must have heard.
“Leo? Leo!” Diana’s voice. “Where are you?” her tone began to get plaintive.
“Damn!” Leo jumped to his feet. “Sorry, Rose, once again I shouldn’t have done that.”
Rose, who had been feeling all dreamy staring at him, suddenly felt annoyed.
“Are you and Diana a couple?” She had to ask.
“No, not at all.” He ran his hands through his hair as though stressed. “But it’s complicated. She would be very upset if she thought we were doing this.”
“She’s in love with you?” It seemed the only possible explanation to Rose.
“No, of course not! It’s complicated.” He kept glancing towards the school.
“Yes, you said that.” Rose waited for him to tell her more.
“I have to go.” Hmm, apparently he wasn’t going to tell her anything.
“Right, and this never happened?” She tried to clarify where they stood with each other now.
“Never happened.” He agreed.
He turned as if to walk away. Then spinning back he pulled her to her feet and wrapped his arms around her.
“Last time.” He whispered against her lips. It was a hard and quick kiss but Rose still felt the whole world tilt. He released her and strode off back toward the school as she sat back with a bump on the rock.
So, where were they now? Back to how they used to be? It was pretty clear to her that he fancied her and probably pretty clear to him that, no matter how unfriendly she might have been in the past, she definitely fancied him too.
How annoying that her first serious crush was on a Flanagan! It couldn’t be anyone worse as far as her family were concerned. She couldn’t deny to herself that she definitely had a serious case of lust for him now. By kissing her socks off like that he had made her want him badly. The kisses she had experienced in the past had been nothing in comparison.
For the first time, since Leo had first kissed her, she now remembered Ben. How easily Leo had eclipsed Ben from her mind. Ben was lovely and she did like him, but she now realized her attraction to Ben had only ever been lukewarm from the start. He’d never made her feel dizzy with desire. Maybe no one but Leo ever could. Not that it mattered; she and Leo weren’t going to kiss again. But she would have to have a conversation with Ben. She and Ben weren’t a couple; after all they had barely spoken since the start of November. She had only let it carry on all these years because there had never been anyone better. It had been nice to have a back up boyfriend, to occasionally make an effort for, but now she was being honest with herself, she realized that was all Ben had ever been to her, something she kept going while waiting for the real thing. It sounded terrible and she would have felt guilty if she didn’t suspect that she was exactly the same to him; at least she really hoped she was. Sophie was right, she and Ben needed to properly talk and agree that it was completely over.
It was a shame in a way. Ben was so perfect. Sophie and Grace both really liked him, Alex really liked him, even her parents really liked him. They would not like Leo. Her parents would flip out if she so much as mentioned his name.
Was his family really so bad? she mused. Was his dad really just like his uncle? Would he try to use any connection between them to hurt her parents? Maybe; she had to trust that her parents would know better than her, the Flanagans certainly made them nervous, and they had been directly responsible for putting Brian Flanagan in prison. She wondered if they had ever been threatened. It wasn’t the first time she had wished her parents just had nice, safe, boring jobs.
No, they must never kiss again. Though that shouldn’t be a problem as he had already said they were both supposed to forget it had ever happened. As if! Mmm, she closed her eyes and relived it for a moment, as she had done several times since the first kiss. But it was just lust, right? She didn’t have any real emotional feelings for him, did she? No, definitely not. Whatever he said, they were NOT friends. She was just attracted to him against her will.
Having come to this conclusion she began to stomp her way back to the school building.
So why was she so annoyed that he also seemed to be attracted against his will? She wanted him to like her unconditionally. It wasn’t her family that had tortured and murdered people! Also it would really help if he wasn’t so nice. How could she dislike him if he continued being friendly and funny and bloody gorgeous?
Of course, there was the issue of Diana. He hadn’t been completely upfront about her. But Leo wasn’t thinking of Diana when he was kissing her. She smiled viciously, thinking of how saying that to Diana would give her great satisfaction. The feeling only lasted a second before she ticked herself off. What a horrid thing to think. Diana didn’t have many friends; she didn’t want to take Leo from her, just because Diana was a cold, emotionless, stuck up cow. Rose began to laugh at herself for her even thinking it.
Ok, so they kissed; and they were going to pretend it never happened. On the one hand, this was very good. His mates wouldn’t know, it wouldn’t be spread all over school, her family wouldn’t find out and be upset, things could stay the same. On the other hand, it was very bad. It meant she couldn’t tell Grace or Sophie, they would never be able to keep it to themselves, and she badly wanted to talk to
someone about it.
Well fine. She would just pretend it never happened. She wasn’t madly attracted to him. She didn’t like him anyway. He wasn’t good-looking and he wasn’t nice. And he hadn’t given her the most lovely present…
She fingered the necklace again. She was already dying to kiss him just once more.
She should get back to the school, it was nearly time for the six course lunch in the upper school hall followed by presents in front of the log fire lit next to the huge Christmas tree in the library.
Rose headed to the library, where everyone was meeting. Armchairs had been laid out in front of the fire and the lamps had all been covered with red shades to create a warm glow.
Ellie was on the floor, playing with a small black kitten. Her face was shining with joy.
“My present from Mum and Dad. Isn’t he wonderful?” She enthused as Rose went down onto her knees beside them.
“Adorable,” agreed Rose rubbing him behind one ear. “What will you name him?”
“Sherlock.” Ellie said laughing, “Because he’s been sticking his nose into absolutely everything.”
“Good name.” Rose agreed as the kitten’s head disappeared under her jumper and he tried to investigate her belt.
Rose turned to greet her aunt and uncle who had arrived while she had been outside.
“Rosie. I swear you’ve grown even more beautiful since the summer.” Her aunt Nora pulled her into a bear hug. “I’ve put your main present under the tree but I saw this jumper just yesterday and couldn’t resist buying it for you. I thought it would look perfect with your hair.” Aunt Nora fingered Rose’s auburn hair. “Why don’t you run and put it on so we can check it fits, I can always change it if you don’t like it.”
Rose smiled a thank you, talked briefly with her uncle, exchanging news on her parents, then took the package up to her room.
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