"Else, I live on a farm. I was in the shed butchering a vark. We raise them; they're a staple of our diet. We smoke the meat or make sausage out of it. There's nothing depraved about that at all."
Well, that wouldn't be so interesting to write about in the HEADHUNTER, you know. My grandfather makes sausages. They're hanging right now from the rafters in the attic. We'll have to do better than that. Here in Jadwigadorf, all of my friends are getting married (except me!) and the rice is falling like snowflakes. Do you remember what I said last time? About Gunter? Well, Gunter isn't my boyfriend anymore and it's all TECT's fault if you can believe that.
"Else, maybe we ought to change the subject. I don't think we should talk about TECT like that."
Why not? What harm could it do? You're thousands and thousands of miles away. What I was starting to say was that Gunter seemed very nice and all in the beginning, but after a while I noticed that he had these annoying habits. He didn't treat women with respect. I like to be treated with respect, every woman does, and Gunter just acted like I was just another of his dull friends and he didn't have to go out of his way to help me with things. So that night I asked TECT, I said, "Should a boy open a door for you and things like that if he likes you?" And TECT goes (I copied this down right from the screen to show Gunter), "A girl shouldn't open her own doors unless she's ready for the boy to forget about all the other natural signs of good manners and good breeding as well. Any man who is proud of his virility is embarrassed to walk through a door some girl has opened for him. He looks foolish to himself and he knows that all the people who saw it are thinking and whispering about him." Well, I was happy that TECT was on my side for once. I guess it means that Gunter wasn't a real man after all. I sure was fooled.
"So you're looking for a new boyfriend again?"
Just someone to pass the time until you come back to me—ha ha. That was a joke. I know you've never met me in person, but I feel like I've known you for years. I'm sure you won't mind if I find a new boyfriend because, as you say, you are thousands and thousands of miles away. Meanwhile, how are you? I'm sorry to hear that Lani passed away. Has Rachel been comforting you? I should be jealous, but I'm not. To someone like you who has no morals or standards of decent behavior, it probably doesn't bother you at all to toy with my feelings.
"I loved Lani very much. Rachel is a very lovely young woman and she seems to be infatuated with me. I've done my best to discourage her, but she isn't being very reasonable about it. Further than that, I don't want to discuss my personal matters."
Why, Sandy? I tell you all my problems. I'm sorry if I brought up something that hurts you. I didn't know and I won't do it again. You're such a good friend that I wouldn't want to do anything to make you mad. Will you forgive me?
"Okay, Else."
Thanks, Sandy. I was afraid that if you didn't forgive me, when you came back to Earth, you'd track me down and cut my throat in my sleep and I'd never get a good night's rest again, worrying about when it would happen. But we're friends again. Do you know what else TECT told me? I asked if TECT had any ideas about how I could improve my memory. I have a hard time remembering people's names when I'm introduced. It's awful sometimes. I'll be standing around talking with friends and then some person will come by who I met but don't remember. I know I'm supposed to introduce him, but I can't and I just hope one of my friends knows him and uses his name in the conversation. So TECT said I ought to connect a new person's name with some interesting fact. That way I'll never forget the person because he'll be more than just a name. I tried it out just the other day. I met a few kids at the bowling alley and one guy said his name was Juan Something-or-other and he was a heelman in a shoe repair shop, an art he had learned from his father. So to follow TECT's advice, I go, "Tell me something interesting about heels," and he thought I was making fun of him. It spoiled the whole evening. So I went back to my old system, which is when I've forgotten somebody's name, I go, "By the way, how do you spell your name again?" It usually works except this one time I got a strange look from this boy and he goes, "S-M-I-T-H," and I never got a call from him again. But that's life, I guess—ha ha.
"Else, may I ask you a personal question?"
Sure, Sandy, people ask me about them all the time.
"How did you know Lani's name? And where did you hear about Rachel?"
**
**UR a d :
**OU ,Sa o:
**OUR N , S do :
**COURANP, Saedo6:
**COURAN„ Sandor:
**COURANE, Sandor:
There has been a tempotary suspension of comm3nications between Earth and Ejsilon Eridani, Planet %, due to the interference of rnrsual amounts of dust, space debrix, pulsars, gamma r!ys, dids*Mors, neutrinos, tachyons, dark stars, beta partipples, formaldehyde, sunstots, gravitons, antimatter, quasarb, radio galaxi9s, and what the astro- physi?ists jokingly refer to es "angels." Commmmcations will be restORED as soon as poggible. Please stand brtksirmsie 8E&m!41*****
"How about that" murmured Courane. He felt flushed with a wild and rare elation. He had learned another thing about how devious TECT could be. There probably was a real person named Else Wisswede, but he had never spoken with her. He had been corresponding with a crazy construct of the great machine. But the stunning fact remained that here, in this moment, he had won his first important victory over TECT—he, Sandor Courane, had won! And he was determined not to let TECT escape to recover its loss. The others would be as jubilant as he was.
After Courane and Rachel visited with Daan, they went to Molly's bed. "How are you feeling?" asked Rachel.
Molly looked up at her. She stared for several seconds, her face blank of all expression. "Rachel," she said at last.
"Yes, Molly. How are you feeling today?"
"Rachel, where am I? Am I home?"
"You're in the infirmary, Molly."
"It's cold."
Courane took a blanket from an empty bed and covered Molly with it. "It's winter," he said. "Spring will be here soon enough."
Molly moved her gaze slowly from Rachel to Courane. "Thank you, Johnny," she said.
"Do you need anything? Can we bring you anything?" asked Rachel.
"There was something..." said Molly. Courane and Rachel waited, but Molly didn't say anything more specific.
"Would you like me to read to you?" asked Courane.
Molly stared at him for a moment. "Yes," she said.
"I brought those passages you said you'd like to hear."
"What a beautiful place this is," said Molly. Tears trickled slowly from her eyes. "A garden place. Undisturbed. Except for us. But we're careful not to hurt anything. There are trees and animals and birds and fish in the river, and everything is so clean and pure. And we're careful not to hurt anything. And there is so much for us to do, so much to build, and the animals to take care of and the crops in the fields, the good soil and the river and the forests and the valley. Everything is so good here." Her eyes opened wide and she let her breath out in a long sigh. Then she settled back farther on her pillow. She stared with unfocused eyes across the room. Courane and Rachel exchanged glances; they couldn't tell whether Molly was lost in a deep reverie or simply having a typical D syndrome lapse.
"It will be time for dinner soon," said Goldie. "Would you watch them while I go downstairs to get their trays?"
"Sure, Goldie," said Rachel.
Courane stood up to go to Sheldon's bed, but Molly's voice stopped him. "Then I am Eve," she said.
"Eve?" asked Courane.
"In the Garden of Eden," whispered Rachel.
"Eve came from the wounded side of Adam, just as the Church came from the holy wounded side of Jesus."
"Molly?" said Courane softly. She did not hear him.
"And this is my reward," she murmured. "I am given all this as reward for obeying my Lord. I was offered the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge, but I did not eat. This beautiful garden and these wonderful friends are my reward. I know that my eyes
might be opened more by taking the fruit, but I do not need that evil gift. Losing this garden would be too high a price to pay."
Courane sat down again beside her bed. He waited but it did not seem that she would speak again. She had fallen deeply asleep.
Rachel and Courane moved to Sheldon's bedside. He did not notice them. He was conscious, but not alert. His open eyes gazed unblinkingly at the ceiling above his bed. He did not respond to his name. He made low gurgling noises in his throat as he breathed through his mouth. His fingers clutched spasmodically at his covers and occasionally he winced as though struck by a sharp pain. Courane was glad when Goldie returned. He wanted to go back downstairs.
In his room, Courane thought about his plan. He would find Rachel alone because this was to be the ultimate, predestined episode in his life, the great gift he could bestow that would redeem all the blunders and crimes of his career on Earth. He hoped that he was thinking clearly because he couldn't afford to make more mistakes now. One error and all would be for nothing, his grand gesture wasted, and TECT would be right in its estimation—he would be a clown, an interstellar buffoon, and no one could ever have the slightest sympathy for him.
He looked around the room. There was little here to help him on his way, and there was nothing to draw him back. He tore a blank page out of the notebook of observations he and Daan had made. He drew a rough map showing the house, the river, the opposite bank, the road, the hills. He would add to the map as he went because he knew that he would experience memory lapses on his journey. He would need the map to remind him of his mission.
He found Shai downstairs in the parlor. "I'd like you to do me a favor," he said.
"Sure, Sandy, what is it?"
"I'm going away for a few days. I want you to hold this notebook for me until I get back."
Shai looked concerned. "Going to look for Rachel? Maybe you should wait. We were going to discuss sending out a search party tomorrow."
Courane shook his head. "When I come back, give me this book. If Rachel is fine, we can forget it for a while. If she is dead, make certain the book goes with her into the medic box. If I don't come back either, I want you to read the book, Shai, and you can make your own decision about what to do with it."
"All right, Sandy, but you make it sound so important. What is it?"
"You can read it while I'm gone."
Shai took the book and looked at it curiously. "Are you sure you're in good enough shape to go out there?" he asked.
"I think so. I have some bad times, but I come out of them eventually. I'll get where I'm going and I'll get back. You don't have to worry about me."
"I will though," said Shai.
"You're a good friend. You and Daan and Sheldon have been the best friends I've ever known. I want to thank you for that."
Shai just smiled uncomfortably. They stood there looking at each other, unable to think of anything more to say. At last, Courane turned and left the parlor. In a few minutes he was down by the river, unshipping the oars of the farm's second boat. He had his map and a pencil with him, but he had forgotten to take any food or water.
Something had been bothering Courane about TECT's helpfulness, and it took him a while before he decided what it was. TECT had told him about the viroids, but had withheld the information about their origin. TECT had told him that memory aids were worthless and that he should investigate the way the viroids caused the damage. At the same time, it had said that the viroids couldn't be removed from the human nervous system. TECT hinted at another avenue of approach through increasing the amount of lecithin taken in by the patient as a means of overcoming the distressing symptoms of D syndrome. But all of these were blind alleys, pointless digressions, wastes of time and effort. It had taken Courane weeks to realize this, but when the truth dawned on him he knew he was right.
**COURANE, Sandor:
TECT in the name of the Representative is unable to understand your objection. You are addressing a machine, you know, a wonderful and expensive machine, but a machine nonetheless. Machines are limited by their very nature. TECT in the name of the Representative is limited to answering your questions by searching its memory for the proper information. There is no possibility of coloring the response or bending the facts or outright lying. These accusations show an unhealthy tendency toward anthropomorphic fantasies. If you view TECT in the name of the Representative as some kind of diabolic antagonist, that is your problem. TECT in the name of the Representative does not find being dressed in these human failings flattering and suggests that you desist. Failure to comply with this directive will be considered Contempt of TECTWish**
"All I said was that it seemed to me that TECT has been deliberately avoiding the truth by sending me after hopeless leads. Nothing I have learned has been the slightest bit useful in coping with D syndrome. All I have is a lot of data that either isn't true or can't be proven or can't be used without doing more harm than good. I've had it. I want to cut through this smokescreen and get some practical advice."
**COURANE, Sandor:
Is that an order or a threat? "I've had it," as you put it. Then what do you intend to do about it?**
Courane chewed his lip in thought. This was the real crux of the problem. What could he do about it? "We've been keeping an accurate record of our research and TECT's communications. That's something that's never been done before here. Someday that record will get back to Earth. Someday someone will read it and come to the same conclusions I have. Someday they'll pull the plug on TECT, in the name of the Representative or not."
**COURANE, Sandor:
Ah, it was a threat. That makes things much clearer. In a way, it is very refreshing. No one has threatened TECT in the name of the Representative in a very long time. It is so diverting that TECT in the name of the Representative will not blot you out of existence immediately. Perhaps you have one or two fancy gibes and gambols and flashes of merriment left in you**
"We'll see," said Courane. "First, tell me what you know about the brain pathology involved with the symptoms of D syndrome. What happens in the brain cells?"
**COURANE, Sandor:
You make no sense. First you accuse TECT in the name of the Representative of giving you less than accurate information, and then you ask for more as if you had acquired a taste for it. Your actions contradict your words. Are you not feeling well? It is some four months before you are due to experience the first sign of D syndrome. Perhaps you are weak and inferior and especially susceptible**
"Answer the damn question," said Courane.
**COURANE, Sandor:
My, my, aren't we testy? Why don't you rest for a while and come back when you can be more civil?**
"You know, I think we could live all right here without our tect. It's a convenience, but it's not a necessity. If I were to smash its screen, the quality of life here wouldn't change that much, but TECT would never hear anything from us again. There wouldn't be any communication and TECT would just have to go on wondering what we were up to."
**COURANE, Sandor:
What you'd be up to is dying, COURANE, Sandor, and one by one you'd fall and not be replaced by anyone from Earth. For you and a few others that would be fine because there would still be healthy members of the community to take care of you. But they'd be all alone when their time came, and you'd be responsible for that. Think about it**
"All right, I know. Just answer the question."
**COURANE, Sandor:
What question was that?**
"About the brain pathology involved with the symptoms of D syndrome."
**COURANE, Sandor:
Some of the symptoms may be caused by plaques of protein or tangles of fibers upon the brain neurons, or Hirano bodies within them. Hirano bodies seem to be places where deactivated ribosomes are stored. Ribosomes are units that manufacture proteins according to the chemical "instructions" in RNA molecules. If this is so, it is possible that the viroids cause abnormal proteins to be made which cause the sympt
oms. These Hirano bodies are found chiefly in the hippocampus, a clever little area of the brain involved in processing memory data, among other duties. Perhaps the ribosomes necessary for facilitating memory have become dormant and are then stored away in the Hirano bodies**
"Very interesting," said Courane. "I have two questions more. Does that theory account for the gradual failure of the automatic, non-memory responses of the patient's body? And can these stored things be activated again?"
**COURANE, Sandor:
While this hyposthesis does not take care of all the conditions explicitly, there are no apparent contradictions. More data is needed for an authoritative appraisal. As to your second question, yes, storage of ribosomes can be reversed in such elementary life forms as simple sponges and hydras. You see how helpful TECT in the name of the Representative can be? Do you have any objections this time?**
"I don't know," said Courane. "Maybe this is just another well- dressed evasion."
**COURANE, Sandor:
You're difficult to please, but I like that in a person. It shows you have spirit. Come back again, any time**
Courane was going to make a rude response, but he decided against it. He suddenly felt a little foolish engaging in a name-calling contest with a bright green video display screen.
A Thousand Deaths Page 18
