Alice knew that she had to accept a compromise, but she was not taken with the idea. She became repulsed at the idea of having to continue working alongside Alaska. But then she realized it might be satisfying to see the lead dog roll over and be just another member of the pack. She could finally throw any shit he gave her back in his face; he would hold only the usual male advantage. “Okay, but if he does it again, he’s gone, right?” Alice said, locking eyes with Fast Horse.
“Now, I’m not here to bargain with you, but that’s right. I’ll talk to him, so it won’t, though,” Fast Horse said with an air of finality.
Alice got up, as did Fast Horse. The two smiled with satisfaction and shook hands, viewing each other with respect. “See ya later,” Alice said, and turned to walk out of the door.
“Alice? “
Alice turned around.
“I meant that about you being squad boss someday.”
Alice smiled. “What, with you as crew boss?” she said in mock disdain, and flipped her hair back at him as she exited the tent.
Alice bounced along the trail ebulliently. The rage that had threatened to consume her had finally ebbed. She had been vindicated, validated for who she was and what she felt! No longer did she wish to destroy, but instead, to create. Her dreams of her future came into sharper focus than ever before. She came upon Frank, who had been sitting patiently, waiting for her. A brilliant smile seized her lips.
Frank softened at the sight. He realized how much he welcomed her smile, savored its beauty, and suffered in its absence. “So you did it!” he said with enthusiasm.
“Yes,” she replied cheerfully, and plopped down next to him. Frank’s heart pounded.
“I can’t believe that it actually worked!” Alice marveled.
“I knew you would do it.”
“Let me tell you, Frank, it wasn’t as easy as you might think. He said he didn’t like women asking for ‘special treatment’.”
Frank looked shocked. “He did?”
“Yes,” she said, matteroffactly, hoping his bubble had finally burst. “But I talked to him in his own language, and it worked!”
“I didn’t know you knew it. You got some Indian blood in you?” Frank joked, and received a playful punch in the arm.
“Fast Horse is a good man though, all in all...” Alice tossed in. “Fuck, I’m so happy! Alaska’s not out of the squad, but he’s not squad boss anymore. I can’t wait to see his face! And the face of that asshole Jim, who’s next on my hit list!”
“Maybe you won’t need to do any more, Alice. Maybe Jim’ll see what can happen, and that he was wrong, and he’ll stop bugging you.”
“I wouldn’t bet on it, but I’m ready for him. You know, Frank, not everyone has the ability to be reasoned with and adjust their ways. If Jim is smart, he’ll just leave me alone for his sake. That’s all I hope for.”
Frank suddenly felt unsteady, as a wave of defensiveness rushed over him. “Well, at least I’m not going to retreat to some ranch.”
Alice smiled. He had actually taken a shot at her. She was pleased to see that he did have a little fire in him after all. It would be of use to him in the future, she was certain. Anger mixed with conviction was a powerful thing.
“We’ll see about that, Frank,” Alice said, before she bade Frank goodnight and walked back to camp.
In another part of the camp, the Incident Commander breathed yet another sigh of relief. A layer of warm air had settled quickly over the entire District, having a dampening effect on the fire. He would get a good chance to contain all the fires, it appeared, even the one in Judgment Valley. He had feared that fire would spread from that valley to another east of there where, under his supervision, seedlings had been planted in an effort to heal the gashes of a previous logging operation. The I.C. hated to see the time and effort it had taken to regenerate this area go to waste. He pictured the little trees still trying to gain a foothold on the valley floor of their new world.
Meanwhile, the Devil’s Gulch fire, with its little legion of spot fires, finally slowed the pace of its destruction. In some places the flames went out entirely, while in others they advanced calmly, constructively chomping on vegetation as they moved.
Chapter 18
After breakfast, Frank walked with Scott on the newlyworn trail leading to their camp. “Frank!” Fast Horse called out. Frank and Scott stopped and watched the approach of Fast Horse, who appeared consumed with intent, as if he were about to take an exam he knew he would ace. “I have a proposition for you, Frank.”
“Yeah?”
“I’d like you to be squad boss. Think about it, now, before you answer...”
Frank looked at Fast Horse in disbelief, and then became consumed with a hollow uneasiness. Fast Horse was making a mistake, apparently thinking he was something he wasn’t. Frank tried to conceive of a graceful way to decline the job. He couldn’t be squad boss. “But what about Derrick, or Scott here?”
Scott smiled, appearing pleased. “Naw, you should take it, man. You got more fire experience.”
“Derrick doesn’t look like he wants anything to do with bossing people around. Hell, he has enough to worry about just takin’ care of himself,” Fast Horse said, with stoic acceptance, “which of course will partly be your responsibility as squad boss.” Fast Horse then beamed his charm at Frank.
Frank dropped his look of confusion, tried to shed his nearly overwhelming apprehension, and smiled as he clasped Fast Horse’s proffered hand. Then, in wonder, he watched as a radio was handed to him, and as he wrapped his fingers around its shiny cold blackness, he puffed up with pride in an effort to overshadow his nervousness and insecurity. “Well, thanks, Fast Horse,” he said. “I guess I accept the offer.”
“Well, I gotta go an’ get my stuff ready, boss,” Scott said, and offered a playful smirk.
“See ya,” Frank responded distantly, trying to contain the multitude of emotions running over him.
“Yeah, see ya later, Scott,” Fast Horse said, before turning back to Frank. “Well, Frank, I think you’ll do a good job; just keep trying to learn new stuff. Being squad boss isn’t like a reward. It’s just a different job with a buncha new responsibilities. I’m still learning my job.” Fast Horse paused. “I think you know some of why I want you to be squad boss, but one of the more important reasons is that I think you can help me with this crew. You seem to get along well with everybody, and that can help me out right now. If this crew works well together, there’s nothin’ we can’t do.” Fast Horse felt he had said enough for the present. “Well, I’ll see ya in a bit. If you got any problems or questions, don’t hesitate to come to me.”
“Yeah, okay, see ya,” Frank said, having difficulty getting his bounding mind to concentrate on the messages contained in Fast Horse’s short speech. Frank again looked at the newly-assigned radio. He knew how to use it already, so he could do that part of the job at least. It was unbelievable; he really was in charge! He had never even been the captain of sports teams in grade school; in fact, he had rarely even been noticed as a player on one of those teams. What did Fast Horse see in him? Scott too believed in him. There must be something there that he himself had not known existed, some hidden strength that was recognizable to other men, and, apparently, at least one woman. He the boss, and Alaska working under him!
Justice had found its mark. Fast Horse trusted him, and he wouldn’t let such a man down.
Frank walked toward the crew’s camp, certitude beginning to solidify within. He felt like he had a huge spotlight shining on him. He no longer felt compelled to retreat to a corner; nor did he feel that such a place even existed for him anymore. He had thrown himself into the middle of the stage, and to slink away now would be shameful. Anyway, the sights and sounds were fantastically alluring.
He realized he had felt different since he joined the crew this summer. He felt valued by pee
rs for one of the first times in his life. He guessed that the organizational character of the crew had actually proved to be the milieu for which he was best suited; it was in this small group that he had finally been recognized for what he was. Any small society had the ability to operate in a similar manner, he guessed; it was like a person’s qualities were noticed without the social marketing. Even labels had lost any negative impact in defining a person after a while. He was ‘College Boy’ and proud of it. But now he was more than that, he realized. He was a Forest Service squad boss, an integral part of the huge militia waging a yearly war. He was one of them.
Frank stopped to revel a moment longer, and tried to dispel his insecurity before he had to face the others. He was strapping the radio to his chest when Randy approached him, openly confused. “So, what... are you the new squad boss for Squad Three?”
“Yeah.” Frank was hot with embarrassment, having been seen for the first time wearing the radio.
“I heard Alaska grumblin’ about how glad he was that he didn’t have to deal with his squad’s shit anymore, or somethin’ like that. I knew it wasn’t his decision. Then he started talkin’ shit about Alice till Fast Horse pulled him aside. I take it you know what this is all about?” Randy asked gently.
Both men stood looking at the ground as Frank spoke. “Well, it’s kind of about what happened yesterday.” Frank hesitated before looking into Randy’s face and then continued, emboldened, “It’s about sexual harassment.” His words were met with a blank stare, and he considered himself foolish for using what suddenly seemed like jargon. But he went on to relay the events of the previous day, squad boss to squad boss. Talking to Randy suddenly felt different to him.
The nature of the story was all too familiar to Randy, who grimaced slightly at the men’s stupidity, unsettled most by the fact that his squad was implicated in the whole affair.
“That just wasn’t cool, know what I mean?” Frank spoke as if he was confiding in a friend. He took out a tin of tobacco, offered Randy some, and both men stuffed more than their customary portions in their mouths.
“Well, it ain’t like he did something that bad... why’d Fast Horse give him the boot?”
Frank jumped at the chance to set his fellow squad boss on the right track. “It’s fucking tough to be a woman on this crew.” Frank laughed, startling himself. What was he laughing for? It wasn’t funny. “I just think Alaska should have encouraged her more instead of discouraged her, know what I mean?”
Randy nodded his head.
Frank continued, “I mean, she’s got all this shit to deal with getting in the way of her just doing her job. It could definitely be made easier for her.” Frank spat on the ground after speaking.
Randy nodded again. “Yeah, it must be a little tougher, I guess. Alaska sure wasn’t helping. I have to agree with that.”
“Yeah, neither are some of the people on your squad,” Frank said with forced assurance.
“Yeah, they need the shit kicked out of ‘em sometimes. You wanna do it for me, squad boss? Be like an initiation.”
Both men looked at each other and laughed, leader to leader.
“It’s not my squad.” Frank joked. Frank was satisfied. It appeared that Randy recognized there was a problem and seemed likely to take action. “Yeah, the thing with Alice is...”
Frank was cut off by a rapidly approaching Jim. “The thing with Alice is that she needs to shut the fuck up and stop bitching about everything!” Jim’s sharp words had been hurled from a distance and he came closer to see if he had hit his mark. As approached, he scrutinized Frank’s face. Then, at close range, he conspicuously examined the radio on Frank’s chest, making Frank feel sickly foolish for wearing it, particularly for having done so initially with such overflowing pride.
Frank suddenly felt pressure to placate Jim. Agreeing that Alice was a bit of a hothead would probably suffice, he sensed. After, he could still give a version of what he thought about the whole deal, just water it down a bit in the interests of diplomacy. They could joke and be at ease with each other. He could finally be freed from the threat of intimidation.
“Aw, relax Jim,” Randy said nonchalantly, as if he were talking to a child whose misbehavior was commonplace. Randy wished he could tell Frank not to bother with Jim, and that it would be best if he himself dealt with Jim later. He had years of experience in dealing with his friend, and knew when to be firm and when not to be. He knew that Frank could never hope to have the same level of understanding with any of his men, and that Frank’s efforts would not only be futile, but would probably be seen as antagonistic. And anyway, his squad was his responsibility; Frank now had his own squad to worry about.
Frank’s definition of himself, meanwhile, was balanced precariously. There existed a need to alter who he was or that which was around him, do something to destroy the apparent incompatibility, return him to firm ground whether it be new or old. Frank reminded himself that he was now a leader, and decided that he should start acting like one. He forced himself to lean towards Jim’s sneering face. “Alice deserves some respect and she sure doesn’t get any from you. It’s like you got this mission to be an asshole to her.”
Jim appeared unfazed by Frank’s admonishment, which only infused Frank with genuine anger. “You should really learn to treat her with respect,” Frank added, surprising himself. He hadn’t expected to be taking such a firm stance, and it felt oddly exhilarating.
Randy grimaced. Frank’s method wasn’t going to work, in part because everyone knew that Frank was under one of those sweet-smelling spells.
“Aw, fuck off! Alice needs to mind where she is!” Jim said, with foreboding hostility rumbling in his voice. “Fuckin’ Alaska was just playing around. She can’t tell us how to act! Fuck, I’ll tell her how to act... or someone might end up showing her if she’s not careful!”
Randy shook his head. When that nervous tension developed in Jim, he always upped the stakes of a confrontation, no matter how trivial. “Come on, Jim. We’ve still got stuff to get ready,” he said.
Frank was almost nauseated. His heart hardened. Jim was fucking sick, he said to himself. Frank wanted to start firing with bigger artillery, but didn’t. Something was obstructing his aim, and he wasn’t sure about stepping beyond it. He kept himself back, and was soon rewarded with an unexpected glimpse of the humanity in Jim as his antagonist ducked out of the path of a bee and then brushed a lock of hair from his eyes. Frank thought about how Jim must have things in common with himself and others... But then he stopped. There were real differences that shouldn’t be ignored.
Jim soon tired of being stared down by Randy. He saw that Frank was withdrawing from their confrontation, and decided to declare himself the victor at an early stage in the contest. “I got better shit to do than talk about that bitch,” he said, turned his back, and began walking back to camp.
“Yeah, later,” Randy responded. He watched Jim disappear from view, relieved that the hostile episode had ended.
“Jim is a fucking rapist,” Frank said, coolly bouncing his allegation off Randy.
“Naw, Jim ain’t no rapist. He may be messed up an’ say shit he don’t mean, but he ain’t no rapist.” Randy was slightly irritated at Frank’s declaration, but managed to hide it.
Frank wisely decided not to push the matter, though Randy hadn’t convinced him of anything. “You agreed with me about Alice’s situation, so why didn’t you back me up?”
“I’ll take care of it later. Time and place for everything... Jim ain’t no rapist, but he sure as hell has a problem controlling his big-ass mouth... and with bein’ a dick.” Randy laughed on his last words and Frank, in relief, laughed with him. “Well, I gotta be gettin’ these canteens filled. Take it easy, Frank.”
“Yeah, see ya.”
The two squad bosses departed in opposite directions.
Frank clomped into camp and found S
cott. “Ten bucks there, partner!”
“Damn, you were right! I don’ know how she done it, but she done it all right. But this don’ mean you’re right about everythin’ else you say. And don’ be lettin’ victory go to your head there, boss. You’ll be as thickheaded as the rest of ‘em.” Scott slapped a bill into Frank’s hand and grinned.
“What’s this all about?” Alice asked, as she came upon the men.
“It’s, um...”
“What, Frank...?” Alice lowered her eyebrows and voice, suddenly afraid that the look on Frank’s face meant she was about to uncover treachery in her midst, where she could least tolerate it.
“It’s a bet. I thought you could convince Fast Horse to do something about what Alaska did yesterday, and you did.” Frank grinned at her timidly. “You want half?”
Shock registered with Alice, and then her jaw and lips tightened as she exerted effort to once again contain her outrage. She was being tested again, somehow, and just when it all seemed calm. She led Frank away from Scott, pulling him firmly by the arm. “How can you bet on something like that?” she said. “You think it was a game to me? You think it was fun for me, or easy? So fucking typical!”
Frank shrank before her. “Yeah, I guess it was insensitive. I’m sorry,” he said sheepishly. Then, with a tentative note of defiance he added, “I guess I’m just an asshole too.”
“I don’t know why you’re getting all excited, but your aggression is telling,” Alice said, and smiled wanly.
“You’re just going to alienate people if you say things like that!” Frank snarled, and then forced back his rage. Suddenly, he wanted desperately to be welcomed back into Alice’s favor. He calmed himself slightly. “I will admit that what I did might have been a little callous, I suppose.”
Alice was glad to hear that he understood his mistake, but was far from ready to ease up on her condemnation. She still held Frank in high esteem, but for now he was to be punished. She shrugged her shoulders and said, “Okay.” As she walked away she added, “Oh, congratulations on your promotion... boss.”
When a Fire Burns Hot Page 26
