Mandy grinned like the luckiest woman in the world. She rubbed her enormous belly and her diamond ring nearly blinded me. Xander was such a doting husband, with a bit of a jealous streak, that he insisted on buying Mandy new engagement and wedding rings when her fingers swelled with the pregnancy weight. The styles were slightly different but still stunning with a large solitaire and two thin silver bands. Mandy told us Xander didn’t want anyone giving Mandy a hard time when she couldn’t wear her rings. In the nine months of her pregnancy, Mandy had only gained seven pounds, but she claimed her weight shifted and everything felt swollen.
Kids fell from my future plans list when I also realized she couldn’t be on her feet much. I loved baking too much to give it up for nine months. Not that it mattered. I’d have to have sex again one day in order to get pregnant.
“I’m so ready to meet the baby, I can’t even tell you,” Mandy gushed. Her moods flipped from excited and ready to terrified and unprepared faster than I could bake a batch of cupcakes.
“And you still don’t know what you’re having?” Sam asked.
Mandy shook her head with a secret smile that made me wonder if she really knew but didn’t want to tell anyone. “I have a guess though.” Everyone leaned in without realizing it as Mandy lowered her voice. We all glanced around for anyone listening before Mandy continued. “I’ve been insanely horny since I got pregnant so I’m pretty sure it’s a boy. Something about the extra testosterone running around in my system. Xander thinks I’m crazy, but he doesn’t realize how turned on I am. All. The. Time. It’s frustrating.”
Carrie started laughing and fell over onto Riley who giggled with her. The rest of us watched them like they were crazy. When they finally composed themselves Carrie straightened her shirt and giggled again.
“What’s the matter with you two?” Claire asked.
“I think I might be pregnant with a little boy too,” Carrie giggled. “As soon as we walk in the door I’m stripping Drew and climbing on top of him. I just thought it was because he’s so fucking hot and I can’t get enough of him. Riley and Connor nearly caught us the other day. Not that they didn’t know what they missed as soon as we opened the door.”
When Carrie and Drew were dating she had a pregnancy scare. Actually, no, she got pregnant. She lost the baby only a few days after she found out she was pregnant, but she was crushed. It was really hard for Carrie, especially because the baby stuff happened when she and Drew were sort of split up.
To hear her joke about being pregnant made my breath catch. We’d all been careful not to joke about pregnancy or to talk about Mandy’s too much around Carrie. I think we’d all been on pins and needles around her, not knowing if an off-handed comment would send her into a downward spiral.
Apparently, she was better.
“Yeah,” Riley laughed, “it’s impossible not to know when we were on the porch listening to you screaming, ‘Yes, Drew, just like that, baby.’ It wasn’t on accident that you finished before we knocked on the door.”
Carrie swatted Riley while the rest of us laughed. “Why didn’t you tell me that?”
Riley shrugged and arched a dark eyebrow. “We all knew what was going on and I really didn’t want a repeat performance while we were in the house. If you knew we’d already heard you once I was afraid you’d drag him to the bathroom during drinks and go for round two.”
Carrie laughed so hard she turned red and nodded her agreement with Riley, making the rest of us laugh even harder. Mandy clutched her stomach and tried to calm her breathing. “Are you okay?” Claire asked her.
“Oh, shit, yeah. You guys are hilarious. If a laughing fit sends me into labor I’m pretty sure it’ll be a good way to get started. I’m worried it’s going to be something horrible like my water breaking in the middle of Target and some stranger has to deliver the baby in the shoe department.”
Addi and I shared a look and snickered at the thought. Hearing Mandy put words to the thoughts we’d had earlier was funnier than either of us expected and set us into another laughing fit. It was how most things went when we were all together. The eight of us were loud, obnoxious, and loved to laugh.
I was still surprised to be a part of the group at times. At first I thought they’d included me just because they felt rude not asking me to join them when I was always around for their evenings out. When Claire started dating Aidan she lived close and would walk over at times to talk to me, and Lexi if she was around. When Claire invited me to her wedding party after she eloped I still wondered if it was a pity invite.
At the party Claire was kind and friendly and I got a chance to talk to Sam, Addi, and Mandy a lot more. After that we were closer and I stopped questioning their motives. Unless I was testing out new cupcake flavors. Then I knew they were only around for the sugar, not me. I was okay with that.
“What are you planning to do on your leave?” Riley asked Mandy.
Mandy rolled her shoulders and let her tongue hang out. She looked like a dog on a hot summer day. “Xander is paranoid. I told him I wanted to take a walk around the neighborhood or do some more decorating in the baby’s room or go visit my parents. He lost it. He doesn’t want me doing anything unless he’s there. I’ll be 39 weeks tomorrow so I could go at any time. I’m taking my leave after Friday because I’m just ready to be done with work.”
“You should come hang out here,” I told her.
Mandy looked like a kid on Christmas morning. “Seriously? I wouldn’t be in the way?”
I dismissed her concern with a wave of my hand. “It gets boring being here alone sometimes. Besides, I can keep you in cupcakes and you won’t be alone. If he won’t let you go anywhere then I bet he’s getting crazy about you being alone all day while he’s at work.”
Mandy rolled her eyes. “You have no idea. He’s already stopped basically everything he has going on for the next few weeks and Drew is being a saint and covering for their meetings. Xander is acting like labor will only be thirty minutes and then he’ll be taking care of me and the baby for weeks.”
“It might be,” Claire offered encouragingly.
Mandy laughed. “Not likely. Most first time labors are in the 10-14 hour range. He could work a full day and I still wouldn’t be done when he got off work. Not that he listens when I tell him that.”
“He’s just worried about you,” Carrie jumped in. “He’s freaking out constantly at the office. Every time the phone rings he’s paranoid. If you text him he’s running out the door before he even reads it. I think it’s sweet.”
“Yeah, just wait. It won’t be so cute when your husband is the overbearing crazy one,” Mandy grumbled. I eyed Carrie carefully to see if Mandy’s words had the impact I worried they would. When Carrie lost the baby Drew was a basket case, especially since Carrie wouldn’t see him or talk to him, but it had been Carrie’s dream to have kids and she took the loss hard. Thankfully, Carrie brushed off Mandy’s comments without a flinch and I worked to let it go myself. Maybe I was the only one still treating Carrie with kid gloves.
Mandy, on the other hand, I knew she secretly loved the attention she was getting from Xander. Mandy didn’t ever think she’d find love before she met Xander. I didn’t know her back then, but I heard stories from the others about how dead-set she was against anything to do with love or men, besides casual flings. Xander breezed in and swept her off her feet. They had a few issues to work through at first, but pretty much the entire time I’ve known Mandy she’s been head-over-heels for Xander.
The feeling was very mutual.
“Just come hang out with me. You can help me bake, from a chair, and taste test everything that day. Xander can even drop you off in the morning if he wants so you’re not driving then pick you up at the end of the day.”
“I think you just became his favorite person. He’s going to love this. Are you sure I won’t be in the way?”
I pointedly looked at her enormous belly and raised an eyebrow as though I was considering the questio
n seriously. Addi snorted next to me and everyone else muffled their own laugh before I met Mandy’s fearful eyes. I let a grin split my face and shook my head at her. “We probably won’t fit through the door at the same time but with the size of my ass I’m pretty sure I’d say the same to anyone, not just a pregnant woman. You’ll be fine, and we’ll have fun.”
“Connor and I might stop by one day too. Our schedules overlap in the morning and we usually have about an hour we see each other,” Riley added.
“Don’t you usually spent that hour practicing all those kinky things you read about?” Carrie teased.
Riley swatted her arm. “I don’t read kinky things. And yes, but we can give up one morning for our friend.”
Everyone laughed and promised to try to stop by one day before, during, or after work to check on Mandy. We’d all already discussed bringing Mandy and Xander dinners for a month after the baby was born. Whoever was taking dinner that night agreed to pick up muffins before going to their house so they’d also have breakfast ready each morning.
We were ready to accept the first baby into our group.
Not long after our baby talk ended everyone was ready to get home to their husbands. Kendall was on their heels, leaving me alone again. I went through cleaning up the shop and getting things ready for the morning. I locked the front door with a little grin, wondering what my morning would hold. I grabbed a couple of cupcakes before heading upstairs to get ready for bed.
Just me, my cupcakes, and my fantasies of Max.
Four
The next morning I was up before my alarm again. I showered, got dressed in my standard t-shirt and sweatpants, including a bra, and even dabbed on a little make-up. Yeah, I was losing it.
I’d spent the entire night dreaming about Max. Hot, steamy, sexy dreams. It’d definitely been too long since I’d gotten laid. Not that I wanted to think about it. Most of my sexual encounters left something to be desired, usually an orgasm or two, and they were few and far between the last few months. It was time to change the batteries in the only man I’d spent time with lately, my BOB.
Downstairs I flipped on the lights out front, just in case. As I chewed on my nail, I second guessed myself and turned the lights back off and retreated to the kitchen.
My mind went deliciously blank as I baked the muffins, sparing me from thinking about Max and replaying the naughty dreams I’d had. I hoped he’d ‘forget’ his coffee again so I could see him, but I knew the chances were small.
When I heard the snowplow pass the shop my heart skipped. No shit, it skipped a beat. I debated on what I should do and immediately felt like those stupid teenaged girls I hated when I was in high school. At 31 I could not let a man run my life, even one small portion of it.
With my brain back on track I continued with my morning, barely noticing the plow still circling the lot when I flipped the lights on out front and started filling the case.
I also barely noticed when that same plow pulled out of the driveway and disappeared into the darkness of the early morning.
Barely.
What a waste of a bra.
When I opened the store I was in a shitty mood. He never promised to come back or to talk to me again, but it still felt like a slight. Like he was blowing me off. Like the compliments he paid me the morning before were only to get his coffee and muffins.
The worst part was I fell for it. Hook, line, and sinker.
Oh, well, another one behind me. All it cost me was a tiny bit of stock and a chunk of my pride. I never should have mentioned him to Lexi. Everyone would ask every single week what happened with him and if he’d been back. Eventually they would give up. I hoped.
I turned the lock on the door a few hours later and waited for customers to start flowing in.
Thankfully I didn’t have to wait long. My morning was relatively busy as I filled coffee cups, passed out muffins, and forced thoughts of the sexy snowplow driver from my mind.
At nine-thirty, faithfully, my favorite customers came in bundled in their heavy coats and scarves. Mr. and Mrs. O’Neill had lived in Winterville their entire lives. They were high school sweethearts and still in love sixty-two years later. They came in every morning for cupcakes and muffins.
“Good morning, Charlie. How are you today?”
“I’m doing great Mrs. O’Neill,” I lied as I grabbed their usual order of a blueberry and a banana nut muffin on a plate for them to eat there and two vanilla bean cupcakes to go. I added one large cup of coffee that they would share and set everything on the counter between us. “How are you both doing today?”
“We’re great. Our youngest granddaughter called last night and is having a baby so we’re celebrating.”
“Oh, how exciting! That’s Molly, right? It’ll be your 23rd or 24th great-grandchild?”
Mrs. O’Neill beamed. “Our 24th. Molly is so excited. She and her husband said they’ve been trying for a while and were starting to get worried it wouldn’t happen. Her parents, our boy Roger and his wife Beth, are thrilled.”
Mr. O’Neill stood proudly behind his wife, looking at her with such a look of love that it nearly took my breath. The way they looked and spoke, the baby could have been theirs. To feel that joy and excitement was something I hadn’t experienced before. Being an only child and not having any cousins, a baby was something I’d only known the joy of in movies.
Going through a pregnancy with Mandy was the closest I’d been to sharing in someone’s happiness. Seeing the O’Neill’s filled with that joy and knowing after six kids, fourteen grandkids, and now twenty-four great-grandkids their excitement hadn’t diminished was… intoxicating, refreshing, and heartbreaking.
I wanted that love in my life.
That means letting a man in!
I didn’t like that little voice, but I knew she was right. Sex was easy because it could be done without any real emotions. But love… Love required trust and feelings and all those petrifying things I wasn’t sure about, even if I wanted them.
I’d have to settle for being happy for others, living vicariously through the joy around me. Even though I couldn’t touch it or feel it, I could witness it. It would have to be enough. Until Bite Me! was set up again. Then I could start to imagine it.
“You’ll have to let me know if you have a party. I’d love to bake you some cupcakes.”
The O’Neills were always looking for an excuse to have a party. Any little thing in their family seemed to be a reason to celebrate. After growing up with only me and Grams even reasons most people would celebrate, like birthdays and Christmas, were small, intimate affairs. It was only ever us.
Being a part of a family, something bigger, might have been nice. But Grams did the best she could. She loved me in a way no one else ever did. She gave me everything, and I’d never regret the way I grew up because I always had her.
“Actually, we were thinking about having a little party this weekend. Would you be able to pull something together before then?” Mrs. O’Neill asked with a big chunk of hope.
I smiled and knew I’d do anything to help the sweet couple. They had been customers since I first opened and there was no way I would say no to them, no matter what. “Of course I’ll do it.” I grabbed a notepad and pen and peppered them with questions. “How many?”
“Not everyone can make it so we’re thinking about 40 people will be there.”
“Okay, how many kids?”
Mr. and Mrs. O’Neill counted out the families that were coming, going back and forth about whose kids would be there before turning back to me. “Twelve kids.”
I nodded and wrote the information down. “Any allergies or preferences?”
“No allergies. You know we’ll want vanilla bean, but everyone else is a little more fancy with their tastes. We trust your choices.”
“Usually I’ll do two cupcakes per adult and one per kid. That puts us at 68 cupcakes. Does that seem too high or too low to you?”
Mrs. O’Neill shrugged and turned to
her husband. He smiled at her in a way that told me he was only doing the party because she wanted to. He didn’t care how many cupcakes there were or what flavors they were. He just wanted to make her happy.
“That sounds perfect. Is it easier for you if it’s an even number?”
“Nah, I’m good with whatever works for you. Do you want to pick them up Saturday morning when you guys come in or is the party Friday?”
“Saturday will be perfect Charlie. Thank you so much. I don’t know what we would do without you.”
I grinned at her. “I wouldn’t be here without customers like you. Besides, you know I love this.”
Mrs. O’Neill nodded. “By the way, did you hear about that site you were looking at. You said it was across the street? Are you going to be moving over there?”
I shook my head, still disappointed that I didn’t get the location I wanted. “No, someone else signed a lease before I put in an offer.”
“Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry to hear that. What are you going to do?”
I shrugged. “I wish I knew, Mrs. O’Neill. I’m still looking. I have an appointment this afternoon to tour a few other places. That site was pretty ideal, but I’ll find something perfect. I just hope my customers are willing to follow me wherever I have to move to.”
“You know we will, dear. If there’s anything we can do, please let us know.”
“Thanks. I will. Enjoy.”
“We always do.”
When the O’Neill’s moved away from the counter I moved back to the cash register where another customer was waiting for me. I didn’t even glance up before asking, “What can I get you?”
“Hello Charlotte.” I knew that voice. I’d dreamt of that voice. Of dirty things that voice would say to me as our bodies met in a sweaty and pleasurable way.
My head snapped up to meet his eyes. I was surprised to see heat in his gaze, but also regret, or maybe guilt. For what I had no idea. It wasn’t like he owed me anything. Maybe he’d seen my light on that morning and thought I’d be pissed that he didn’t stop.
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