If I ever was a mommy.
The others stood to say goodbye to Mandy, Xander, and Elise then started cleaning up the tables. They all had to work in the morning and I knew they were ready to be home with their men.
Lexi seemed to be hanging around, cleaning a little more slowly than the others. I knew she wanted to talk to me, probably about Max. He was standing off to the side, letting my friends say goodbye to each other without being in the middle, but also without seeming like he was avoiding them. I needed to find out what Max’s issue was with them. And find out what was going on with Lexi.
When the others were distracted I worked my way over to her. “Everything okay?” I said quietly while trying to look like I was helping her clean up.
Her eyes flicked to Max then over to me and I saw concern in them. I knew what was coming but was powerless to stop it. “I’m worried about you. Are you sure about him?”
My gaze drifted over to Max and found him watching us. He’d been watching me most of the night. I couldn’t decide if it was one of those can’t-take-my-eyes-off-you things or if it was a you’re-such-a-train-wreck-I-can’t-stop-looking thing.
I was really hoping for the former.
“Why are you worried?” I asked Lexi, wondering where she was going with the questions.
“You joke, but I know you’re a romantic. If Max is going to toy with you then he isn’t the one for you. You deserve better.”
I huffed out my breath, not ready to talk to Lexi about Max. I had no idea where things stood, or where things were going. Explaining it to Lexi wasn’t going to end well because I had no answers to the questions she was asking.
Truth be told, I was wondering the same thing she was. I didn’t know if he was going to bounce in and out of my life and expect me to be happy to have such a hot guy whenever I could get him. A relationship like that would normally not bother me, but the thought of it with Max hurt.
“I just don’t want you hurt,” Lexi continued, interpreting my silence for what it was. My inability to put either of us at ease. “You haven’t ever looked at someone the way you look at Max and that makes me nervous. He can break you in a way I’ve never seen, but can imagine.”
Lexi was right and we both knew it. My feelings for Max were heading into the trust and devastate zone. If I actually allowed myself to completely trust him he would have the power to devastate me. Irreparably.
“You don’t think I’m good enough for him, do you?” I asked quietly, voicing my deepest fear. I spent my first twenty years trying to be good enough for people who I knew in my head weren’t good enough for me, but who I wanted with all my heart. I lost those twenty years wishing for people who would never care about me. People who didn’t care that I always got good grades and behaved well growing up. I thought that maybe, just maybe, if I was good enough, my mom and dad would come back.
Maybe they would visit me if they saw I was good.
Maybe they would want me if they saw I was good.
Maybe they would love me if they saw I was good.
It never worked.
Instead, I should have loved Grams more. I didn’t tell her enough how much I loved her. How much she meant to me. How grateful I was that she took me in. How happy she made me.
I didn’t tell her any of it. And then one day she was gone and I couldn’t tell her. After trying to be good enough for my parents and failing every day, the one person who had loved me died without ever knowing that I never felt the need to be good enough for her, because I already was. She loved me through everything, without question, without a doubt.
Max was too good for me. I knew it deep down in my gut. I didn’t want to admit it or think about it. I wanted to grab on to whatever part of him I could have for however long he would let me. That was why he didn’t want to be around my friends. That was why he came to visit me at work. That was why he didn’t ask me out on a date. What Max and I had, in his eyes, was sex. Nothing more. Nothing less.
I wished it was so easy for me.
Lexi grabbed my arm, shaking me out of my fog, and I looked into her sad eyes. “I never said that, Charlie, and I don’t believe it either. He’d be lucky to have you. I’m worried about you getting hurt because of how much you like him, not because I think he’s an ass. For the record, I haven’t decided yet. At the hospital he seemed great, but tonight he was quiet and didn’t act like he wanted to be here. I’m trying to figure it out.”
Hearing Lexi voice my own concerns made me question everything. Max was great when it was just the two of us, but as soon as my friends got into the picture, I wasn’t sure about anything.
“Just be careful,” Lexi whispered as she pulled me in for a hug. I nodded against her cheek and blinked away the tears that were starting to pool in my eyes. Damn it, I couldn’t cry. I wouldn’t. I would enjoy one last night with Max and then make sure he knew it was okay for him to move on to whoever deserved him.
Because it definitely wasn’t me.
Everyone disappeared after my talk with Lexi. Kendall was right behind them and then Max and I were alone.
“Before anything else, I have something for you.” I turned and saw him holding up a slip of paper. He set it on the counter and I tilted my head in question. “My phone number. I don’t want you thinking I don’t want to be in touch with you again, so I’m leaving it here. I’m hoping you’ll use it.”
“Okay,” I said softly, turning from the intense look in his eyes. It threw me. If he was only around for sex, why would he give me his number? Even more, why give me his and not get mine? If he only wanted sex he would need a way to call me when he was ready, not the other way around.
Maybe I was wrong.
“You look amazing,” he told me from across the room, bringing me out of my mind. My back was to him and I bit my lip to stop the snarky reply that was on the tip of my tongue.
Instead I argued, “I’m a mess.”
His arms circled my waist and turned me around to face him. “If you’re a mess, you’re a beautiful mess.” He leaned down and pressed his nose into my neck, inhaling deeply. “God, I’ve missed the smell of you. How you taste,” his tongue darted out and licked my throat. My head dropped back all on its own and a moan slipped past my lips. “The way you sound. You’ve haunted my dreams. I can’t get enough of you.”
“Then I guess it’s a good thing there’s a lot of me.”
He pulled back and glared down at me, his eyes blazing with fire. “I truly hope you aren’t implying you’re overweight.”
I snorted. “Not implying so much as outright admitting it.” I shrugged. “My grams always said I was ‘fluffy’ like a perfect cupcake, not fat. Either way they mean the same thing.”
Max cupped my face with such tenderness that I almost couldn’t meet his eyes. “Please don’t say that about yourself. You’re fabulous and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. Weight is a number, but not one that determines who you are. Besides, all it means is I get to spend a bit longer kissing every last inch of your skin.”
His mouth was back on me, open-mouthed kisses on my jaw, my neck, the underside of my forearms… It was heaven, simply sensual and getting me more turned on than I’d ever been from just a kiss.
Lexi’s words threatened to push through but I shoved them aside, wanting one more night with Max and his sweetness before I focused on moving Bite Me! and forgot about men.
Again.
Max’s arms circled my back again and leaned me onto the counter. I was sprawled out for his pleasure. Although as his mouth moved over me I started to wonder whose pleasure he was more concerned with. His hips sought mine and moved against me, letting me feel exactly how much he wanted me.
Before we got caught in the shop again I pushed him back. He narrowed his eyes in confusion but I just held up one finger for him to wait. I flipped the lock on the front door then grabbed the flap of his jacket and dragged him behind me up to my apartment.
As soon as we were in my apartment Max
started stripping. His boots went in opposite directions toward the kitchen. His jacket fell over the edge of my couch. His shirt landed on the coffee table. Then his hands were on me, tugging my shirt over my head before tossing it over his shoulder.
His hands were warm on my bare skin, heating me with one touch. His mouth continued the trail his hands left, this time starting at my collarbone and working south to the tops of my breasts. One hand worked the clasps on my super-sized bra while the other teased my nipple through the cotton.
Damn, why didn’t I wear something sexier?
Oh, that’s right. Because there’d been radio silence from him for a week and I’d used up all my cute underwear waiting for him to show up. If he had a problem with plain cotton her could kiss my ass.
Ooh, speaking of ass, I reached around and grabbed a hold of his. Every inch of the man was delectable. My favorite inches were trying to poke a hole in my belly button. I rubbed against him, trying to get him to hurry things up. If he was serious about kissing every inch of my skin it would take him a month to work his way around, especially with how slow he was going. But it would be the best month of my life.
The clasp of my bra finally gave way and his mouth covered my nipple before it had a chance to feel the cool air. Max lifted my breast, taking in more of me and sucking hard. His tongue swirled around the peak and I cried out, desperate for a release. Max wedged his leg between mine and rubbed his thigh over me, drawing out another moan.
I couldn’t stop my body from moving over his leg, riding him like my own personal bronco. As his mouth worked my nipples, holding them together and teasing them at the same time, I arched back and let go, feeling the friction of his leg on my body giving me exactly what I needed the most. My body tightened and Max grabbed my thighs, pulling me fully onto him, supporting my weight with his, and moving me over him. My breasts fell from his mouth with a pop and his lips were on mine just as I screamed my release.
“Fuck, Charlotte. That was the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. Please, baby, don’t tell me you’re done. I need to feel that.”
My breathing was labored and I couldn’t answer him. Max didn’t wait for an answer. He had us both naked before my head stopped spinning. He rolled a condom down his length as he guided us to the bed, kissing me the entire time.
Max crawled over me, positioning himself between my legs. I was ready for him, aching to feel him slide into me and join us again. He looked down at me, holding my eyes as he slid inside my body. My hips surged toward his, meeting him halfway and my whole body felt like it smiled when his eyes rolled back in his head and he swore under his breath.
“Give me a minute, Charlotte. I’ll lose it before I’m ready.”
I held still for about fifteen seconds before I rolled my hips, silently urging him to get going. His eyes flashed open to see my shit-eating grin. He huffed out a laugh before I did it again, this time making his eyes close seconds before he took over.
His mouth plundered mine as his body moved. The thrust of him inside me, both his tongue and his erection moving in sync, were making me crazy. I met him with everything I had, my hips moving up to meet his and my tongue wrestling with his.
Max broke our kiss and propped himself up on his palm, looking down at me. Max’s eyes were drawn to my breasts as they bounced with the movement of our bodies. His eyes darkened even more before he leaned forward and captured one nipple between his teeth.
As we rocked together he kept my nipple in his mouth, the pain mixing with the pleasure was spiraling my body higher and higher. My body bowed toward him, pushing my breast further into his mouth, seeking the heat he offered. One hand drifted between us and Max found the tight coil of nerves aching, throbbing for him.
“Oh, Jesus, Charlotte. I can’t… hold out… much… longer,” he ground out.
Max became frantic, our bodies slamming together harder and his fingers moving faster and faster against me. I tightened around him, my entire body feeling like a rubber band coiling tighter and tighter. Then suddenly, I snapped.
I screamed his name at the top of my lungs. My legs clenched around him and my fingers dug into the muscles of his back, drawing him close, closer, until our bodies were flush together. My teeth closed around his shoulder as the last of the colors erupted behind my eyes. My name burst out of his mouth as he thrust one last time deep inside me then stilled, his body trembling, then collapsed on top of me.
I laid there with my arms and legs wrapped around Max, my face buried in his neck and his in my hair, and knew I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t walk away. I couldn’t tell him it was over. I couldn’t stop what was going on between us. Because no matter what was going on, or what wasn’t, I wanted more of it.
Max made me feel things no man ever had before. It wasn’t just sex for me, even though I believed it was for him. It was a connection, a feeling of belonging, knowing for just a few minutes that I was the most important person in his world. I couldn’t let go of that. I wasn’t ready to.
After too short of a time Max rolled off me and wandered to the bathroom. Like the first time we were together he came back and crawled into bed next to me, pulling me close and wrapping his arm around my waist. He kissed my neck and tweaked my nipple before whispering, “Good night.”
I squeezed his hand, unable to form any words. Everything I was feeling was bursting through and I wanted to ask him a million questions. I wanted to know him, not just in a carnal sense, but as a man. I wanted to know about his parents and his sister and what his childhood was like. I wanted to know if he ever went to college. I wanted to know how we’d lived in the same town for so long and never ran into each other.
I also wanted to know why he didn’t like my friends and why I only got to see him for sex. I wanted to know if he was going to come back to Bite Me! for breakfast again. I wanted to know if he was going to ask me out on a date.
I wanted to know if I was good enough for him.
But I didn’t ask him any of those questions. Instead I laid beside him in my bed and listened to him breathe. As his breaths grew steady and his arm loosened against me I burrowed closer to him, needing to feel the connection we shared during sex. My fears turned to tears and they slipped quietly into the night as Max slept beside me, blissfully unaware of the pain I was experiencing.
Fourteen
Sometime during the night Max vanished again, leaving me alone when I woke up. I tried to tell myself it was just because he had to work, but that nagging voice in the back of my mind reminded me that he wasn’t my boyfriend. He was just a guy I was sleeping with.
When he was in the mood.
I went through my day trying not to worry about Max. When his plow passed my window I stayed in the kitchen with the lights off out front so he wouldn’t stop. At least that’s what I told myself. He wouldn’t have stopped anyway and I knew it. But he would be in later.
By Saturday Max was a regular again. He hadn’t spent the night again, but I knew he was helping his sister and I couldn’t complain. I knew how hard it was to start up a bakery and it had to be nice for her to have someone around to help out.
In between baking I decorated for Christmas, trying to get into the spirit, for the sake of my customers, if nothing else. The O’Neills came in at nine-thirty, as always, holding hands. “Good morning,” I said, hopefully with enough cheer that they didn’t catch how disappointed I was that Max wasn’t there before them.
“Good morning, dear. How are you?”
“I’m doing great, thanks. How are you guys this morning?”
Mrs. O’Neill shook her head and I worried something was wrong with her or someone in the family. I glanced at Mr. O’Neill, but his expression didn’t clue me in. “I meant how are you about the new cupcake place opening across the street. In that site you were looking at, I believe. Can you imagine? Skinny cupcakes? What’s the point in eating them if they’re healthy?”
Prickles of terror crept up my neck, and I barely suppressed a shiver. I’d neve
r made healthy cupcakes because I felt the same way Mrs. O’Neill did, but I’d had customers come in and request healthier versions of what I had. If there was a place out there doing exactly that I might be in trouble.
So much for my customers sticking with me even though I would be gone for a month.
“What other cupcake place are you talking about Mrs. O’Neill?”
“Across the street. That new strip-mall that’s opening soon. There are finally signs up at some of the storefronts. One says SkinnyCakes. I looked them up on my computer and it says they make baked goods with healthy ingredients, like that gluten-free stuff and applesauce and sugar substitutes. I can’t imagine any of that stuff tasting good, but people seem to want it. Doesn’t make any sense to me.”
Dread filled my gut as she talked. Blood roared in my ears, drowning out the other sounds in the bakery, including the bell above the door signaling another customer had entered. Mrs. O’Neill wasn’t aware of my growing discomfort. Everything I’d worked so hard for was going to drift away because people wanted to be skinny. SkinnyCakes. What the hell kind of name was that for a bakery? I’m sure it was owned by some anorexic model type who wouldn’t know what good food tasted like if it was shoved down her throat.
“I haven’t seen it. It’ll be okay though. I found a new site.”
“Oh, that’s great Charlie. When will you be there?”
I sighed. “That’s the only problem. I’ll be shut down for a month. I tried to get the owner here to let me stay, but they said no. And my new place isn’t available until the end of January. The previous renter is relocating but he’s got the least through January and it’s going to take him a while to get into his new site.”
“Well, it’s going to be a long, cold month without your coffee and goodies to keep us warm. Are you going to be catering that month?”
I took a deep breath. I still didn’t have a good answer for that question. I had to find a kitchen to rent to bake for the anniversary party I had coming up, and I had no idea where to find an industrial kitchen with mixers and ovens big enough to bake 200 cupcakes. “I’m still trying to sort that out. I will if I can.”
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