Max grinned and his dimple snuck out. “Then I know she’s special. Only someone filled with lots of love could bake the way you do. When did she pass?”
I took a deep breath, not really ready to share the story. It was a first date for crying out loud, but Max wanted to know. “I was twenty. She was sick, but she never told me. I was a self-absorbed college student and she didn’t want me to give up school or my dreams to be there for her. I guess her sacrifice was in vain because I did anyway, but she tried.”
“What dream did you give up?” Max asked, seeming genuinely concerned.
“Baking. I always planned to open a bakery but when Grams died I stopped baking. I didn’t want to stay in school. I finished because I didn’t know what else to do. I got a job at a bank and hated it. Finally I decided to go back to school and take some more business classes at night. I ended up meeting Lexi there and she convinced me to move forward with Bite Me!”
“Okay, I have to ask… Where did the name come from?”
I laughed and debated telling him the truth. Usually when people asked I told them the made-up story I’d created. The story that said I really wanted a cupcake as my logo and wondered what a cupcake would say if it could talk. Somehow, telling Max that story didn’t seem like enough. I wanted him to know the truth. The truth that only Lexi knew.
“If I tell you, you’ll have to promise not to share it because Lexi is the only other one who knows the real story.”
Max rubbed his hands together and his eyes glittered in the candlelight. He looked so excited.
“Charlie! Is that really you?” I heard from behind me.
I grinned as I stood up. Carla came into my view and pulled me tight into a hug. The feel of her arms around me brought me back to when Grams was still alive. Tears sprung to my eyes and I couldn’t stop them. Christmas always made me miss her more, but hugging Carla brought back my need for Grams in a rush.
Carla pulled back and wiped the tears that were streaming down my cheeks and gushed, “Oh, sweet Charlie. Don’t cry dear. Sit, sit. How have you been?”
I furiously wiped my cheeks, trying to hide the tears I knew the whole restaurant saw. I felt insanely silly for getting so upset. I avoided Max’s gaze, not willing to see whatever look he was giving me. I was sure he thought I was crazy and was rethinking the whole night.
Carla pulled up a chair from a neighboring table and sat with us. “How have you been dear? I haven’t seen you since Elise passed.”
“I’ve been good, Carla. I’m sorry I haven’t been in. It’s been hard.”
“Of course, dear. I lost a sweet friend, two really. But I understand why you wouldn’t want to come here. Tell me, did you ever open a bakery?”
I nodded. Only Carla could make me smile about my Grams. “I did. It took a little longer than I planned, but yeah, I did. I’m actually relocating next month. I’m trying to get it all together, but I’ll end up shut down for a month.”
“You’ll come back better than ever. Are you having fun? This handsome young man sitting across from you makes me think you are.”
I blushed and risked a glance at Max. He was grinning from ear to ear at Carla. “Yes, Carla, I’m having fun.”
“Good. Where is this new shop going to be located? Close to here I hope. Maybe I can talk you into baking some cupcakes for me. I could use some of your sweetness around here. And it would keep you coming back.”
I snapped into business mode quickly, but found myself blurry with the lines in front of me. Carla wasn’t business, she was personal. I’d never had to blend the two before.
As if sensing my unease, Carla spoke again, “Charlie, don’t let it worry you. We’ll work out something that will be good for both of us. I remember how good you and Elise were at baking. You know if you ever need anything, just call me or stop by, right? I’ll do anything I can to help you.”
“Thanks Carla. That means a lot. And once I get set up in my new shop I will definitely call you about bringing some cupcakes over here.”
“Excellent. I better get back, but you two enjoy your dinner. Amy will take good care of you.”
“Amy,” I whispered. Carla’s daughter. She babysat me a few times when I was young. I couldn’t believe I didn’t recognize her right away. She was always my favorite because she let me stay up late and eat whatever I wanted.
Amy was at our table the moment Carla walked away. “I thought that was you,” she said. “It’s been a lot of years, Charlie.”
Amy hugged me and I grinned. “It’s so good to see you, Amy. How are you?”
“Great. I have two teenage boys and a wonderful husband. Mom is slowly backing off things and letting me take over which is good for her. How’s your bakery?”
“How did you know I had a bakery?”
“Charlie Black? Was there really any doubt? If I had any talent for baking it was because you taught me. I knew you’d make it.”
“Thank you, Amy. God, I really wish I’d come here after Grams died. My life would have been so different.”
Amy took my hand in hers and squeezed. “You can’t wish the past away, Charlie. Besides, it looks like you’re doing pretty well for yourself.” She glanced toward Max and he blushed under her gaze. “Charlie and I are old friends, obviously. You’ve got a wonderful woman here. I hope you realize how lucky you are.”
“Believe me, I do. And every day she’s willing to give me another chance I realize all over again just how amazing she is.”
Amy appraised him for a few minutes before turning back to me. “I like him, Charlie. You did good. Now, what can I get for you two?”
After placing our orders Amy left us alone again. I could feel Max watching me as I looked around the restaurant that was so familiar to me, yet so foreign. I was waiting for him to say something. He ordered food so I guess it was good that he hadn’t already run screaming for the door, but I still wasn’t sure how he was feeling.
“Charlotte, look at me,” he demanded softly.
After a moment’s hesitation, I forced myself to look at him. I saw acceptance and care in his eyes, no judgement and no pity. “What are you afraid of?”
The loaded question.
The ultimate question.
What did he want to know? Was he talking about at that moment or in general? Was he talking about in my business or in my personal life? Was he asking about why I kept my heart hidden or why it was on my sleeve now?
If he knew how many things I was afraid of he’d start charging me by the hour to talk about it all.
“Do you think I’m going to think differently of you because you miss your Grams? Or because you were upset? I promise you, Charlotte, nothing will make me think less of you. I would erase all your worries if I could, but it kills me to see you hurt.”
Max scooted his chair closer to mine so he was sitting right next to me. He rested his hand on my thigh and leaned into me. “I’m glad I picked this place. It was definitely kismet to come here and see another side of you.”
“I’m glad we’re here too. It’s been too long since I’ve come. I’m really happy I’m here with you.”
Max moved his hand to rest on the chair behind me as he leaned in. “Me, too,” he whispered then he kissed me.
Sixteen
When I wasn’t daydreaming about Max, I was worrying about SkinnyCakes. Bite Me! had taken so much to get going. It was doing well now, but competition, especially when I was closed, could destroy what I’d built.
In order to squash my fears, I went to spy on the competition under the guise of taking a walk around the neighborhood. The store was dark and quiet when I walked past. With a glance around, ensuring no one was watching me, I pressed my face to the window.
Inside the store wasn’t complete but I couldn’t deny it looked cute. There was a large seating area to the side and an extra long counter at the back, curving to make an L-shape heading back toward the front door. Behind the counter was a top of the line coffee machine and a bunch of cute
carrying containers for drinks and baked goods. A menu was detailed over the side wall, behind the cash register, but I couldn’t read much of it.
They looked ready to open.
I knew I couldn’t do anything about another bakery coming in, but it felt like a slap in the face. I conjured up images of the skinny owner who would stand behind the counter and immediately hated her.
“Can I help you?” a sweet voice said from behind me. I spun and saw a familiar woman standing on the sidewalk a few feet away. She wasn’t someone I would call beautiful, but she was cute. She looked a lot younger than me with light brown hair that brushed her shoulders, green eyes, and a smile that made me want to tell her all my secrets.
“Oh, I was just being nosy. I heard this place was opening soon.”
The woman took a set of keys out of her pocket and held them up. “Do you want to come inside? It’s freezing out here.”
I had no idea what to say. “Um, you don’t know me. Why would you invite me in?”
“You’re Charlie, right? From Bite Me!”
I nodded.
“I’ve been in a few times. You make amazing coffee.”
“I’m sorry, I have no idea who you are.”
She unlocked the door and smiled at me. “I’m Abigail. I own this place.”
I really wanted to hate her. I’d just convinced myself I would, but she was so kind. I knew she was someone I’d rather be friends with than enemies. “I’m not sure if you know this, but I almost rented this space myself.”
“Really? It’s only just opening though. You’ve been in business for years.”
I nodded. “My building was sold recently. I have to be out by the end of the year.”
Abigail’s eyes bugged out. “Tell me you’re not quitting. I love your cupcakes.”
I shook my head. “I’m not quitting. I’ll be out of business for a month, but I’ve already rented a new space. I’m surprised to hear you love my cupcakes though. With a name like SkinnyCakes I would expect you to avoid stuff like I bake.”
Abigail threw her head back and laughed. “Quite the opposite, actually. I adore it. Of course that’s part of why I don’t bake it. It’s too tempting to have something as good as what you make around all the time. I’d be even bigger than I already am.”
I eyed her curvy figure skeptically. She wasn’t tiny, but she wasn’t anywhere near as big as I was. “You’re not big.”
She smiled kindly at me. “Thanks. I’ve discovered that if I bake with alternative products there’s a big market for it, but I tend to stay away from them because they aren’t as tempting. If I do eat them I don’t regret it as much. I also have issues with my blood sugar and get headaches when I eat too much sugar. I sort of started all this out of necessity instead of desire. But I love it. It’s a challenge, but a fun one.”
I didn’t know what to tell her. A health issue was a good reason to avoid sugar, but I could see where the struggle came in. Inventing something that still tasted delicious, but wouldn’t make you feel bad… I almost envied her creativity.
I looked around the nearly full space. She’d done a lot since she’d taken over. “You look like you’re almost ready to open. It’s amazing what you’ve done in here.”
Abigail looked around the room, pride evident on her face. “I’ve been dreaming about this place for a long time. Once I got in here it was pretty easy to bring it all together. I should be opening in January sometime.”
Right when I was closed. Which meant she’d snap up my customers.
“What are you going to do the month you’re shut down? I was at a party you catered once. Will you fill in your time doing stuff like that?”
I shrugged. “I haven’t figured that out yet. I have one event already booked, but I agreed to it months ago, before I knew I wouldn’t have a kitchen to bake in. I don’t know what I’m going to do now.”
Abigail tilted her head and beckoned me toward her kitchen. “It might not be exactly what you’re used to, but use this.”
Her kitchen was spectacular. She had three work stations set up, one that was labeled allergy free. Massive mixers dominated each station with stainless steel counters stretched out between them. All her tools hung on racks above the work area with a separate dishwasher for each station. Racks held empty cupcake and muffin tins, ready to be filled with healthy alternatives.
“Wow,” I breathed. “This is spectacular.”
Abigail beamed at my praise and spun in her kitchen. “I love it. It’s exactly what I’d hoped for. I am sorry I swiped it out from under you though.”
I shook my head. “You didn’t. The place I’ll be in suits me better anyway. I just hate that I’ll be closed for so long.”
“My kitchen is yours, Charlie. Honestly. Just say the word.”
~*~
I spent the next week debating taking Abigail up on her offer and spending time with Max whenever we could to see each other. I knew a kitchen like Abigail’s would be perfect for me to use, but she was my competition. I didn’t know if I could do it.
I didn’t mention the offer to Max. He hadn’t said anything about asking his sister and I figured if I brought up baking somewhere else he might get weird on me again. Worst case scenario, I could bake at Lexi’s. I just didn’t really want to if I could do something different.
None of that mattered when the week I was dreading the most finally arrived. All my customers were on one end of the spectrum or the other. Half were happy and excited about Christmas almost being there and the other half were stressed and anxious. Me? Well, I was just done.
By the time Christmas Eve rolled around and it was time for me to close, I was beyond ready for a few days off. I had no plans for the holidays, and it both depressed and excited me. I hated being alone for Christmas, but I was so ready to be done for a few days that I was looking forward to it.
Max had family stuff for two days so I wasn’t going to see him. A part of me had hoped he would invite me along, but it was too soon. I knew that, but it still bothered me that I would be so alone. Of course it didn’t help that in the few weeks that we’d been seeing each other he’d never mentioned meeting his family or doing anything with my friends.
I told myself it was our crazy schedules. Max and I were both working so many hours that we rarely saw each other during normal daylight hours, and with him helping his sister it was that much harder to get together. It was simply a reminder that I wasn’t the most important person in his life. I just had to convince myself I was okay with it.
Christmas Eve was a quiet night for me, a silent night truly. I lit a candle for Grams, a tradition I’d started the year she died. On Christmas Eve we would always sit and talk about our year, things we enjoyed, things we wished were different, things we wanted to do the next year.
So I sat at my table and I told Grams about my year. Bite Me! was her dream too, so I knew she’d love hearing how it had changed and improved over the years. I told her how the plans were going for my relocation, what I was going to do. I confessed my fears about SkinnyCakes and being shut down for a month.
Then I told Grams about my friends, about the weddings and the joy in their lives. I told her how happy I was for them and how happy they were. I told her about the second Elise, Mandy’s little girl, and how perfect she was.
Finally I told Grams all about Max. I emptied my heart, telling her how much I wanted to trust him but wasn’t sure if I could. I talked about the time we’d spent together and how I hoped it would continue. How he’d been so sweet getting Mandy to the hospital but how he seemed to pull back around my friends.
I also admitted that I was worried, even after his insistence, that Max wasn’t as invested in our relationship as I was. I worried that he was going to walk away, and how it was going to crush me. Max was becoming a bigger part of my life, and my heart, than I would admit to anyone except Grams.
Even myself until that moment.
“Shit,” I muttered as I pushed up from the table.
“Grams, I’m not supposed to be falling in love with him. I don’t have time right now. I’m moving in a week. Lexi and Mike are letting me stay with them, but I’ll be their guest. I never go to Max’s place because of his sister so we’ll never see each other. Besides that, I have too much going on with saving and relaunching Bite Me! I don’t know why I ever got involved with him in the first place.”
I paced my apartment, worrying about my relationship with Max, knowing it was only a matter of time before he was out of my life. Not that he was really in my life. Max shared my bed for a few hours a few days a week, but that was it. He didn’t hold my hand when we went out because we didn’t go out. He didn’t look for me when he entered a room because we only spent time in my apartment. He didn’t buy me little tokens or know my favorite things. He wasn’t my other half.
He was a guy I was falling for against my better judgement, and it was making me feel even lonelier than usual.
“Oh, Grams, I don’t want to be alone anymore,” I cried. “I want someone to share my life with. I want what my friends have, what you had with Gramps. In my wildest fantasies, I can see it with Max, but I know that won’t happen. I miss you so much, Grams.”
I allowed myself a few minutes to cry, to miss Grams. When I was done I carried my sorry ass to bed and slept off my sorrow.
Christmas morning started off like any other morning. I got up way too early, made a trough full of coffee, then parked my ass on the couch. With Christmas on a Saturday, I was closed the following day and had nothing to do. I sat around watching Christmas movies and feeling sorry for myself.
Christmas sucked.
Texts came through from my friends with pictures of beautiful gifts from their husbands. Anything from jewelry to electronics to clothes were displayed proudly by my friends. I used way too many emoticons to show how excited I was for all of them, desperately hiding my depression.
By dinner time I decided I could start drinking and opened up a bottle of Firefly vodka I’d stashed in the freezer. Armed with a full bottle of orange juice, a microwave dinner, and my vodka, I settled in to watch Hallmark Channel and feel sorry for myself.
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