by Cj Omololu
“Three,” Maya says almost proudly. “They’re triplets.”
“No shit?” Melissa looks to me for confirmation.
I shrug. Not like being twins—or triplets—is some kind of accomplishment. “That’s what they say.”
“That. Is. Awesome,” Linzey says with admiration.
“It’s handy,” Ava says cryptically, then disappears into the crowd. I doubt she’ll pick up anyone, because she’s still seeing Dylan as Alicia, but you can never be sure with Ava. Please, God, let her behave tonight.
Maya stands next to me, looking from one gorgeous guy to the next. “Now I know where all the beautiful people have been hiding,” she whispers into my ear. “They’re all in this apartment.” I look around and agree. She’s not wrong.
“Do you know everyone here?” I ask Eli.
He looks around absently. “No. Some, but not everyone. A lot of people who live here go to the university. It’s sort of an unofficial second-year dorm. And I saw some people from Claremont earlier.”
Claremont. The name sticks in my head, until I remember—that was the school Casey went to. I feel a chill as I worry that someone from Claremont might recognize me. Or Ava. I’m going to have to stay sober tonight for sure. “You didn’t go to Claremont, though,” I say.
“No. But I went to middle school with some of those guys, so I know a lot of them,” Eli says as he looks at the crowd in the kitchen. “Want me to get you two something to drink?”
“I’ll have a beer,” Maya says.
“Coke if they have it,” I say, and then remember I’m Alicia, not Lexi. “Diet Coke.”
“Aw,” he says, with an exaggerated look of disappointment on his face. He puts his lips close to my ear as he whispers, “I was hoping to get you drunk and then we could mess around.”
I squeeze his hand with just the right amount of promise for later. “You know you don’t have to get me drunk for that.”
“Nice,” he says, his voice a little deeper than before. He clears his throat. “I’ll be right back.”
Maya swats me as soon as he’s gone. “ ‘You don’t have to get me drunk for that’? Seriously?”
I shrug and pick my way through the room to a less crowded spot. “What can I say? Alicia’s a little bit of a slut.” I feel someone looking at me, and turn toward the open apartment door. Rebecca is staring straight at me, her eyes not leaving my face as she tips a bottle of beer to her mouth. I feel myself tense up, ready for whatever confrontation she’s going to throw at me.
Maya turns and follows my gaze. “Rebecca?”
“How’d you guess?”
“She’s the only one in here who looks like she’d like to scratch your eyes out,” Maya answers.
“Yeah. Not exactly subtle.”
“If she tries anything, I’ll totally take her down.”
I almost laugh just picturing it. “Thanks,” I say, forcing myself to turn back around. No sense in giving her the satisfaction. Eli’s here with me, of his own free will. Rebecca is not my problem. As I scan the unfamiliar faces around the room, I catch the eye of a tall guy with a mess of curly blond hair, muscular arms, and a deep tan.
“Crap,” I whisper under my breath. I look away, but I know it’s too late—Zane saw me and is headed our way.
“Holy shit,” Maya says, and slinks away before he can reach us. Coward.
“Lexi?” he says, walking over and pushing the sombrero out of his eyes with his drink. He looks me up and down. “What’s with the bad Ava impersonation?”
My heart sinks. I thought this party was far enough away from home that this wouldn’t happen. Our real life has never gotten tangled up with Alicia’s before. “Shhh,” I say, looking around to make sure Linzey or any of the other girls aren’t around. The truth is definitely not what I’m after at the moment. “What are you doing here?”
Zane gestures toward the kitchen and gives me a strange look. “Um … hanging out at a party.”
I look at the crowd for anyone else who knows me. The real me. “Are you here alone?”
“No,” he says. “Slater’s over there talking to some girl. And we brought Bettina.”
Oh God. I look around, but I don’t see her anywhere.
“She’s at the far end under the Sierra Nevada sign,” he says, nodding in that direction. “She’s been on her feet all day and is completely wrecked, but we’re not ready to go home yet.”
Luckily, either nobody’s noticed the slightly worn-looking mannequin perched precariously on a stool at the edge of the kitchen counter, or everyone’s choosing to ignore her. Today she’s sporting a loud Hawaiian print shift dress and gladiator sandals. And one of those hard hats with two beers stuck to the sides.
“She’s looking good,” I tell him, noticing the new red wig and heavy eyeliner that may or may not actually be Sharpie. I relax a little now that we’re on another subject.
“Thanks,” he says with a wink, and turns away from her, lowering his voice to a loud whisper. “We got her a makeover. Some of the guys thought her look was a little dated.”
Bettina has been with them since sophomore year, when one of the guys rescued her from the curb on big-trash day, and aside from a little peeling paint, she’s in pretty good shape for all her adventures. She’s been surfing, snowboarding, on two different Mexican road trips, and there was even a rumor of a skydiving incident last year. For being made of metal and plaster, Bettina’s social life is a lot more active than mine. I try not to think about that too hard.
“Hey, Alicia!” Linzey calls from a few feet away. She holds up her empty cup. “I’m going to get another drink. Want me to get you one?”
Damn. I squeeze my eyes shut so I don’t have to look at Zane. I manage a smile, hoping it doesn’t look too fake. “No, thanks. Eli’s getting me something.”
She nods and disappears back into the crowd. I turn and see Zane watching me, not even trying to hide his disapproval. “Alicia?” he asks, folding his arms over his chest. He looks bigger all of a sudden.
I look over at the doorway, but Rebecca has disappeared. I pull Zane down so he can hear me. “Look, don’t blow this for me, okay?”
He shakes his head. “I’m not going to do anything. But I thought you guys were going to quit Alicia.”
“I am.” I look over at Eli, who is talking to a couple of people at the far end of the living room. “I was. But Ava needed a favor. And I figure it’s not hurting anyone.”
Zane follows my glance. “The band guy? Seriously? Don’t tell me you’re turning into a professional plus-one.”
I shove him in the arm. “I’m not. But he is really nice. And fun. And Alicia knows how to have fun.”
“What’s wrong with Lexi?” he says, a challenge in his voice. “Why do you have to do”—he waves his hand at my skirt and sky-high boots—“this? This isn’t you.”
“Exactly! This isn’t me. This is someone who’s pretty and fun and impulsive. Not boring and studious and plain.” Lexi doesn’t do fun. Lexi does studying and volunteer work and everything she can to make her dad proud of her. At least, she did.
His eyes widen. “That’s what you think? That you have to look like this to be worth something?” He takes a step back, and the look of disgust on his face feels like a dagger in my heart. Zane seems about to say something else but instead turns to go. “I thought you knew better.”
“You’re not my father,” I say. I grab his arm, and he turns back around but shrugs me off. Suddenly I’m angry, and tired of people telling me what I should and shouldn’t be. What I can and can’t be. “You can’t just pronounce something like that and walk away all righteous,” I say. “None of this is any of your business—I don’t have to answer to you. I can dress how I want and tell people my name is Beyoncé if I feel like it.” I look around at the crowd. “What are you even doing here? Did you come because you knew I’d be here? I don’t need anyone checking up on me!”
There’s silence between us for a few seconds, and
I can see that Zane is deciding something. “That’s possibly the most narcissistic thing I’ve ever heard you say. Like I came here only because of you? Contrary to what you might think, I don’t spend my free time worrying about what you’re doing. I came to hear some music and hang out with my friends.”
I step away from him, more upset than I should be. This is Zane, not my boyfriend. “So go. Hang out with your friends.”
Zane’s cheeks turn a bright red, which is the only indication he’s angry, because his voice is icy calm. “I’m going. See you around, Alicia.” He says the last word loudly enough so that the people near us turn around.
I turn and walk to where Eli is standing so that I can’t see Zane through the crowded room. My heart is pounding, and the anger is flooding through my body. Who is he to judge what I do? So what if I want to dress up and pretend to be someone else? What’s his problem, anyway?
“You know that guy?” Eli asks, nodding to where we were standing.
“Yeah. He goes to my school.” I almost add “We used to be friends” but don’t because that might require more of an explanation.
“Everything okay?”
“I guess,” I say, taking a swig of the Diet Coke he hands me. I try not to make a face. I hate diet everything.
Melissa comes over and taps Eli on the arm.
“Time to set up,” he says, nodding toward the courtyard. “You going to come watch?”
“Of course,” I say, following him out the apartment door. I don’t turn around, but I can almost feel Zane’s eyes on me as we go. I grab Eli’s hand, and he looks back at me with a smile.
I don’t relax until an hour later when the music is echoing off the walls of the apartment building and Eli is wailing on his guitar, doing what he does best. Most of the crowd is crushed up against the makeshift stage, Rebecca front and center. I work my way to the back and stand next to Linzey.
“You’re not coming to Seattle?” she shouts over the music.
“No,” I say. “School next week.” Right, school. Not the fact that Eli hasn’t asked me to come. He finally told me about the trip and said all the right things, like how much he’s going to miss me, but didn’t mention that the other girls are going too. Just as well—not like Dad would let me go, but it might have been nice to be asked.
“Drag,” she says with a smile. “I don’t miss those days.” She hoists her beer in a salute and takes a big swig.
I glance behind Linzey and see a pretty blonde talking to Zane by the pool. They’re sitting on the edge dangling their feet in the illuminated blue water. As I watch, she laughs loudly and tosses her head back, brushing his arm with her hair and taking the opportunity to move so close to him that she’s practically in his lap. So much for Zane not liking girls like Alicia. She has even more makeup on than I do. I wonder if he’ll take her back to his apartment. His dad works nights a lot now, so there won’t be anyone there to bother them. My mind flashes to the last time I was in his bedroom, with the Lego creations on his dresser and the hammock full of stuffed animals over his bed. It’s been a long time since I was at his house. I’m guessing the Legos and stuffed animals are gone now.
Someone bumps me so hard that I take a step back on the grass, and I whirl around to see a guy with extremely short hair way too far into my personal space. “Alicia! What the fuck?” He’s so close to me that his warm beer breath hits me full in the face. I try to pull back, but he’s got one hand wrapped around my wrist, the huge tarantula tattoo on his forearm flexing with the effort.
“Let go of me!” I shout, trying to pull away, but that only makes him squeeze harder. I have no idea who this guy is, but his eyes are flat with anger, and my heart races as I try to twist away from him.
He pulls me closer, and the crowd nearest to us backs away, confused by the confrontation in front of them. “You think you can screw with me? Lead me on like a little pussy and then just take off when you feel like it?” He grips my arm more tightly, and I yelp in pain. I can feel the waves of his anger and see his nostrils flare with each exhalation.
Suddenly my hand is free, and I stumble into Linzey, who puts a protective arm around me.
“Don’t touch her!” Zane pushes him, and the guy scrambles backward before catching himself and pulling up to his full height. He’s tall, much taller than me, but even from here I can see that Zane’s years of surfing have given him strength that this guy can’t match.
“Is this the new one?” The guy ignores Zane completely and comes after me again. “This the guy you fucked me over for?”
He reaches for me again, but Zane blocks his arm, so he turns to Zane with a blow that smashes into his cheek before he can react. Zane pauses just for a moment before thrusting forward and meeting the guy with a fist that lands squarely on his jaw. The guy is thrown to the ground, and then staggers to his feet, his lip cracked and bleeding.
“Get out,” Zane says firmly, standing between me and the guy. I can see Zane’s hands clenching, and I know he’s dying to hit him again.
The guy wavers, unsteady on his feet, as if deciding whether it’s worth it to take Zane on again. He looks over at me one last time and aims a wad of bloody spit in my direction before turning toward the gates.
Linzey looks into my eyes, and I fight back tears, holding my arm and trying to rub out the pain. “Let me go get you some ice,” she says gently, not asking for an explanation.
“Who was that?” Ava asks, rushing up to me as Zane follows the guy out.
I watch them reach the curb with some additional angry words. “You tell me,” I say, my voice still shaky. “From what I can tell, he’s one of Alicia’s rejects.”
Ava looks back at him and shakes her head. “Not one of mine. I’ve never seen that guy before in my life.”
I stare at her. “Shaved head? A giant spider tattoo on his arm? Doesn’t ring any bells?”
“No. Come on. I’d remember if Alicia had gone out with someone like that.”
Eli reaches us two steps ahead of Maya. “What happened?”
“Jesus, Lexi,” Maya says. “I thought that guy was going to kill you. What a freak!”
The air around us seems to go quiet as everyone absorbs what Maya just said. I hope that Eli hasn’t heard her, that he doesn’t realize what she just called me, but one look at his face tells me that I’m not going to be so lucky.
“Lexi?” Eli says, his voice rising above the murmurs in the crowd.
Maya puts both hands over her mouth and squeaks, “I meant Ava. Uh … Alicia. I meant Alicia.”
“What’s going on?” Eli looks from me to Ava, suspicion growing in his eyes.
“Nothing.” I try to keep it light, but I can hear my voice shaking. “Maya just got confused. Happens all the time.”
Eli stands in front of me. “What’s your real name?”
I stand there for what feels like hours, but I can’t get anything out. If I tell him the truth, it’ll all be over.
Maya turns and mouths “I’m sorry” to me. But it’s too late.
“You’re Lexi.” He shuts his eyes and shakes his head. “I knew it!”
This is not what I expected. “You knew?”
“You’re the one I met at the café that day, right?” he asks, pointing to me.
I nod, afraid to say anything.
“And I met you in Leucadia at the show,” Ava volunteers. “It’s not her fault,” she says hurriedly. “This was all my idea—”
He takes a step forward. “What? To make me look like an idiot? To get home and talk about how funny it is to fool the jackass who thinks he’s dating a triplet?”
“It’s not like that!” I say. I feel him slipping away from me as the crowd around us has gone quiet.
“Then what’s it like, Lexi?” he asks, anger radiating off him.
“I … I’m not sure.” I look to Ava for help, but she doesn’t seem to know what to say either. “But we didn’t do it to make you look stupid, I swear.”
Linzey ap
proaches with a towel full of ice, but stops when she sees the seriousness of our confrontation. Rebecca pulls up behind her, eyes wide.
Eli looks at the two of us again. “I should have gone with my gut.” He turns to me. “I knew you were different from before, but I tried to convince myself that I was being ridiculous.” His blue eyes sear into mine. “You know, the sad thing is, I really liked you.” He gestures to my clothes. “Even with all this, I could tell that you were the same smart, funny girl I met in the café. That’s who I wanted to get to know.”
I step forward. Eli knew, and he liked me. Not Alicia. “I didn’t think you’d like me,” I say, my voice quiet. “The real me.”
He shakes his head again. “Now we’ll never know.” As he turns to go, Rebecca grabs his arm, but he shakes her off and keeps walking. She glares at me and then runs off after him.
Linzey stands still for a second, watching them go, and then, with one last look at me, follows them across the courtyard.
“Are you okay?” Zane asks, joining us on the grass, oblivious to what has just gone on.
“Fine,” I say, my voice cracking and hot tears pushing against my eyes. I look up at his face. There’s a red spot on his cheek where he got hit. “You?”
“Good,” he says.
“Thanks,” I say. There’s an awkward silence between us. There should be sympathy and explanations, but right now there’s just empty air. He walks back over to the blonde, not even glancing back at me.
My face feels hot, and my mind is racing. That’s it. It’s over. Everyone around us is pretending not to notice, pretending not to have witnessed my total humiliation.
“Should we go?” Maya asks, one hand lightly on my arm.
Without answering, I unzip both of my boots and let them flop over onto the grass, feeling the cool, damp blades under my bare feet. There’s only one thing Alicia would do in this situation. I walk calmly toward the edge of the pool and, without hesitating, dive in, letting the cool blue water surround me, shutting out everything that’s going on at the surface.