She was feeling rather selfish when all was said and done. But at least she realized it. In a few weeks when they went home, she’d have Nell all to herself. It would be terrible to deny Callum those moments now, when their time was so short. Who knew when he’d see her again?
She’d just made peace with her feelings when the screen door opened and shut again quietly. “Nice night,” he said softly, coming to sit beside her on the step.
There was a slight clinking sound and he handed her a bottle. “Beer?”
She took the bottle from his hand, surprised. Together they took a drink and she sighed, leaning her shoulder against the post that anchored the stair railing. “Thanks,” she said. “I don’t remember the last time I kicked back with a beer.”
“I owe you an apology,” he said softly. Avery could only make out the outline of his features in the dark, but she didn’t doubt the sincerity in his words.
“For what?” she asked.
“For being so hard on you when you first arrived. I don’t trust very easily, you see.”
“But you trust me now?”
“I want to, and that’s a fairly new feeling.”
“It’d be pretty low to lie about the paternity of an innocent child,” she responded.
He turned his head to stare at her, and even in the dark she could see the sparks in his eyes. After a moment or two they tempered, but she understood very quickly that her words had touched a nerve somehow. But she wasn’t going to ask. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know. If it was bad then she might come to regret her decision to make him part of Nell’s life. And if it was something painful…
Well. She really didn’t want to start liking him. Add that to the physical awareness thing and it could get messy. And that was no way to run a custody arrangement. She had to keep things as clear and as uncomplicated as possible.
He turned away and took another drink from his bottle, then rested his elbows on his knees.
“I was engaged once,” he said abruptly.
Avery swallowed, knowing it was an invitation but reluctant to accept it. “I see,” she answered carefully.
“No, of course you don’t see,” he contradicted. “How can you?”
“You want to talk about it?” The question seemed ludicrous. Callum? Chatting about feelings? Talk about your major surprises.
“Not really. But maybe I want you to understand what happened with Crystal last year. And why I acted like I did when you knocked on my door.”
Crystal. When it came right down to it, it was hard to forget that this man and her sister had hooked up after knowing each other for, what, twenty-four hours?
Callum sighed. “Six months before Pete and Elizabeth’s wedding, I was engaged to a woman named Jane. I was back from a deployment and the first thing I did was go out and buy her a ring. We were planning our wedding in a rush because I wanted to be married before I had to leave to go overseas again. The church was booked, Jane had her dress, we’d chosen the menu for the reception…and Jane dropped the bombshell that she was pregnant.”
Avery swallowed. She knew he was trying to be all matter-of-fact about it but she could hear the underlying pain in his voice.
“I was happy about the baby. It was unexpected, sure, but we were getting married anyway. Our wedding date was only three months away, so I didn’t see the problem with her showing already. But Jane insisted that we move up the date, so we trimmed the guest list, booked a Justice of the Peace instead of the church and we planned a lower-key event for six weeks later.”
His voice changed, hardened. “One week before the wedding Jane came to me and said she couldn’t go through with it.”
Avery had known this was coming. Clearly there was no wife or baby here so it hadn’t worked out. Which begged the question, where were they now? How could he have abandoned his child like that?
“She broke your heart,” Avery said quietly.
“She broke everything about me,” he admitted. “You see, the reason why she didn’t want to wait was because her pregnancy was further along than she’d said.”
“I don’t understand.” Avery’s brows pulled together. If they’d moved up the date because of the pregnancy, why call it off?
And then she understood, and all the pieces started clicking together. Oh, poor Callum. “How much further along?” she asked cautiously.
Even in the darkness she saw a muscle tick in his jaw. “I was still in Afghanistan. And it wasn’t a miracle conception.”
“The baby wasn’t yours.” A heavy feeling settled on her chest. “But she’d been going to let you think it was.” “Exactly.” Callum drained what was left in his bottle and then turned it over and over absently in his hands. “She’d had an affair while I was on deployment, but when I got back she felt too guilty to break it off with me. What kind of girl does that, she said. Breaks up with her man the moment he’s back home? And then I proposed…it was all very difficult for her, you see. She didn’t know how to let me down easy.” Bitterness bled through his voice. “She had an attack of conscience at the eleventh hour, told me the truth and a week later kept the appointment with the Justice of the Peace, just with a different groom.”
Avery bit down on her lip. This Jane had gone ahead with their lives together only with someone else in Callum’s spot. “This was how long before Pete’s wedding?”
“Not long enough. I tried to put on a good show for Pete but I was not in a wedding frame of mind. To me it was all a sham. And then I met your sister and she was pretending, too, because she’d been secretly in love with Pete for years. I’m not saying what we did was right, but I’m saying we were both looking for a distraction to get through it and we found it in each other. I never meant to leave her with a baby, Avery. I wouldn’t have been that careless, especially after what I went through with Jane.”
“And so when I showed up at the door…”
“All I could think about was Jane, asking me to move up the wedding because she was pregnant and it wasn’t even my kid. I’d known Jane for years. If she could lie to me that easily, why couldn’t a complete stranger?”
“That’s why you wanted the paternity proof.”
“Yeah.”
Avery put down her beer bottle, the taste of it suddenly bitter. “What changed it for you?”
He shrugged. “I was trying to ignore what was right before my eyes—right up until when you started to drive away. I knew deep down that she was mine.” His eyes looked into hers. “What kind of man would I be if I let her go like that?”
Avery tried not to sigh out loud, but her heart felt it just the same. It was hard to resist a man who admitted he was flawed and then turned around and did what was right.
“I’m glad you came after us,” she said, knowing it was true even if it did cause complications. “We’ll figure all this out. I want her to know you, Callum. To know she has a dad who cares.”
“You’re a good mother, Avery. I’m sorry I said what I did the first day. There’s more to mothering than whether or not you birthed her. I know that.”
He really had to stop now before she turned into a complete puddle of goo. What she should really do was go inside. Go to bed and forget all about sitting outside with Callum Shepard in the moonlight. And yet she couldn’t quite make herself get up and open that door. It was nice, she realized, just sitting and talking to someone. With the day-to-day care of Nell, it had been easier to pretend that she wasn’t lonely. And before that she’d spent so much of her time with Crystal, planning for the baby, living through the pregnancy with her. Even being her delivery coach.
Avery looked over at him. “I saw Nell being born, you know. I was Crystal’s birth coach. It was the scariest thing I’ve ever seen. And probably the most beautiful.”
“I’m so sorry about her passing, you know. She was a good person. Beautiful and fun. You must miss her terribly.”
Avery swallowed past a lump of emotion. “I do. She wasn’t just my sister. She was my best
friend.”
Was she imagining things or had he somehow slid a little closer to her on the step?
“And what about other people? Is there anyone special?”
She laughed a little. “You mean like a boyfriend?”
“Is that a funny question?”
The beer was suddenly looking a little more attractive now and she picked the bottle up again and took a sip just to avoid answering.
“Avery?”
“Tell me something, Callum. When you were at the wedding, who did you notice? Me or Crystal?”
When he didn’t answer, she nodded. “That’s right. Of course it was Crystal. And why not? It’s always been that way, and maybe that made it easier for me. I’ve never liked being the center of attention, you know. I was older than her, you see, and I spent a lot of time looking after her when we were growing up. Our mom worked a lot, so it fell to me to make sure Crystal was okay. If anything went wrong, I was the first one to get the blame. I should have known better, or should have been paying closer attention. So when we got older and the focus was suddenly on her, it was a relief, really. I was finally free to just do my own thing. The flip side of not being the center of attention is that you don’t seem to get any.”
“Ouch.”
She shrugged. “Don’t get me wrong, I dated some. Had a boyfriend a few years back but it turned out he was dating me just to get close to her. When I realized what was going on, I called it off, and when he made his move on her she kicked him to the curb quick enough. I never resented her for it. We had each other and we were family. Him, though—I was plenty mad at him for a long time. You don’t play with people’s feelings, you know?”
She gave him a sidelong glance. “Well, considering what you told me, I guess you do know. Anyway, these days I’m too busy for a social life. And now I think that’s probably enough sharing of our sordid pasts, don’t you think?”
He chuckled, the sound low and intimate in the dark. “It’s more than I’ve shared with anyone in a long time.”
“I’m not sure whether to be honored or appalled.”
He snorted. “I like that about you, Avery. You’re not a pushover. You look all sweet and innocent but you’ve got a spine of steel.”
He thought she was sweet? Innocent?
And strong. She thought she perhaps liked that best of all. Sometimes she wondered. She didn’t feel strong. Most of the time she felt like she just had to keep pedaling to keep up.
“So why the sudden turnaround and baring of souls?”
He shrugged. “I guess I just figured that if we’re going to make this work—me being a part of Nell’s life and all—we need to make things civil. Friendly. Saying I was sorry and explaining my behavior seemed like a good start. I’m not usually so, well, rude.”
He looked away from her, over the fields that spread out from the house. That same muscle ticked in his jaw again, and Avery got the sneaky feeling that there was more he wasn’t telling her. But that was fine. They hardly knew each other. He had a right to his secrets.
“I think so, too,” she answered softly. But the something else in the air, the something electric she couldn’t quite define, made her wonder if it would ever be truly possible to be simply “civil” and “friendly” with him. He wasn’t the kind of guy that screamed platonic. He was too…
Too tall, handsome, strong, enigmatic…
Oh, boy.
“I do remember you, you know,” he admitted softly. His voice had lowered even further, and it was as smooth as silk but with just a hint of texture that made it ride deliciously over her nerve endings.
“Remember me?” Why on earth did her voice come out all breathy-like? She took a deep breath and told herself to get a grip.
“From the wedding. On the boat you were off to one side, taking pictures instead of crowded around the railing. The poncho came down past your knees and the hood wouldn’t stay up. And afterward when everyone was going to the casino, you wanted to stay back and walk through the Queen Victoria Garden.”
She nearly swallowed her tongue. All this time she thought he didn’t remember her. He’d pretended not to at first—to protect himself, she realized now. But he had noticed and she wasn’t sure what to make of it.
“You remember all that?”
His dark gaze locked with hers. “I remember all of that. And thinking that I’d much rather spend a few hours walking with you in the fresh air among the trees and flowers than spend it in a loud, crazy casino.”
His face seemed awfully close now, so close that her chest started to constrict and her stomach began turning nervous somersaults. Her gaze dropped to his lips…they were quite fine lips now that she examined them so closely. A puff of breeze ruffled his hair. “Why didn’t you say so?” she breathed.
“Because I took one look at you and I knew,” he replied, sitting back a bit, putting the tiniest bit of distance between them. “I knew that you weren’t the kind of woman a man could flirt with and walk away from. Face it, Avery. You’ve got lifer written all over you. With you I would have been playing with feelings.”
He stood up. “I don’t play with feelings, Avery. And you were simply too complicated for a man like me.”
With those parting words, he went inside and shut the door.
CHAPTER SEVEN
CALLUM TURNED THE last of the cows out into the pasture and spent the next half hour shoveling out the calf pen. He loved the baby calves, all big-eyed with soft noses and playful enough that they liked coming over for rubs on their heads. If things went well over the next few years, maybe he could apply to buy more quota, produce more milk. At least next year he’d be here for the whole growing season and he’d be able to put up a lot more of his own hay, rather than having to buy from local ranchers. He had plans.
This time next year, he realized, Nell would be walking. Probably saying her first words. And back in Ontario. He’d been there for this tooth but he’d miss all those other firsts. But what choice did he have? How could he possibly leave here just when he was getting started?
And then there was Avery to consider. Last night he’d come this close to kissing her, and that surprised him. Alarm was probably a better word for the feeling that had run through him this morning when he’d woke at dawn. He shouldn’t be muddying the waters of the relationship. No, not relationship. Perhaps association was a better term for it. And he’d never intended to let on that he remembered her from that weekend in Niagara, or that he’d been tempted to spend the afternoon with her rather than with the rest of the wedding party at the casino.
But when she’d told him about the boyfriend who’d used her to get close to her sister, he’d felt badly for her. Crystal had been colorful, dynamic, outgoing. But Avery…
Hell, Avery was just as beautiful, just in a quieter, softer way. He’d meant what he said, too. She wasn’t a fling kind of woman and he’d known that by looking at her. A fling was all he’d been prepared to offer, so when the rest of the group had decided to hit the slot machines and tables he’d gone along.
He shut the calf pen and made his way down through the barn. Right now he wasn’t even prepared to offer a fling. Especially with Avery, because they had to keep things uncomplicated for Nell’s sake.
So kissing her would have been a colossal mistake. Therefore it made no sense that he couldn’t seem to shake the idea from his mind.
He stepped out into the sunshine and squinted, looking up at the house. He caught sight of her standing on his back step, hanging clothes on the line—her white trousers and blouse held up by pins and dancing lightly in the breeze, next to tiny white undershirts of Nell’s, pink-footed sleepers and ruffled dresses barely bigger than his hand, and a line of his T-shirts and undershorts.
He watched as she lifted her arms to hang up another shirt, the angle throwing her breasts into relief and his mouth went dry. Very attractive in her own right when all was said and done.
All the self-talk in the world wasn’t helping a damn bit
. Because he still wanted to kiss her. Wanted to see if her lips were as soft as they appeared and if she’d blush the way he imagined.
He started walking toward the house, determined to keep things on a level plane for the next several days. He could do that. It was just a momentary thing.
The aroma hit him the moment he stepped in the door. She’d been baking again and the entire place smelled like chocolate. He took off his boots by the door and went to the bathroom first to wash his hands, and then straight to the kitchen and the rich, cakey smell that teased his nostrils.
There were cupcakes covering an entire counter, like rows of mushroom-shaped soldiers, the stems wrapped in paper liners and the caps uniformly smooth and even. His mouth watered just looking at them, and he reached out and plucked one from the countertop, marring the perfect rows. He bit into it—it was still warm—and closed his eyes. It was perfection. And the second bite took him to a center that was smooth and rich like cheesecake.
“What in the world…caught with your hand in the cookie jar, I see!”
He spun around guiltily to find Avery standing with her hands on her hips, a smile flirting with her lips.
“Guilty as charged. These are fantastic.”
“You could have waited for the frosting, you know.”
“Don’t need frosting. What in the world is in the middle?”
She grinned. “A cream cheese mixture.”
“It’s like cheesecake surrounded by cake.” He popped the last bite in his mouth and would have reached for another except he caught the dangerous glint in her eye.
“Don’t even think about it, buster. Wait for them to cool and I’ll put the icing on.”
Little Cowgirl on His Doorstep (Mills & Boon Cherish) (Cadence Creek Cowboys - Book 3) Page 8
