by Vi Carter
I walk away.
“What are you doing?” DJ asks, still standing beside Mark.
I pick up the canister of petrol.
“Wow, wow.” DJ walks towards me, his eyes darting to Mark.
“I’m not going to burn him,” I say as I douse the money in petrol.
Everyone is moving screaming no, all except Art, who is pissing himself laughing.
“I am your god,” I tell Mark, taking the lighter out of my pocket.
“Ah don’t man.” DJ pleads.
Rolling the lighter, a small flame flickers. I don’t look away from Mark as he follows the lighter in its free fall as I drop it. His eyes grow wide as all the money goes up in flames.
CHAPTER FIVE
CIARA
“Come on.” I wait another few seconds before I turn the key in the ignition. Nothing happens. Resting my head against the steering wheel, I accidentally hit the horn. Startled, I lift my head quickly and stare up at the apartment. I don’t know why I’m looking up, no one is going to materialise. I wanted to go to Carrickmarcoss to do some shopping. That looked like it wasn’t going to happen. I quickly turn the key in the ignition again, a part of me thinking I can catch the car out. Nope. That isn’t happening.
People move along the footpath. I always wonder where everyone is going. At the end, we all end up in the same place. Just some of us get there quicker than others.
Only two years ago, I really thought I would be six feet under. Living on the streets of Dublin is hard. Surviving them was a flux.
I get out of the car and lock it behind me. No one would steal it and if they did, I would hug them if they got it started.
The charity shop is at the end of the town. Kingscourt doesn’t have an actual clothes store in it. So buying clothes from the charity shop is something I’ve gotten used to. Large towns and crowds of people make me angsty.
I’m halfway up the street when the skies open and shower down on top of me. I’m not a pessimistic type of person, but I get that shit happens, and it isn’t karma or anything like that. It’s just life. I’ve seen firsthand how horrible and cruel the world is, so when the rain soaks right through my shirt, like I’m standing under a waterfall, I don’t try to outrun the rain. I just take it one step at a time until I’m standing in the charity shop. The moment I enter, I have to allow my receptors a moment to accept the smell and move on.
I ignore how the shop assistant stares at me as I move around the store. I ignore how the other customers move away if I get too close to them. I want to shake myself like a dog. People piss me off sometimes. But I don’t let them get to me, instead I ignore them as I browse through the clothes. Two pairs of jeans, a jumper with a small hole in the elbow, and a set of cat ornaments makes up my purchase. All costing five euro.
I step back out into the pouring rain. I don’t run because it seems pointless. The weather was like this the day I met Liam. I was standing outside the Mater Private Hospital in Dublin. It was always a good spot for begging. Liam in his suit, walked past me, holding an umbrella. I stood there with an empty container. I always kept my money tucked safely in my bra.
“Do you have any change?” I asked with a smile.
“Get a job.” He’s voice was like gravel.
His words had me clenching my hand around my cup. “I would if I could, you asshole.”
He had stopped walking, looked me up and down before speaking. “I’ll give you a job. Come on.” He had turned away and I knew I was either walking to my death or to my way off the streets. It was a fifty fifty. So I took it.
***
Peaches greets me as I enter the apartment. Rubbing herself against my wet jeans, she quickly skitters off and jumps up on the couch. My wet clothes create a pile on the floor as I make my way to the bathroom.
The shower sprays my back. I know it’s warm, but it’s funny how I don’t exactly feel the warmth. My phone rings. I step out of the shower and wrap a towel around myself.
The ringtone for my second job is the sound of someone washing dishes.
“Hello,” I answer the phone, trying to keep it away from my wet face.
“Hi, Ciara, would you be able to start your shift early?”
“How early?” I ask Gerard as I walk back into the bedroom. The room is cold and goosebumps break out on my exposed skin.
“The next hour?” Gerard asks, apologetically.
I agree and hang up.
Getting dressed, I eat a bowl of cereal quickly.
***
One of the new girls rang in sick. In a place like this it’s a rotating door for staff. It’s not an easy number. Working for Liam was a lot easier and if I got more hours, I would give this job up.
The Europa is the most popular chippers in Kingscourt, so once the doors open, it’s all go. Right now I’m washing and peeling spuds until my hands turn red.
Time passes in a blur and I like the solitude that the back room offers, but that’s smashed when Gerard calls me up front to help serve. My stomach rumbles at the smell of all the food. Gerard takes the orders and calls them to me, so I pack the food and hand it to Gerard. Another guy who I don’t know is cooking the food. He hasn’t spoken and neither have I. So, it seems like we will get on. It’s close to one in the morning and my feet are sore, but I’m smiling. It’s closing time. The door opens and a group of noisy guys come in. I hunch down further as I tidy over the hot area.
“What can I get you?” Gerard asks.
I throw him a dirty look that he doesn’t see. Thankfully.
“Give me a nice breast of chicken.” I roll my eyes as the children start to laugh.
“You’re a fucking moron.”
I freeze recognizing the voice.
“I’m not the one with anger problems,” the guy who made the comment about the breast of chicken speaks up.
“That’s all? Just chicken?” Gerard asks, getting their attention.
“No, we will order when we are ready,” Darragh speaks up again and I clench my jaw, but continue wiping down the surface.
“DJ, you’re this close to me hitting you,” Darragh speaks and the tension in the chippers rises.
I don’t know why but I pop my head up. “Still mouthing off,” I say without thinking. Everyone looks at me. There is a moment of pure anger from Darragh, but through his drunken state his eyes widen in recognition.
“Ah, you. The lippy hotel cleaner.”
I know Gerard is staring at me.
“You work here, too? Boy you like cleaning and cooking. A real woman.” Darragh winks.
“What can we get you, Darragh?” I ask.
He snorts with humor. “Four chicken breasts,” he says with a slow grin. “And can you give me a tub of mayonnaise? You know, since we’re friends?”
It’s my turn to give a very unlady like snort. “Friends? You’ll get the same tub as everyone else.” I call the food order out to Gerard and get to work quickly.
“Burn.” The guy he had called DJ laughs and turns to the other two with them. One has his hood up, his eyes seem to shoot around the room and when they stop on me, the feeling leaves me unsettled. He looks like someone’s stalker, hooded eyes, hunched shoulders and his overall presence. The other guy leans against the wall and takes everything in with confidence.
“Shut the fuck up,” Darragh shoots off.
I fill the chips at record speed.
“Didn’t think you kept company like that.” DJ points at me.
I stand straighter. “I want you to leave,” I tell DJ and it’s not just him who stares at me, but Gerard gapes.
He tuts like I’m bat shit crazy. Maybe I am. The guy leaning against the wall pushes off but doesn’t come any closer.
“You’ll have to come out here and make me.” He grins, and he has every right too.
He knows I wouldn’t actually make him; he was four times bigger than me.
Gerard calls back to the new guy. “Where’s the chicken?”
“Two more minu
tes.” The new guys accent is foreign, maybe that’s why he hadn’t spoken since I arrived, maybe his English isn’t great.
“You heard her. Get out.” Darragh speaks up and I know it’s not in my honor. He wants to hit this guy and I’ve handed him an opportunity.
“Are you serious?” DJ asks and the two boys step closer. I glance at Gerard and he shakes his head at me, like this is my fault.
I’m surprised when DJ throws the first punch and it has power behind it. Darragh stumbles back, the guy in the white hoodie stops Darragh from falling. There is a lull in the chippers as Darragh straightens and wipes blood from his face. A slow smirk grows across his face. I’m waiting and watching for a fight, but Darragh doesn’t move.
“That one’s free,” he says to DJ.
“Hit me back,” DJ speaks up, but he sounds afraid now, which makes no sense. He has the upper hand..
“Chicken,” The thick accent comes from behind us. I want to hush him to see what’s going to happen next. But Gerard shakes his head before taking the chicken and bagging it.
“I’ll hit you back, when I’m ready.”
“Always playing mind games,” DJ shouts and storms from the chippers.
“Get that, Art,” Darragh tells the guy against the wall, who reminds me of a stalker. He steps up to the counter with a huge ass grin on his face and pays for the food.
I’d seen lots of fights while living on the street, but this one was odd.
Art collects the food.
“See you tomorrow,” Darragh sings over his shoulder.
“Yeah, can’t wait,” I tell him. He won’t be fit for much tomorrow. Not that he was helpful the first day either. Gerard doesn’t mention anything after they leave and we tidy over and shut down in silence.
I grab a bowl of cereal before falling a victim into my bed.
I’m up and getting ready for work, when I remember my car won’t start. Taxi’s aren’t exactly parked along the streets here. I leave my apartment and go to the local shop. Above the phone is a list of all the taxi men in the area, bringing the grand total to two. I ring the first one and the number is no longer in service. The second one answers and agrees to take me to Tracey’s hotel.
After arriving to work and clocking in, I make my way to the first room.
“Hold up.”
Turning, I see Darragh in the same clothes as last night, jeans and a baby blue shirt that may or may not match his eyes. He can barely keep his eyes open as he catches up with me, he squints in pain.
“Do you have any painkillers?” he asks the moment he falls into step beside me.
“Let me check my first aid kit,” I joke.
“You know you could be a little nicer to me, since I saved you last night.”
“Yes, you really taught DJ a lesson.”
Darragh’s eyes open wider and a flash of anger storms in them.
My stomach squeezes.
“That’s the last time I’ll help you out of a hobble.” He rubs his head as he speaks.
“I wasn’t in a hobble,” I say as I push the card into the door handle.
“Fucks sake, the smell.” Darragh covers his nose as he enters the room. “Can’t people leave them cleaner?”
“I agree, but I highly doubt you leave hotel rooms clean,” I retort as I open the curtains.
Darragh grabs them and closes them. “My head! Just let me get my bearings.”
I snort. “We don’t have that much time,” I say.
He brushes his hand towards me, but doesn’t make contact. He slides down the wall and sits on the floor, holding his head. I leave him in his cocoon of agony that is self-inflicted and start cleaning.
CHAPTER SIX
CIARA
Darragh’s voice startles me. It’s been a while since he has made a sound. I was starting to think he had fallen asleep.
“Do you ever wish you could erase the last five years and start again?”
His question makes me pause. “Why the last five?” I ask. I wish I could erase a lot more than five years.
“Why do you have to answer my question with a question?” He waves his hand in the air and the motion is so womanly.
“You look gay,” I tell him and he holds his hands wide before pulling them back in.
“What’s wrong with you?”
I don’t answer. A lot is wrong with me, but telling someone like Darragh your deep, dark secrets would do more damage to my soul than what was already done.
I continue cleaning.
“You look like a dyke with that get up.”
I’m wearing the staff uniform. It is two sizes too big. But I like my clothes loose and comfortable. “Maybe I am a dyke.”
“Good fucking chance you are,” he shoots back and rubs his temples.
“Are you gay?” I don’t even know why I’m asking.
“Did you not see me yesterday going into the hotel room with all the ladies? Because I know you were listening to us.”
My face burns and he laughs at me. He couldn’t really know I waited to see if he came back out of the hotel room.
“You’re disgusting,” I say.
His laughter grows louder. “I know you want me. I see how you look at me.”
“You’re delusional.” I continue cleaning.
He continues sitting there being insulting as hell.
We get three rooms done and then he wants to smoke. “You owe me twenty euro and since my car broke down, I need it.” I hate explaining myself, but I can’t afford not to get my money back.
“Yada. Yada. Yada.” He takes out a wallet and gives me a fifty.” I don’t want to hear your sob story.”
I rip the money from his hand before I slap him and make my way downstairs to the bar.
“We are going that way,” he says pointing in the opposite direction.
I don’t stop and when he grabs my arm, I turn and twist pushing him against the wall.
“Take your fucking hands off me.”
He holds his hands in the air and nods. “Okay, calm down.”
I release him. The moment I do, warmth rushes my face. He looks at me like I’m crazy.
“I’m going to get your change and then we can go for a smoke.”
“Keep it.” He drops his hand and moves away from the wall. My gaze catches the camera behind us. Damn it. I really hope Liam isn’t in the office to witness me assaulting his brother.
I break the fifty, pocket my twenty, and give Darragh his thirty back. We don’t speak as we go out back. I sit once again on the step and take an apple out of my apron pocket.
The lads are all over Darragh but he’s subdued. I wonder if I bruised his ego. I couldn’t accept someone touching me without my permission. I remember exactly what happened the last time I allowed that.
Once I finish my apple, I stand. This time I don’t have to call Darragh. He’s behind me now as we enter the building. I regret defending myself. He watches me and it’s annoying as hell. The hall seems longer today and I’m glad when we reach the room. The moment we do Darragh sits back down on the ground.
“Some guy hurt you?” he asks while scratching his head. So my over-reaction to him touching me hadn’t gone unnoticed.
“Why has it got to be a guy? Maybe a girl hurt me? I’m a dyke after all.” I strip the bed, trying to allow my mind to find that numbness I often feel when cleaning.
“If you wanted, I could hurt them for you.”
The way he says it so off handily has my bitch meter rise and hit the bell.
I laugh at him. “Why would you do that? You don’t give a shit about anyone but yourself. And honestly, I don’t think you’d do very well. I did witness you get your ass handed to you last night and let’s not forget what just happened in the hall.”
He grins, but there is no humor in it. “Forget I said anything.” He closes his eyes and leans against the wall and I hate how confused I feel. I can’t figure him out for the life of me.
I go back to cleaning but his respon
se is irritating me. “I wouldn’t know where to find him, anyway. So it wouldn’t matter.”
Darragh plays with his lighter when I glance at him quickly. He looks at me and just nods.
“So what about you and DJ? There seems to be a lot of built up anger there.” I don’t really expect him to answer, but I want to change the subject.
“I lit his money on fire,” he says.
I smirk. What an odd thing to do. “How much?”
“Not sure.” His eyes tell me something different, that he knows exactly how much.
“Like a fifty or a hundred?” I’d cry over a fiver. So that amount would make me fall out with someone.
“Yeah, a ton.” His answer is quick.
“You could sell your jumper, I’m sure you’d get a hundred for it,” I say while straightening out the bed.
“It’s not about the money. I could give him his money back. It’s the principal.”
I’m listening now. “And what was the principal in this case?”
“That I can take anything I want from you. And you can’t do anything about it.”
I frown and shift my stance. Crossing my arms over my chest, I stare down at Darragh. This arrogant guy was starting to look very dangerous. He’s party exterior covered up a lot of anger and violence.
“This room is done,” I tell him because I don’t know what else to say.
We move to the next room. I expect him to leave but he doesn’t. He doesn’t work either. He just sits and talks until lunch comes around.
I leave my trolley in the room we are cleaning and head to the canteen.
Darragh sticks his head into the canteen where a few other people sit. “I’m not sitting in there. It’s fucking sterile looking.”
Several heads turn in our direction. I give an apologetic smile.
Darragh turns away. “I want a steak.”
“I have steak. Tuna steak.” That’s the closest I’d get to steak.
“Come on, I’m not eating in there.” Darragh moves away.
“There is nowhere else to eat, Darragh,” I say.
He snorts and reaches for my arm but hesitates. “There is a restaurant. We’ll eat there.”
