by Vi Carter
I exhale loudly. “I’ve answered all your questions.”
“This will just take a moment.”
I buzz him in. I did leave the hotel when I shouldn’t have so maybe answering his stupid questions would make him leave me alone.
Philips is waiting at the door when I open it. “Miss Michaels this won’t take long.” He looks over my shoulder and I step aside and let him in.
I turn down the radio and mute the TV.
“I thought there was a crowd in here.”
Folding my arms across my chest I sit down on my couch.
Philips sits across from me. “You were allowed to leave Cabra Castle?” He asks and I just nod.
“I’m here on a different matter Miss Michaels. Recently you were involved in an assault on two men.” His words are clear and said with a hidden smirk.
“Yes. But all charges were dropped.”
He nods and gives a sharp smile. “I know. The funny part is I couldn’t find the men who had originally pressed charges against you.”
I shrug but my heart starts to pound. “Maybe you need to brush up on your detective skills.”
“Hmmm.” His focus is drawn to Peaches as she saunters into the room and over to me.
“This isn’t your first assault case.”
“I’m tired and I’ve just been through a very dramatic day so really what is this about.” I rub Peaches.
“What’s your involvement with the O’Reagans, besides dating Darragh O’Reagan.”
News travelled fast.
“I work for Liam,” I answer.
“Cleaning rooms I believe.” Philips doesn’t even blink. His brown hair is cut close to his head like someone you’d see in the army.
“Yes.”
“You have no idea what happened to the men who said you assaulted them.”
“No.”
He nods now.
“Is that all?” I want him out of my home.
“For now.”
I can’t wait to close the door on him. He has one foot out when he stops and turns back to me.
“I’m not sure if you are very good at playing dumb or if you really have no idea what you got involved in. But if you don’t want to end up like Siobhan, I’d advise you to get away from the O’Reagans.”
I don’t answer him and he finally leaves. I don’t want to think about what he just said but now it’s all I can think about. When I had gotten the call to say the charges were dropped, I had assumed that Liam had shown them the footage or sent it to the Gardai station. What if they hurt those men? Killed them? I felt no remorse and that meant I didn’t have a good moral compass to be the judge of this situation.
Picking up my phone, I consider ringing Liam and asking him. Immediately I change my mind, now wasn’t the time. I wasn’t sure if there ever would be a good time, but now wasn’t it. Instead I ring Darragh again. Nothing will have changed but I just need to make sure. It goes straight to voicemail.
“Hi. It’s me again. Hope you’re okay. Ring me when you can.” I hang up and sit back down on the couch. I need to do something sitting here and ruminating wasn’t going to help me. Grabbing a pair of runners and my purse I leave the apartment and ring a taxi.
CHAPTER TWENTY ONE
DARRAGH
I’ve been left in this fucking room for the last few hours. No one has come to check on me. When the door finally opens it’s my solicitor, Eric.
“About time,” I say.
He sits down across from me. “You’re looking at five accounts of assault…”
I wave him off. “Eric, we don’t pay you for a recap. Just make this all go away.” I tell him.
“I’m trying.” His eyes shift around the room looking for cameras.
The door opens again and Philips steps in. “Ah your solicitor finally arrived. We can conduct the interview now.”
Eric gets up and sits beside me. “My client won’t be answering any questions.”
“You don’t even know what I’m going to ask. There is no need for such hostility.”
“What is my client being charged with?” Eric asks.
“Assault for now.” Philips glances at me before refocusing on Eric.
“And the witnesses?” Eric asks.
Philips leans back in the chair and spreads his hands. “Come on Eric. I have a room filled with four hundred people. Also, four other Gardai who were assaulted.”
I go to speak but Eric holds his hand up. “I can tell you now those four hundred people saw the O’Reagans assaulted and intimidated just after the death and shooting of two family members. You used the chaos to assault my client.”
Philip’s jaw clenches as Eric shuffles some pages and stops on an A4 that has four names.
“Gardai Brady, O’Rourke, Gardai O’Neill and Gardai Curran have all dropped assault charges against my clients. So yours just looks false and frankly even vindictive.”
I want to pat Eric on the back for a job very well done but I sit still as I watch Philp’s case crumble in his hands.
Eric rummages through more paperwork before taking out four sheets. “This is their signed declaration.”
Philips doesn’t even look down at them. “How can you sleep at night knowing you work for criminals?”
“Very well and on Egyptian cotton.” I answer for Eric just to piss Philips off, but he’s focusing on Eric.
“When was all this done?”
“When you were seen going through my client’s phone and leaving the station. You know it is a criminal offence to touch his property.”
“His phone was ringing I simply answered.”
“Who was it?” I ask. I want to know if there was any word on Shane.
Philips smile is sly. “Ciara. She was very upset. So I paid her a little visit.”
Eric clamps down on my forearm as I move towards Philips “He wants a reaction and right now you’re in the clear.” Eric informs me in front of Philips.
“Her cat liked me.”
I reach across and grab both his arms.
“If you do this Darragh, I can’t make it go away. We are being watched and there are cameras in the room.” Eric hasn’t let me go as he pleads for me to stop.
“She was just out of the shower when I arrived.” Philip’s grin is wide.
I want to ram my fist down his throat but I hear Eric’s rational words and release Philips.
“Can I go now?” I ask.
“Let me go and get your paperwork written up.” Philips leaves and I stand before I punch something.
“He’s trying to get a reaction out of you.”
“Well it’s fucking working. I want out of here now Eric.” Eric gathers his papers.
“Anytime today would be fucking nice.”
He moves faster and I’m glad to be left alone.
***
I light up a fag the moment I’m out. “Did you bail Connor out?” I ask Eric as we leave the station. It’s dark outside; it’s close to three in the morning now.
“No. Just Liam. I have no idea who bailed him out.” Eric walks to his car.
“Any word on Shane?”
“Sorry Darragh but I haven’t heard from anyone.”
I nod as he climbs into his car. I leave the station and walk through Navan town.
“I’m only out now.” I tell Liam the moment he answers.
“Where are you?”
“Just making my way up to the hospital.”
“You won’t get in. I’ll pick you up in five minutes.”
“Is he awake?” I ask feeling frustrated.
“No.” Liam hangs up.
I keep walking. I’m walking down the main street when his Bentley comes into view. I throw my fag on the ground before I get in.
“Eric sorted it for now. But I don’t think Philips is going to let this rest. I’ve a bad feeling about the guy.”
“Right now we need to focus on Finn.”
I rub my face. “How is he?”
“I don�
��t know. I’ve been helping Eric get you out and also trying to find out how Shane is. Right now he’s stable, but he hasn’t woken up yet.”
“Jesus Christ. Any idea who did this?” I’m so tired. I can barely think straight.
“Not yet. But Ciara said that the gunman was aiming at Una and Siobhan stepped in the way.”
“Did Ciara tell you that?” She was that close? My weariness feels like it’s seeping into my bones.
“She told Father.” Liam drives home and I don’t want to go in. I don’t want to look at Finn and what this is doing to him.
“It tells me that the target was Shane and Una, so we need to figure out who Shane has pissed off.”
I’m nodding at Liam; he was right.
Every light seems to be on in the house or maybe that’s the fear talking. I was hoping everyone would be asleep. Once I’m out of Liam’s car I spark up and take out my phone.
“You have no new voice messages.” I opt in to listen to old ones and Ciara’s voice has me closing my eyes briefly. So Philips had listened to my voice messages.
I don’t want to ring her at three in the morning so I just text.
I’m only home now. I hope you’re okay. I’ll ring you tomorrow.
“Are you coming in?” I hadn’t realized that Liam was waiting.
“Yeah I’m just going to finish this.” I show him my smoke before inhaling a deep drag.
“I’ll be in the library if you need me.” I nod at Liam and he leaves. I light another cigarette up the moment I finish the first one. I was trying to prolong going in. Throwing half a fag on the ground I head inside. I check the kitchen before heading up stairs. Finn’s room is empty but the lights are on. He was here. His suit is laid out neatly on the bed, his wedding band sitting beside his outfit. Fear has me moving through the house quicker. Liam is in the Library as he said he would be.
“Do you know where he is?” I ask.
“He’s in your room.”
I nod and leave not rushing to my room. Why my room? I open the door and have to turn on the lights. Finn’s sitting on the ground a bottle of JD that’s nearly empty dangling from his fingers. His eyes are red and puffy and when he looks up at me, he squints before drinking from the bottle. I have no clue what to do, so I sit down beside him and light up a fag. He doesn’t take the one that I offer him.
“I couldn’t find drink anywhere. I knew if anyone had some it was you.” Finn’s words are sober for a man who has drank nearly a bottle of JD.
“Yeah you never know when you’ll need a drink,” I say.
“Do you remember the first day we met her?” Finn’s smiling.
“Yeah.” It’s vague as I was high, but I remember it was her father’s wake.
“Straight away she captured me.” Finn’s brows furrow and he bites his lip before drinking from the bottle. “I wish I could talk to her one more time. You know.” His eyes shimmer as he looks at me.
“I’m sorry man.”
“How beautiful did she look?” His smile wavers.
“She was beautiful.”
The cigarette is burning away in my hand, ashes fall onto the floor and I brush them away before getting up and putting the fag out in the ashtray on my bedside table. Sitting back down silence encases us for a moment before Finn speaks.
“I should have never left her side.”
“You know that shit will do you no good.” I say.
He laughs. “She fucking died on her wedding day.” Finn stands and his words grow in sound and power. “Because of fucking me.” He hits the bottle against his chest. “I should have left her alone that first day and she would still be here.”
I stand up too. “You don’t know that.”
“Of course I do!” He roars causing veins to bulge in his neck. “She was doomed from the moment she met me.” Tears trickle down his face.
“This wasn’t your fault.” I wasn’t good at this. I wish I could be anywhere. Cleaning toilets in the hotel was more desirable than watching my brother fall apart.
“I pulled that trigger the moment I fell in love with her.” The bottle sails from his hand and smashes against my wall. I don’t move. I wait until he seems calmer. I approach him and take his face in my hands forcing him to look at me. “The best thing you can focus on right now is finding the bastard who killed her and shot our brother.” Finn pulls away from me roughly.
“I’m not like you. I don’t want revenge. I just want my wife back. But you couldn’t possibly understand that.”
“Look you’re grieving…”
Finn takes a step towards me. It’s frightening what loss can do. I’ve never seen Finn look so wild or out of control. Not even when our mother died.
“This isn’t grief. It’s guilt. I let my guard down with our family and it cost me my wife.” His fist hits his chest as he dances on the spot with anger. “She didn’t deserve this.” He goes still as his eyes shimmer again and his shoulders fall forward. “She didn’t deserve this.”
I reach for him and he doesn’t stop me as I pull him into a hug. “She didn’t deserve this,” he says again as he starts to cry. The door opens and Father walks in. I’ve never been so happy to see him in my life. He looks a wreck as I’m sure we all look.
“How are you son?” I step away from Finn so he can talk to him.
“Fine.” Finn speaks while looking away and wiping his eyes. Father looks at me and I shake my head.
He sits down on my bed and I stay standing not sure if I should leave or stay.
“I remember the day your mother died. I felt like a piece of me died too.” Finn is facing the wall, staring at the broken bottle on the ground. His shoulders shake from silent tears.
“And it did. A piece of me is gone and I have never gotten it back.” I glance at Father this wasn’t helping. Finn turns around and wipes his face.
“I know how wide and empty it is Finn.”
“Does it get easier?” Finn’s words are filled with hope and despair and I want Father to say the right thing this time. Tell him time heals all wounds that it will get easier. In fact he will find love again.
“Never. Some days it feels even harder.” I sit down at the end of the bed, facing away from both of them and light up a fag.
“But you learn to live with it. You will live again but she will always be missing.” I glance at Finn as he cries into his hands; Father stands and places a hand on each of his shoulders. He doesn’t pull him into a hug but pats him twice before leaving the room, leaving me with a bigger fucking mess.
“He’s wrong.” I start. Finn runs his hands down his face. A spark in his eyes surprises me and he takes my box of fags and lighter off my bed. He lights it up and inhales deeply.
“No he’s right. I don’t ever want to forget her. I’m also sick of being told that time heals everything. I don’t want to heal.”
We sit in silence and smoke our fags. The bed dips as Finn rises. “I’m going to try and sleep.” He puts out the fag. “I’ll clean up the bottle tomorrow, sorry about that.”
“I got it. Don’t even worry about it.”
There is that awkward moment where I don’t want to hug him in case he breaks again. As I pass him, I touch his back and he nods.
“See you in the morning.”
“Yeah sleep well.” I say as I distinguish the fag. Once he is gone, I grab my bin and start to pick up the shards of glass. I don’t feel much like sleeping. Ciara has left me a message on my phone.
I’m still awake if you want to ring.
The message was from an hour ago.
Are you still awake?
Her response is immediate. Yes
I check on Finn who seems to be asleep before I get my car keys and make my way to the library. Father and Liam are still sitting up both having a drink.
“Finn’s asleep. I’m going to go and check on Ciara.”
“You did good today Darragh.” Father’s words have me standing a little straighter. His praise wasn’t somethin
g I was used to. Nodding at him I leave the room.
***
“Can you open the door?” I ask the moment Ciara picks up the phone. The door lock clicks and I push it in and climb the stairs to her apartment. She’s standing at the door her oversized t-shirt and black tracksuit bottoms seem to consume her. She looks tiny and fragile. She’s left her blond hair down hiding some of her face. I reach her and pause at the door before pulling her into a hug. Her body shakes in my arms as she starts to cry. My fingers find their way into her hair and I tuck her closer to me. Her trembles subside and she peeks up.
“You don’t have to be here.”
“Yes I do,” I say and step into the hall closing the door behind me. I don’t think about it, I just take her by the hand.
“Which room is your bedroom?”
She points to the door on the right. Her place is nice. It’s small but clean. Her bed is unmade the quilts twisted like she’s been tossing and turning all night. The lamp on her bedside table is on and it cast some light into the room.
“Into bed,” I say and kick off my boots; she follows my movements as I pull my T-shirt over my head. She swallows.
“We are just going to sleep,” I say.
Her wide blue eyes focus on my chest. I open my jeans and let them land on the floor. Ciara still hasn’t moved, and I let her take me in as I stand in my boxers.
Her hand is warm as I slip mine into hers but she pulls away and takes a step back. I’m surprised when she pulls her t-shirt over her head. A blue bra is full and I can feel my boxers tighten. When Ciara steps out of the tracksuit bottoms I’m surprised at the girl who stands before me. She’s perfect and sleeping beside her doesn’t seem like such a good decision. I’m considering the couch when she takes a step towards me and slips her hand back into mine, this time she leads me to her bed and I follow. Lying down Ciara pulls the blanket over me and lies down beside me. There is a few inches between us, both of us facing the ceiling.
“I think we need to be honest. Neither of us are going to sleep like this.” I glance at Ciara and she faces me now, the blanket tucked under her arms.
