by Kate Hardy
Clearly she hadn’t learned from her mistakes.
And how stupid she’d been to think that they were getting closer. Obviously for Oliver it had been just sex.
‘Would you like some coffee?’ he asked.
But she could see from his face that he was being polite.
She wasn’t going to let herself be needy enough to accept. ‘No, thanks,’ she said. ‘This won’t take long. I’ve been thinking...we took things a bit too fast.’
His expression was completely inscrutable. He merely inclined his head.
And this was excruciating, making her realise how stupid she’d been.
‘I think,’ she said carefully, ‘we should go back to being just colleagues.’ She couldn’t quite stretch it to friendship. Not when he was going to be leaving anyway.
‘You’re right,’ he said.
‘Good.’ Though there was one last little thing. ‘I understand if you’ve changed your mind about helping at the cycle race.’
He shook his head. ‘I promised I’d help. It isn’t fair to let you down at the last minute.’
It wasn’t fair to let her down, full stop. To let her close and then freeze her out. Then again, she was as much to blame. She’d obviously tried so hard not to freeze him out that she’d been too needy. No wonder he’d backed away. ‘As you wish,’ she said. ‘Though I think we should travel separately.’
‘Of course,’ he said.
‘Right. Well, see you at the surgery,’ she said brightly, and wheeled her bicycle round so he wouldn’t see even the tiniest trace of hurt in her face.
* * *
We should go back to being just colleagues.
Not even friends. Just two people who worked together.
The words echoed in Ollie’s head. Although part of him knew he was being unfair—he’d pushed her away ever since he’d heard the news about Tabby’s engagement—part of him felt as if she’d stomped on a bruise. He hadn’t been enough for Tabby, and he clearly hadn’t been enough for Gemma, either, otherwise she would’ve fought for him. Or maybe it was his fault for messing it up in the first place. Backing away from her instead of telling her what was going on in his head. No wonder she’d dumped him.
But he was only here for another couple of weeks, so it shouldn’t matter. He could keep up the facade until his contract ended.
Though lunch without her felt lonely; and he was really aware now of how echoey the little cottage was. How quiet, without Gemma chattering and laughing and teasing him.
Somehow he got through the weekend.
And then, the following Wednesday, Caroline asked to see him.
Was she going to ask him to leave the practice early, to get rid of any tension in the staff room?
To his shock, it was the opposite. ‘Aadya wants to come back part-time,’ she said. ‘And I think we have enough work to justify another full-time GP. You’ve fitted into the practice really well.’
If only she knew.
‘So I’d like to give you first refusal of the new post,’ Caroline said.
The answer was obvious. For Gemma’s sake, he’d have to say no.
As if she’d anticipated his refusal, Caroline said, ‘I know you’d need to sort things out with your practice in London, and I’d be happy to accommodate that. So don’t give me an answer now. Think it over for a week.’
‘Thank you. I will,’ he said, giving her his best and brightest smile.
Stay at Ashermouth Bay.
If Caroline had asked him this a week or so ago, Ollie knew he would’ve jumped at the chance.
But that was before he’d learned that Tabby was engaged again. Before he’d realised that he was fooling himself if he thought he’d be enough for anyone. Before he’d pushed Gemma away.
The answer would be no. It couldn’t be anything else. But he’d be courteous about it and do what Caroline asked, waiting until next week to give her an answer.
And then he’d leave.
Go back to London.
And pretend he’d never met Gemma Baxter.
CHAPTER TEN
THE DAY BEFORE Gemma was due to do the sponsored cycle ride, Ollie had just bought a pint of milk from the village shop when he bumped into her.
‘Oliver,’ she said, and gave him a cool nod.
But her face was blotchy and he thought she’d been crying. Even though he knew it was none of his business and he should leave it, he couldn’t help asking, ‘Are you all right?’
‘Fine, thank you.’
Cool, calm—and a complete fib. ‘You’re not all right,’ he said softly. ‘What’s happened?’
She swallowed hard. ‘It’s Sarah’s birthday. I’m trying to celebrate the day. But...’
‘It’s hard,’ he finished. And, even though he knew he wasn’t enough for her, he couldn’t just leave her like this, clearly heartbroken and trying to be brave. ‘Do you want me to come with you to the churchyard, for company?’
She shook her head. ‘I can’t go today.’
He frowned. ‘Why not?’
‘Because... Never mind.’
That didn’t sound good. At all. ‘In that case, I’m making you coffee. No arguments. It’s what any—’ he chose his words carefully ‘—colleague would do for another.’
He shepherded her back to his cottage; she sat at the kitchen table in total silence while he made coffee. This really wasn’t like Gemma; she was usually bright and bubbly and chatty.
‘So why can’t you visit your sister today?’ he asked.
‘Because our parents are visiting her.’
What? ‘Surely they’d want to be with you, too?’
Gemma wouldn’t meet his eyes. ‘It’s difficult. Her birthday, her anniversary—those days seem to bring all the misery of her dying back to them, and they can’t handle seeing me as well. It kind of feels as if they still blame me for having the virus in the first place, though I’m probably being paranoid. And then they remember how I went off the rails and made everything worse for them, and...’ She shook her head. ‘It’s just easier to give them space today.’
Oliver went to put his arms round her, but she leaned away. ‘Don’t. I can’t... Not now.’
He wasn’t entirely sure whether she was rejecting him or rejecting everyone. Hadn’t she said to him that she was hopeless at relationships? And he’d frozen her out because his self-doubts had got in the way.
‘Sorry. I’m not good company. I’d rather be on my own right now. Thanks for trying. Sorry to waste your coffee.’
And she left before he could find the right words to stop her.
* * *
Oliver thought about it for the rest of the morning.
He might not be able to offer Gemma a future, but he could do something to make her life a bit better. Maybe.
He headed for the bakery to see Claire.
‘I’m a bit busy,’ she said coolly, and he knew he deserved the brush-off.
‘It’s about Gemma,’ he said. ‘It’s Sarah’s birthday today.’
‘Yes. She’s coming over tonight for fajitas and board games, to take her mind off it.’ Claire frowned. ‘Is that why you’re here? You want to come, too? But I thought you and Gemma had...’
‘Split up? Yes. It’s my fault. You can yell at me some other time, but right now is all about Gemma and her parents.’
Claire rolled her eyes. ‘Don’t talk to me about them. I mean, I’m a mum myself now, so I kind of get how hard it must’ve been for them when Sarah died, but I hate the way...’ She stopped. ‘Never mind.’
‘You hate the way they just abandoned Gemma after Sarah died. And you don’t get why they’re not wrapping her in cotton wool because she’s the only child they have left,’ he guessed.
‘She told you?’ Claire looked shocked. ‘Well, that’s a good thing. I’m glad
she’s talking about it. But you’re right. I wish her parents...’ She grimaced. ‘Mum’s tried. I’ve tried. They’re just cocooned in their grief and they can’t see what they still have.’
‘Maybe they need someone who didn’t know Sarah to make them see things differently,’ Ollie said. ‘Like me.’
Claire frowned. ‘Why would you do that?’
‘Because I care about Gemma.’
‘Even though you broke up with her?’
‘Claire, as I said, you can yell at me about this another time,’ he said, ‘but I really need to know where Gemma’s parents live.’
Her eyes widened. ‘You’re going to tackle them today?’
‘It’s probably too much, on Sarah’s birthday. I was thinking tomorrow morning,’ he said.
‘But you can’t. It’s the race tomorrow. You promised Gem you’d be a race medic.’
‘Exactly.’ Oliver enlightened Claire about his plan.
‘If this goes wrong,’ Claire warned, ‘Gemma’s going to get hurt.’
‘She’s already hurt. If her parents refuse to listen to me and continue to stay away, what’s changed?’
‘I guess.’ She sighed. ‘I have huge reservations about this, and I really don’t think you’re going to get anywhere with them. But I suppose at least you’re trying, for Gemma’s sake.’ She gave him the address.
‘Thank you,’ he said.
For the next part of his plan, Ollie rang Rob. ‘I need to call in a favour for tomorrow,’ he said.
‘What kind of favour?’ Rob asked.
‘I need you to pretend to be me, and be a medic for a sixty-mile sponsored cycle race.’
Rob sounded puzzled. ‘Why aren’t you going to be there?’
‘There’s something that needs fixing,’ Ollie said. ‘I need to do it tomorrow, but I also need to be a race medic. The only way you can be in two places at the same time—or at least seem to be—is if you have an identical twin. Which is why I need your help.’
‘Does Gemma know about this?’
‘No.’
‘Olls, I can’t pretend to be her partner.’
‘You don’t have to. I’m not her partner any more.’
‘What? But she’s lovely, Olls. Why? What happened?’
‘I’m not enough for her, just as I wasn’t enough for Tabby.’ Though Ollie knew he had to be honest. ‘I pushed her away. Yes, I’m an idiot and I regret it, but it’s too late.’
‘Olls—’
‘No, it’s OK,’ he said. ‘This isn’t about me. It’s about her.’
‘So what’s this fixing you have to do?’ Rob asked.
Ollie explained.
‘And you’re doing this why, exactly?’
‘Because it’s something I think I can fix for Gemma.’
‘You’re in love with her, aren’t you?’
‘I’m not answering that.’
‘You don’t have to. I know,’ Rob said. ‘All right. I’ll help you. But only on condition you actually talk to her and tell her how you really feel about her.’
‘There’s no point. I’m not enough for her.’
‘Did she actually say that?’ Rob asked. ‘You said yourself, you pushed her away. Stop being an idiot and talk to her. She can’t guess what’s in your head.’
‘I need your help, Rob.’
‘Of course I’m going to help you. I owe you everything,’ Rob said softly. ‘Without you I’d still be on dialysis, waiting for a kidney that might not come in time. But it’s precisely because I owe you that I don’t want you to mess this up. Promise me you’ll talk to her.’
Ollie sighed. ‘All right. I promise.’
CHAPTER ELEVEN
ON THE MORNING of the cycle ride, Gemma felt drained, but she’d be letting people down if she didn’t do the race. She drove to the village where the starting point was and got her bike out of the back. She couldn’t see Oliver’s car anywhere, but when she went to register she saw him by the race marshals’ tent.
Except it wasn’t Oliver.
Even though Rob had let his hair grow out so they really did look identical, Gemma could tell the difference between them. Seeing him didn’t feel the same as when she saw Oliver.
So it seemed as if Oliver had sent his twin to be here in his place.
Which just proved he didn’t want to be with her and he was going back to London. Why had he even bothered talking to her and being sympathetic yesterday?
It wasn’t Rob’s fault, so she wasn’t going to take it out on him. She went over to him and smiled. ‘Thank you for the support, Rob,’ she said.
His eyes widened. ‘But I’m Oliver.’
She just looked at him, and he sighed. ‘We’re identical. I even did my hair like Olls does, and I’m wearing his clothes, not mine. How did you know?’
‘I just do. Thank you for—well, doing what he clearly didn’t want to do.’
‘Gemma, we need to—’
‘No, we don’t need to talk,’ she cut in softly. ‘But I appreciate you turning up. And I have a race to cycle.’
‘Good luck,’ he said.
* * *
Ollie’s doubts grew as he drove to the village where Gemma’s parents lived.
What if they weren’t there?
What if they were, but refused to talk to him?
Well, he’d just have to persuade them to listen.
When he rang the doorbell, her mum answered. ‘Sorry, I don’t buy things at the door.’
‘I’m not selling anything, Mrs Baxter.’
She frowned. ‘How do you know my name? I’ve never seen you before in my life.’
‘My name’s Oliver Langley. I work with Gemma,’ he said. ‘May I come in? Please? All I’m asking is for ten minutes of your time.’
‘Ten minutes?’ She looked confused.
‘For Sarah’s sake,’ he said softly.
She flinched, but then she nodded. ‘Come in.’
She didn’t offer him a drink, but she did at least invite him to sit down.
‘Firstly,’ he said, ‘I’d like to say how sorry I am about Sarah. I didn’t know her—but my brother had a burst appendix and severe blood poisoning earlier this year, which wiped out his kidneys. So I know how it feels to worry about my brother being on dialysis, and whether my kidney would be suitable for him. Whether it might go wrong and we’d lose him.’
‘Twelve years.’ A tear trickled down Mrs Baxter’s cheek. ‘Twelve birthdays we haven’t spent with our little girl.’
‘And that’s hard,’ Ollie said. ‘I know how desperately I would’ve missed Rob.’ And now was his chance to tell them. ‘I’m a doctor. I work with Gemma at Ashermouth Bay surgery. I know how much she misses her sister. How much she misses you.’
Neither of Gemma’s parents responded.
‘I know it’s difficult,’ he said gently. ‘Every time you look at Gemma, you see Sarah in her. Of course you do. They’re sisters. If we’d lost Rob, my parents would’ve found it really hard seeing me, because Rob’s my identical twin.’
That made her parents look at him.
‘I would’ve found it hard to see them, too, because I’d see him in their smiles and little mannerisms. But,’ he said, ‘it would’ve been a lot harder not to see them. Cutting myself off from them might’ve worked in the short term, but in the long term we’d all have missed out on so much.’ He paused. ‘You’re missing out on Gemma.’
‘I don’t think there’s anything more to say, Dr Langley,’ Mr Baxter said.
‘You said you’d give me ten minutes,’ Oliver reminded them.
‘Gemma doesn’t need us,’ Mrs Baxter said.
‘Oh, but she does,’ he said. ‘She might look as if she’s moved on with her life and she’s completely together, but she’s not. She went off the rails,
the year Sarah died.’
Both her parents flinched.
‘I’m not judging you,’ he said. ‘We nearly lost Rob, and I know how bad that felt. How much worse it must have been to lose your thirteen-year-old daughter—way, way too young. But Gemma still needs you. Both of you. She’s a qualified nurse practitioner and she looks as if she’s totally together and getting on with her life. But she’s not. She spends nearly all her spare time raising money for the local cardiac ward, the one that treated Sarah. She pushes herself outside her comfort zone, trying to help so another family won’t have to go through what you all went through. And she’s amazing. She did a skydive last month. Next month, she’s going to start swimming the equivalent of the English Channel.
‘Right now, she’s doing a sixty-mile cycle ride.’ He paused. ‘And you know what would make the difference to her? If you were there to meet her at the end of the race.’
‘We can’t,’ Gemma’s mother said. ‘It’s too late. We don’t...’ She shook her head.
‘She’s never going to give up on you,’ he said. ‘I know she comes to see you once a month and she’ll keep doing that. Even though you reject her over and over and over again, she’ll still keep trying. You lost Sarah, but you still have one daughter left. She’s not giving up on you. Don’t give up on her.’
‘She was—difficult, after Sarah died. We couldn’t cope with her behaviour,’ Mrs Baxter said.
‘She told me. But she’s past that, now. She’s a daughter you can be proud of,’ Oliver said. ‘She works so hard. And she’s amazing.’
‘Why are you here?’ Mr Baxter asked.
‘Because I care about Gemma. I can’t bring Sarah back, but I can at least try to help Gemma mend the rift with you.’
‘Does she know you’re here?’ Mrs Baxter asked.
‘No,’ Oliver said. ‘I’m actually supposed to be supporting the race, being one of the medics.’
‘Then why are you here?’ Mrs Baxter asked.
‘Because I wanted to talk to you. My twin brother agreed to pretend to be me,’ Oliver said. ‘So I haven’t totally let her down. She’s still got a race medic. Though I am going to have to apologise later for not telling her the entire truth.’
