by Annie Walker
“What?” This had gotten both of their attentions. “He told you to leave? Why?”
“Well, you see he had this thing. He said no woman had ever spent the night at his place. I think it was his way of keeping the women in his life in their place. If they didn’t spend the night then it wasn’t anything but sex. Anyway, I was so humiliated that I just walked out. The following night, after Ben confronted me and I’d been sick all day from walking home in the rain, I went to Jackson’s house and confronted him. It didn’t go exactly the way I’d planned.”
“What happened?” Genna was on the edge of her seat.
“We ended up back in bed. He found out I was sick and I ended up staying with him the rest of the night. I left that morning, but he came over to my place and brought me medicine and chicken soup. We’ve been together ever since that time.”
“Well, that just makes me sick.” Serena, who'd had one too many drinks, said. “I hope you appreciate that guy, because you are one lucky broad.”
“Okay you, what’s going on inside that head of yours lately? I mean, you know Jeff’s a good guy and you’ve told us both at least a thousand times how good the sex is between you, so what’s up?” I asked her.
Serena was up and prowling around the kitchen again, her alcohol buzz all but gone. “I don’t know. I don’t know what’s wrong with me! It’s just that I’m so afraid I’m missing out on something—I know that sounds crazy and don’t get me wrong. I love Jeff, but there are times when I just want to go out and have one last fling. If feels like if I don’t do it now then I’m making the biggest mistake of my life. I mean, how can I just settle down into this whole married life thing and not go crazy? Do you ever feel that?”
Serena knew better than to ask Gen. She knew the answer to that already. Gen had wanted to be married since she was a kid. She’d been looking forward to having babies almost as long.
“No, but I think I can understand a little. For me, it’s more like I keep expecting something to come along to destroy everything. It’s hard for me to be this happy and not expect disaster. Serena, I think what you’re feeling is normal. Lots of women feel that way. You think maybe something wonderful is waiting just around the corner and if you settle, you’ll miss it.”
“Exactly. Oh don’t look at me like that, Gen. I know Jeff’s a good guy and I love him, really I do. It’s just that, you know my track record? I’ve always dated the bad guys. Jeff was totally out of character for me. I gravitate to the ones that are dangerous.”
“Oh, I remember alright. I remember having to talk you through how many broken hearts, when those dangerous ones left you high and dry. Is that what you think you’re missing? All those losers you used to date that only used you and left you crying. Serena, you may think you’re some carefree girl, but the truth is you’re not. You’re just human and you’re scared. You got yourself a good guy and you don’t know how to deal with that. You and Maggie are a lot alike in that sense. You’re both scared.”
Serena and I sat in shocked silence staring at each other and wondering how little Miss Susie Homemaker here had gotten so smart.
“You do what you think you have to, Serena, but I’m telling you if you lose that guy you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. You’ll never get another chance. Don’t blow it.”
I don’t know if Serena would ever have actually had that fling, I think she just needed to say it out loud because what she was really afraid of was letting go of her old self.
But the following day, three little girls from Santa Anna, Texas walked down the aisle of the Baptist church. One of them promised her love forever to a good guy. The nice kind. Whether or not she believed it just yet, it was exactly what she’d been looking for all along.
Chapter Eighteen
And then there was me. The last holdout of the three little small town girls. With one month left before my wedding, I was looking forward to nothing else. Seeing Serena with all of her doubts had made me realize how much I wanted to marry Jackson. I think I told him that every single day.
Everything was set. All the wedding plans were finished. We were all ready for the magical day, but I was fighting that desperate feeling of fate with every single tick of the clock.
Something kept me frightened and holding onto that tiny girl of my past. For some reason, even though all of my childhood issues were settled, I still couldn’t let her go. I couldn’t talk to Jackson about it, because I didn’t want him to think I was afraid of marrying him.
Instead, I talked to my mom. She was fast becoming the one that I went to with my fears. Maybe because we’d both been down together, but she understood how fragile happiness really was and she tried to assure me that the only person who could take my happiness away was me.
With no more wedding plans to make, I threw myself into my work.
Jackson and I hadn’t really decided where we were to spend our honeymoon, but we planned for it to last two weeks. So, in preparation for that time away, I was working long hours, as was he, getting things caught up. It was on one such day over a pile of legal books that my happiness was shaken to its very core.
When Jackson’s best friend Sam walked into my office, the look on his face told me something was terribly wrong.
“What is it? Is he okay?” I wasn’t aware of moving at all, but there I stood in front of Sam, praying.
“He’s okay…he asked me to come get you because he knew you’d panic. Jackson is going to be fine.”
“Then why are you here?”
“Maggie, just listen, okay? He was having some chest pains, but he’s okay. His doctor did a very thorough exam and concluded it was probably only very minor angina due to stress.”
I don’t think I really heard what Sam was saying because I was throwing my things into a desk drawer and searching for my car keys.
“I have to go to him.”
“Maggie, calm down. That’s why I’m here. I’m here to take you to Jackson. He knew you’d panic and he didn’t want you driving by yourself. The truth is its stress from the job. You know how hard he’s been working on the new contracts—for a long time now. He’s going to be okay, Maggie. He just needs to slow down.”
Jessie and Rich had heard the noise and come to find out what was wrong. Sam introduced himself, because I couldn’t and told them everything. “I’m going to take her to Jackson now.”
“Of course. Will you call us later?” I nodded, but I didn’t really hear a word of what they’d said.
The drive to the hospital seemed to take hours, although it was only a little ways from Jackson’s office.
I found him in the emergency room and the sight of him there, even though he was all but dressed when I came in, buttoning his shirt, made me cry.
I went to him and held him, but I couldn’t say a word. I was crying too hard.
“Maggie, its okay. Didn’t Sam explain what happened?” Poor Sam received one of Jackson’s angry looks that always sent me scurrying and had the poor man searching for words to reassure him.
“Tell me what happened, Jackson,” I interrupted, giving the poor old man a break.
“It was only a minor angina attack, right, doc? I asked my doctor…Doctor Jennings, here, to stick around until you got here because I knew you wouldn’t believe me. So, tell her, doc…please.”
“Maggie—is it?” The good doctor took my hand and shook it. “Zack Jennings. And yes, it was only a mild case of angina, probably triggered from too much stress, but I’ve told Jackson that this is a wakeup call and should not be ignored. He needs to take it seriously and make some changes in his life. Starting with diet and more exercise, but most importantly doing away with as much of the stress that brought the attack on as possible. I’m going to give you a good low fat diet to follow and an exercise regimen that will help, but for the most part, Jackson, it’s going to have to be up to you. You’ve got to work on getting rid of the stress from your life.”
I turned back to Jackson and held him tight.
I was so afraid that my worst nightmare would become reality and all of my happiness would be taken away. I couldn't bear the thought of losing him.
“It’s okay, I’m fine. I’ve already taken steps to alleviate the stress at work. I was going to surprise you with this at our wedding, but I see now that you won’t believe me if I don’t tell you what I’m up to. So, here goes. Ben is back in Austin and has been training to take over the new business contracts. I was going to wait to turn things over officially to him until after I returned from our honeymoon, but I’ll just start now—how’s that? Ben will just have to be ready.”
“That sounds like a very good start. And congratulations on your upcoming wedding. Well, I’ll leave you now. I need to finish my rounds. Keep an eye on him, Maggie. Make sure he keeps those promises. I don’t want you to see you back here anytime soon, but I do want you to come to my office next week.”
After the doctor left, the three of us stood in shocked silence. The man who had always been so strong for me and everyone else for that matter now needed our help. I was so afraid of losing him.
“Come on, Maggie, let’s go home.” Jackson slowly untangled my arms from around his neck and looked at Sam. “Can you give us a lift to the house?”
“Of course. I’ll have Ben bring your car by later. You should think about taking a few days off you know?”
“Yes and something tells me I will have to now.” He directed a look at me and Sam smiled. “Ben can handle things with your help, Sam. I’m turning over the management to you. That’s always been the plan.”
We left the hospital while I fought to keep from crying and Jackson knew it. He was deliberately trying to keep the conversation light.
“You want me to bring you something to eat later?” Sam asked. I could tell he was as worried as I was about his friend.
“No, I’ll make you something.” I announced and had their undivided attention. They’d both seen my few miserable attempts at cooking gone bad.
“No offense, Maggie, but I want to live.” Jackson tried to make a joke, but I started to cry and he pulled me close. “I’m only kidding. I’m going to be fine. It wasn’t that serious. It was just a wakeup call like Zack said. But I would like to eat and since we both know you can’t cook.”
“I can, too. I’ve been taking a cooking class,” I blurted out and shocked the both of them.
“Since when?” Jackson asked and then it dawned on him. “That’s what you’ve been up to each week. I just thought you and the girls were out cruising the bars together.”
I didn’t miss the reference to when he’d found me at the Club with a date. Before now, I would have been so angry with him, but now I was just so thankful to have him with me. “I’ve been taking classes and I’m happy to say I’m actually very good at it. I can make homemade soup and bread and just about anything else you want.”
“I see.” He smiled in that loving way of his. “A regular Suzy Homemaker huh? You’re going to be the perfect wife, little bit.” I think he intended that as an insult, but he had no idea how happy it made me.
“I sure am.” Poor Sam had to endure our little sweet-talk all the way home. The poor man was probably swearing off marriage from that day forward.
He left us at the door of our house with promises to return the car, but neither of us was really listening.
“Maybe you should lie down for a while?” I told him in my best Suzy Homemaker voice, only to be rewarded by a raised eyebrow that told me I wasn’t going to get away with babying him.
“Only if you’re joining me there.” Was his only reply before he plopped down on the sofa in the living room.
“The doctor said you should take it easy for a while which means…”
“He said I needed to cut out the stress from my life, not increase it.”
“Am I part of your stress?” I was suddenly serious again. I knelt in front of him and took his hands. “Is the wedding worrying you? Do you think we should put it off?”
I saw his reaction to those words immediately. M eyes filled with tears. This man loved me more than anyone deserved to be loved.
“There’s no way we’re postponing the wedding, so you can just forget that. We’re getting married two weeks from Saturday if I have to drag you down the aisle. And no, to answer your question even though it is the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard come out of your mouth, you are not part of my stress. You’re the one thing that keeps me grounded and the only thing that makes me happy. So please stop worrying about me, okay? I promise I’ll follow all the doctor’s rules. I’ll keep to the diet and exercise plan and I’ll keep my appointment next week. Everything will be fine.”
Jackson touched my face gently. “I’m not dying. I’ll be fine. Please don’t worry.”
“How can I help it?” I blurted out. “I can’t imagine my life without you. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I don’t want to lose you.”
“You’re not going to, little bit. Don’t worry. I might starve to death if you can’t fulfill your cooking promise like you claim. Can you really cook? I’d almost pay money to see that.”
I smiled and kissed his lips. “I sure can! You feel up to watching me?”
“I’d love to watch you do just about anything. Cooking or…anything.”
He sat at the kitchen table while I made homemade chicken soup from scratch, along with wheat rolls. I think that night I actually surprised Jackson Riley more than ever before. I was thrilled. My secret classes had accomplished what my grandmother’s training couldn’t. I’d finally learned to cook.
“You know I’m going to expect this all the time. Do you have any idea what you’ve gotten yourself into by taking those classes?” He was teasing, but I didn’t care. I wanted to be the perfect wife for him. For the first time in my life, I wanted the house, the marriage, the family. I wanted everything that loving Jackson would bring and it scared me to death. Because today had brought home with complete accuracy just how fragile my happiness really was and just how much I stood to lose if anything ever happened to Jackson.
Ben stopped by with Jackson’s car later that night. I was amazed how much he’d changed in the months since we’d seen each other last. He’d matured. He wasn’t the same young kid looking for fun that he’d once been. Jackson and Ben went over a few things concerning the new project, but I put my foot down about working that night. Ben would just have to sink or swim I told Jackson. He needed to stop worrying about the office.
“You heard the boss. Sam will help you if you need it.” I didn’t miss the little wink that went between them that told me they were only trying to appease me.
“I mean it, Jackson. No more worrying about work. And you can forget about sneaking in calls with Ben like you two are obviously planning. No work means no work. And I plan on taking time off to make sure you do exactly like the doctor ordered.”
“You’re on your own, Ben.”
After Ben left, Jackson and I went over his new diet regimen as well as the exercise routine the doctor wanted him to follow. The suggested walking each day would take some getting used to for someone who was up early each day and in the office.
“You’ll just have to make time to do it. We can start tomorrow and I’ll go with you. We’ll walk a few miles and see how you feel.”
“You’d walk with me? You know I’m going to get used to that as well, don’t you? What happens when you want to go into the office early? Are you going to desert me, Maggie?”
“It just so happens I love to walk. My grandmother and I have been walking for years. I’ll go with you as long as you want.”
After I got him situated in front of the TV watching the news, I called Jessie to let her know how Jackson was and to tell her that I was going to take the rest of the week off. Jackson insisted that I not tell my family or my friends even though I wanted to.
We spent the rest of the evening together watching TV and then went to bed early. All I wanted to do was hold him. I was so afr
aid of letting go of him even for a minute.
That night for the first time in months, I awoke to a nightmare. Not the usual fearful childhood dreams of my past. This time it was something unknown that chased me through my dreams. Some dark dread that I couldn’t name threatened to destroy my happiness.
But that night, I didn’t go to my hiding place. Instead I lay next to Jackson, held him while he slept and prayed that my dreams where just that. Dreams.
****
Jackson and I, after a few rocky moments, worked our way up to walking three miles each day. I made it a point to let Jessie know that I would be coming in a little later each day, because I planned to keep my promise to Jackson. I wasn’t going to let him down.
By the following week, when he went in for his appointment, Doctor Jennings was thrilled with his new regimen.
The week before our wedding day, Jackson finally pinned me down on our honeymoon plans.
We were sitting together in his study—me keeping my usual watchful eye out for his work schemes.
“Where do you want to go, little bit?” We’d narrowed it down to either Paris or Miami. He told me he would be happy with me wherever we went.
Me, well, I was happy with either one of those choices. “How about Paris then?”
Jackson wasn’t going back in the office until after we returned, but he still scanned through emails each morning looking for any problems. So far, things were going smoothly.
“Paris it is then. We can stay at the apartment.” The company had an apartment that was used whenever members from the states needed to spend long periods of time there. Ben had used it on his stay.
“And maybe now you’ll relax a little?” Jackson asked me. Even though I couldn’t tell him about the dreams, they still haunted me each night. I was finding it hard to sleep these days.
Two days before our wedding, all of my family arrived. They were going be staying with us, but I’d told them they were on their own as far as sightseeing. I didn’t want Jackson to have to feel obligated to show them around town. He wasn’t too happy with me for babying him, as he called it, but I put my foot down.
