by S. T. Joshi
Taking the next day off from work, I made an appointment to speak with someone who I suspected might possibly be able to tell me something about my mystery: Professor Carlos Armijo at Brown University. His field was the anthropology of the Southwest, and I had heard him lecture once. I doubted that my nocturnal visions would mean anything to him, but it was worth a try.
I found Professor Armijo to be a soft-spoken and pensive-looking man of middle age, comfortably ensconced in a nest of books and professional journals in his office at Brown. Describing the overall nature of my dreams, I felt increasingly foolish having allowed myself to think there might be any real point in taking up his time with my account, and I barely mustered the courage to mention the nonsense syllables that had become part of my nocturnal visions of the desert, so that I was mightily surprised at his response.
“I have heard these syllables before,” he said in a soft Spanish accent, “in connections that make them difficult to account for in the dreams of someone unacquainted with the cultures of the Southwest. Even scholars conversant with those cultures would for the most part find the words unknown to them. I only know of them myself because I am a specialist in, let us say, some of the darker aspects of Southwestern lore.”
I was intrigued, though in a way unsure how much I really wanted to know about the origins of an expression having arisen for no discernible reason in my dreams; perhaps Carl Jung was right in theorizing that we all possess a Collective Unconscious capable of tapping into profound shared realms of being, archetypal realms, unknown to our conscious mind yet at some level connected to a sort of reality. “Please go on.”
Professor Armijo looked out his window for a moment, evidently collecting his thoughts. “For centuries there was a kind of obscure cult among certain Native American shamans of Arizona and New Mexico,” he said, “involving what seems to have been the worship of an ancient god unknown in the mainstream of American Indian tradition.” He paused, rather dramatically, and not without cause, it seemed to me. “That god was apparently known as Gwai-ti.”
I felt my breath catch at this revelation. What did I know of this? What did I really want to know of this? Nothing—yet I had undeniably dreamed the name.
“Very little is known,” the professor went on, “about this cult or its god, as the whole subject has always been shunned among such few American Indians as have ever even heard of it. Even at places in New Mexico like Nambé Pueblo, where there are very dark and long-standing traditions of Southwest-style witchcraft, in my researches I have found only one shaman who admitted to knowing of the god Gwai-ti, and he spoke of the matter only with reluctance and, I might add, with obvious distaste.
“I gather from his disjointed accounts that Gwai-ti is supposed to have existed from the beginning of time, and to have come to dwell under the earth, showing itself only on rare occasions to hapless souls. There are stories of human sacrifices made from time to time by renegade Indian priests having no standing with the proper spiritual leaders in the region, most of whom, however, regard the supposed activities of the renegade priests as fabrications.”
I was struggling to make some sense of all this. “And the name? Frankly, I thought it sounded Chinese.”
Professor Armijo nodded. “I have had some interesting discussions with people in comparative linguistics here about the name Gwai-ti. Indeed there are words within the phonology of Chinese that sound like these syllables. I am given to understand that there is a word gwai that means something like ‘strange’ or ‘monstrous.’ There is a word ti that means ‘body’ or ‘form.’ And of course ethnologists theorize that Asian peoples migrated in prehistoric times across the Bering Strait into North America, but on the other hand there are virtually no discernible linguistic traces of Asian vocabulary in the languages of Native Americans.”
“How do I know the name?” I asked.
The professor shrugged. “Perhaps you have heard it somewhere and have simply forgotten.”
I made ready to leave, thanking the man for his time. “You’re right, I must have heard the name somewhere.”
But of course I knew that I had not. Except in my dreams.
A FEW NIGHTS LATER THE DREAMS BEGAN TO TAKE ON AN even more anomalous character.
One night I seemed to crouch in shadows watching some vile convocation in which a semicircle of strangely painted priests chanted: “M’warrh Gwai-ti, h’nah m’warrh Gwai-ti, ph’nglui w’gah Gwai-ti.” Another time I thought I was looking across a great desert plain in a wash of moonlight, with a distant ring of mountains in the background almost beyond the limits of vision, and watching what at first I took to be a swirl of blowing sand. Before long, though, this impression resolved itself into a young Indian girl running, screaming, flailing her arms in terror. In the inconsistent fashion of dreams, my view of her was suddenly closer than before, so close in fact that she filled my entire field of view. Somewhere I could hear a deep thrumming sound, like the bass tones on a pipe organ, and a voice—it was like the old shaman of my earlier visions—a voice that chanted, in some language known to me in the dream: “She was chosen, we had to send her.” And in the next instant a great hungry darkness seemed to close around the screaming girl, and she was gone, and the thrumming died away. I awoke drenched in perspiration, and fancied I could still smell the pungent aroma of sagebrush. I was afraid to go back to sleep.
But of course the next night I did have to sleep again, and saw this time a tall, narrow stone in the sand, with ancient petroglyphs carved upon it like runic inscriptions from a bygone age, and I heard again the somber thrumming in the ground, and glimpsed unclear suggestions of movement in the wan moonlight, and only just made out a murmur of the name Gwai-ti before the scene grew grainy and faded away altogether.
It was only a matter of time before I could no longer resist the nameless urge actually to visit New Mexico. I must long since have decided, unconsciously, that whatever unthinkable confluence of realities might have brought me into an awareness of that other world so unlike the waking world of my mundane life, I had to see, in objective truth, the setting of my dreams. I had no idea, of course, where exactly in those vast desertlands my visions might have originated.
Nevertheless, I found myself on an airplane one day, landing in Albuquerque with that odd sense of the unreal that one feels upon first visiting a place about which one has only read. Or dreamed.
I rented a four-wheel-drive vehicle at the airport and drove east and then south. While I had no notion where I should be going, I felt no reluctance just to let my instincts guide me. Threading my way through the foothills of the Sandia Mountains and finding my eyes charmed by occasional glimpses of earth-colored adobe walls and coyote fences, I made my way out into open desert, where distant, majestic mesas stood timeless beyond endless plains of waving prairie grass and nodding islands of mesquite and sagebrush and spikes of yucca. Given my motivations for visiting this land so different from my native New England, I had rather expected the desert to be redolent of subtle dread and unease, but I found myself gathering altogether different impressions.
The place was beautiful. There was nothing sinister about the dizzyingly vast expanse of turquoise sky, the stretches of chaparral, the blue-gray mountains in the distance, the great deep arroyos snaking across the land, the tranquil mesas stretched upon the sandy plain like serene grazing beasts. I scarcely knew now what I had expected, but what I had found was a land of enchanting beauty and peace.
As I drove through this desert pageantry, I wondered aloud that I had ever allowed myself to think that there could be anything spectral or bizarre about this region. I felt more at ease than I had felt for quite a long time, and I reflected that I had been foolish to be disturbed by my odd but essentially harmless dreams. Even those nonsense syllables, so coincidentally similar to some name from obscure Southwestern folklore, were surely something about which I had no need to concern myself.
The sun was beginning to go down behind the purple mountain ranges
in the west, and I marveled at the beauty of the desert sunset, wherein the sky exploded in a riotous display of color that would surely challenge the brushwork of even the most gifted artist. Somewhere south of Corona I found myself on a smaller, more crudely paved road, and continued to delight in the incredible vistas of cholla cactus and undulating stretches of sandy earth, where the pointed shadows of yucca and mesquite began to splay themselves out upon the plain in the waning light of the sun. I reminded myself that soon it would be getting dark, and I would need either to return to Corona or go on to Roswell or Artesia to find a room for the night.
But first I felt in the mood for some more exploration; there was something addictive about this landscape.
I turned off onto an even smaller road and bounced along in a cloud of dust, feeling, with a certain pleasure, that I was further from human habitation than I could ever recall having been. After a while the road became a rock-strewn, primitive path where even the rugged vehicle I had chosen found it tricky to proceed. A darkening expanse of chaparral lay all around me, and now for the first time since my arrival I began to feel, in spite of the thrill that the newness of the place imparted to me, a certain suspicion that there could be something a little spectral about this land after all. But still I felt fascinated, and a little disinclined to head back to populated areas just yet.
At length the passable road, at this point merely a vague predominance of rock over cactus and mesquite, played out altogether, and I stopped the car and got out and walked ahead into the twilight, picking my way carefully and once pausing to watch the dusky form of a rattlesnake sidle off into the gloom, its warning rattles reaching me as a paper-dry burring on the evening air. Clearly, one had to be careful here, and the sight of this reptilian reminder was sufficient to suggest to me that indeed it might be time to turn back.
But I thought I saw something in the distance that I wanted to examine at closer range. It was something vaguely familiar, though the light was very uncertain now.
Stepping carefully over snake holes and prickly clusters of cactus, I made my way to a large standing stone that protruded from the sandy soil like a somber finger pointing at the darkening sky.
And I could not believe what I was seeing, in stark actuality now, rather than in the vagaries of dream. This simply could not be, but it was. Its ancient Indian petroglyphs still faintly visible in the dwindling remnants of light, the stone was undeniably the sinister monolith of my dream-visions back in Providence.
Providence, now infinitely far away in another, saner world.
Heaven help me, this was the place of my dreams.
I have no idea how long I stood there, unable to wrest my gaze from the dreadful stone, before my mind registered something else.
A sound. A low, insistent thrumming in the ground, like the bass notes of a great pipe organ.
And then—that other sound.
Two syllables, in some voice of the mind or some real physical vibration, I could not tell which—two syllables upon which I must refuse to dwell.
The impressions that followed are what I must especially resist thinking too steadily upon, if I am to retain what sanity remains to me.
In the uneven light of a chalky moon beginning to spread its radiance from between black, scudding clouds, I thought somehow that the sandy plain on which I stood became—what shall I say?—lower, indented, subtly concave, while the shadowy line of the horizon rose slightly in contrast. Perhaps my unconscious mind understood before my reasoning self could do so, for I broke and ran, hoping that I was headed back toward the car, which was invisible from here. Stumbling and falling headlong, I scarcely felt the cactus and the stony soil rend my clothing as I fell and ran and fell and ran again, trying to block from my ears those reverberant tones that must have been rising in pitch all along, those notes that murmured “Gwai-ti, Gwai-ti,” from subterraneous regions of which I dared not allow myself to think.
I had the sensation that a great chasm was opening to receive me, and that in another moment it would be too late, and I would be gone, and no one would ever know what had happened to me. The whole scene seemed to churn itself up into a kaleidoscope of nightmare impressions, a blur of sand and tumbleweed and stone and muttering sound and frowning sky, and I ran and ran, choking on clouds of dust and terrified to look back over my shoulder. It was only when I was driving frantically back up the dusty, rocky road that some corner of my mind registered that I must have reached the car after all, before whatever came for me had time to close upon its prey.
I spent the rest of my trip moodily walking the populous and well-lighted streets of Albuquerque and Santa Fe, and I took an airplane back to Providence, Rhode Island.
Now when I walk down Benefit Street and stop to look at a fanlighted doorway or watch a sleek gray cat make its serene way along the ancient brick walkways, I realize that it is possible for consciousnesses beyond the common grasp to reach across unthinkable gulfs of time and space and fasten upon the unwary dreamer. I know now that, whatever some may say of dreams or of imagination or of the fanciful nature of such mythic creatures as the vile cannibal-god Gwai-ti, I came within seconds, one night in the desertlands of New Mexico, of dropping into the primal ravenous mouth of that horror from my dreams.
Engravings
JOSEPH S. PULVER, SR.
Joseph S. Pulver, Sr. is the author of the acclaimed Cthulhu Mythos novel Nightmare’s Disciple (Chaosium, 1999) as well as a strikingly original short story collection, Blood Will Have Its Season (Hippocampus Press, 2009), that nonetheless features homages to Lovecraft, Robert W. Chambers, and other classic authors of weird fiction.
STRAIGHT RAIN. MEAN AND MURDEROUS. ITS EYES screaming for blood.
Denver faded 300 miles back. 300 miles of wet asphalt back... It could have been 1,000...
Rain. Mean and murderous—engraving the world with sheets of thorns. Rain. Screaming like the Old Man on a gin bender. Screaming like the Old Man before the belt and the fists.
Thirty years back...or it could have been yesterday.
This run was supposed to end in the desert, not in a ditch. But the clock pressed. Tick-tock/tick-tock. Like a boss with eyes that only said FASTER.
He needed coffee and a pack of smokes. Maybe some eggs and toast...and something other than this Bible-thumping Forever that poured out of the radio. A nice sexy waitress—not some upper-class package with radar eyes searching for money, but earthy—knowing, with blue eyes and a big butt that swayed. Not unkempt and worn, but nice and maybe with a little extra. And she would wink all-sexy-like when she refilled his coffee.
Rain—full throttle, carrying violence with each slap. Like the Old Man crossing the hardwood floor.
For the last 50 miles or every step he’d ever taken.
Broken. The knobs wouldn’t work. He couldn’t turn the fuckin’ radio off or down. The wipers working overtime, fighting off this wallop of darkness.
He should pull over and wait it out. But he needed a smoke and needed to be warm. Wanted...wanted something to look at that didn’t hurt his strained eyes. Wanted to hear something—someone other than Rev. James Theodore Ellison’s promise to heal you if you sent him money. To be healed by money. That’s what got him here. Got him on this road. Got him out this night... With The Package in the trunk.
He should pull over and check The Package. When he did that 365 miles back, almost running off the road, he heard it slam into the side of the trunk. Heard it thud. Jittery balljoints, shitty tires, and bad shocks—shitty-ass Pontiac junkbucket, new this thing never purred along Nirvana Road like a hot kiss; a Chevy would, “Ain’t nothin’ like a fine-ass Chevy glidin’ top down in the sun. A fine candy-apple red one, not this black piece of crap.” And that timetable. He was screwed if The Package was damaged. That’s what Mr. Phoenix said. Promised. Stark as bloody murder with one look and few words.
But that wasn’t his fault. Wasn’t his fault Mr. Phoenix gave him this car. Made him drive on thin tires. Not in this shit. Th
is was Mr. Phoenix’s fault. Not that he could tell him that and live.
Mr. Phoenix and his red tie and his red stickpin! and the red cufflinks... Red. It stared right into your eyes. Drilling. Burning, hungry venom. Mr. Phoenix and his cats—five of them, four black as midnight, one smoke and fog grey. Licking his hands. Staring at you, right into your eyes. Drilling.
He hated cats. His Old Man had moved like a cat, slinky and graceful, even when he was oiled. Then the claws came out. Blood. Red. Red was everywhere.
Then...and now. Red.
All his life driving away from it. Fast. And here it was again. Waiting. If he wasn’t on time. If The Package was damaged. Red. Waiting to let its claws out.
“Fuck all this rain. Pissin’ like someone in Hell drank all the fuckin’ beer in every shithole bar this side of the Mississippi.”
If he had time he’d pull over and yank the fuse for the radio out. At least he could stop Rev. Set-aside-your-sins-and-ask-God-for-forgiveness’ moral deluge. But Mr. Phoenix said 11:30 sharp. Said he’d be waiting. Waiting. Red tie, tight and just so. Red stickpin! and the red cufflinks. And probably those fuckin’ cats. Licking his hands. Sick-shit lettin’ animals lick ya. All those fuckin’ germs. Germs from licking their assholes. Might dress like old time money—all uptown, but he was fuckin’ nasty. Nasty ass cats lickin’ shit.
