“Caroline!” she exclaimed.
“Goodbye, Erica,” I sneered and then I got in my car and drove away, looking back into the rearview mirror only to see Erica standing open mouthed and exasperated.
I didn’t want to listen to her words. I didn’t want to believe them, but I couldn’t stop hearing them in my mind. Every bit of self-doubt I’d tried pushing aside was now back full force. I knew Erica was right. I knew this world Adam and I had created was just a fantasy. When reality hit, it would all come crashing down. I knew it. I’d known it from the moment it started, I just didn’t want to admit it.
I didn’t cry during the drive home, but the moment I pulled up to the house and saw Adam’s truck sitting there, I blinked and the tears fell down my cheeks. What had I done? How had I allowed myself to believe this could ever last beyond the confines of this farm? I’d already had my heart shredded once before and I couldn’t let it happen again.
I pulled myself together, drying my eyes and taking a deep breath. I walked quickly inside and upstairs to take a shower and change into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. I dried my hair and threw it up into a messy bun and after grabbing a water, I walked out of the house and headed towards Silver Falls. I wanted to be alone, to get away, to think about all the messed up emotions swimming around in my head.
Maybe this wouldn’t last once Adam left, but right now, I’d never felt anything so good, so why couldn’t I just enjoy it and accept the fact it was only for fun and prepare for the hurt that was inevitable no matter what he said?
I didn’t realize how quickly I was walking because before I knew it, Silver Falls was before me. I went to the base and stood there, closing my eyes as the water spat up at me, hitting me on the shins and the sound of the cascading water drowning out my thoughts as the tears pooled in my closed eyes.
Why had he come back? Why was he doing this to me? Why couldn’t he have just stayed away instead of coming back and forcing himself into my heart? The thought of him breaking it was something I couldn’t accept, but sending him away to prevent that feeling was something I couldn’t comprehend either.
“Caroline?”
His voice startled me and I turned to see Adam at the edge of the clearing, looking at me with those blue eyes of his.
“Adam,” I answered softly and he started towards me, stopping a few feet in front of me, concern washing over his face.
“Have you been crying?” he asked.
“If I said no, would you believe me?”
“No,” he said and then came closer, standing in front of me and reaching up to wipe my wet cheeks with the pads of his thumbs, cradling my face in his hands when he was done. “What’s the matter?” he asked and I decided not to answer by responding with a question of my own.
“How’d you know I was here?”
“I had a hunch when I saw your car pull up, but you weren’t at the house when I came by.”
“You shouldn’t have followed me.”
“Why? What is going on, Caroline? Did something happen? Are you okay?” he asked gently and I closed my eyes for a second before turning and leaving his grasp so I was facing the falls again.
“I’m not trying to be dramatic, Adam. I don’t want you to think I’m that kind of girl, but I’ve gotta start thinking of myself,” I began, but he interrupted before I could continue.
“What are you talking about?” he asked, coming to stand next to me.
“I know we’ve talked about it. I know we don’t know what is going to happen, but, Adam,” I said softly, taking a breath before continuing, “it feels different now and before I get myself in any deeper, I’ve got to decide if I can even do this.”
“Do what?”
“Accept the fact that more than likely this is over once you leave…once you go back to Boston.”
“Where is this coming from, Caroline? I thought we’d talked about this.”
“I talked to Erica at work today. She was blunt and brutally honest about this thing between us, but maybe it’s what I needed to hear before I let myself fall in any further…that I need to let this thing go on and prepare myself for a broken heart once you’re gone or end it now so the hurt won’t be as bad.”
“What the hell did she say to you?” I felt his hand on my arm and he turned me until I was facing him.
“She just made some things clear that I wasn’t allowing myself to see.”
“She filled your head with a bunch of shit then,” he said, his jaw clenching once he was done.
“Adam, she just doesn’t want to see me get hurt again. Maybe she went about it the wrong way, but she made me think about this thing between us…”
“I wish you’d stop that.”
“What?”
“Stop saying this thing between us. It’s not a thing. It’s a feeling and I don’t want to get hurt any more than you do. It’s been a long time, if ever, that someone has made me feel like you do, Caroline, so whatever Erica said to you, get it out of your mind. I’m not a damn fortune teller so I can’t tell you what will happen when I leave. No one can tell us, but you can’t be afraid to take a chance or you’ll never know what could happen. And Caroline,” he said brushing his fingertips over my cheek and looking at me with fierce eyes. “I want to take that chance because…” he stopped and then held my face between both of his hands and he kissed me gently, pulling back just a little so we were only inches apart. “It…it might be too soon to say this, but I can’t deny it.” His voice was low and nervous and my heart was pounding. “I…I think I’m falling in love with you.”
I felt myself freeze as he said the words. I knew I’d been feeling the same way, but I didn’t think his feelings for me were as deep as my feelings for him. They were though. He was falling in love with me.
“Adam,” I whispered.
“You don’t have to say anything, but I had to say it. You had to know because I can see the doubt in your eyes, but don’t doubt me, Caroline. I know you’ve been hurt before. I know what he did to you.” I felt his hand curl around the back of my neck and he looked into my eyes as the feelings of Caleb’s betrayal crept into my heart. “But I’m not him. When I say something, I mean it and I mean it when I tell you I’m falling in love with you.” The reminders he’d conjured of Caleb started to fade as he looked at me. I knew he wasn’t Caleb. He wasn’t anything like Caleb. He was Adam and my heart told me I could trust him. “I know it hasn’t been that long, but I’ve known you almost your whole life and I’ve always cared about you, but you’ve grown into a woman I can’t resist anymore. I can’t get enough of your smile, of your laughter, or everything about you. I’ve always known you were special, but now I see just how special you really are and I’m in deep, so deep that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to find my way out. Don’t listen to Erica because she doesn’t know me and she doesn’t know what’s in my heart. You’re in my heart, Caroline. Just you.”
I could feel his hands trembling subtly as he held my face and stared into my eyes. I felt a lump in my throat and the tears burning. It wasn’t a fling. It wasn’t inconsequential to him. Adam was falling in love with me and the doubt started to drain from my body. I was still afraid, but he was right. If I let the fear push him away, I’d never know what we could have.
“I think I’m falling in love with you too, Adam,” I whispered and a timid smile spread on his face before he pressed his lips to mine, wrapping his arms around me as he kissed me sweetly.
“This changes everything, you know that, don’t you?” he whispered when he’d pulled away.
“I know,” I said softly.
“Are we okay, Caroline?” he asked and I nodded.
“I’m sorry, Adam. I’m sorry for acting like a crazy person. Erica got in my head and I just reacted to what she said. This feeling though…what I feel for you…it actually scares the hell out of me.”
I heard him laugh softly.
“You need to stay away from your cousin,” he said with a smile. “But, if
I’m being honest, it scares the hell outta me too, but I’ve never been so happy to be afraid of anything in my life.”
I laughed softly, my gaze dropping to the ground until I felt his finger hook under my chin so I was forced to meet his eyes again.
“I’m glad you were still here when I came back, Caroline,” he whispered. “I didn’t know what it was I was looking for coming home until I saw you again.”
“I’m glad I was still here too,” I whispered and then he pressed his lips to mine.
“From now on, will you promise me one thing?” he asked between kisses.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“Don’t ever listen to Erica again,” he said and I started laughing.
“I promise,” I said as he wrapped me in his arms.
Twenty-Three
“Have you given any more thought to coming to Boston with me?”
Adam and I were making dinner together. He’d spent the day working on the farm and I’d been at the restaurant. Sawyer was out with Lindsey again. That wasn’t a surprise though. It was becoming the norm and truthfully, I didn’t mind. It allowed Adam and I time together without having to hide. We hadn’t told my brother yet. We both knew we needed to, but we hadn’t figured out how we were going to do it, so we did the only logical thing: we ignored the situation.
“I don’t know, Adam,” I said as I chopped up a salad. He came over to me, sliding his arms around my waist and nuzzling into my hair, breathing in deeply before he pushed it off my neck and began planting gentle kisses on my skin.
“What’s there to not know about?” he whispered into my ear as he continued to tease my neck. “You. Me. Boston. Sounds like an easy decision to me.”
I felt the smile on my face as his hands began crawling under my shirt and brushing over the skin of my stomach. His fingertip slid into the waistband of my panties, running slowly back and forth, causing all kinds of thoughts to run through my head.
“I…I don’t know if I can get away,” I said, biting my lip as his fingers went deeper in and brushing over the skin where my thigh and torso met. It was becoming harder to concentrate on the tomato I was attempting to cut and I eventually just set the knife down and gave up.
“It sounds like an excuse to me,” he whispered into my ear before his hands left my underwear and he spun me around quickly so my back was pressed against the counter and he was pressed against me. “You know you can get away and I want you to get away, Caroline.” He was looking into my eyes, running a hand over my hair. “It’s as simple as saying one little word,” he said with a smile before he leaned in for a gentle kiss, his lips resting on mine for a few moments before he pulled away. “So just say yes, Caroline. Say you’ll come with me.”
As our eyes locked again, I knew there was nothing I wanted more than to go to Boston with him. It’d only been yesterday when I was at Silver Falls questioning everything about Adam and me, but it seemed like so long ago because in this moment right now, I didn’t doubt anything about us.
“Okay. Yes,” I finally said, smiling up at him. “I will go with you to Boston.”
He smiled and then kissed me again, before pulling back, his hands still wrapped around my waist.
“You’re a mystery to me, Caroline Hale,” he said with a sweet grin. “I’ve never had to work so hard with any woman as I have with you. Do you know how many women would love a weekend with Adam DeLain? And yet, I have to practically beg you. I never beg.”
“I must be pretty special then,” I said, stretching up on my toes to kiss him once more.
“You’re incredible,” he said, his voice muffled by my kiss and then he pulled me closer, pressing his mouth harder against mine, kissing me so deeply, I heard a low moan escape my throat, which only seemed to turn him on even more. It didn’t matter how he kissed me, I could never get enough of Adam.
“What the fuck is going on?”
My heart stopped and Adam jumped away from me when my brother’s voice rang through the kitchen. I whipped my head around to see Sawyer standing in the doorway, his hands balled into tight fists and his eyes locked on Adam.
“Sawyer,” Adam said, his voice surprisingly strong. “I thought you were with Lindsey.”
“I was, but I’m back. Now one of you better tell me what the hell is going on,” he said slowly through gritted teeth. His jaw was clenching now, causing a vein to throb in his neck.
“Sawyer, let me explain,” Adam said.
“What is there to explain? You had your hands all over my goddam sister. How long has this been going on, Caroline?” Sawyer’s eyes whipped over to me now. I don’t think I’d ever seen him look so angry and for the first time in my life, I was afraid of my brother.
“Sawyer…we were going to tell you…” I stammered, but he interrupted.
“But you didn’t and I walk in to find him fucking groping you! How the hell could you let him do this to you, Care?” He was practically shouting now and he stepped toward Adam, his fists balled even tighter now and I jumped between them.
“Please, Sawyer, just calm down and listen,” I begged him.
“There’s nothing to listen to. What the fuck is your problem, Adam? Like you already don’t have enough, you’ve gotta go and coerce my sister? I trusted you, man! I fucking trusted you!”
“Sawyer,” Adam said, gently pushing me aside so he could talk to my brother. “Hear me out.”
“Hear what?” Sawyer scoffed. “You haven’t changed. Not one damn bit since you left. You’re still the same Adam DeLain, looking for a quick fuck before you move on to the next one.”
“Sawyer!” I shouted. “Shut up!”
My brother started laughing then, folding his arms and glaring harshly over to Adam.
“He’s got you fooled, Care. Just like every other girl he’s screwed and left behind. I’ll bet he never told you any of those stories,” Sawyer said, moving his gaze from Adam to me and I felt a pit growing in my stomach. “You think you’re special, Caroline? You think he cares about you?”
“Please, Sawyer,” I said softly, my lip starting to tremble.
“It’s not easy to hear, but you have to. Whatever he’s told you, it’s a lie. A goddamn lie, Caroline, because that’s who Adam DeLain is. He’s a fucking liar. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself. You know that, Caroline.”
“Sawyer,” I whispered, because it was all I could get out as a tear streaked down my face that I wiped quickly away.
“I’m sorry, sis, but you’ve gotta hear it, whether you like it or not.”
“It’s not like that, Sawyer,” Adam jumped in, taking my hand and threading it with his. My brother’s eyes moved down and focused on our entwined hands, his jaw clenching again before he locked eyes with Adam.
“What’s it like then? I’ve known you my whole fucking life, Adam, and it’s always been the same. You’ve always been the same. It’s always been about you and what you need from other people. It’s never about anybody but yourself. You take what you need from people and then you’re done with them, just like you did to all of us when you left. Hell, you only came back here when you needed a place to escape to because your perfect fucking life blew up in your face. If you hadn’t blown out your damn arm, you wouldn’t be here. You would’ve never come home and you wouldn’t be making my sister your next conquest.”
“You’ve said enough, Sawyer,” Adam finally said. He looked equally as angry as my brother and I felt his hand let go of mine so he could step closer to Sawyer. “I get it. You think I’m an arrogant piece of shit and you’re right, Sawyer. I am. I use people. I’m an asshole. Always have been. I know that, but your sister,” he said, turning to look at me for a moment, locking our eyes together before he turned back to Sawyer, “Caroline is not a conquest.”
“Then what the fuck are you doing with her? What do you want from her?” he demanded, stepping even closer to Adam now so they were only a foot apart.
“I don’t want anything from her, Sawyer,”
he said and then it got so quiet, it became uncomfortable. “I love her,” he finally said and I felt myself freeze, just as Sawyer did. At Silver Falls he’d said he thought he was falling in love with me, but he’d just said it. He loved me. Not that he thought he did, but that he did. Those three simple words that changed everything.
“You what?” Sawyer seethed quietly.
“I love her, Sawyer. She’s not a conquest.”
“Is this a fucking joke? You expect me to believe you? You’ve never loved anything in your life except yourself.” I was shocked when Sawyer reached up and shoved Adam. I watched helplessly as he stumbled backwards and then hit the wall.
“Stop it, Sawyer!” I yelled. “What is wrong with you?”
“I won’t let him come in here and do this to you, Caroline. I won’t let him hurt you too.”
“I love him, Sawyer,” I said softly, a tear streaking down my cheek as I reached for my brother. Our eyes locked for a few seconds and then he stepped around me and went to Adam.
“I want you out of here.”
“C’mon, Sawyer. Let us talk this out,” Adam said, but I knew it was futile.
“I’ve seen who you are. I know what you’re about and I will not allow Caroline to become just another notch on your bedpost, Adam. Get your stuff and go. Go back to Boston or anywhere else, but you can’t stay here.”
It grew silent as Adam and Sawyer stared at each other. They were best friends. Always had been. They always had each other’s backs, but right now, it seemed as if my brother wanted to kill Adam. I knew he was going to be upset when he found out about Adam and I, but I hadn’t expected this kind of reaction.
“Can we just take a minute and talk about this?” I asked quickly, standing between them.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” Sawyer said, his voice calmer now, but he was still staring at Adam with daggers. “Just leave.”
Adam held my brother’s gaze for a few more seconds, but then he turned and walked out of the kitchen.
Catching Caroline (Silver Falls Book 1) Page 21
