Catching Caroline (Silver Falls Book 1)

by Megan Nugen Isbell

  “What is wrong with you, Sawyer?” I shouted at my brother and then went after Adam, grabbing his arm just as he reached the door. “You don’t have to leave. Please don’t go, Adam,” I pleaded. “He’ll get over it. He’s just shocked, but he’ll calm down and realize what an asshole he’s being.”

  “I hope you’re right, Caroline, but right now, I have to go. I’m sorry.”

  “Where are you going?” I asked, praying he wasn’t going back to Boston.

  “I don’t know. Probably a hotel.”

  I reached for him, hugging him tightly as his arms wrapped around me too.

  “We should’ve told him. Maybe he wouldn’t have flipped out if we had,” I said softly and Adam pulled back, looking me in the eyes.

  “We can’t change it now and even if we could, Caroline, I don’t think his reaction would’ve been any different,” he said despondently and I could see in his eyes there was more to the history between him and my brother than I knew about. “I’m going to get my stuff from the stable house and go, but I’ll call you in the morning.”

  “Okay,” I said softly and then he opened the door to leave before turning around and stepping towards me again.

  “Caroline,” he said gently, taking my hand. “No matter what he says…I do love you.”

  He leaned in, kissing me sweetly and then he disappeared.

  I stood there for a moment, staring at the door and trying to comprehend what had just happened, but then I heard my brother puttering around in the kitchen and I quickly turned and marched towards him.

  “I don’t think I have ever been so mad as I am at you right now, Sawyer,” I said through gritted teeth as I started to clean up the salad makings that were not going to get eaten anymore.

  “I don’t really give a crap if you’re mad at me or not, Caroline.”

  “What is the matter with you?” I demanded, slamming the salad bowl back onto the counter.

  “I should ask you the same thing? How long has this thing between you two been going on?”

  “A little while,” I answered.

  “And you didn’t bother to tell me? I had to walk in to see his damn hands all over you? C’mon, Caroline! I thought you had more respect for yourself than that than to listen to the bullshit lines he’s been feeding you.”

  “They’re not bullshit lines!” I shouted at him and he started laughing.

  “You’ve really fallen for him, haven’t you, Caroline? He got you, hook, line and sinker.” Sawyer’s laugh faded off and he looked at me with worried eyes.

  “Why are you being so cruel?” I asked him as tears threatened my eyes.

  “Because I love you, Caroline,” he said and he paused for a second while he collected his thoughts. “You don’t know him like I do.”

  “And maybe you don’t know him like you think you do,” I shot back and Sawyer shook his head.

  “You’re right, Care. Maybe I don’t,” he said, going to the fridge to grab a bottle of water and taking a long drink.

  “Then why are you being so hard on him? I’m not a little girl anymore, Sawyer. You have no say in who I’m with. I make those decisions, not you.”

  “I know that. I know you’re a woman who’s free to make her own choices, but not him, Caroline. Not Adam.” His voice was stern and I could feel the anger building in me again.

  “You won’t even give this a chance?” I asked.

  “What chance is there? Honestly, Caroline, do you think once his arm is cleared and he’s back with the team that he’ll even think about this place anymore? Do you think he’ll give two shits about the people here? No. He won’t, because he hasn’t since he left. He’ll go off and leave you behind and then he’ll crush your heart and if you believe he won’t, then you’re just as blind as you were with Caleb.”

  I froze and stared at Sawyer. Just the mention of Caleb’s betrayal stung my heart. To hear my brother compare Adam to Caleb almost made me sick. Adam was nothing like Caleb. Nothing.

  “And what if you’re wrong?” I asked with a trembling lip.

  “What if I’m not?” he said sternly.

  Sawyer stared hard into my eyes. I could see the conviction of his words in them, but I didn’t respond to my brother. Instead, I turned around and left the kitchen, just in time to look out the window and see Adam’s truck driving away. I closed my eyes and tears fell. I didn’t know what to believe anymore.

  Twenty-Four

  “I know you’re mad at me, Caroline.”

  My brother was waiting for me at the kitchen table the next morning when I walked downstairs.

  “Shouldn’t you be milking cows or something?” I asked, stopping in the doorway when I saw him sitting there.

  “I needed to talk to you.”

  “You did enough talking last night, Sawyer,” I said, my voice dipping as I stared down at the floor. His words from last night came flooding into my mind and the anger started to build again.

  “I was pissed, Caroline. I was shocked. You have no idea what I felt when I walked in and saw the two of you together.”

  He sounded so different than last night. He sounded more like the Sawyer I knew and not the crazed-out-of-his-mind Sawyer from the night before.

  “I know we should’ve told you. We wanted to,” I said quietly. “And I’m sorry we didn’t, but we were both afraid…”

  “Of how I’d react,” he interrupted and I looked up from the floor to meet his eyes and nodded.

  “This whole thing with Adam has been such a whirlwind. I guess I was still trying to figure it out myself before telling you. I wanted to see what it really was.”

  “And what do you think it really is?” Sawyer asked, his voice softer now and I finally walked into the kitchen, taking a seat at the table across from my brother.

  “I’m in love with him, Sawyer,” I answered softly, feeling myself choke up as I said the words.

  My brother breathed out deeply, cupping his hands over his mouth for a moment before looking over to me.

  “I don’t understand. He hasn’t even been here that long. How do you think you’re in love with him?”

  “I don’t know, Sawyer, but when I think about it…when I think about him…it just feels right. He makes me happy.”

  He was quiet for a few moments, staring down at the table until he finally looked up at me.

  “You know the only thing I want for you is to be happy,” he said, but I could hear the hesitation in his voice.

  “Then why can’t you at least try and accept Adam and me? I know it’s not what you ever expected, but I’m just asking you to try.”

  “I don’t think Adam’s right for you, Caroline,” he said gently, looking at me intensely across the table. “And I’m not saying that to be mean or spiteful.”

  “He’s your best friend though. At least you know him. You know he’s a good man.”

  He didn’t say anything for a few moments. I could see the wheels spinning in his head as he thought about what to say to me, but then he looked at me, his eyebrow raising a little.

  “I’m not saying he’s not a good man, but it’s all about him, Care. I watched it all throughout high school with the girls he dated or I guess I should say hooked up with. He took what he wanted and then he was done with them.”

  “He was a teenager, Sawyer,” I sighed. “Teenage boys aren’t expected to settle down. They’re nothing but a body of hormones. Most aren’t like you. I can forgive him for that because I don’t think he’s the same person you remember.”

  “It’s not just about women, Caroline. He’s got his own agenda and if you’re not a part of that agenda, he doesn’t need you. Growing up, it was always Adam and me.”

  “I know that. Everybody knows that.”

  “We used to have these plans about what we’d do after high school. Of course, that meant going to UVM. He was going there to play baseball, but we talked about backpacking across Europe and after graduation, we’d move as far away from Silver Falls as possible,
” he said with a soft chuckle. “It wasn’t on anybody’s radar that the big-league scouts would notice him. That changed everything.” He was quiet and I watched the pain on my brother’s face. “I didn’t think it would actually happen…that we’d actually do the stuff we talked about. I mean, it was crap we’d talk about when we were drunk, but to me, the thoughts symbolized our friendship. But then he left and we’ve never spoken about it again, which goes to show where our friendship really stands. Sometimes I wonder if he even remembers those conversations. Something tells me he doesn’t.”

  “I’m sorry, Sawyer,” I said softly, reaching across the table and placing my hand on top of his.

  “I’m afraid he’ll do the same to you, Caroline. Something will come along and he’ll leave you behind. When he’s got no use for you or when something better comes his way, he’ll put it before you because that is what he does. That’s what Adam DeLain always does and you don’t deserve to be second to anything, Caroline.”

  My brother stared into my eyes. I knew he was only looking out for me. I could see the conviction in his eyes. He believed Adam would end up hurting me. I tried to push it down, but I could feel the fear starting to build that my brother was right.

  “Everything will change when he gets back to baseball; when he no longer has a need for us, for this place, for whatever it is he’s trying to escape from,” he said, pulling his hand from mine.

  “What do you want me to do, Sawyer? Just walk away? Not even give him a chance to prove you wrong?”

  “I know what I want you to do. I want you to walk away before he can hurt you even more, before you get in so deep that he completely crushes you, but it’s not up to me. It’s up to you. You’re a grown woman. You can make your own choices, but you need to think about this, Caroline. You need to really think about and decide if you want to be the next thing Adam discards to benefit himself.” It grew quiet again. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to hear what he had to say and so I said nothing. “I need to get back to work,” he finally said, pushing the chair back and standing up. He looked at me once more and then turned and walked out of the house.

  I didn’t want to believe what my brother was telling me, but I knew Sawyer wouldn’t lie to me. He wouldn’t make up the things he’d told me. Adam had hurt my brother and all Sawyer cared about was that he didn’t do the same to me.

  Twenty-Five

  I saw his truck immediately when I pulled into the parking lot of the Holiday Inn Express. He’d texted me shortly after I’d spoken with Sawyer and told me where he was. I didn’t hesitate to get in my car and go to him. I needed to see him after the talk with my brother.

  I parked the car and headed into the lobby, making my way to the room number he’d given me. I don’t know why I was so nervous as I stood outside the door. Maybe it was the fear Sawyer had caused to rise inside of me or maybe it was the fact that I didn’t know if I would feel any differently about Adam once I saw him after what my brother had said.

  I took a breath, raising my hand and knocking quickly on the door. I heard footsteps a second later and then the door opened. Adam stood before me, his face looking worried, but relieved at the same time. He looked tired, as if he hadn’t slept well. Our eyes locked for a few moments without any words until he reached for my hand, pulling me inside, closing the door behind me.

  “Caroline,” he said the moment the door was closed and then he wrapped his arms around me, holding me tightly for a few seconds and then he let go, leading me over to the king-sized bed. “How’d you sleep last night?” he asked as we sat on the edge, side by side.

  “Not great. You?”

  “Like shit,” he said with a low chuckle and then he reached for my hand, lacing his fingers with mine and resting it on his lap. “Have you talked anymore to Sawyer?” I could hear the nerves in his voice and I nodded.

  “Yeah. A little after you left and then again this morning.”

  “How’d it go?” he asked and I paused for a moment before answering.

  “He was calmer this morning.”

  “But he’s still angry?”

  “I don’t think angry is the right word,” I said softly. “He’s hurt.”

  “We should’ve told him. We should’ve been up front.”

  “Like you said, I don’t think it would’ve mattered if we told him or not. He’ll never be okay with this because he feels…” I said and then hesitated, turning myself to face him, wondering how I would tell him about the things Sawyer had said and how they’d affected me. “He’s afraid you’re going to hurt me, Adam…the way you hurt him.” Adam sighed and his eyes drifted down to our hands. “He thinks you’re selfish and once something else comes along…you’ll leave me behind, the way you left him. He called you a liar; said you only think about yourself.”

  “And what do you think, Caroline? Do you think those things about me?” he asked and when I hesitated a moment, I could see the concern in his eyes.

  “Of course I don’t,” I said, pulling his hand to my mouth and kissing the back of it. “I love you, Adam, but…but hearing what Sawyer had to say…it…it scared me.”

  “What are you afraid of, Caroline?” he asked softly, gently brushing his fingertips over my cheek.

  “That’s he’s right.” My voice was barely above a whisper as my eyes drifted to my lap.

  “Caroline,” he said after a few quiet moments and my eyes drifted up again, landing on his. I could see the pain in his eyes at my words; pain that I’d believe anything my brother had said. “I don’t blame Sawyer for his feelings. He’s got every right to feel that way. I did everything he said I did and I was everything he said I was, but I’m not that person anymore. Maybe someday he’ll see that and I know there’s nothing I can say to make you believe me, but I want the chance.” He stopped talking and just looked into my eyes for a few silent seconds. “I love you, Caroline Hale. I have never said those words to any woman before, but I’m saying them to you now in hopes that you’ll let me show you what you mean to me. Let me be the man I know I can be.”

  I could feel the tears in my eyes. Every ounce of me wanted to believe him. I could see the truth in his eyes.

  “I love you, Adam,” I whispered as a tear fell. He gently wiped it away and then leaned in, kissing me softly, letting his lips rest on mine for a few moments.

  “I know Sawyer has made you doubt me, but you have to know, with you, Caroline,” he said softly, his lips still so close to mine, “I never want to go anywhere. I just want to be where you are. I didn’t know I could feel this way…not until you.” He looked away for a moment, but then brought his eyes back to mine. “You told me what you’re afraid of. Do you know what I’m afraid of?”

  “What?” I whispered.

  “That this will end. I want you, Caroline, and I’m terrified that you’re going to leave.”

  “Then we’re both afraid of having our hearts broken,” I said quietly.

  “What do we do?”

  “I think sometimes it’s good to be afraid. It reminds us of what we can lose and…and I don’t want to lose you, Adam.”

  “And I don’t want to lose you, Caroline. Especially not when I just got you.”

  He kissed me then, slow and gentle, the need obvious with each pass of his lips over mine. I was scared and I knew he was scared too, but like I’d said, fearing what we can lose can make us appreciate the things we have at our fingertips. Adam was at my fingertips and I didn’t want him to get away.

  I felt him starting to pull away and I couldn’t have that. Not now. Right now, I needed him and I pulled him back to me, kissing him again. I felt us slowly falling back onto the bed and he was on me a moment later, the heaviness of his body almost crushing me, but feeling so good at the same time.

  “Make love to me, Adam,” I whispered between kisses and he stopped, hovering over me, his dark hair hanging on his forehead as he looked into my eyes.

  “I’ll do anything you ask of me, Caroline,” he answe
red softly.

  Our eyes remained locked for a few more seconds until he sat up, slowly undoing every button of the light blouse I’d worn until it was gone and he was looking down on me with those wanting eyes, only they looked different this time. I couldn’t say exactly why, but they did, as if he was seeing me in a new light.

  “I can’t get over how beautiful you are, Caroline,” he said, running his fingertips slowly down my chest. “I could sit here and look at you forever.” I felt my cheeks flush and he didn’t tease me the way I thought he would. Instead, he ran his hands over my legs for a moment before slowly undoing the zipper and button of my cut-offs and sliding them off my body along with my underwear before reaching around to my back and undoing my bra. As I lay there naked before him, he stood up, slowly pulling the shirt from his own body. I could feel my breathing quicken when his gym shorts dropped to the floor and he climbed onto the bed, laying down beside me and kissing me deeply before I felt the weight of him on top of me again. He settled in between my legs and then his eyes met mine.

  “You don’t have to be afraid, Caroline. I love you. Know that I love you.”

  He kissed me again until he slowly pushed inside of me. I let out a quiet moan as he filled me and then our hips began to move together. He was so kind and so gentle. Every movement he made was showing me he loved me. It was quiet as we moved together, except for the sounds of our breathing. I opened my eyes to look at him only to find he was already looking at me. We didn’t say a word, but neither of us shut our eyes again. I wanted to see him and he wanted to see me. Slowly, I could feel my climax building. My whole body started to tremble as I found my quiet release, finally closing my eyes as I felt him pulsing inside of me having found his release too. He fell onto me gently then, his muscles relaxing as he laid on me like a human blanket as he caught his breath. I held him tightly while he nuzzled deep into my neck.

  “I love you so much, Caroline,” he whispered in my ear.

  “I love you too, Adam,” I replied, but at that moment, I was more frightened than I’d ever been because I finally grasped just what it was I could lose.