What would happen if I let him touch me? I sucked in a sharp breath and bit down on my lower lip at the exact moment Reggie let go of Jet’s shirt.
He took off in a full sprint, arms pumping, biceps flexing with each swing, long legs eating up the ground. Following him with my camera, the moment slowed, and I could see why Jet was so good.
He loved what he did. He’d never said that, never even hinted at it in our conversations. But it was there in his eyes, the intensity in him. I’d felt something similar when I’d worked gigs with Ryan, when we’d sang and played together. But in Jet, it was more than that; it was like seeing someone born to perform. Like Ryan, he reveled in it and the performance took on a life of its own. Seeing Jet work, there was that same feeling that he’d been born to this, to this moment and this job.
The bottom rungs of the helicopter were about five feet up, but Jet didn’t hesitate, didn’t even pause. He threw his body at the helicopter with complete abandon, reaching for the rungs with outstretched arms. My camera caught every nuance of his outstretched body in frame after frame.
He caught the rung with one hand, and I let go of the breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. Then the helicopter began to climb, tipping first one way then the other, as if the pilot was trying to dislodge Jet. He hung from the one arm, and then got a leg hooked over the rung, then the other arm. My heart climbed into my throat the higher the helicopter got. Ten feet, fifteen, twenty. This was getting silly now; didn’t they have the shot they needed yet? My mind flashed forward to the worst case scenario and in my mind I saw the blood, saw the broken bones, saw the light dim and go out of Jet’s eyes. Just like Ryan’s eyes; just like my parents’ eyes. I sucked in a sharp breath, fought the nausea clawing its way up my throat. That wouldn’t happen, it couldn’t. This was a scene, a stunt that had been choreographed. He would be fine.
The pilot swerved to one side in a sharp movement that sent Jet’s legs swinging out and off the bottom rung. Jet hung from just his arms now, dangling precariously so high above the ground. They hadn’t even put any mats down for him. I bit down on my knuckle to stop the whimper that crept up my throat. I couldn’t watch this, yet I couldn’t turn away.
The pop of guns suddenly filtered through the air, and even knowing they weren’t real I jumped. Rodney glanced at me with a condescending smile.
My hands trembled as I lifted the camera again, putting it on a long distance setting. With it, I could easily see Jet’s face, could see the wild grin stretched across it. He wasn’t worried, so I shouldn’t be either. Right. Ryan hadn’t been worried about his diagnosis either, not at first.
There was a scream from the rooftop across from the helicopter, and by the way everyone turned to look, I didn’t think it was planned. This couldn’t be good.
Blonde curls swirled in the downdraft of the helicopter’s rotors. Elise stood on the rooftop, screaming at Jet, her arms flailing in the air. Everything around me froze, the collective indrawn breath of a hundred people watching disaster strike and not being able to do anything about it.
But I don’t think anyone expected what happened next. Jet hung from the helicopter by one leg and an arm, about ten feet out from the roof ledge when Elise jumped.
The crazy woman jumped! Straight at Jet. I knew I should be taking pictures; that was my job. But I couldn’t, the realization of all my fears coming out in one single mind-numbing moment. If she made it across to the helicopter her weight would be too much and they would crash, shrapnel taking out people in every direction when the helicopter broke apart. If Jet tried to catch her and missed, he would fall, and both of them would die in a horrible waste of life, their bodies smashed to on the ground below like broken dolls.
Jet reached for her, and managed to grab her around one wrist as she sailed toward him, the jerk of her bodyweight on him unhinging his one arm from around the bottom rung, leaving them with only his leg holding them thirty feet in the air. The helicopter dipped with the sudden added weight and the pilot let the blades drop at a dangerous angle toward the roof. Blades came within inches of slicing into the adobe roof before the pilot corrected the helicopter, stopped it from swinging any further.
Jet hung from his one leg, slowly getting his other leg up and around the bottom rung. Maybe it wasn’t slowly, but it seemed slow to me, far too slow. I clutched my camera, unable to move, my eyes glued to the scene. Elise dangled from his hands and she continued to scream and cry by the look on her face. The pilot got the helicopter straightened the rest of the way out, and he drifted up and over the roof where Jet dropped Elise and then followed suit. The stunt crew was already there, waiting on them. The onsite paramedics flooded out onto the rooftop, pinning Elise down to a gurney, tying her to it and then rushing her off the roof.
“Son of a bitch, that was one hell of a shot!” Rodney yelled, breaking the silence around us, startling me. Voices babbled about how amazing the jump and rescue was, how great Jet was, how they’d never seen anything like it before. Rodney left his chair and scampered, yes scampered, toward the building where the crowd gathered.
I could barely breathe, slid into the seat Rodney had vacated, feeling every moment as if it were a brick on my chest, stealing my breath.
My heart thumped painfully, each beat reminding me that I was the only one left in my family alive. That if for one second I’d considered Jet as anything more than an assignment, I was a fool. Lily was right. Rodney was right. Jet was beyond wrong for me.
But . . . the idea of him dying, the thought of never seeing him again stripped me down to the bareness of my soul. I was torn between wanting to tell him I was leaving Mexico, that I had enough pictures and would be gone by morning, and telling him I’d take him in any way I could have him so that when he was gone, and I knew it would happen, I’d at least have some memories of him to cling to.
Ryan’s final words whispered across my heart. You have to live, really live. Don’t be afraid to love because you might get hurt, because you might lose someone.
I closed my eyes, the bright sunlight beating down on me.
“But I’m so afraid, Ryan,” I whispered.
And then arms were around me, swinging me up and holding me tight, the smell of woods and spice that was only one man I knew. My eyes flashed open, seeing Jet almost like the first time. Like this side of him was the real Jet, not the one he wanted people to see. He wasn’t exultant, wasn’t crowing his success at another stunt that would go down as ‘the best.’
“Are you all right?” He smoothed my hair away from my face, his eyes full of worry.
“Me?” I choked out. “You’re the one hanging from the damn helicopter with an insane woman jumping off the roof for you to catch. You almost fell, you were barely hanging on.”
He tried to smile, the corner of his mouth lifting for a split second before he gave up and crushed me to his chest. “Shit, all I could think about was that if I slipped, if I couldn’t hang on, I’d never see you again. I couldn’t let that happen.”
His words struck through my heart. He hadn’t been thinking of himself.
He’d been thinking about me.
I looked at him to see if he was teasing, but I couldn’t read his face.
Don’t be afraid to love.
Love, love wasn’t the problem. The problem was that Jet was right; if he’d fallen he wouldn’t have seen me again. He faced dangers like this, took risks like that, every day. The fear of losing him once I gave my heart to him was what scared the bejeesus out of me.
His eyes were soft, his hands holding me lightly, stroking along my spine. “Jazzy, are you okay?”
My nickname on his lips undid me; tears slipped from my traitorous eyes. I dashed them away, tried to pull back from him. “I can’t do this, Jet. I can’t. I’ve lost so much already . . .”
Over his shoulder Rodney and Hugh were headed our way, huge grins on both their faces. “Look, you’ve got to work. I’ve got to pack. I’m glad you’re okay.” I leaned in and br
ushed a kiss on his cheek, breathed him in one last time, tried to memorize his smell, the feel of his skin under my lips. The fear was too much; I couldn’t face it, didn’t want to try.
He blinked as if I’d spoken another language. “What are you talking about, packing?”
Then Rodney was on him, slapping his back and doing the crowing I’d expected out of Jet.
“Fucking brilliant! I’m having the writers shift the script so we can use this. Shitballs, that was like nothing I’ve ever shot before!”
Hugh laughed and knuckle bumped Jet as I backed away, the three men talking loud and brash, already spinning the scene as if it had been planned.
This was my last moment here, my last moment where I would see Jet in person and not just in the magazine or on a TV screen. I lifted my camera, took picture after picture of Jet talking, holding the façade together. His eyes followed me, though he spoke to Hugh and Rodney. Those golden eyes burned into me, as if they could read my mind, knew that I was leaving because I was afraid of what he did to me. He wasn’t what he appeared; I knew that now. He wasn’t the man he showed to the world. So much more, so much depth, and no one would ever see it, know it. It lurked right below the surface, but how many people would take the time to look past the stunts and the goofy behavior? Not many. It was a perfect mask . . . one he’d let me see behind.
Stomach twisting into a giant knot, I turned and speed walked to my hotel, refusing to let into the urge to run. Whatever it was between Jet and I was not a good idea, not good for one moment. I had to go, because if I stayed, I knew that despite my job being on the line, despite knowing Jet would break my heart, saying no to him again would be nearly impossible.
All it would take was one more touch and I’d be his; I knew this down to a primal level. That fear drove me into a frenzy of action. I flung my clothes into my one suitcase, not bothering to separate them into clean and dirty piles. I crammed them in, and then ran for the bathroom, grabbed my toothbrush and lotions, and threw them on top of my clothes. The zipper stuck, twice, as I yanked on it, frantic to get it closed and leave before Jet would show up.
Because without a doubt, I knew he would. He wouldn’t let me go easy. No, not him.
With a jerk, I got the zipper moving, but it wasn’t going the way I wanted it to. The stupid metal tab broke off in my fingers in perfect timing with the knock on my door. Not fast enough.
“Jasmin. Please let me in. I need to know you’re okay.”
I closed my eyes. Maybe if I was quiet he’d go, he’d think I wasn’t here.
“You can either open the door, or I can go around the outside and climb up to your balcony. Your choice.”
My stomach rolled with the idea of him hanging seven stories up.
Suppressing a shiver, I walked to the door, but didn’t open it. “I’m packing. I’ve got enough pictures of you.”
There was shuffle and a thump as what sounded like his head hit the door. “But you don’t know everything about me. Isn’t that what you wanted for the magazine?”
I pulled my bottom lip into my mouth and held it with my teeth for a moment before answering.
“I think what I have is enough,” I put my hand on the door where I thought his head might be. “Besides, it isn’t an exposè. Just a silly magazine article.”
Another shuffle. “I’ll make you a trade. My story, for yours.” There was a hitch in his voice, as if he didn’t want to say what he had, but did anyway.
I looked up at the ceiling, trying to find the words to send him away, to say I didn’t care, the words that would make him go back to the set and forget about me.
I opened the door. His eyes met mine and the sorrow and grief there were too much.
He lifted his hand and trailed it along the edge of my jaw. Had it only been three days since I’d met him on the stairwell, grabbed his ear and sent him on his way?
“Can I come in?”
“Why don’t we walk? I . . . I think that’s better,” I said, not wanting to tell him the real reason. If we stayed in my room, there was no doubt in my mind we’d end up in bed and all my plans of keeping him out of my panties would go flying out the window, along with what was left of my better senses.
Jet held his hand out to me, lacing our fingers. Why did that simple thing have to feel so good, so fitting? I reached back for my camera.
“No, leave it. Please.”
I paused. My camera was why I was here. But maybe just this once I could leave it behind.
“I know a place that we can go, sit and talk,” Jet said, his voice uncharacteristically solemn.
He led the way, his thumb rubbing along the edge of my hand as we wove between people on the sidewalk. There was an air of expectation between us, and fear. What was in his past that he had to be afraid of? The scars on his body, something with his brother. I could guess, but didn’t want to.
As we walked, he glanced over his shoulder several times, scowling.
“What?” I asked, thinking of Elise, turning to see if there was a blonde head following us. Maybe she’d escaped from the hospital already. Somehow it wouldn’t surprise me if she had.
“Ah, some high school kid has been following me around. Taking pictures of me.” He gave me a smile. “Don’t worry, we’ll lose him.”
I looked back, caught the glint of sun off a camera lens and saw a scrawny figure dart behind a rolling burrito cart. As if I couldn’t see him. He continued to take pictures from that distance, but then seemed to give up, spinning and running back the way he’d come.
“He’s probably just star struck,” I said, giving Jet’s hand a squeeze. “Looks like he’s gone now anyway.”
We didn’t talk much while Jet took me wherever it was we were headed. At least it wasn’t a hotel, or a bedroom, or anything that could be conceived as romantic. Our feet went from walking on pavement, to kicking up dirt, and then we were on white sand as he led me along the beach. The water lapped against the shoreline, the shush of sand being pulled into the ocean with each wave of water. Near the end of the beach Jet veered left, and within moments we were surrounded by trees and foliage that seemed so at odds with the dusty poverty just a few miles away.
“Jet, where are we going?” I asked, reaching out to touch a purple flower, wishing I had my camera. This was beautiful. How would I remember it without my pictures?
“It’s not too far now. I found it the last time I was here,” he said.
We stepped off the beaten path and Jet pushed his way through a thick bundle of hanging vines. He held the way open for me. The sound of rushing water, a waterfall maybe, competed with the birds singing in the trees. Everything around us felt surreal. Like a fairytale. Maybe I was dreaming?
“Trust me, Jazzy.” His eyes pleaded as the words tumbled from his lips.
“I trust you,” I whispered, feeling my heart tangle up with emotion. He was doing this to me, this feeling of belonging with him was dangerous. Bad. He’d break me without even trying to. Jet tugged me forward and we stepped out onto a path that curled down a slope to a crystal clear pool of water being fed by a thin spraying waterfall. The air was misty and cool, droplets of water floating on the updraft of the waterfall to land on my skin. Like a fine fog, the mist swirled up blurring the edges of reality, only enhancing the surreal quality making me wonder if I was dreaming. Maybe that was it. I was back in the hotel room asleep, dreaming of this place, of being here with Jet.
I looked at him, his profile, took in the shape of his jaw and cut of his shoulders. No, I was most definitely here with him, of that I had no more doubts.
All around the pool were large flat rocks, some in sunshine that stole through the high canopy of trees, creating a tiny oasis of heat, others in the shade, damp with moisture and moss. Flowers of every color bloomed around the edges, pinks and blues, purple, yellow and red, like nothing I’d ever seen.
“I wish I had my camera.” I said. “This is stunning. I’ve never seen anything like this.”
; “We can always come back.” Jet started down the slope following a thin goat trail that switch backed all the way to the pool. Not once did Jet let me go, his hand not loosening on mine for a second. We made our way down to a flat rock that sat a ways back and wasn’t as damp as the others, but it wasn’t in the sun either. Already I knew that whatever words we spoke weren’t meant for sunshine and smiling, but for quiet dark moments in the shadows, things that had broken us. Things that should stay in the dark of the past. I sank to my knees then shifted to sit cross-legged. Jet lowered himself, crouching, and then sat so his legs dangled off the edge.
There wasn’t a moment of silence, a question of who would start. Jet didn’t waste any time with preliminaries, but dove into the darkness, as I’d seen him do with everything else. There were no caution signs, no warnings, just full speed ahead.
“My father beat the shit out of me as a kid. I don’t mean spanking, I don’t mean a smack now and then. Broken bones, skin ripped from my body, knife wounds, busted teeth, black eyes, a punctured lung, bruised kidneys.”
I said nothing, my heart thumping hard with a mixture of fear and hurt, hurt for him, fear for what he was going to say. Because already, I knew it was going to be bad, worse than a beating he’d taken as a child. I tightened my grip on his hand when he moved to pull it away from me.
His eyes lifted to mine, and then darted away, staring at nothing as he spoke. “When I was four, my mother ran away with me and Jap. He, our father, hunted us down and she disappeared. The next ten years I spent learning how to take a hit, how to not let the pain override me. He taught me about pain, and how far I could push my body and still survive, still function as if I had never been hit.”
High Risk Love Page 9
