by Leah Atwood
“Next time we stop, we should check the coolant level the way John suggested.” Gavin almost laughed at her blatant attempt to change the subject.
“Good idea.” Then he prodded. “Are you going to tell me what you meant?”
A hearty sigh filled the car, temporarily drowning out Eli’s snores. “Anybody who looks at you will not believe I took my pants off because I was cold.”
A laugh escaped him before he could stop it. “You called me good looking, didn’t you? No, no, wait. I think you said I’m smokin’ hot. I could get used to that kind of flattery.” Teasing her was fun, more fun than he’d had with a woman in a long time.
“Full of hot air is closer to the truth.”
They drove on for a while before Avery spoke again. “So why was it okay for you to take this trip? I mean, I know your dad’s not a part of your life, but don’t you have family who would have expected you for Christmas?”
He shook his head. “My mom was a late-in-life surprise to her parents. They passed away when I was still in high school. No aunts or uncles.” Then he swiveled just enough to face her while keeping his eyes on the road. “What about you? Aren’t your parents upset not to have you and Eli there for Christmas?”
Avery shook her head. “They understand my job and have gotten used to me picking different days. We’ll have our family Christmas on the twenty-seventh or twenty-eighth instead.”
Next, she asked the question he’d been dreading. “What about your mom?”
It was an innocent question, but Gavin’s insides twisted up. If he told her even a little bit of the answer, she’d ask for more, and he wasn’t sure he could tell her the rest of the story without the pain washing over him. He did his best to control his voice as he answered.
“She’s dead.”
Chapter Nine
Amarillo, TX
December 24, 5:30 a.m.
After a short nap during the last hour of the drive, Avery was raring to go. “Let me drive. You should get some rest.”
“Look for a place to pull over. We’ll get some gas, maybe find somewhere warm to get a bite to eat, and see if we can find anyone willing to take a look at the thermostat. It would be nice to drive the speed limit for a change.”
She peeked at her watch. “Wow. It’s Christmas Eve. We’d already be in Nowhere if it weren’t for all the trouble we’ve had.” Releasing a breath of frustration, she noticed the windshield. “How can you see anything?”
“Uh…”
“Gavin? How can you see anything?”
“It’s not that bad, and the road’s been pretty much abandoned.”
“I can’t see anything! The windshield is completely fogged!”
“John told us not to run the heater, and I figured that included the defroster.”
“So you’ve been driving like this for the past hour? Why didn’t the window fog up earlier? It was clear the last I noticed.”
Gavin shrugged, his hands clenching the steering wheel. “I think as long as the temperature inside stayed about the same as the temperature outside, it didn’t fog up. There’s been a change in the last hour, though. The car seems to have warmed up.”
“Or it’s gotten so much colder outside that it seems warm in here by comparison.” Avery started rolling her window down. The blast of arctic air woke Eli.
“What on earth?” The teen sputtered. “Why is it so cold? Are we there yet?” Then of course, he noticed the one thing she’d hoped he wouldn’t. “Uh, Mom. Why are your pants back here?”
“Help me, Eli.” Avery ignored his question. “We need to find the off-ramp so we can leave the freeway and get into Amarillo.”
“Are you going to tell me about the pants?”
“Later. Help me find the off-ramp.”
“Please tell me you’re wearing clothes.”
“Yes! I’m wearing clothes! Now help me find the off-ramp so we can guide Gavin off the freeway. In case you haven’t noticed, we can’t see out the windshield!”
“Has the snow been coming down this hard all night?” Eli peered out the window.
Gavin cut in before Avery could answer. “It’s gotten heavier in the last half hour.”
“There!” Eli pointed out the window.
Avery spoke up. “About fifty feet ahead… Veer to the right… You’re on the off-ramp now.”
Gavin laughed. “I can still sort of see. I’m not completely blind, you know.”
“I need to use the bathroom.” Eli’s proclamation came as little surprise. “Can we stop somewhere?”
“That’s the plan.”
Avery saw the glowing sign of a gas station and directed Gavin toward it.
He didn’t bother stopping by the pumps, opting instead to head straight for a parking spot. “Everybody out! Let’s use the bathroom and see if the cashier can help us find someone to look at the thermostat on Christmas Eve.”
Nobody had to be told twice. As a group, they collectively rushed toward the front door of the gas station and the promise of a working furnace. Avery and Eli made a beeline for the bathrooms while Gavin went straight for the coffee.
When Avery came out of the bathroom, Gavin was sitting by the front window. There were two small tables there with chairs around them. “Go ahead and get yourself some coffee. Someone’s on the way to take a look at the car. If you don’t mind cereal, doughnuts, or breakfast burritos heated in the microwave, we might as well eat breakfast here while we’re waiting.”
“How’d you find a mechanic so fast?”
Gavin stretched his legs out in front of him and leaned back in his chair. His eyes were at half-mast, but he still answered. Sort of. “I have my ways.”
Avery stole a look at the cashier and noticed for the first time that, instead of a burly, middle-aged man, the cashier was a twenty-something, blonde girl. “You flirted your way to a mechanic?”
“Is that why your pants are in the back seat?” Eli asked. “You were flirting?”
Gavin sprayed coffee all over the table as he tried to stop himself from laughing.
Eli grabbed some napkins. “Sorry, man.”
“No, no. It’s okay. Honestly. The look on your mom’s face was worth it.”
Avery glared at them both, then, face flaming, marched off toward the small breakfast food aisle.
“This would be a good time to stay on your mother’s good side, Eli. Remember that.”
She heard Gavin behind her, telling Eli to get a drink and something to eat.
Shaking her head, Avery brought her large coffee and chocolate-frosted, chocolate doughnut to the cashier, where she waited for Eli. When he settled an orange juice and a jalapeño breakfast burrito on the counter next to her items, she cringed. “How can you eat anything even remotely resembling Mexican food after last night?”
He shrugged. “Hey, if they had jalapeño doughnuts, I’d be all over it.”
Leaning close to her son, she whispered. “I had to use the restroom, but there wasn’t one nearby, so we stopped on the side of the road. I got covered in snow, and Gavin thought I should avoid hypothermia by changing into something dry.”
Eli shrugged. “You could have said so, you know. It’s when you avoid my questions that I get suspicious.”
Realizing her son was parroting a lecture she’d given him many times, she paid for everything and went to sit down. She nodded to Eli once he joined her, and he bowed his head to bless the meal. “Thank you, God, for getting us safely this far. Please don’t let the car blow up while we’re in it. Amen.”
“Did you already eat something?” Avery asked Gavin.
He shook his head. “I wanted to tell you about the mechanic first. And I think I’m still feeling the effects of last night’s dinner.” Taking quick note of Eli’s burrito, he averted his gaze.
Gavin nodded in the direction of the cash register. “The cashier’s brother’s father-in-law owns a small auto shop. She put a call in to her brother. He wasn’t too happy about being woken up, but h
e called his father-in-law, who’s always up early and has a soft spot for wayward travelers stranded at the gas station where his son-in-law’s sister works.”
Avery lifted an eyebrow as she took a bite of her doughnut.
“Or something along that line.” Gavin winked at her.
Eli swallowed the last bite of his burrito. “So I was kind of in and out of sleep last night. Totally missed the part where Mom took her pants off.”
Could he say it any louder?
“But I heard you say your mom passed away. I’m real sorry to hear that. How long has it been?”
Avery’s mouth dropped open. Leave it to a teenager to ask the questions the adults are too sensitive to voice.
Gavin paused for a minute. He stared at his hands. His shoulders drooped and curved forward almost imperceptibly. This was hard for him to talk about. She’d figured as much last night in the cover of darkness, but, somehow, seeing his reaction in the light of day made his pain all the more tangible.
“She passed away in February.”
“Oh.” Avery and Eli said the single word together.
“This is your first Christmas without her, and you got stuck spending it with us? I am so, so sorry.” Flustered, Avery rushed on. “I mean, I’m sorry for your loss, not that you’re here with us. Although I’m sorry this trip has turned into such a disaster, too. I mean… I’m just…”
Gavin tried to smile, but it came across as a wince. With a sigh, Avery reached out and rested her hand on his forearm. “Gavin, I’m sorry. I had no idea.”
He shrugged and stood up. He pushed his chair in. “I think I’ll go get something to eat now.”
Eli’s eyes were wide. “I’m sorry, Mom. I didn’t know.”
“It’s okay, kiddo.” How true the words. In that moment, her son did look a lot more like a kid than the young man he’d come to resemble more and more lately. “There was no way you could have.”
Gavin stood in front of the pre-packaged pastries. Cinnamon rolls. Pound cake. The more he ogled the food choices, the more his stomach rebelled. Last night’s dinner, however, was not causing the problem. An as-yet-unnamed emotion he’d become familiar with in the past months was the culprit. He wanted to run. He wanted to hop on a motorcycle and get out of this place, leave Avery, Eli, and their familial happiness behind. Instead, he stood there in front of the artery-hardening pastry offerings and breathed deeply.
“I’m sorry, Gavin.” Eli’s voice came from his left.
He nodded his acknowledgement to the teen.
Eli gazed down at his feet. “I—I didn’t know. And I’m an idiot.”
Gavin grinned, hearing uncertainly in the boy’s voice for the first time since he’d met him the afternoon before. “It’s okay, Eli. You didn’t say anything wrong. The Christmas season is proving to be kind of hard for me. That’s nobody’s fault.”
Eli shuffled his feet, picked up a roll of coconut-covered mini doughnuts, put it back, reached for some pink concoction, then let his hand drop to his side. Without looking at Gavin, he spoke again. “Does being around me and my mom make it harder? I don’t know what I’d do if I lost her, except probably avoid everyone who still had a mother.”
A sigh escaped Gavin. “You’re wise for your years, Eli.” He resisted the urge to rub at the ache in the center of his chest. His eyes burned, and he looked away as he tried to keep the tears in check. “I’m sad.” He gave a derisive snort. “Sad doesn’t even scratch the surface of how I feel about losing my mom.” The back of his throat felt scratchy and raw, but he continued. “Yeah, sometimes it’s hard to see you and your mom happy, healthy, and together, but I’m not a monster. I’d never begrudge you the time you have with her or wish you the same pain I’ve been dealing with these past months.”
“What about your dad?”
Gavin offered a half-smile and swallowed down the strong emotions that threatened to spill over. “He’s not a part of my life. Mom raised me by herself.”
Eli didn’t look as if he was going anywhere. Gavin suspected the boy had questions he didn’t know how to ask, or maybe didn’t know if he should. By focusing on what Eli needed, Gavin was able to keep his own feelings from overwhelming him. He pictured himself putting his grief and sadness back into a little wooden box and placing the lid on it. The grief would come again, but now wasn’t the time or place.
The ache in his chest abated, and he was no longer fighting tears. “If you have questions, you can ask them.”
The teen glanced up and studied him for a minute. “I don’t know what I’ll do if I ever lose my mom.” He dug his hands further into his pockets. “I suppose it’ll happen someday, but…” Eli’s words trailed off as though the thought itself were too difficult to voice.
Gavin put his hand on the boy’s shoulder and gave him a firm squeeze. “You’ll man-up and find a way to deal with it. You’ll rely on God to see you through the dark days.” He wondered how honest he should be with the boy. “And in those moments when none of that works, you will grab onto the memory of your mother and all she ever hoped, wanted, and dreamed for you. You will dig deep and, and no matter how much it hurts, you will do everything you can to honor her memory and all she ever taught you.”
Gavin took a deep breath before forging ahead. “You will find a way to be happy and to celebrate the life you have because anything less would shame your mom’s memory and everything she sacrificed so you could have a chance. And the thought – no matter how unlikely – of shaming her will be more than you can bear. So on those days when the pain of losing her makes you feel alone, on those days when you start to pick up the phone to call her only to remember she’s not there anymore… Those will be the days you find out what kind of man you are. And if you don’t care for what you see when you look in the mirror on the bad days, you’ll always know that you have the chance to change, that you can make choices to be a better man than you think you are.”
Eli nodded and made eye contact. Gavin half-expected him to skitter away. If he wasn’t mistaken, though, the boy stood a little taller as he walked toward the soda fountain. He could remember how it felt to be in that place between boy and man with no one to guide him but his mother and friends. Gavin hoped Eli made better choices than he had at that age. Friends at school weren’t always the best models for how a man ought to live his life.
Avery watched her son and Gavin speaking. What were they talking about? Eavesdropping would be a lot easier if the convenience store had been built for stealth. Alas, it hadn’t been, and she was out of luck. Not that she would have actually listened in. Eavesdropping would go against everything she was trying to teach her son about how to live his life. It wouldn’t have been easy, but she would have resisted. If it had been an option. Which it wasn’t. Because the store had mirrors everywhere and short shelves that would have made her sneaking around obvious to even the untrained eye.
As she took another sip of her coffee, the front door opened and a trim man in his mid-forties entered, accompanied by a woman, presumably his wife, who, if appearance could be trusted, had been woken and dragged out of bed. The woman caught a glimpse of Avery and strolled over to her. “You must be the one whose car broke down.” She held out her hand. “I’m Mavis Mueller. My husband…” She hooked a thumb over her shoulder. “He’s going to take a look at the engine for you.”
“Oh.” She should say more, but the fatigue of the night caught up with Avery.
Mavis sat down. “Don’t you worry about a thing! I’m a talker. Everyone says so. You look plumb beat. No wonder you can’t think of anything to say. Do you need more coffee? I can get you some more if that would make you happy.”
Avery shook her head as her eyes followed Gavin and Eli. They were heading outside with Mavis’ husband. Battling the fatigue that now felt mind-numbing, she forced her eyes back to the woman sitting with her.
“You poor, poor people. Stranded with a bad rental car on Christmas Eve. I hope you file a complaint with the rental agency w
henever you get where you’re going. The way people conduct business these days is disgraceful. They had to know there was a whiteout coming, and here in Texas of all places. I mean, we get a dusting of snow most years, sure, but this kind of weather? It’s been ages since I’ve seen anything as bad as this is supposed to get.”
Mavis stopped talking long enough to take a sip of her own coffee, which she’d brought into the station with her in a travel mug. She must not have seen the No Outside Food or Beverage sign.
“My husband, his name’s Leon by the way, will get you fixed up right as rain. He runs a small garage on the outskirts of town. Don’t get a lot of business, but that’s okay with him. It’s enough to pay the bills. He used to be an Air Force mechanic. Loved it. Would have stayed in the service forever if he hadn’t felt God calling him into the ministry.”
Mavis paused long enough to breathe — and not a second more — before continuing. “I kind of miss being an Air Force wife. Meeting new people has always been fun, so moving around from base to base never bothered me. I wasn’t all-fired crazy about it when he got deployed. I’d get mighty lonesome without him. The kids kept me company, though, and they were my kids, so they got stuck listening to me when I wanted to talk. Until they got older. Then they got real good at not listening to me.” Mavis laughed at her own joke, and Avery took another drink. “In the long run, I think being stuck with me for a mom served them well. Each of them has grown up to be a great listener.”
Avery’s eyes wandered to where the men and Eli were clustered around the front of their pathetic little travel car. Leon was using hand gestures, and Gavin was nodding. Eli stood there, hands tucked into his pockets, huddled into his jacket. If she had to wager a guess, she’d say he was out there not because he wanted to learn about engines, but rather because he’d seen Mavis and decided the cold outside would be preferable.
The quiet caught her attention, and Avery spun back to the woman in question. Mavis had a content expression on her face as she sat quietly. Avery’s surprise must have shown because Mavis leaned in. “I know I can overwhelm people sometimes. It’s okay. I do know how to be quiet when it’s called for. Sometimes I need a reminder is all.”
