by Lisa Olsen
I didn’t object.
At the same time, I didn’t do anything to give him the green light to take it to the next level either. I still wore Adam’s ring, and I still thought on some level that we’d work things out between us, I guess. But it was hard to resist Parker’s attention, so most of the time I didn’t even try. Instead I found myself sitting next to him on the couch on purpose, hoping he’d linger when the others went home whenever we all hung out together. I probably spent more time with him than I had with most boyfriends in the past, between work and off time, but neither of us rocked the boat to define it.
I admit part of me was afraid if I gave in and did something about the growing attraction I felt for him, I might lose my chances with Adam once and for all. Not to mention the fact that Parker wasn’t exactly known for his long term relationships. What if we hooked up and then he decided he was done with me? How could we remain friends or even our working relationship? Plus, part of me didn’t want to enter a physical relationship with my body hijacked by the little critter.
I hoped the ultrasound would finally show us the sex of the baby, but after the last couple of failures I didn’t hold my breath. Dr. Hathaway held more faith on the matter though, greeting us with a hearty smile.
“Today’s the day, I can feel it!”
“I sure hope so, the suspense is killing me.” I shook the hand offered. “This is Parker, he’s my…” It was getting harder and harder to define our relationship.
“Oh, are you the fiancé?” Hathaway dropped my hand to shake his. Maybe I should have stopped wearing the ring in Parker’s presence? He didn’t seem to mind the misconception though.
“That’s me,” Parker grinned. “And I know you’ll come through for us, Doc. I’ve got a fifty lined up on it being a girl and I can’t collect until we have definitive proof.”
“Fifty, huh?” Hathaway considered aloud, still pumping Parker’s hand. “I’ll take that action, LOL.”
Parker’s eyes narrowed and I could tell he was trying to figure if the odds had shifted out of his favor based on whatever inside information the doctor might have. But in the end, he was a gambling man by nature, and his smile returned quickly enough. “Done.”
“Well then, let’s get this show on the road.” Hathaway looked positively gleeful, and I wondered if he took bets on all of his patients.
“I’ve been good by the way,” I piped up, miffed over all the interest in odds over Bunny’s health. “My energy level’s been fine, my ankles are a little swollen though.”
“Good, good,” the doctor replied, more focused on getting the machine up and running than my answers, I suspected.
“I sure wish I’d stop craving live worms though, I can’t get enough of them.”
Parker shot me a look, but Hathaway didn’t falter. “Good…”
“Maybe it’s from all the fresh dirt I’ve added to my diet.”
“Yep…”
“Do you think that could be the reason?” I asked, waiting expectantly and he turned to me with a blank stare.
“I’m sorry, what were you saying?”
“You didn’t get any of that, did you?” I shook my head with a sigh while Parker sniggered beside me.
“Oh, sorry, I guess not. I get carried away by the technology sometimes, I heart this machine,” he apologized with a silly grin.
“Don’t sweat it, Doc, we all love our toys, don’t we?” Parker grinned. “Let’s get this baby fired up and see who’s buying dinner.” He rubbed his hands together in anticipation. No less eager to make sure the baby was progressing on schedule and hopefully find the answer to that question myself, I laid back, wincing at the cold gel on my abdomen as he rolled the doohickey over my skin.
A veteran of three ultrasounds, I still found it hard to figure out what displayed on the monitor. Hathaway busily took measurements at first and didn’t offer comments on what he found.
“You really bet fifty dollars it’s a girl?” I asked Parker as we waited and he shrugged, eyes on the screen.
“Sure, why not?”
“What makes you think it’ll be a girl?”
“Girls are better than boys, everybody knows that.” He gave me a duh look, his eyes returning to the screen to try and make heads or tails of what he saw there. “Holy shit, there it is… I see the head. That’s the head, right?” He picked up my hand.
I craned my neck to see, but it was Hathaway who gave the confirmation. “Yep, we’ve got a perfect little hand here too and another…” The image jerked lower and I lost my frame of reference.
“Is everything alright?” Even after getting completely normal results for the last three, I couldn’t shake the unreasoning fear something monstrous might crop up.
“Everything looks great, see, she’s waving at you. Hello, mummy and daddy.” He affected a falsetto voice as the baby’s hand jerked on the image.
“She’s waving at us?” Parker’s hand tightened over mine and Hathaway’s mouth twisted in chagrin.
“Yep, I’m definitely paying for dinner.”
“It’s a girl? I’m having a girl?” My mouth fell open in surprise and I felt a surge of jubilation. Not that I’d have minded a boy, but somehow hearing she was a girl made something click inside. All of a sudden I could identify with her that much more. My baby girl.
My daughter.
“I knew it!” Parker crowed in triumph, his lips descending over mine in a joyful kiss.
“I guess I shouldn’t have taken that bet after all, LMAO,” the doctor chuckled. “I’ll leave you two kids alone for a minute while I get my wallet.”
“Take your time,” Parker replied, his eyes full of an emotion I wasn’t sure I recognized when he pulled back. “I still think Parker is a good name for a girl.” He laid his hand over my belly and I covered it with mine.
“I still think that’s reaching a little.”
“Why, you don’t think you should name your baby after your fiancé?” he smirked and I rolled my eyes.
“You’re the one who let him think you’re the daddy, not me.”
“Why don’t we get married?” he asked with a shrug and I laughed, thinking he was still playing along.
“Funny.”
“No, I’m serious. Why don’t we?”
“Right, you’re serious,” I scoffed. But there wasn’t a trace of a smile on his face, and that’s when I realized, he wasn’t kidding at all. Parker really did want to marry me. “What? Why would we get married? We’re not even dating.”
“We haven’t put a label on it, but what do you think we’ve been doing these past few months, Merce? I’m closer to you than I am to anybody, and I know you feel the same way.”
He did have a point there… maybe I confused it with something else because there wasn’t a hormone surged make-out fest at the end of every night, but we did see each other most every day in a social way. I could honestly say I felt closer to him than anyone else, even Daphne. Maybe I was ready to call it dating, but that didn’t mean I was ready for something like marriage. “Being close is not the same as getting married.”
“I’m willing to take it as is for now.”
“Yeah, but marriage…” I was definitely leery of the big M after the fiasco with Adam. I didn’t think I could take losing Parker too.
“If you’re going to do something, you might as well do it right, remember?”
“Parker… you know I don’t… you and I, we’re not…” How could I tell him I didn’t love him the way he needed me to when he looked at me like that?
“I know, we’re not there yet. If it wasn’t for our girl here, I wouldn’t even ask.” He patted my middle. “But I want to take care of you. Both of you.”
For the first time I understood Parker really did love me in his own way. It wasn’t the same intense love I felt from Adam, but that made it no less real. Which was why I couldn’t let him turn his life upside down for me when there was a chance I might never love him the way he deserved to be loved in
return. “Parker, it’s not fair to you. We’re…”
“We’re friends,” he interrupted. “Close friends. I know that. Maybe someday it’ll turn into more. But if not… either way that baby’s gonna need a positive male role model.”
“And you think that’s you?” I raised a single brow.
“We’re good for each other, aren’t we? I know you make me a better man at least. I know I’ve been kind of a shit sometimes, but I promise, I can do this. I’ll be good to you and the baby, Mercy.”
I knew he’d be a good father, maybe not father of the year, but Parker was a good man. He knew all my big secrets, my idiosyncrasies and flaws, and he loved me anyway. We shared plenty of interests but had enough outside ones to keep from being in each other’s hair night and day.
Maybe we could make it work? Plenty of marriages succeeded on far less. If it wasn’t for the love thing, I’d have an easier time making the decision.
“This is a big step, Parker. Not a spur of the moment kind of thing.”
“I know, it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a long time. Since before your brother’s wedding, remember?”
I hadn’t thought he was serious about it back then, but I could see he’d given it a lot of thought in the months since. “So, you’re saying we get married, just like that? I move into your place and we play house?”
“Basically. We’re running out of time for long engagements if we want to do this right.” He patted my middle again.
“Separate bedrooms?”
“If you like,” Parker replied without hesitation. “I’ve got plenty of space. It won’t take much to get the place ready for you.”
“And you don’t think it’ll be weird?”
“I think it’ll take some getting used to for both of us, but I kinda like the idea of seeing you every morning across the breakfast table.”
It was a nice image, the two of us in his kitchen making breakfast, a high chair pulled up to the sleek new island he’d installed. Something kept me from saying yes right away though. “What about Nelo?”
“He can come too, I’ve always wanted a butler.” His fingers threaded through mine. “Just… don’t say no right away. Promise me you’ll think about it.”
I could promise I’d pretty much think of nothing else.
* * *
I showed up at Daphne’s apartment, ultrasound DVD in hand. “Feel like an impromptu movie night?”
“Aw, is that what I think it is?” She practically pulled me inside. “Of course I want to watch it, but come on, tell me, did you find out?”
“No spoilers, you have to watch it and see for yourself.” I shook my head, heading straight for her TV. Cuing up the right chapter, since the same DVD had my previous three ultrasounds on it too, I sat back to watch her reaction as the machine picked up the sound in the room as well.
“Wow, you really are having a baby,” she said in wonder as the baby’s head became visible. “A baby girl! Oh, Mercy, that’s so great!” We traded a hug, my grin a mile wide. “Have you thought about a name?”
“I have a list, but none of them are jumping out at me yet. Parker’s still pushing for Parker of course.” I didn’t want to say more yet, as the audio track continued once the doctor left the room. If anyone could give me an informed opinion on Parker’s proposal, it was Daphne.
“Wait… did he just ask you to marry him?”
I let our conversation do the talking, watching Daphne’s eyes grow bigger and bigger until I paused the DVD.
“So, what should I do?”
Daphne stared at me in stunned silence for a full thirty seconds before she replied. “Do you love him?”
“Sure I do, just like I love you. Just not… like that.”
“Well, isn’t that important?”
“I don’t know, Daph. I used to think it was. But look at what happened with me and Adam? He claimed to love me, but did he stick around once he found out about the baby? Maybe it’s better if I skip the love for now.”
“But you can’t raise a baby with a loveless marriage.”
“It’s not like I’m marrying a stranger to get a green card, it’s Parker. It won’t be a loveless household, we just won’t have a traditional home life. It’d be like marrying you and raising the baby together. We’d make a great team and we’d both love the baby.”
“It would not be like marrying me, trust me. Parker loves you, even if you don’t love him back like that.”
“I know, that’s the only part I’m not sure about.” Parker could say he didn’t have expectations in that area, but I knew he did. What if he was patient, but I never developed the same depth of feelings for him that he had for me? “I’m not saying I don’t feel something for him, like that, but marriage? It’s such a big commitment.”
“What about Adam?”
The big question, one I’d resolved to think about later, but I couldn’t put it off any longer. I knew the answer even if it hurt to say it out loud. “I can’t keep waiting around for something that might never happen. I don’t even know if I want him back anymore after the way he abandoned us. Starting now, I have to make smart choices for me and my girl. I can’t spend my time pining away over the great love of my life. The more I think about it, the more I’m sure Parker and I would make a good team. I’m just not convinced marrying him is the answer. But I can see how he’d want certain rights too if he’s rearranging his whole life to make a commitment to the baby.”
“It’s a big step,” Daphne agreed, and we sat in silence for a few minutes. “Okay, so say you went ahead and married him. What will you tell the baby when she grows up? That Parker’s her father? Or will you tell her about Adam and angels and all that stuff?”
That was a whole other can of worms, one I’d have to deal with eventually, but not for a few years I hoped. “I honestly don’t know. I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. It’s impossible to know what the future will bring.”
“You could always ask Oriana,” she said, dimpling into a smile. It wasn’t a bad idea at that…
“You know, that’s not half bad? Then again, she always says the future is shifting and changing.”
“That’s right, she said I’d be happy and…” Daphne looked down at her hands and my heart went out to her.
“You’ll be happy again someday, Daphne, I promise.” From the look in her eyes, I could tell she wasn’t so sure.
* * *
I hadn’t tried to call Adam’s number in a while, but I still remembered it. Maybe I always will. The numbers were seared into my brain from the first time I dialed them and got nothing but open air.
“Adam?” I said into the void. “It’s been so long, I hardly know if this is still your number. I don’t know if you’re even still keeping tabs on us, but I thought you should know… Parker asked me to marry him.”
I don’t know what I expected to hear, really. Maybe some kind of reaction, good or bad, but all I got was silence. “Adam, are you there? I need to know if you can give me any reason why I shouldn’t marry Parker.”
Nothing.
I had to try one last time before I put any foolish notions of Adam coming for me to rest. “Did you hear me, Adam? I want to know if you have anything to say about me marrying Parker. Anything at all.”
The silence stretched between us, and then I heard the soft click as he dropped the call.
“Goodbye, Adam,” I said into the stillness, fingers tugging at the ring in my finger. I’d left it on so long, partly as a symbol of my love for Adam and partly as a badge of legitimacy given my pregnant belly. People didn’t give me the same ‘poor girl’ look they gave other unwed mothers with a rock that size on my finger. The ring didn’t want to come off right away and I couldn’t help but think - was that an omen or just swollen fingers thanks to my pregnancy?
“Nelo?” I called out softly.
“Yes, Mistress.”
“You like Parker, don’t you?”
“Oh yes, Mistress, he make
s you happy.”
Interesting observation. I suppose I tended to be in a better mood when Parker was around. “Is that the only reason you like him?”
“Isn’t it enough?”
“Yes, I think it is,” I considered aloud.
I had my answer.
Chapter Seventeen
There was no chance of me sleeping that night until I talked to Parker. I knew he’d be up late with work, but I didn’t want to talk to him at the club. Instead I waited like a stalker outside his house for him to get home… and for another half hour while I worked up the nerve to knock on his front door.
Parker’s surprise quickly gave way to an invitation to enter, but almost immediately, he held his hands up. “Wait, before you say anything…” He kissed me slowly, tenderly, his thumbs brushing along my jaw as he pulled me close. Have I said before that Parker is an amazing kisser? He is. In that kiss, I got the hints of what a physical relationship with him would be like. Desire definitely wouldn’t be a problem.
“I wanted to do that before it got weird,” he grinned. Like that didn’t make it weird… “Come on in. I didn’t think I’d see you again tonight, is everything alright?”
“Yeah, it’s fine.” Once I stood there before him, I had no idea how to talk about why I’d come over. Should I come right out with it, or wait for him to bring it up? “I just needed to see you. It’s not too late, is it?”
“Nothing wrong with that,” his smile stretched wider. “And no, it’s never too late for you, darlin’.”
My hands were all clammy and I wiped them on the side of my faux jeans.
“Are you sure nothing’s wrong?”
“No, it’s not wrong, it’s…” How to blurt it out? “Man, this is harder than I thought it would be.”
