by Lisa Olsen
“Did he just say…?” I started to ask Sam, but he shook his head. It wasn’t the time for words, but I couldn’t help but reel over Nathanael’s confession. He was the one who send Raziel to kill me? Did that mean I wasn’t in God’s bad books after all?
Gabriel laid a hand on Nathanael’s head, almost like a benediction, but for the sorrow in his eyes. “So let it be done,” he said softly. His hand began to glow and Nathanael’s entire body grew rigid as though in terrible pain. I thought I could watch it, but I didn’t like to see anyone suffer, even the man who’d never treated me with anything but disdain.
Tuning away, I saw Adam’s jaw tighten and Sam stared at the ground. No doubt they were remembering their own similar experience and I figured it must be awful even thousands of years later. Reaching for Adam’s hand, I gave it a squeeze and he looked away from the spectacle, eyes haunted. Sending him soothing Grace, I saw some of the tension leave his jaw and he offered me a sad smile.
When I looked back to the center of the clearing, Gabriel had released Nathanael and the new Fallen lay panting on the ground, broken.
“His will be done,” the angels chanted as one.
Gabriel approached us, his face solemn, and I felt Adam stiffen beside me, but the archangel’s expression softened as he looked down at Eve. Gently, he touched the dark fuzz on top of her head, his mouth splitting into a wide smile when she yawned. “Your journey is just beginning, I think. Love her well and all will be as it should.”
“So… I’m really not in trouble with God? He doesn’t want to kill me or the baby?”
Gabriel only smiled and launched himself up in the air, taking to the sky. About half of the angels immediately followed suit, the others staying behind to help heal the wounded. A few approached offering their apologies, Davael among them, and I mumbled thanks, not sure what to say to someone who’d been hell bent on taking my child not a half hour before. Neither Sam nor Adam seemed to think twice about it, taking the apologies in stride.
The boys looked like they wanted to stay a bit longer, maybe feeling deprived of angelic company for a while, so I let them visit for a few minutes. I retreated to the cave to change the baby with the supplies I found, satisfying my curiosity that she really was unhurt by the ordeal. I found ten perfect fingers and ten perfect toes with everything in between looking completely normal, as far as I could tell. Apart from the golden glow she looked like any other newborn, no scaly patches or other monstrous features.
Sam joined me as I was wrapping her up like a big burrito the way they’d shown us at the child birth class to make her feel secure like she did in the womb. “Is your reunion almost over? ‘Cause I’d like to get this little sucker home and get her something to eat soon.” I had no idea what they’d been feeding her so far, there might be cans of formula among the supplies, or they could have used wild goat’s milk for all I knew. Maybe she didn’t even need to eat with both my and Adam’s Grace to sustain her, but she looked hungry when I touched her cheek.
“We can go now if you like, Nathanael has fled.”
“Thank God for that, huh?” I breathed a sigh of relief, taking the baby into my arms again. “I’m thinking that was a pretty rare thing we witnessed, right?”
“Indeed,” Sam agreed. “It’s nothing to be taken lightly. Once one joins the ranks of the Fallen, there is no going back.”
I could tell it was a sore subject with him, and I tried changing it. “You know, I didn’t think Gabriel could actually talk,” I mentioned. “I thought he was a mute or a telepath or something.”
“You heard Gabriel speak?” Sam blinked in surprise. “You heard actual words?”
“Yes, didn’t you? When he did the thing with Nathanael and then when he came over to talk to me? You were standing right there.”
“You’re the new Clarion.”
“The what?”
“The Clarion. You alone speak for Gabriel when words are needed. Nathanael was the Clarion and clearly, Gabriel chose you to succeed him. That is so kewlies!” His face broke into a wide grin.
“Wait… so, I have to go to all those angel meetings and talk for him and stuff?” How come he hadn’t said anything about that or asked me if it was something I’d be interested in doing?
“It is a high honor to be chosen as Clarion. You should feel very flattered.”
“You guys ready to blow this popsicle stand?” Adam poked his head in. “I could use a hot shower and a week’s vacation right about now.”
“Sounds good to me.” I agreed whole heartedly, shifting my hold on Bunny as I left the cave. I was nervous about carrying her while I flew, but at the same time I didn’t want to give her up to anyone else to carry either. “Are you sure she’ll be able to travel so fast without being hurt?”
“Hey, she’s our kid, right? That means she’s tougher than she looks,” Adam grinned, offering his thumb to her little fingers which promptly wrapped around it. “See, she’s got the death grip down.”
“She should be well protected in any case. Even a normal human could survive the journey, though likely a bit of travel sickness would result,” Sam considered aloud.
“So, what do you say, Mercy? I’m betting Fiji’s looking pretty good right about now, isn’t it?” Adam waggled his brows at me and I hated to kill his playful mood, but there was only one place I wanted to go at the moment.
“I think I’d rather go home, where I belong.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Life goes on after you beat the bad guy.
You think life will go back to normal, but what is normal? Adversity changes you and it’s not always easy to change back.
Though the rational side of my brain knew Bunny wasn’t in danger anymore, I found it hard to relax my guard. It was like I was afraid to put her down for more than two minutes at a time. I didn’t sleep well. Maybe it was because I didn’t strictly need sleep anymore, or maybe it was nerves, I don’t know. I could only hope it would pass in time.
Nelo helped Parker recreate a pretty close match of the nursery, but there were a few things they didn’t think to get like a baby bath or a diaper bag, little things that weren’t readily apparent to the uninitiated. I didn’t mind the excuse to shop so much, especially when I found that Adam had Finch transfer a chunk of money directly into my bank account since I hadn’t touched his. I rationalized using the money for things Bunny needed, especially since I hadn’t gone back to work yet. In addition to the money, Finch helped get Bunny’s birth certificate in order since I had no record of ever being pregnant or giving birth at the hospital. Sure, I could have said I’d given birth at home, but it seemed simpler to let him handle it. (It did chap my hide to have to pay my high deductible for the stupid tonsillectomy I never had, by the way.)
Parker… he tried really hard, I could tell, but I know it overwhelmed him to have an infant in the house. Being a new parent is hard under the best of circumstances, and without much time to get used to the idea, he struggled with the realities of caring for a baby day in and day out.
It helped that he loved me and I could tell that he was charmed by Bunny most days. For her part, Bunny was an easy baby to love. Generally cheerful with a sweet disposition, she slept well and only cried when she needed attention. But did he allow her completely into his heart? I think something held him back from accepting her as his own.
Adam stayed away.
Before we parted, I repeated my offer to include him in her life if he chose to be involved, but he never gave me his answer. I think it hurt him too much to be around us and not completely with us. Not that he ever offered to make any kind of commitment with me beyond the crack about Fiji. For all I knew he still only wanted a fling in the Ether. At the end of the day I couldn’t make a commitment with him, that trust just wasn’t there.
Sam stopped by to visit every now and again, but only when he knew Daphne wouldn’t be around. I was glad he hadn’t cut himself off completely from all of us. I knew he’d been to see Daphne, only
not revealing himself to her, and I knew it couldn’t be healthy for him in the long run. Then again, who was I to tell anyone how to love? My own relationships were notoriously screwy.
All the time I found myself daydreaming, wondering if I’d made the right choice in not trying to work things out with Adam for Bunny’s sake. Or if things between Parker and I would ever be the same again with that chunk of shared memories missing. But mostly I was too busy learning how to be a mother to dwell on it much. It wasn’t paradise, but it was enough.
Gradually I stopped watching Bunny like a hawk, coming to accept she wouldn’t disappear if I turned my head. I even left her with Parker to go visit Ben once a week. Sadly, Annaliese’s coven hadn’t been able to restore his mind and the regular doctors hadn’t made a dent in cracking his psychosis. True to his word, Adam put him up in the swankiest private sanitarium money could buy.
We didn’t talk much when I came to visit, mostly because Ben didn’t make much sense, but he always seemed happy to see me. As a rule, he liked to stack checkers and I watched, over and over again until they toppled and he picked up the pieces and started again. I brought him a box of Legos once, thinking he might enjoy building with them, but all he did was use the box as a base to stack his checkers on.
One day a few weeks after I started coming to visit him, I was surprised to find a man sitting with him when I arrived. Ben studiously ignored his visitor, his attention wholly focused on the growing tower of checkers. I thought about leaving to come back another time, but curiosity got the better of me. Especially when I saw his visitor was none other than the archangel, Gabriel.
“Fancy meeting you here,” he smiled when I approached. Once again I was struck by the sound of his voice, deep and even as though he spoke all the time. Hell, he could have done TV voiceovers, his voice was that smooth.
“Fancy meeting you anywhere,” I replied, taking a seat at the table. “Do you come to visit Ben often, or is this a special occasion?”
“Actually, I came to see you and I thought you might appreciate it if I approached you here rather than in your home.”
I thought that over and figured he was probably right. I might have gotten a little defensive if he’d appeared in my bedroom, angel style. “I do appreciate that, thanks. Did you need to talk to me about something in particular, or is this about one of those Clarion things?”
“I came to make you a proposal of sorts.”
The mind boggled. I couldn’t even begin to fathom what someone like him might propose. “Okay, I’m listening,” I said carefully.
“Merceline, you have been greatly wronged since you were first touched with Grace, and it has been suggested that reparations of sorts might be in order.”
“Reparations?” I blinked. And here I thought he wanted to ask me to do something for him. “Suggested by who?”
His eyes went skyward before they returned to me. “Indeed. What would you have me do to set your world to rights?”
“What are we talking about here exactly? Are you saying you could reverse what Nathanael did to Bunny?” I wouldn’t have to keep explaining why I suddenly had a baby to people, and my mom might get over her sulk at me having “kept her own grandbaby a secret” from her.
“It can be done if you so choose. Would you have me return things as they were before he altered the fabric of reality? Set them back on course?”
“You can really do that?”
“If that is what you desire to set your world to rights,” he nodded earnestly.
Set my world to rights. What was right? A future with Parker or Adam? If I could rewind the cosmic tape recorder how far could I go back? How far did I want to go back? “Wow, that’s… that’s quite an offer.” I let out a long breath. “Do I have to decide right this moment?”
“Not at all,” Gabriel smiled with a kindly pat to my hand. “Take all the time you need. You have only to call me when you decide.”
Ben smiled to himself, shaking his head when the stack of checkers fell to the floor. Dropping to his knees, he picked them up, counting by fives out loud for each one he picked up. “Batter up,” he beamed once he retook his seat to begin stacking again.
All at once I knew what I had to do. “I know what I want,” I said, my eyes on the man whose life I’d utterly destroyed. “Can you fix Ben? Alter reality so it’s as if he and I never met at all? Then he could go back to being a cop and he’d have his normal life back before all this craziness happened.” I turned to face Gabriel. “Can you do that?”
“As you wish,” Gabriel nodded.
“Good.” I let out another long breath. “Good, so um, how does this work? Is there some kind of spell, or does the Big Kahuna have to give the order?”
“We all have the power within us to shape the world, you have only to learn how to use it. Take my hands.” He held out his palms to me. “Lend me your Grace and I will show you.”
“Right now? Here?” My eyes darted around nervously, but none of the other residents or staff paid us any attention whatsoever.
“You would prefer to wait?” he asked, and I shook my head, gingerly placing my hands in his. “Have faith, Merceline. All will be well.”
“Right,” I nodded, more than a little nervous. What if it didn’t go well and taking Ben out of the picture screwed up something else? Would it just affect people’s memories? How much of reality were we changing? I tried to trust Gabriel to know what he was doing. “Goodbye, Ben. Good luck, I wish you a happy, normal, quiet life.”
“Quiet is as quiet does,” he murmured, eyes never leaving the stack of checkers.
“Okay, what do I do?”
“Relax, and leave everything to me,” Gabriel replied, his tone oddly commanding. His eyes drifted shut and his chest rose as he took in a deep breath. Instead of the incantation I expected, his mouth opened to accommodate a low note of song, almost like a Gregorian chant but with no words.
As I watched, his voice grew louder, expanding to fill the room, though no one else seemed to notice. The tone deepened and intensified and it sounded like a score of voices singing at once. I found myself singing along, knowing instinctively how to join my Grace with his. I became a part of the sound, and it filled all my senses, obscuring everything but the truth in the tone. All too soon it faded and I became aware that we still sat at the table, our hands joined, but there was no sign of Ben anywhere.
“Did it work?” I yawned, trying to clear the ringing sensation in my ears that lingered.
“It is done,” Gabriel said simply, releasing my hands. “His life has been restored and he will not know you should you come face to face in the future.”
“Thank you.” I sat back in my chair. There, at least I could say I’d done something right. “Listen, about this Clarion thing. Are you sure I’m the right choice for this thing? Half of the angels don’t want to listen to anything I have to say anyway.”
“You, more than anyone, have the ability to make them listen, Merceline,” he smiled, rising to his feet.
“If you say so,” I muttered. “How often will I have to serve as your messenger?”
“When the need arises,” he replied, and I bit back the urge to thank him for vagueing that up for me. “You’ll know what to do when the time comes.”
“Super.” I smiled with false cheer, standing up to get out of there before someone asked me what I was doing in the looney bin. “Listen, thanks again. I just hope it was enough to set Ben’s life back on track.” It was tempting to try and sneak a peek and make sure Ben was alright, but I didn’t want to risk him getting mixed up in my life again.
Gabriel simply nodded, but turned back as an afterthought before he left. “You chose wisely.”
* * *
The whole way home I second guessed myself, despite Gabriel’s assertion that I’d made the right choice. Could I have somehow worded the request to restore Parker’s memories too? Or would that leave things open to tumble down the same path again? I had to face the facts. There were
no easy outs. Parker and I would rebuild what we had before, I just had to give it some time.
But the moment I stepped across the threshold Parker ambushed me, capturing my mouth in a deep, passionate kiss.
“Wow, you really missed me, huh? I’ll have to go out and come back more often,” I quipped once he let me come up for air.
“More than you know, darlin’.” His face fairly shone with excitement, and I couldn’t help but think he knew something I didn’t.
“What is it? What did I miss while I was out?”
“It’s not what you missed, it’s what I found.”
“You lost me,” I stared at him blankly.
“I’ve got it all back. The past few months, our time together.”
“Are you kidding me? How?”
“I have no idea. I was winding up the mobile for Bunny’s nap and it all came flooding back, just like that.”
“Gabriel…” I murmured, that had to be it. Somehow he’d decided I deserved a bonus maybe? “It had to be him. I saw him while I was visiting Ben.”
“Visiting who?”
That solved the question of whether or not Ben’s reality and mine were separated. It begged the question, where did Parker think I’d gone out to? I dismissed it as unimportant. “It doesn’t matter, none of that matters. Are you alright though? Is it weird merging those realities in your head?” Clearly he hadn’t just gone back to the way things were before, he remembered having those missing memories, that was a little different from just rewinding things.
“Yeah, it’s fine, I’m good. Better than good. I’m just so… God, you can’t imagine what it’s like to know a piece of you is missing and holding you back from everything you know you should feel.” He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me close again.
