by Jana LaPelle
Silent tears track down my face. I continue to betray my kindred, and I’m ashamed. I pull out of Tarron's hold, and surprisingly he lets me go. I race to my bedroom closing the door behind me as sobs wrack through my being and I begin to cry uncontrollably. Alaric deserves better than me, I think, and I fall further from grace as darkness has now invaded my heart.
Chapter 10
(Ashlinn)
Day 9
Tarron has become my daily reward, he is thoughtful and understanding, and I smile brightly when he enters my chambers. To say that I’m a mess is an understatement. I miss Alaric desperately, and the ache in my chest is always ever present. I take great pleasure in the fact that I'm carrying his child and revel in the fact that he or she is on this journey with me. That thought keeps me grounded, or I would like to believe. Tarron's constant presence in the last few days has been welcome and soothes me as he continues to woo me to the dark side. I have become a constant contradiction as my soul calls out for my kindred, and I consciously struggle with my attraction to the dark prince. That being said, I know my role, and I know what I must do. I just don't want to hurt Tarron in the process. I find that I have come to love the sexy incubus, he means something to me. Not like Alaric but I love him none the same, just like I love my Fab Five.
Tarron reaches for me and twirls me in a mad circle, and he pulls me in, his mouth crashes down on mine, and to my embarrassment, I don't hesitate to respond as his lips meet mine. I know that this is all wrong, but the pull to my beautiful imposter is ever present in the dark majic that wraps us both in its seductive embrace. I pull away, cutting the kiss short as once again I see Alaric's tantalizing blue-eyed gaze filled with love and adoration as we made love for the last time, in my mind's eye. I fear that I'm losing myself in this battle. Losing myself to this pull to Tarron.
Darkness is all consuming. Tarron's sweet embrace is intoxicating and threatens to undo me. One thing that helps to keep me grounded is that with each touch, each caress, or each kiss that takes place between us seems to leave me unsatisfied. I'm driven by a need that has yet to be quenched. Nothing that I have tried thus far has quenched my desires. I have come to realize that the only thing that will end my suffering is when I'm reunited with my kindred. I have to break the chosen binding but Tarron is stubborn and continues to refer to me as his chosen, and as I get to know him the pull takes on a different feel.
Tarron insists on my dressing appropriately when we leave my chambers, which we have done so over the last several days and his horde is becoming acquainted with my presence. Today I am wearing a long black gown. The bodice is a lace up corset which has my breast on full display and my talisman nestled between them, an ever-present reminder that I have family that I will eventually be going back to. That is if I don’t fall into this dark, tangled web of desire. I'm wearing the circlet that I wore before. The sun is out, but it looks to be short lived, so I urge Tarron out the door. Today, I'm desperate for fresh air, and I pull him down the hallway with my Fab Five following closely behind. Jasmine in the last two days has become reticent and withdrawn. I’m afraid that she is seeing a change in me and is not sure how to handle it. More and more she chooses to hang out with Camoryn instead of me.
As we get to the door leading outside Tarron stops my progress to place my hooded cloak on me. Unable to contain myself a moment further I burst forth from the manor and race down the steps heading straight for the cliffs as if my life depended on it. My hood flies backward off my head and allows my hair to fly behind me in my trek to the cliffs. As I race away from my followers, I can hear them call my name from behind me, but the urge to be free is coming from a place buried deep inside me. I breathe in the fresh air in huge gulping breaths. As I get to the cliffs, I stop and lift my face to the sun and breathe in the crisp, clean, salty air. For the first time in almost two weeks, I feel my panther stir. She senses my pursuers, and a growl erupts from deep inside me. For the first time ever I experience a partial shift as the males have me cornered on the cliffs, a low, menacing growl issues from us and my Five immediately back off. Tarron does not intimidate easily, and he continues to approach.
“Ashlinn, you need to control your panther.” He says with narrowed eyes.
My panther does not like him and is making a stand right here, right now. Another growl comes from me as he continues to approach. In a low, deep voice that sounds nothing like me at all, I say, "You need to back off Tarron. She wants her mate. She is very upset with you. You need… to back… away!" He does as I ask and I sink to the ground with my skirts bunching around me, and I sit on the cliffs breathing heavily. I take up the Lotus position and fall back on the Yoga that I have been relying on every day to soothe my soul.
I'm not sure how long I sit there in the same pose before my panther finally retreats. I continue to take deep calming breaths as I feel the mist of the rain to come, land on my upturned face. Everything around me is quiet. I sense that the others are some ways away and I make to stand. I must have sat here longer than I thought as I wobble slightly. I'm cold and damp and the day has turned wet and rainy. Clouds are rolling in, and I can tell that a storm is not far off the coast. After my panther's reaction to Tarron, I want to be alone to contemplate where I am and how I need to proceed moving forward. I walk along the edge of the cliff in contemplation before I’m ready to head back.
As I reach the door to the manor, Nym appears to open the door for me, and I smile at him. My head held high I walk into the manor and make my way to my rooms. My plan is to lay low for the next several days. Tarron is not going to like my plan. He has remained quietly in the background, and I hear him issue an order to leave us alone once we enter my chambers. I steel my resolve as I turn toward him. I know that I look defiant and that is exactly how I want to look.
“What is going on Princess? Why are you shutting me out? I thought we were making progress of the last few days.”
“Do I really need to answer that question, Tarron? I will make a promise to you right here and right now if you will do the same. I promise to never, ever lie to you. Do you promise to do the same with me? Do you promise never to lie to me?” I demand.
He looks at me and assesses my resolve. "Yes, Ashlinn, I promise never to lie to you. I could never, you are mo solas."
"Then you should know that you and I will not be together as you want," I say with determination. "You and I will become amazing friends, but we will not become what you have envisioned us to become." I pull out of his hold. Putting distance between us, I can see that I have made him angry. I knew that this conversation was not going to go over well. "Tarron, if we travel down this path together, as you want, we will not fulfill our destinies, and all The Realms really need for us to do that. I need for you to see the bigger picture here. The decisions that are made here will affect not just us and those closest to us but all The Realms. Tell me why you continue to force this artificial binding. Tell me why this is so important to you." I demand.
He looks at me defiantly before speaking, "Because you were promised to me! I promised myself when I entered into that contract with your mother that no matter what I would accept you for who you were and embrace our future together. That you would be mine, and I would cherish you, that I would never let anything or anyone come between us. No one has ever kept their promises to me, and I refuse to fall into that category myself. I have no one that I can depend on one hundred percent save for myself. So mo solas, I am not ready to give up on us just yet."
I now see why this is so important to Tarron as I push the issue, “So, no one, not even The Dagda or Alaric have kept their word to you? Or do you choose only to remember those who have disappointed you?”
“Does it matter? You were promised to me, and you will be bound to me through the blood contract!” He reinforces.
“But…,” I sputter.
"No buts. Tomorrow evening you will dine with me and my horde. You will be presentable. You need to become better acquainted with my brethren
as they need to become better acquainted with you. I will accept nothing less." He says, turning on his heels to go. Before he leaves, he says over his shoulder, "Dinner will be at eight o'clock, I will be here to escort you at seven thirty sharp." With that, he leaves, firmly shutting the door behind him.
"Well, that went well," I say to no one in particular as I smooth my now damp and ruffled skirts.
(Tarron)
Ashlinn's words have me doubting myself, so I do the only thing that I can do, I seek out the old crone, Morgwais. She's a witch. The leader of the coven that is loyal to me. She is able to scry and see future events. I have never known her to be wrong. She is always holed up with her potions and other things. She is never very sociable and prefers to keep herself company. As I reach her chambers, I knock on the door and wait for her to allow me entrance.
The door swings open, and she glares up at me as she demands in a sing-song, accented voice, "I be very busy my prince, what is it that ye be needing from Morgwais?"
“Might I come in Morgwais? This is a delicate request and must be kept confidential.” I say in a low voice.
She eyes me curiously before opening the door wide. The poor woman is ancient, but the sparkle in her chocolate brown eyes belies intelligence and a youthful demeanor. Her hair is a silver gray and a wavy curling mass that she wears loosely hanging down her back. Witches don't have an exceptionally long lifespan, but it's my understanding that Morgwais is several hundred years old. I can see past the wrinkles that line her face to know that she was once a true beauty. She shuffles backward allowing my entrance to her chambers. This is where she works and lives now. Clear canisters are dotting the room with a multitude of different items ranging from, eyes, frogs, insects, beetles, rabbit's feet, herbs, and quite a number of other things that I have no idea what they are. The witch shuffles and is extremely slow in her movements as she makes her way to a table in the middle of the room. I patiently follow her and wait for her to take her seat. As she settles herself at the table, I sit opposite her and wait till she is ready to continue. The one thing that I have learned over time is that she does not like to be rushed.
“My Lord, what can Morgwais help ye with?” The old crone asks in her time-worn voice.
I hesitate before continuing and then plunge ahead and say, "It's about the princess, she claims to have visions. She has said some things that have caused me to question my actions, to question my path moving forward. For some time now, I have had a set course, and that course included the High Princess, but now I'm not so sure. I was wondering if you could help me determine if what she has seen will come to pass." I sit quietly, as she ponders my words.
She nods her head and says, “I will do this for ye because I believe ye to be of importance and if the princess has seen the future and it includes ye then we need to have a better understanding of what that future brings. Yes? Ye will need to bring me something that belongs to her and something of yers as well. They should be similar items for the scrying to work. Once ye have these items, come to me day or night, and we will begin. Now, be off with ye, my dear prince. I have much to do. Shoo."
Like a child, she is shooing me to leave her in peace. Now all I have to do is obtain something of Ashlinn's to continue. As an afterthought, I ask, "How is your prodigy? Has she improved?" It's been nine days since the spell backfired on her.
Morgwais shakes her head as she says, “Tis, sad. She be sat back years, possibly decades. Whoever placed the protection spell on that talisman weaved the enchantment to backfire any spell that contained dark majic, any spell that was intended to do harm, would be sent back to the caster tenfold. We be working on it, but it will take time. For the time being, we be working with her as if she tis a child. I be forced to take another under me wing. Now go my prince." With that, I'm dismissed, and I leave her chambers wondering who could be strong enough to cast such an enchantment.
Chapter 11
(Ashlinn)
Day 10
Today has passed fairly uneventfully. I have immersed myself in my training and yoga and have kept to myself. Once again the day is dark and gray, and rain threatens once again. After yesterday's episode, my Fab Five have been supportive but have left me to my own devices. That includes Jasmine, I can tell that she is unsure of how to help me and therefore remains silent. I feel myself pulling away. I can feel the darkness of the blood majic taking hold. Try as I might, to fight it. Today I'm relieved that Tarron has stayed away. His absence is giving me a chance to regroup. Once again my panther has retreated, but her message to me is clear. She does not like this situation and wants her mate. We miss Alaric to the point that the dark, cold, place that has taken up residence at the core of my being is all that I can concentrate on when Tarron is not around. I have become irritable and have a short fuse. I find that my hand is almost constantly on my chest, rubbing at what has become a sharp heart-wrenching pain which has me gasping for air at times. At this point, I figure that I'm close to four weeks along and I have no doubt that evidence of my closely guarded secret will begin to make its presence known soon enough, probably within the next several weeks. Especially if my father is correct, that would mean that I only have six months until this child makes its appearance in the world. I need to be away from this place long before then. I had hoped that Alaric would have been here before now, but I know that if he were caught in Faerie, realistically he will not be able to reach this Realm for another four days and he will have only been away from me for twenty-four hours.
The day has passed quickly, and I find that its time for me to begin getting ready for this evening's meal. Earlier in the day a gown, a circlet, and a note were delivered to my chambers with instructions that I should wear the gown and the circlet this evening, and I'm to be ready at seven thirty sharp. I excuse myself to my private rooms and go about showering and drying my long caramel colored hair. The person staring back at me in the mirror has become a stranger, she looks haunted. I fear that I no longer recognize myself. For a moment, I look inside myself and try desperately to unravel the tendrils of dark majic that have wrapped themselves so securely around my heart and my kindred bond. This is an exercise that I have tried daily, but I have not been able to get very far in my endeavor. Today? I'm desperate. I imagine unraveling one tendril at a time and holding them at bay until I can feel a bit of warmth enter into my bond with Alaric. I continue the tedious task, lost to everything going on around me until one after the other I have removed ribbon after ribbon exposing the bond and it flares to life. I’m not sure how long I will be able to hold the dark majic at bay as I reach out to Alaric. For a moment, all I feel is his panther, and my fears have been validated. Alaric has given into his inner beast. I reach to him through the bond and flood it with everything, all my love, all my desperation, my need to be with him once more, and all my fears. I hold on to that for as long as I can until I finally sense my Alaric as he begins to resurface. Our bond flares to life and he fills it with love, adoration, confidence, and hope. I know that he is coming for me and a fire builds within our bond, a determination to be together that the dark majic shrinks from, if only for a moment. I know that I can no longer hold the darkness at bay and with one final push I open the bond as far as I can and allow him access to as much as I can. I flood him with everything that has happened since my being here before my sorrow bleeds through and the darkness takes hold once more attacking our bond with a viciousness I have not yet experienced. It literally sucks the breath right out of me. I stumble and lose my footing and crash to the floor in a gasping heap.
From a distance, I hear Jasmine call out to me, "Ash? Sweetie, what's happening? What's wrong? By the goddess, what can I do to help?" She is in a panic, fluttering around me as I hear Camoryn and Nym enter the bathroom. I'm trying desperately to breathe while trying to push the darkness away. I'm on my hands and knees on the cold tile floor, and the battle continues as I clutch at my chest.
I look up and beg, gasping for air, “Please… Help me.”
As silent tears run down my face.
Jasmine gasps before saying, "Ashlinn, your eyes. They're solid black, by the goddess, this has to stop!"
Nym is by my side trying to help me up, but I shake him off as my internal struggle continues. A voice that is not my own erupts from my mouth, "You will surrender!" At that, Nym backs away with a nervous look in his eyes as if I'm possessed, and I am. I’m consumed with darkness, darkness that comes from blood majic.
Hanging onto the light, the warmth, the love, and unwavering commitment to my kindred and our kindred bond I give one final push against the dark blood majic, and I push it back for now. My barriers are weak, and I know that it will not take much for me to succumb to the pull. I collapse on the floor, panting for breath. I'm in nothing more than my undergarments, and a silk robe and Nym picks me up and carries me to my bed. Vaguely I’m aware that it is seven o'clock and I must be ready in thirty minutes.
About that time I hear the door to the outer chambers crash open, and I feel Tarron's approach as I lay on the bed struggling to catch my breath. He is by my side in seconds and is cradling me in his arms, holding me close. The close contact is a betrayal to my love, but it soothes me, none the less, and I find that I'm clutching him to me and I begin to breathe easier. I look up to find that my dark prince is staring down at me with panic in his eyes before he narrows his eyes and asks, “What has happened to your eyes, mo solas? They’re black now.”
