She talked.
I wasn’t there to meet her demands, and she talked.
That also meant the entire world knew.
I stood up and flung the door open, causing Kai to stumble and almost fall into me. I walked past him and strode down the hallway, back to the room. I had to know it all. Right now. Screw Beau and his ignoring me. One of them would tell me the truth.
Kai was hot on my heels as I stormed back into the room. Everyone but Beau looked up as the door bounced against the wall.
“Tell me.” I walked up to Beau and dragged a chair in front of him until our knees touched. There wasn’t any way he could ignore me now. “Tell me now, Beau. Ignoring me isn’t going to change the fact I’m here, and we have to deal with it. So talk.”
April looked back and forth between the two of us, waiting to see which one would crack. I felt Kai behind my chair.
“Beau.” Dr. Martin spoke. “Remember what we talked about.”
I felt him shudder as he took a deep breath. “You knew.” He spoke just two words, but they crushed my soul into so many pieces, I knew I would never find all of the shards for as long as I lived.
You knew.
I opened and closed my mouth, but I didn’t know what words I could say to make this better because I knew nothing could.
I reached over and put my hands on his knees, and he flinched. He flinched at my touch. His entire life, my touch calmed him and centered him. Now he was revolted by me. My heart sank, and I pulled my hands back to my lap. Kai placed his hands on my shoulders and squeezed gently.
“Keep going, Beau,” Dr. Martin said.
The room was eerily silent as we waited, and I had to force myself not to stand up and scream for someone to just spill it.
Finally, Beau lifted his head and our gazes met. Sadness pooled in the depths of his dark eyes, and I read his heartbreak all over his face.
“You knew she wasn’t my mother. You knew she wasn’t your mother. And you never told me. You paid her for years to keep her quiet when all you had to do was come clean. You were the only person I trusted in my life, and it was all a lie. Every single part of it.”
I sucked in a breath at his words. He did know all of it. “Beau.” I knew there was nothing I could say that would make this better for him because he was right. I kept it from him to protect him. It was enough that I had to deal with finding that out at the age of fourteen. I never wanted him to have to deal with the pain I lived with for the last sixteen years.
Except now he got all that pain and then some because he lost trust in the one person he trusted the most.
Me.
“I’m sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am, Beau.”
He shook his head. “Sorry doesn’t make up for it, Natalie. How could you lie to me for all these years?”
“I know you can’t see it right now, but it was just to protect you, Beau. What good would it have done for you to find all that out?”
“What good would it do? How about for the sake of knowing the piece of shit who abandoned us wasn’t our mother, anyway? How about because it would be the right thing to do?”
“Beau.” April touched his arm. “You have to think about the time when Natalie found all this out. She was a teenager, you were hospitalized, and the person you thought was your mother just told her not only that you weren’t her son, but that Natalie wasn’t hers, either. That your dad killed himself over a girl he loved. Her whole life turned upside down that day too, Beau. You can’t blame her for trying to keep it from you. The woman who pretended to be your mother was gone, the woman actually was your mother was dead. She’s right. How would you knowing the truth have helped you move on and be the man you are today?”
My eyes filled with tears. I wanted to throw my arms around her and thank her for being the most amazing sister-in-law and best friend ever.
“This is a good point she brings up,” Dr. Martin said. “You were both traumatized at a young age. First by your dad’s suicide. Then, by the events that led up to your mom leaving. Natalie always protected you and took care of you, right, Beau?”
He nodded slightly, his blank eyes still staring at me.
“Okay, so maybe keeping it from you all these years wasn’t the way you would’ve preferred it, but Natalie has always thought it was her job to take care of everything. So this was her way of helping. Whether it was right or wrong for her to keep this from you, you have to consider that. She suffered alone with this for all these years. She found out some upsetting news that day, too, and she internalized it. It contributed to all of this you see here today.” Dr. Martin indicated us all sitting in the room.
Beau stood so suddenly he rammed his knees into mine, almost sending me flying backward in the chair. Both April and Kai stood as Beau towered over me. April tugged on Beau’s arm to no avail. He wasn’t budging. “It’s not fucking okay, Natalie! Why do I not get the decency of knowing something that alters my life so greatly? Why do you get to have all of the control? What else don’t I know?” Beau’s chest heaved, and his nostrils flared, his fists clenched at his sides. I wasn’t afraid of him. As angry as he was, he’d never hurt me. I deserved it. Every bit of his anger was years coming. It was what I never wanted to admit but was foolish to think I could keep locked away.
“Hey.” Kai stepped up to Beau, their chests almost touching. “Lay the hell off. This is your sister you’re talking to. You have the right to be angry, but you won’t be disrespectful to her. Not here, not now. This woman sacrificed her whole life and well-being for you. I get you don’t agree with how she did it, but your anger doesn’t get to talk to her right now.”
“Kai, it’s okay.”
Kai looked back at me. “No, it isn’t, Natalie. No one will talk to you that way, no matter what mistakes you made.”
Dr. Martin walked to us. “Everyone take a deep breath here and let’s sit back down.”
I walked back to where Kai and I originally sat, my legs shaking as I fell onto the cushion. What I thought this session would entail and what ended up happening were so opposite of each other I couldn’t quite wrap my brain around the switch.
“Can you tell me what happened after you saw the emails?” I figured taking the attention off Beau for a few minutes could help alleviate his anger.
Kai crossed his leg and put his arm on the cushion behind me. “Kale came down here to help us. He looked into the IP address of the email used.”
“Long story longer, they found out it was your mother…er, Nina Anderson,” Tanner said. Mac nodded, her eyes still volleying between Beau and me. She rested her hand on her pregnant belly. She’d gotten a lot bigger while I was away. It made me sad I missed it, just like I missed everything else that went to hell while I was here.
Over the next many minutes, they all took turns telling me the insane story of the woman who was my mother for the first fourteen years of my life. The only one who didn’t speak was Beau, who looked up at me every few minutes, but didn’t offer any information.
“Beau talked to her after she was arrested,” April said. “She told him the rest of the story. She obviously has some mental difficulties, so we weren’t sure if what she said was true.”
“It’s true,” I said. “So she’ll be locked up for good?” I looked at Kai.
“Yes. They deemed her fit to stand trial, and she pleaded guilty to the charges. She’ll never see the light of day again.”
“Can she still talk?”
“That’s always a possibility,” Kai said. “But honestly, I don’t think you should worry about it. We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”
“I’m sorry.” I felt it needed to be said to everyone. “I owe all of you an apology for bringing this drama unnecessarily to the band. I got in over my head, and I didn’t know how to handle it. It’s part of what I’m learning how to do, admit when I need help and not try to control every detail and do it all without the people who love me.”
“We love you, Nat. We’re s
orry you had to deal with this yourself. We all understand much more what drove you to do what you did, and what got you to the place you’re in now. Let’s all make a promise, right here in this room, that no matter how hard it is or how upset we think anyone will be, we talk to each other.” Bex cleared her throat and wiped under her eyes. “We all saw signs you weren’t okay, but we let you deal with it because that’s what you do. We failed you, too. But we all promise, starting right now, to look out for each other. Even when that means we have to say something uncomfortable or that could make one of us upset. We are the only family we have, and we have to stick together. You’d think we would’ve learned this by now after everything we’ve been through together, but now we’re going to make it happen.”
“Thank you. I agree. I don’t know where I would be without you guys and thank you for sticking with me despite all this drama. I promise I’m going to be honest with you about how I’m doing and have all of you help me be accountable for moving my life forward.” I grabbed Kai’s hand and squeezed. “I have a chance at a fresh start, and I’m not going to waste it.”
They all exchanged a glance, with the exception of Beau, who still stared at his lap.
“What? Did I say something wrong?”
Bex grinned. “No. You said something right.”
When I looked at her quizzically, she laughed. “Despite all the drama today, we want you to know how happy we are you did this for yourself. You’re healthy and happy. We know Kai is a big part of that. You’ve waited a long time to fall in love.” Bex paused and looked over at Johnny. “We all know how powerful that feeling is. You’ve stood by for so many years and put all of us first, Nat. It’s about time we do the same for you.”
“I don’t understand.”
Bex nodded. “I know you don’t. Do you remember how scared we were to move to Florida when we first started out? But our dreams were so big we knew we had to leave our shitty pasts behind and do whatever it took?”
I nodded. “Yes.”
“Look at what that did for us. We never imagined in our wildest dreams we would be where we are today. We have each other, we have our families, and we have more money than we ever thought possible. We survived the shittiest of childhoods, followed our dreams, and now we can help others.”
I had no idea where she was going with this, so I waited for her to continue.
“Do you remember when Allan was our rep, and he asked us to move to New York?”
I furrowed my brow. “Yeah. We told him Florida was home.”
She nodded. “We weren’t in a place where moving would be what was best for our family. That’s no longer the case.”
I glanced at Kai, looking for any clue on where she may go with this talk. “Bex? What does this have to do with anything?”
“As you know, a lot has happened over the last month. You scared the hell out of us and made us all start thinking about what is best for the group. Then all the craziness with Nina, and it made it seem even more obvious what the right choice was.” Bex looked around the room. “We’re moving to New York.”
“What?” She was out of her mind. She couldn’t seriously be considering moving to New York—there were too many things to think about: the studio, the kids, Tanner and Mac’s babies…the list was a mile long. “Why?”
Bex looked over at Kai before turning back to me. “We’ve never seen you happier than when this man is in the room. It’s about time we do something to pay you back for all the years you sacrificed everything to make us happy, Nat.”
I blinked back the tears that made everyone in front of me blurry. They were going to move to New York…for me.
“I’m moving to New York?”
Quiet laughter went through the room.
“We’re moving to New York. All of us. Kai already has a neighborhood in mind for us on Long Island, as well as studio space in the city.”
“We’re moving to New York?” I knew I sounded like a broken record, but it was quite possible my mind was blown. I was on an emotional rollercoaster, and my brain couldn’t quite catch up.
“We knew you and Kai wouldn’t want to have a long-distance relationship, but we also knew you’d struggle with what the right choice was—us, or him. Now you don’t have to decide, because, for once, we’re doing what’s best for you.”
“Beau? You want this?”
All eyes shifted to him as silence settled over the room. I knew he was angry with me. He had every right to be, and I wouldn’t blame him one second for the way he felt.
Beau stood, his gaze locked on me. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking, and that unsettled me. April looked between the two of us, more than likely wondering if she should intervene.
He moved quickly toward me, and Kai stood up. “What are you doing?”
His gaze cut to him. “Seeing my sister, if you don’t mind.”
Kai appraised him for a moment before stepping to the side.
“Natalie.” Beau’s voice was softer, though I could see the anger lingering as it pulsed through his body. “I’m angry with you. I know why you did it, but I’m not quite there yet with accepting it. You took away the right I had to know this information and process it in my own way. You never thought I was capable of handling my problems. I’m also angry because no one was ever able to help you deal with the things you kept inside. I’m your brother. I should’ve been able to look after you, too. We could’ve dealt together. But when you shut me out and try to do it all yourself, you took that role away from me. Do you understand that?”
I nodded. “I do, Beau. I’m sorry. I’m working on that now. I promise.”
He held out his hands, and I took them. Beau pulled me to my feet and wrapped his arms around me. “We’re moving to New York, Natalie. It’s time for you to be happy, not just us.”
I looked around the room at the people who loved me most. They did this for me. Even my brother, who had his whole world rocked again. He was doing this for me, too.
I never really gave much thought to what Kai and I would do after I got out of here, but I guessed my family did all the thinking for me this time.
I had to admit, it was nice.
“Do you want me?” I asked Kai. “Because apparently I’m moving to New York.”
Everyone laughed, including Beau. The small sparkle in his eye, coupled with the small lift in his lips, and I knew we’d be okay. No matter how long he needed to process it, or how many questions he had that I would have to answer, we would get past it.
“Hell yes I want you,” Kai said. “You’re not looking for an apartment because you already have one.”
“Your apartment?”
He shook his head. “No. Our house. We’re going to pick out a new place, near your family. Together. If you want to, that is. And we’re leaving tomorrow.”
“All of us?”
“No,” Kai said. “Just us. They’ll come in a few weeks once everything is settled with their families.”
I caught Dr. Martin’s eye across the room. My head felt like a jumbled mess of emotions, my heart ached with both pain and love, yet I wasn’t sure I ever felt more content than I did at that moment.
“We’re moving to New York,” I said. I threw my arms around Kai’s neck and kissed him like I wanted to for the last month, despite our audience.
Epilogue
Natalie
I jogged backstage, listening as the techs discussed the lighting settings through my headset. We were just minutes away from Fatal Knockout taking the stage, and I had to check on the band and make sure they were ready. Tonight was the kickoff to our Jaded Tour of the World, right here in New York City.
My new home.
We moved here six months ago, and I loved living in New York. It didn’t hurt that my entire family came with me, or that Kai and I were doing fantastic together. My health was great, and while it hadn’t been without setbacks and challenges, I kept up my end of the bargain and made sure I was honest with everyone when I wanted to sl
ip back into old ways. While we were gone on our international tour, I would Skype with my therapist if I needed to.
I kept my house in Florida, as did the rest of the band. We went back whenever we had time off or needed a vacation. We joked that we were rocker snowbirds. We lived in the same neighborhood in Long Island. Kai traded in his tiny Manhattan apartment for a house with me near my family. Though I sometimes wished we lived in the heart of the city, we got the best of both worlds.
Since we were now New Yorkers, I spent a lot of time with Kai’s family. I finally knew what it was like to have a mother who cared about me. Kai’s siblings, especially his sisters, and I were very close and went out to lunch often. I had a core of friends outside of the band for the first time in my life, including Larissa, Sebby’s wife.
Beau and I had a rocky few months. I never doubted his love for me or that we would eventually be okay with each other, but it was hard for him to come to terms with the things I kept from him. We spent a lot of time in therapy together, and it really helped us to get back the trust we always had in each other. I dare say our relationship was even better than before, and I contribute a lot of that to April. The woman was a godsend to both of us.
Our “mother” was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole. We hadn’t heard from her at all, though that didn’t mean she wouldn’t come out of the woodwork for some book deal or media circus. But money didn’t mean anything to her now, so unless she just wanted to stick it to us, her coming out was futile. Our lawyers had a plan for if and when she decided to speak from prison.
Two months ago—a month early and healthy as can be— Mac and Tanner gave birth to healthy twin girls, Tracey and Tamara Hart, named after Tanner’s mother and sister. They were the newest additions to the Jaded Regret team that continued to grow. It would be a challenge for them to travel with babies but they hired a nanny to be with them. All the Jaded Regret kids were good travelers, and they would be no exception. We had quite a crew these days, between the Jaded Regret kids and Kai’s siblings’ kids, and I hoped to add to that someday.
Exposed: A Jaded Regret Novel Page 28
