John held her close, his hips rocking hard against her ass. His movements were fast and frantic now. She cried out his name and gave herself over to the explosive orgasm that ripped through her.
He swore under his breath as his arms tightened around her. His hips jerked and his cock rippled, setting off another round of spasms within her. Her vision dimmed and she gulped in mouthfuls of cool air. A shiver snaked down her spine. She suddenly felt the cold air on her bare legs and butt.
“God almighty, but that got out of hand.” John withdrew carefully from her. In spite of his effort to be gentle, she flinched. She was feeling raw, physically and emotionally.
She used one hand to steady herself against the tree and tried to pull up her clothes with the other. It was harder than it should have been. Her limbs weren’t responding to her commands. Her legs felt like jelly and her arms weren’t much better.
“Here. Let me help you.” John tugged her panties and jeans around her and zipped them shut before pulling her sweater back down. He pulled the sides of her jacket closed and pulled her into his arms.
She buried her face against his chest and breathed in his musky, woodsy scent. This man could make her do things that no other could. He could make her forget herself and her surroundings. He could make her lose herself in passion. It was crazy. It was addictive. But mostly it was dangerous to her peace of mind.
“Everything will be okay.” His promise brought tears to his eyes. She didn’t know how everything would be okay, but she didn’t want to argue with him. Not now. Time was growing short.
He leaned back and caught her chin with the edge of his hand. His blue eyes studied her face. She had no idea what he was looking for or if he found it. He kissed her forehead and stepped back, taking the time to zip her jacket closed. “Are you too cold to keep walking? Do you want to go back?”
She jammed her chilled hands into her coat pocket and pulled out her gloves, slipping them on. “No, I’m okay.” She didn’t want to go inside just yet, was afraid she’d feel the walls closing in around her if she did.
“The brook isn’t far from here.” He grabbed his jacket and slipped it on. Then he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and guided her down the rough trail. Five minutes later they came out at a small, burbling brook. A large boulder had settled on its side next to the water. John drew her to it and sat, pulling her down in front of him. He wrapped his arms around her and urged her to lean back against his chest.
They were silent for several minutes as she waited for him to speak. She could tell he had something on his mind. The time had come for them to talk and she knew there would be no putting him off this time. She braced herself for what was to come.
John felt Topaz stiffen in his arms but he didn’t let her go, nor did it deter him from what he was about to say. They needed to talk. Time was running out. Soon they’d both be back to their busy lives and if they didn’t settle their relationship, he was afraid she could easily slip away from him.
His body was still humming from the orgasm he’d just had. He still couldn’t believe he’d stripped her pants down to her knees and taken her in the middle of the cold woods. Really smooth there, Knight.
Still, he couldn’t really regret his impulsive actions. She’d been right with him all the way, her sweet pussy closing around his dick and clenching it tight. His cock stirred again, but he ignored it. He’d only put one condom in his pocket and he’d already used it.
Plus, he was determined to find out why she seemed so opposed to an actual relationship with him. If he were a less self-assured man she’d have crushed whatever ego he did have weeks ago.
“Talk to me, sweetheart.” He kept his voice low and neutral. “Why are you so afraid of what we have together?”
He waited for what seemed like forever, but his patience was finally rewarded. “You lead such a different life than I do, John. You were in the military. You’ve done things I could never dream of.”
He stiffened. Was it his past that was keeping them apart? He’d spent more time in war zones than he wanted to remember, had done things no man should ever have to do. But he’d done them because they’d needed doing and he wasn’t ashamed of his actions.
She continued to speak, totally unaware of his internal turmoil. “I mean, you jump out of planes and blow things up and do all kinds of death-defying things. The most dangerous thing I’ve ever done is hit an after-Christmas sale at Macy’s.”
John relaxed slightly. “What does that matter?” He was totally perplexed and wished he understood exactly what was going on inside her mind. Women were complicated creatures. Men were much more straightforward and easy to understand.
She turned in his arms and looked up at him. “What does it matter?” She was looking at him as though he wasn’t very smart, which might have been amusing under other circumstances. Now it was frustrating as hell.
“I’ll tell you why it matters,” she continued. “You’ve lived with adrenaline and adventure your entire life. Even after you left the military you chose a profession that was filled with more thrills and danger. I can’t live like that. I’m a homebody. I want security and a man who is content to stay home with me.”
Topaz paused and fear clouded her eyes. “I wouldn’t be enough for you, John. Maybe at first, but over time…” She let her words trail off and he thought his heart might split in two when a lone tear rolled down her cheek.
He caught the tear on his thumb and wiped it away. “Hey. That’s just crazy.” He had to make her understand how he felt about her. “I’m forty years old, sweetheart. I’ve been shot at more time than I care to think about and bailed out of more than enough airplanes to last me a lifetime. I’m ready to settle down and live a quieter life.”
She pulled out of his arms and turned, sitting tailor-style on the rock facing him. “That’s not true. Not really. You’re a professional bodyguard, John. That means you’ll still be in danger and people might very well be shooting at you.”
“The chances of me being shot because of my work are very slim. We specialize mostly in corporate security, going into businesses and finding the weaknesses so we can plug the holes.” Not only was it satisfying work, but it paid a hell of a lot better than the military ever had.
Topaz frowned at him. “But you’re a bodyguard too.”
He shook his head. “Only in very rare cases.” He reached out and ran his fingers over her hair. “When I saw you for the first time last year, I knew I couldn’t let anything happen to you.”
She licked her lips and his cock jerked in response, but he held a tight rein on his body. This was too important for him to fail now. This was the most important mission of his life. He could not fail. Topaz had to give them a chance.
Topaz felt a warm fuzzy feeling in the vicinity of her heart, but she had to stay strong. John was trying to refute the reasons they couldn’t have a real relationship but she wasn’t quite ready to believe him yet.
Oh, she knew he meant it when he said he was finished with all the excitement in his life. It was one thing to say it, another to actually live it.
He touched her cheek, his eyes steady and warm. “Give us a chance. Give me a chance to show you I mean what I’m saying.”
Could she do that? Could she risk her heart? “But we don’t really know one another.”
John laughed and shook his head. “Babe, we’ve been living together for weeks this winter, not to mention our time together last summer.”
She felt her cheeks heating and knew she was blushing. She detested the weakness and pushed onward with her objections. “That’s not real. The situation was tense. You were my bodyguard.” He couldn’t refute those facts.
He shrugged. “So. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t real.” He caught her chin between his thumb and forefinger and leaned in closer. “All those meals we shared, movies we watched, arguments about business and politics, they were all real.”
She closed her eyes, needing to escape the intensity of his gaze
. “But the situation wasn’t a normal one. What happens when the day-to-day drudgery sets in and I’m nagging you to pick up your socks off the floor or you’re pissed off because I don’t want to go skydiving or something?”
He kissed her and her eyes flew open. He took her hands in his and gave them a squeeze. “First of all, I’m neat. I don’t leave my socks on the floor. If we’d been sharing a bed these past weeks you’d already know that. As for skydiving or anything else like that, if I want to do it I can always ask Jake to go with me. I don’t expect you to be anything other than what you are.”
He was refuting all her arguments one by one. Still, she was unsure what to do about them. She was beginning to think the problem wasn’t with John at all, but with her. It was an eye-opening revelation and something she needed to consider.
John brought her hands to his lips and kissed her knuckles one by one. “Every relationship has challenges, Topaz. Life doesn’t come with guarantees. But we can make this work.”
He stood and pulled her to her feet beside him. “Only you can decide if what we have is worth the risk to you. I think it is. And I’m willing to give it everything I’ve got.”
He stepped down off the rock and helped her down. “Let’s go back to the cabin and get something warm to drink. I don’t want you to get a chill.”
Topaz walked beside him, her mind scrambling to come up with an argument to refute his. But as much as she tried, she couldn’t. Bottom line, she had to decide if she was willing to take a chance on John and on herself.
Chapter Eight
Topaz slipped her cellphone back into her purse and tried not to feel the clock ticking down on their time together. Susie had assured her that Sisters’ Jewels was running just fine and she should take her time in coming back to work.
It was depressing to think the business could function so well without her. But it was also a testament to her skill as a businesswoman. She’d trained all her staff extremely well. Yes, she’d have piles of paperwork to deal with and then there was the Christmas line to finalize. It might only be March, but in retail that meant it was time to start planning for the big holiday season.
There were also several messages from both her sisters and her mother, demanding to know where she was. She thought about answering them, but wasn’t up to an inquisition, not when she was so uncertain herself.
She rubbed a hand over her face and wondered what the hell she was going to do about her and John. She’d cleaned up in the bathroom, but she could still feel the echoes of their wild lovemaking in the woods. Her body might be humming with satisfaction, but her emotions were totally messed up.
She picked up her brush and ran it through her hair. Not that it needed it. She was stalling and she knew it. John was out in the kitchen making hot chocolate for them. The man was always trying to take care of her in little ways. She could easily get used to it if she wasn’t careful. And would that be such a bad thing?
She’d needed a few moments to herself and had slipped into the bedroom on the pretext that she had to call the boutique to make sure everything was running okay in her absence and to let her assistant know she’d be back in the city sometime tomorrow.
She was feeling indecisive, a very unusual state for her and she didn’t like it. She was always calm, able to see all sides of a situation and make the best decision. And she thought she’d done that with her and John’s relationship. Now she was conflicted.
Personal relationships were a lot more confusing than business ones. They weren’t cut-and-dry. Topaz was forced to face the fact that she’d only dated men she could deal with the same way she did any business transaction. That wasn’t flattering to her or fair to the men she’d dated.
John defied being categorized or pigeonholed. A relationship with him would be emotional and messy and potentially devastating. But it could also be wonderful if she could find the courage to reach out and take what he was offering.
It was sobering to discover she was a coward when it came to relationships. She didn’t like seeing this side of herself, but she had to face it and deal with it if she was going to move forward.
The question was, did she want to move forward or was she happy living exactly the way she was?
She tossed her brush down on the dresser and headed toward the kitchen. She wasn’t going to come to any conclusions simply standing there. Might as well have some hot chocolate. All women knew you could think better when you had chocolate. It’s hardwired into the DNA.
John’s back was turned to her when she entered the kitchen, but she didn’t for one minute think he didn’t know she was there. She studied his competent movements, the way he poured hot water and stirred the contents into the mugs. The man did so many things well he sometimes could be intimidating to be around. But Topaz knew that beneath his hard exterior was a man of great substance.
As he worked, the gray long-sleeved knit shirt he wore clung to his broad shoulders and emphasized the size of his biceps. He set the spoon in the sink, turned and handed her one of the mugs.
“Thanks.” She took a sip, disconcerted by the unease that slid through her. It belatedly occurred to her that she’d always felt relaxed around John, not having to watch her words or behave in a certain manner. She’d always been herself around him and the silences had always been comfortable ones. Until now.
“You’re welcome.” He used the pad of this thumb to wipe the corner of her mouth. “You’ve got some here.”
She felt the light touch all the way to her toes and took a step back. “Ah, thanks.”
John sighed. “You know, I’m not going to jump you again. You don’t have to decide what you want to do about our relationship right this moment.” His exasperation was evident and it made her smile.
“First of all, the jumping was mutual.” No way did she want him to think any differently. “And are you sure you want a relationship with me? I seem to frustrate you quite a bit.”
That got her a chuckle and a smile. “That’s the God’s truth.” He touched her cheek and rubbed his thumb over her skin, making it tingle. “But you’re worth it.”
Topaz wasn’t quite sure how to take his answer and chose to store it away to think about at a later time. She held her mug tight in her hands, enjoying the way the heat seeped into her skin. She wouldn’t say anything to John, but she really was chilled to the bone from their walk in the woods.
She wandered into the living room area and sat in the corner of the sofa, pulling her legs up close to her body to conserve heat. John followed her and set his mug down on the coffee table. “You’re cold.” His words were almost accusing and angry, and she immediately knew he was blaming himself.
“I’m fine. Just a little chilly is all.”
He ignored her, grabbed the box of matches from the mantle and crouched in front of the fireplace. He lit a match and set it to the kindling. The fire crackled and caught the logs. When he was satisfied with the growing blaze, he set the screen in front and joined her on the sofa.
He grasped her by the waist and tugged her until she was curled up in his arms. His warmth surrounded her. It was nice to sit in front of a cheerful fire with John, neither of them speaking. The silence wasn’t strained, wasn’t completely comfortable either, but somewhere in-between.
He ran his hand absently up and down her arm, all the while staring into the flames. She rested her head against his shoulder, her mind whirling with the possibilities. Could they make a long-term relationship work?
“Stop thinking,” he admonished her. “Just enjoy the rest of the day. We’ll head back to the city in the morning and take things from there.”
He knew her so well. It constantly surprised her just how in tune he was with her moods. And it shouldn’t. He was right about one thing. They had lived together for several weeks last summer and again this winter. They might not have been sleeping together but they had been sharing a living space. He’d seen into all aspects of her life, but she knew very little about what he d
id and how he lived when he was away from her.
“What’s your life like?” If they were to have any chance at a relationship, she needed to know more about him. “When you’re not being my bodyguard,” she clarified.
John rubbed his chin against the top of her head. “I work, I eat, I exercise and keep my skills up.”
She gave him a mock punch in the stomach. He reached down, caught her fist in his hand and brought it to his lips. “That tells me exactly nothing,” she protested.
He sighed. “What do you want to know?”
“Everything. Do you live alone or do you and Jake share a place? What’s it like having a twin brother? Where are your parents?” It appalled her to realize she didn’t already know the answers to these questions. She’d really been self-centered during their time together. Of course, he’d been her bodyguard, not her best friend, but still.
“Jake and I own a four-apartment brownstone. We each have our own place and rent the two other units.” He shifted slightly, and she moved so she could watch him while he spoke.
His face was more rugged than handsome, with his strong, stubborn jaw and high forehead. But it suited him. His eyes were like blue lasers, seeing everything in one sweep of a room. That gaze was pinned on her now.
“Our parents were killed in a car accident when we were six and we went to live with our granddad—Bernard Knight. He’d spent most of his life in the Army. Grandma died of cancer before we were even born. So there he was with two rambunctious six-year-olds to raise.”
She could easily picture two blond-headed boys in stained shirts and ripped jeans. They would have been a handful and then some. “I’d say it was a challenge for all of you.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, it was. He was strict, but fair. We lived in Brooklyn and he worked at a garage. He kept us off the streets and out of trouble until we joined the Army.”
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