by Heidi Acosta
Yes. I shake my head and mouth the word no too stunned to speak.
“And spider webs, perhaps an altar to the devil.” Third says jumping on to her floral bed spread. Everett crawls up next to him with Bilbo.
“This is even more sick and twisted than I expected.” He leans back discarding some of the lace decorative pillows to the ground.
“Pleassse,” she rolls her eyes, she plugs in her iPod and Taylor starts singing in the background.
“So what I am not the typical Goth girl. I like country and pink. Looks can be deceiving.” She looks at me and smiles.
We all lie on her bed listening to Taylor sing songs that sound like she wrote for me. Until we go home.
“That was really weird, right?” Third says to me as he drives me home.
“A little,” I admit. “It is like she is this whole other person.” I sigh. “Sometimes people are not what they seem.” I think about Dylan how I thought he was someone else. “I mean you thought I was this sex-crazed girl who did crack in the girls’ bathroom.”
He frowns. “You don’t?”
I lean over and hit him in the arm.
“Ouch,” he rubs at his arm. “Well, you thought I was some pervert who was trying to get a glimpse of what you keep under your shirt.” He points out.
“You were,” I gasp.
“I think I like her,” he blurts. Now that is just weird.
The next few days we fall into an easy routine. We go back inside for lunch after some coaching from Third and Roxie. I try my hardest to ignore the laughter or how Katie drapes herself over Dylan or the fact that they hold hands everywhere they go. Thank god he doesn’t kiss her. I think that would be the final knife that will kill me.
We spend our weekends and afternoons studying and hanging out at Roxie’s house. Her moms are both super nice; I think they are relieved she has living breathing friends. They both work most of the time at a hospital in Birmingham. So her house is empty most of the time. My mother has not tried to make any more family dinners, or try to off herself. For the most part Ronnie ignores me and Everett when he is around. Thankfully.
The halls of Central are a buzz with the end of the school year approaching. Black flyers with metallic blue writing litter the hallways announcing prom. This year’s theme is midnight in Paris. How original.
“We are going,” Roxie shoves the flyer in my face.
“I am not a masochist.” I take the flyer and toss it on the floor with the others. It is bad enough that I have to see Katie and Dylan’s sickening public display of affection. I sure as hell was not dishing out fifty bucks to watch it.
“Yeah, well I am. Justin going to be there and he is dating a girl from Jordan. I have to check her out. I bet she is skinny. She bites her lip deep in thought.
“We are not going!” I grab her hand and pull her to Math.
Third paces nervously by my locker, he wipes at the beads of sweat that have formed on his forehead. He looks clammy like he might puke. He fiddles with the top of his buttons on his shirt. I open my locker, “What’s wrong with you? You look like you are going to hurl.”
He rubs his hands together. “I spent half the night awake,” he confesses. This has to be about Roxie, he has been acting weird around her lately. He confessed he liked her the first night we hung out with her, but mums been the word from him since.
“If you are going to lose your lunch do it over there,” I point to the garbage can. “I cannot afford another pair of shoes.” I exchange my algebra book for my English text book.
“I am not going to be sick; I need to ask you something?”
I turn and look at him, “If you’re coming to me about Roxie just remember my track record with relationships.”
“No it is not about Roxie,” he leans against my neighbor’s locker. “We have been friends for a while now.” I nod my head. Yesss. “And I think you are really great. You mean a lot to me, I consider you one of my best friends.” He swallows hard before dropping to one knee. He retrieves a wrinkled card from his back pocket and a small teddy bear. “Barbie, will you go to prom with me?”
I look down at him; we have grown a small audience around us, his blue eyes start to dart around nervously. “Of course I will go with you Third,” Relief floods his face. I know I told Roxie there was no way in hell I was going, but how can I turn down Third. He has been through too much because of me. I owe him. I help him back up and he hugs me. “Of course I will go with you, but what about Roxie?” I ask.
“Okay, you were not my first choice, but she is complicated. I want to go with someone who is not trying to get with this.” He gestures down his body.
I smile, “That might be hard to do,” I let out a dramatic sigh.
“I never said it would be easy. But please try your hardest. I just don’t go giving up to anybody who tries.” He winks and I poke him in his side.
“Now don’t go thinking I am a cheap date. I expect the whole shebang, flowers, dinner and dancing.”
He holds up his hand sucking in his round red cheeks. “I wouldn’t think anything less. Shall we?” He offers me his arm and I loop it through his. We are joined by Roxie who loops her arm with Third’s other arm. We are like a really dysfunctional version of Three’s Company.
June
I am Broken…
Chapter 25.
Goodbye
It has been a few weeks since I caught Barbie in Third’s bed. That tightness on my chest has not loosened up; it actually feels tighter each day. Like I am having a panic attack; I feel like I can never get enough air in my lungs. I sound like a desperate high school girl. I should not be pouting like a little girl, over someone who did not return my feelings. The odds of high school relationships working out are probably like one in a billion. And I have Katie who has discarded her sweater, and sits in a very thin cami. I should be excited. Her hips rock slowly back and forth as she bites on my ear. My shirt lies on the floor as she explores my stomach; she rakes her nails down my chest. I try to be here in the now and pay attention to what reaction from my body Katie is going for. But this image of Barbie keeps popping into my head. She had her arm lopped in Third’s. They were with that weird chick, which I guess they hang out with now. But Barbie… I was frozen watching her. She had her head tilted slightly back, the way she does when she finds something really funny. Her hair was in those damn braids that drive me crazy. She seemed really happy. Not that I didn’t want her to be happy no matter what happened between us, I am not one of those assholes that want her to be miserable over me because we are broken up. She just seemed to get over me so quick. Hell maybe there was nothing for her to get over. I wanted to be the one to make her laugh. I hated the possessive feeling that washed over me as I watched her. I shake my head trying to think of Katie who is leaning over me in her bed, giving me a full view of her cleavage.
Katie brought me home after the first night we hung out. She had no hesitation in introducing me to her parents. She wanted me to be a part of her life. No secrets. Her parents are strangely okay with her having a guy in her bedroom with the door shut. When she tried that at my house my mom lost her wig. She sat us down pulling out pamphlets on STD and teen pregnancy.
“What’s wrong?” She pulls away.
You’re not her. “Nothing, I am just tired,” I lie.
She scoots off me pouting. “You are a teenage boy. I am your half-naked girlfriend. And you are tired?” She grabs her sweater off the back of the chair and begins to button it up. “You are thinking of her,” she accuses.
Yes, and dream about her, and obsess over what she is doing, and who she is with. Maybe I am turning into one of those weird stalkers. Hell, the other day I went to the candy store and bought a bag of cotton candy just so I could smell her, but it was all wrong, too sweet. I grab for my shirt and pull it on. I need to get a grip. “No, really I’m just tired.” I rub the palms of my hands over my face.
“I don’t believe you.” Her lip trembles. Girls crying
it is my kryptonite.
I pull her to my chest, “I have not been getting a lot of sleep because I have been thinking how I am going to ask you to prom,” I lie. “It is stressing me out; nothing I can come up with seems to suffice.” I give her a cocky grin, the one that used to work on Barbie; it would always make her try to kiss it off my face to see if she could get out of me why I was smiling. I was smiling to get that reaction out of her. “Really,” I nod.
She jumps on me wrapping her legs around my waist. “Oh Dylan,” she kisses me frantically. “You don’t have to do anything special, just ask,” she places her mouth on mine.
I set her back on the bed breaking the kiss, but quickly ask her to prom before she starts to pout, “Katie will you go to prom with me?”
She squeals. “Yes,” and tackles me again.
Kissing Katie is not bad, hell if Barbie wasn’t haunting me it would be more than not bad. My heart doesn’t feel like it is going to explode, my body doesn’t feel like electricity pulsing through it when I kiss her. I don’t have the hunger to keep kissing her. I don’t feel like I am drowning. This is what normal feels like. This is what it is supposed to be, not some twisted obsession.
Chapter 26.
Innocent
When Tyler announced on Friday he was having. The Epic party of the year at his house Saturday night, he was not kidding. I make my way through the sea of people, at the house party. A game of beer pong is going on Tyler’s father white pool table, I watch as brown liquid spills onto the white felt from a red cup. A club mix spills out of a sound system over the noise of people.
“Hey doll,” a heavy arm drapes over my shoulders, I fight the urge to shrug it off.
“Why Tyler just the man I was looking for,” I turn and look up at his face batting my eye lashes at him.
“What can I do for you?” An easy smile slips on his face; I give him a knowing smile in return. “I knew you would get tired of playing dungeons and dragons with the nerd and come looking for a real man to fill your needs.”
“Oh yes, my womanly needs, and you know how to fulfill them,” I say sarcastically.
“Better than the dork can.” He leans down so his face is close to mine. The stench of liquor from him is strong. I shrug his arm off. “How about you go and get yourself a drink and come find me, when you can no longer hold back the urge to rip my clothes off.” He winks at me.
Arggh. I should turn and leave, tonight is not going to end well, with my old demons lurking in the background.
“Tell the beer gardener that I sent you, no charge.” He says before disappearing in the crowd of people. Yeah right like that is going to happen. I usually fill my cup with water or a Coke, Nobody has to know I prefer not to drink, I have been around drunk people a little too much for my liking to become one of them. It is not like I have never had a drink before I just rather not go there.
“Holy shirt boobage,” Roxie comes up behind me. “That outfit is hot!” I had put on my shortest skirt and tightest top. I came here for a purpose. I thought I was okay, but my time with Dylan had opened something in me, something I wanted to numb. I want to go back to not feeling anything at all again.
“You want a drink? It is on me,” I offer.
“I thought you would never ask.” She loops her arm in mine. People glance at us before looking away quickly when they catch my eye. We must be an odd sight, me in my stripper attire, and Roxie in her long black dress that brushes the floor as we walk outside.
“Is Third here,” I ask in the line to the keg. I am starting to feel like this was a bad idea. And he can usually talk me out of the disaster I am about to get into. I am as antsy as I was at home; the ache in my chest is still here. I just want it to go away.
“Yeah he is around, can you believe that this is only the second time in his life he has been to a party,” she shakes her head as we shuffle forward. My stomach flutters with nerves.
I should just leave now. All I want is something to numb me; I am bound to do something I will regret later on. I am about to tell Roxie when I feel like I have been hit in the gut, I grab my middle like I have really been hit. Dylan is here. Dylan in my favorite Spider Man hugging tee, with his old faded jeans. His brown, messy hair messy falls into his eyes covering his deep brown eyes; he is wearing that cocky smile that says he is up to no good. Seeing him wear it for her is what is killing me. My mother’s words flood into my head ‘you will never be good enough for him… He will never love you…’I turn away just as he leans in to her. I don’t want to see anymore. I don’t want to feel anything. Numb is all I want to feel. I push into people trying to put as much distance between me and Dylan. I ignore Roxie calls to me. I need to get out of here. This is what was supposed to happen, he is supposed to be with her, he was meant to be with someone like her. I helped him get the girl of his dreams, so why should I be upset. I knew what we had would was not real. It could not last, we are from two different worlds, how could I let myself forget that. He did not trust me. I push into a Goth guy with piercing blue eyes, spilling his beer down the front of his black shirt.
“Hey, you okay there,” he grabs on to my elbow trying to steady me. I yank my arm away, I am anything but okay.
I am in the kitchen; I push in front of a girl who waits in line to take a shot of amber liquor.
“Hey!” she yells at me.
I ignore her.
“Tyler sent me,” I gasp at Bubba a linebacker from Central, he still wears his red and white jersey from practice. He gives me a knowing smile and hands me a shot glass of the same amber liquid. I toss my head back and hand him back the glass wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.
“Whoa girl,” he smirks but fills it again. I repeat the process downing six glasses. The girl I cut gives up on waiting and storms out. My body is warm, and I salute Bubba as I walk away feeling fuzzy. I make my way through Tyler’s huge house. It should be a crime for someone to be this rich. If I was rich I would give money to everyone I met. I let a giggle escape my mouth as I climb the stairs. I push open doors of random rooms; shouts erupt from a room where two girls and a guy are having a make out session. I laugh, “Excuse me,” I shut the door. I continue on my mission, I begin to mimic the music to all spy movies on my way down the hallway, do, do, do, do, DUNG ah nun! At least that’s how I think it goes. I open a smoke-filled bedroom, “Shut the door,” a guy with long red hair says as he inhales something that is not a cigarette. Tyler sits in a chair in the corner I should probably thank him for the whiskey. Besides he might help intensify this numbing that has begun to travel up my body. I smile and shut the door behind me.
Chapter 27.
Savoir
The place is packed, I am nervous walking up, but if there is one thing I learned from Barbie is to act confident even if you want to tuck your tail and run. I need to talk to her, find her and make things right, tell her I don’t care about what happened. I could forgive her, and we can move forward. I love her.
I need to find Barbie, I am not even sure she is here, but there is a good chance she showed up because everyone and their mother are at this party. A group of girls that look a lot like Katie’s friends are dancing with each other.
“Dylan,” Katie waves her hand above the group of dancing girls. Great I was trying to avoid her. She pushes forward, her hair is in a frizzy pony tail and pieces or coming lose, her cardigan is crooked and unbuttoned revealing her cleavage. “I was hoping you would change your mind and show up,” she sways a little. She is drunk, I never thought of her as a girl who would get drunk off cheap beer at a house party.
“Hey Katie,” I kiss her cheek. “Have you seen Barbie?”
She scrunches up her face, “Why ya want to find her? When I am right here,” she throws her hands in the air like she is a prize.
“I need to give her something back from when we were together,” I lie.
Katie stumbles forward, spilling beer on us. “Opsie,” she laughs.
I roll my eyes, what did I e
ver see in her?
“Hey wait,” she drapes her arms around my neck. “I am really drunk and I really want to make out with you.” She whispers in slurred tones into my ear.
I grab her hand and pry her off me. “I really need to find Barbie first and then I will be back,” she pouts but let’s me go.
I search everywhere for her, she is definitely here; she has been spotted by several party goers. I ignore the anger that rises up in me when Randy says, “Hell yeah, I saw her, that girl was looking banging tonight, no wonder you hitting that. Hey do you mind if I tap that?”
I see her stumble forward laughing, she is drunk. Her black mini skirt is riding up her ripped fishnet-covered thigh. “Go to hell,” I shove past Randy. My stomach clenches as Tyler grabs her elbow steadying her. She throws her head back in a laugh, and pats him on the chest. I need to break this up before she does something I will regret.
“Barbie,” I call as I make my way to her. She spins around, her hair whipping around her, she reminds me of a wild fairy that you see on postcards. I grab her other unoccupied elbow to lead her away. “Why don’t I take you home,” I say in a low voice.
“Why don’t you go home?” Tyler says.
“Why don’t you go to hell!” I clench my fist.
“Don’t you get it loser, she doesn’t want you anymore. She came to find herself a real man,” Tyler smiles, taunting me. I raise my clenched fist, but before I can punch him in his face. Barbie bursts out laughing and points to me and then to Tyler,
“You are just like Darth Vader,” she pokes Tyler in the chest, and okay I have to admit I fall a little bit more in love with her at that moment. But then she turns to me, “And you are like that little green guy,” she is laughing so hard she is holding onto both mine and Tyler’s shoulder for support.
Ouch that hurt. “Okay let’s get you out of here,” I wrap my arm around her waist.
She straightens up, “Who do you think you are? My father? Well let me tell you something buster…” she shoves me. She is strong for a girl and I stumble backward. “That asshole bailed on me when I was a baby, and I ain’t looking for a new daddy. Got it?” She turns to leave. She drinks the remainder of her drink before dropping it to the floor. “Let’s dance,” she yells throwing her hands in the air and shaking her head from side to side.
