by Gwyneth Rees
After a while I started to calm down. Maybe, just maybe, Bella had made up that part about what Sam thought of me. (Usually when we make friends again after a big argument she’ll confess to making up most of the nasty things she’s said.)
I started to question my own part in the whole thing. Had I been wrong to go and speak to Sam? No way did I mean to destroy their relationship. But I knew people sometimes acted unconsciously, driven by motives they weren’t even aware of. Mum had talked to me about it when I’d fallen out really badly with my best friend, Sarah, just before she left. Mum suggested that perhaps I’d picked the fight in order to take back some control – ‘I’ll leave you before you can leave me’ sort of thing – without even being aware of what I was doing.
Did I fancy Sam? Maybe a bit. I remembered how I’d put on make-up before I went to see him. Why had I done that if I hadn’t wanted to impress him? But it didn’t mean I thought there was any chance he would actually go out with me. After all, he was seventeen and I wasn’t even thirteen for another couple of months. And in any case I’d never do that to my sister.
I found myself walking towards Tansy’s house.
I needed to take my mind off my fight with Bella, and Tansy was probably the only person who might be able to do that. I could also find out how her dad had got on with Aunt Thecla at lunchtime.
When I got there, all the windows were shut and their car wasn’t in the driveway. I still rang the doorbell but I didn’t hang around when there was no response. I didn’t want to go back home yet, so I started to walk further up the road to the little park where I’d been meaning to take Grace.
The playground was deserted. I decided to walk across the fields towards the wooded area. I knew St Clara’s was on the other side of those woods because Aunt Thecla had told me how she’d walked this way to school every morning when she was my age.
As I approached the fence that separated the woods from the field I saw a stile and a wooden sign saying Public Footpath. When I’d suggested to Bella that maybe in the summer we could walk to school this way, she said there was no way she’d be traipsing across the fields and woods, treading in cowpats and getting bitten by insects. Dad laughed when she said that and called her a typical townie.
Suddenly my phone rang and I was surprised to see Aunt Thecla’s name on the screen. Why was she phoning me? Unless … I felt my gut churning nastily as I wondered if she’d just found the fifty pounds.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Fifteen minutes later I stood outside my aunt’s house and nervously rang the bell. As soon as she came to the door I thought she looked different, and at first I couldn’t work out why. Then I realised what it was. She was wearing make-up, something she hardly ever does, and I could see she’d had her hair done.
‘Aunt Thecla, you look really … nice!’ I gasped, unfortunately managing to sound like that was most unusual. (A crumpliment Dad would call it.)
My aunt flushed. ‘Well, I’ve just been out to lunch.’
‘With Tansy’s dad. I know. How did it go?’
‘Actually, I had a very nice time.’ Now she was the one making it sound like the ‘nice’ part had been unexpected. She looked thoughtful as she continued, ‘I’d forgotten how much fun Michael and I used to have together when we were young, before … well … anyway, he reminded me of all sorts of things I hadn’t thought about in years.’
‘The picnics you had in the bluebell woods?’ I suggested.
She looked amused rather than surprised by my knowledge. ‘I gather Tansy’s been telling you quite a lot. That’s why I thought I ought to have a little chat with you … I must say that I haven’t thought about Michael very much over the years.’
‘But you’ve still got that painting of him up on your wall!’ I blurted out before I could stop myself. When she frowned as if she honestly didn’t know what I was talking about, I added, ‘We saw it in your art room, remember. The one of him in the field of bluebells.’
‘Oh, but that isn’t Michael!’
‘But … but … his hair’s just the same and …’ I only just stopped myself from saying that even Tansy thought it looked like her dad.
She was shaking her head emphatically. ‘Michael never had hair quite like that, although he did let it grow longer when he was away at university …’ She paused. ‘It’s his brother, Murray, who’s in the painting.’
‘Murray who died?’ I was a bit taken aback.
‘Yes. He christened me Bluebell one spring when I was about your age. I always spent hours in the field and the woods by the school, sketching and painting the bluebells.’
I didn’t know what to say. I hadn’t thought of my aunt as being close to Murray, but then I guess it made sense that she’d know him fairly well since they’d all grown up together.
‘So did you paint him like that because that’s how he dressed?’ I asked, thinking he must have been rather a weird young man to wander around in the woods wearing nothing but a sarong around his waist.
She smiled. ‘I did that picture of him after he died. I used a photo he’d given me from his trip to Malaysia the year before. He was wearing a sarong in that. Then I decided to put the bluebells in the background rather than the beach. I suppose I wanted to remember him on home ground.’ While we were chatting she led me into the kitchen. ‘Sit down, Elisabeth,’ she said. ‘I need to talk to you.’
‘What about?’ I asked curiously, because it didn’t sound as if she’d found the money. I noticed that her wellington boots hadn’t been moved from their position by the back door.
‘I know Tansy’s told you why your dad was expelled from school,’ she began. ‘I want to tell you something about that.’ She paused. ‘You see, that day when he was caught inside the Godwins’ house –’
‘You were there with Michael,’ I finished for her. ‘He went to the house to warn you. He already told me.’
She shook her head. ‘I know that’s what your dad thinks … that’s what I told him … but I wasn’t there that afternoon. I’ve just explained it to Michael. I was actually at the airport with Murray.’
‘Murray?’ I certainly hadn’t seen that one coming. ‘But … but why?’
‘Because I was in love with him. I had been ever since he’d come home from Malaysia a few months earlier. But I was already engaged to Michael so I didn’t know what to do. I was so confused. I didn’t dare tell him, or anyone else. My mother had died by then and there was nobody else I could confide in. Then on the day Murray left for India I panicked. I desperately wanted to tell him how I felt before he left. So I called a taxi to take me to the airport, and I told Paul I was going to see Michael so that he’d cover for me with our father.’
‘Oh …’ I murmured as I thought about Dad’s version of the story. ‘So was that why you couldn’t stand up for Dad when he got caught?’
‘Yes. I didn’t want the truth getting out about where I’d been. I was rather harsh to your dad at the time, but I was feeling so awful myself when I got back from the airport …’
‘What happened at the airport?’ I asked curiously. ‘Did you tell Murray how you felt? What did he say?’
‘He told me he was very flattered and that he loved me too, but purely as you would love a younger sister. He was very sweet to me. He said maybe I shouldn’t rush into getting married to Michael or anyone else just yet. I waited with him until he had to go through into the departure lounge. He gave me a hug and said, “Don’t worry, Bluebell. Everything will be all right. You’ll see.”’ She stared into the distance for several seconds. ‘I’m glad I told him how I felt.’ Then she turned her back to me as she made herself a cup of tea. She took a little while to do it.
I sat there waiting until she looked at me again. Then I asked gently, ‘Is that why you broke off your engagement?’
She nodded. ‘Michael was my best friend, but how could I marry him when all I could think of was his brother? Poor Michael took it very badly. I felt terrible, but I couldn’t tell him
the reason – just that I’d changed my mind.’
There was a bit of a silence while I thought about everything she’d said. ‘Dad never talks about Murray,’ I finally murmured. ‘But then I guess he wasn’t as close to him as you were.’
‘Oh, but he was! Murray was like the older brother he’d never had. Michael used to get quite jealous of how close the two of them were. Murray taught your dad how to play cricket, and he let him ride around with him on his beloved motorbike and –’
‘Wait – did you just say Dad rode a motorbike?’ I said incredulously.
‘He rode pillion on Murray’s bike all the time, yes.’
‘But he’s always telling us motorbikes are really dangerous!’
‘Yes … well, you see I don’t think he’s ever really got over what happened to Murray.’
I frowned. ‘What did happen exactly? Tansy said he died in India but she didn’t say how.’
‘He was killed on the road. He’d bought himself a second-hand motorbike out there and he planned to tour the whole country on it. But his bike was involved in a collision with a truck.’
‘That’s awful,’ I gasped.
She nodded. ‘Paul never talks about it. Sometimes I think he should, but … it’s up to him.’
I watched her as she came to sit down with me at the table, bringing a tin of biscuits. I kept quiet as she opened the tin and offered me one. I was going to refuse but then I saw she had KitKats.
‘That must be why Dad hates motorbikes,’ I said, ‘and why he gets so angry if he sees one being driven too fast.’
My aunt nodded. ‘I believe Murray used to ride his bike rather fast – egged on by your dad, no doubt. Your dad used to love riding with him. He had no fear at all in those days!’
I stared at her in disbelief, remaining silent as I unwrapped my KitKat and tried to get my head round this new version of Dad.
‘So are you and Michael friends again now?’ I asked her after the silence had gone on for a while.
She gave me a little smile. ‘I hope so. We’ve agreed to put the past behind us and just enjoy getting to know each other again.’ She paused. ‘I must say it’s nice that you and Tansy have become friends. It feels very … healing.’
I nodded, glad that she felt that way. ‘But you and Dad need to sort things out as well,’ I said. ‘You should probably tell him what you just told me.’
‘I will – as soon as he starts speaking to me again. But I don’t want you to tell him before I do. I think it needs to come from me.’
‘Of course, but, Aunt Thecla …’ I frowned, not wanting her to take my question the wrong way. ‘I don’t really understand why you’re telling all this to me.’
‘Oh, well,’ she replied crisply. ‘I know what you’re like for nosing about in the past, Libby. And quite frankly I’d rather you got your facts straight from the horse’s mouth, rather than relying on Tansy Godwin for information about our family.’
‘Ah …’ I smiled – at least that much made sense.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Aunt Thecla sounded a lot less friendly when she rang me on my mobile the next morning. Though I suppose I should have been glad she phoned me rather than going straight to Dad, as she probably would if they hadn’t fallen out. I’d been in the bathroom so I hadn’t picked up, thank goodness, but she’d left me a terse message saying that she’d just found fifty pounds inside her wellington boot. She added that she was coming round to speak with us all tonight, and that she would also leave a message for Mum to inform her of that.
‘Bella, what are we going to tell her?’ I said as I got dressed in our bedroom while she continued to laze in bed. We’d been ignoring each other until now, and for once I hadn’t felt like being the first to break the silence. The only reason I was speaking to her now was because I figured this was an emergency.
After I’d let her hear the message she’d continued to keep her back to me, and now she snapped, ‘Don’t ask me! You’re the one who had to go and put the money back and get yourself caught. You could have left things how they were and everything would have blown over. But oh no … Libby had a better idea …’ She turned her head then and I saw that her eyes were a bit puffy like she’d been crying. I knew she was worried because she hadn’t heard from Sam yet.
‘Maybe we should just tell her the truth?’ I suggested. ‘We don’t need to say why you took the money.’
‘No way are we telling them the truth!’ She glowered at me.
I sighed, sensing that I wasn’t going to get anywhere while she was angsting over Sam. ‘Bella, you and Sam will be OK …’ I began.
‘Oh yeah?’ She turned on me angrily. ‘How do you know?’
‘Well, have you tried phoning him?’ The trouble with Bella is that she never wants to be the one who backs down.
‘Of course! It keeps going straight to voicemail. He doesn’t want to speak to me.’ She sniffed.
‘Oh …’ That kind of surprised me, but I had other things to worry about. ‘Maybe he just needs a bit more time to come round, but, Bella, listen … Aunt Thecla’s going to want an explanation about the money. If I don’t tell her the truth, what am I going to say?’
She shrugged. ‘You’re so clever … I’m sure you’ll think of something. Now can you please just go away and give me some privacy?’
I left our bedroom wondering why she always seemed to take priority whenever we both wanted a place to retreat to.
Downstairs Dad was cleaning the kitchen floor while Grace sat in the living room with the TV turned up really loud. She’d been allowed to watch loads more TV since we came here. Basically, whereas Mum tries to limit the TV, Dad likes to use it as a sort of babysitter so he can get on with his own stuff.
I knew I needed to plan what I was going to say to Aunt Thecla about her money. I thought about whether I should go to her house and just tell her the truth – or a variation of it. But what could I tell her we’d needed the money for that would sound convincing? It had to be something Mum and Dad wouldn’t buy for us or lend us the money for.
Feeling like I needed to escape for a while I decided to go and see Tansy.
* * *
I arrived at my new friend’s house wondering how much her dad had told her about his lunch with my aunt. I’d already texted her to see if it was OK to come round, and as soon as I rang the bell she came to the door.
‘Dad’s on the phone with my mum,’ she said immediately, looking more tense than I’d ever seen her. ‘I told you she’s back in the country, didn’t I?’
‘Yes, Tansy! That’s brilliant!’
‘Well, I’m really mad at her. She can’t have it both ways. First she’s desperate to leave me to go and set up a clinic in Africa, and now she’s desperate to have me back like nothing ever happened! Well, she can’t treat me like that!’ She started up the stairs, and when I didn’t immediately follow she turned back and snapped, ‘Come on, then!’
I hurried after her feeling confused. ‘Wait a minute, are you saying your mum wants you to go back and live with her in Southampton?’ I asked as I caught up with her in her room.
Her bedroom resembled an old-fashioned guest room rather than the bedroom of an almost-teenage girl. Her stuff seemed to be dumped around the floor in various boxes, as if she wasn’t planning on staying long enough to bother unpacking.
‘Yes, but I already told her I wasn’t ever going to move back in with her, and I meant it!’ she said as she flopped down heavily on her bed. ‘I mean, why should she get away with just walking out on me like that? She has to face the consequences of what she did, right?’
‘OK …’ I paused, worried by something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. ‘But you do actually want to stay here with your dad, right?’
‘It doesn’t matter what I want,’ she said dismissively.
‘I don’t get it. Why wouldn’t it matter?’
‘Look,’ she said impatiently. ‘I love Dad, but I’ve always been a lot closer to Mum. I m
iss her really badly and I miss our old life in Southampton. So what I want is to have that life back, but it’s not that simple.’
‘Oh …’ I was too surprised to respond for a few moments. Then I said, ‘Why isn’t it?’
‘I just told you! Mum can’t leave me behind like I don’t matter and then expect me to go running back to her whenever it suits her.’
I must have stayed silent for too long because she suddenly looked at me closely and asked, ‘You do get that, right?’
I nodded quickly. ‘Of course I get it.’ I actually tend to get most people’s points of view in most situations, which makes it hard to take sides sometimes when there’s a disagreement.
‘So you’d do the same if you were me?’
‘I don’t know … maybe … it’s just … aren’t you sort of cutting off your nose to spite your face?’
She gave a dismissive little huff. ‘I don’t care.’
There was an awkward silence because I didn’t know what else to say. I knew she was lying about not caring. But I wasn’t sure if she actually knew she was lying. I decided to change the subject.
‘Did your dad say anything to you about his lunch with my aunt?’ I asked.
I wondered if he’d told her about Aunt Thecla confessing over lunch that she’d been in love with his older brother.
Tansy shook her head. ‘He’s been acting a bit weird since though, like something’s bugging him. I thought maybe their lunch date didn’t go so well. Did your aunt say anything about it to you?’
‘A bit,’ I said, avoiding her gaze.
‘You know, he’s been talking a lot about that day my grandfather caught your dad with Murray’s cricket bat. He says he feels really guilty about it because he knew Murray meant your dad to have it. He was jealous, so that’s why he didn’t say anything. And guess what? He was clearing out Grandpa’s garage the other day and –’
