by David Kempf
“No.”
“Yes!”
“It’s a sin to want more,” I said.
“No. The sin is not getting what you want in life! Believe me, your dad and his family were fools. They should have told him to get a second job and get them more presents!”
“That’s unthinkable.”
“No. Unthinkable is going through life not obtaining all those delightful, little, materialistic, goodies that make you temporarily happy. That’s the crime.”
“Speaking of crimes, a second job wouldn’t have gotten my dad’s family that many more Christmas presents.”
“Then they should have told him to go and rob a bank. I’ll bet the other kids made fun of them for being so poor.”
“I don’t think so. The whole neighborhood was pretty much poor at that time,” I said.
“I think your dad should have picked a better family,” said the thing.
“He loved his family.”
“Well, now. I guess your dad’s an idiot!”
“Hold on now! Don’t ever say anything bad about my family! I thought the point of this whole time trip was to help me.”
“It is. The point is to help me and help you. Nobody else is getting any help here,” he said.
“I can’t just receive your help while there are others in need,” I said.
“That’s your problem. You need to learn more about the nature of this nasty little universe we live in.”
“We need to fight injustice and make things right for everyone,” I insisted.
“Hop on in the bughum again!”
“Okay.”
The trip was much longer this time. It seemed to take forever. The thing was pressing some buttons I never noticed before. The ride inside the oval-shaped ship was very bumpy.
“Are we there yet?” I asked.
“Howard, you’ll be the second to know when we arrive at our destination.”
I had done my share of helping people recover from the effects of drugs during my career in social work. Although I had never taken hallucinatory drugs, I think I was beginning to understand what the effects might be like. Trails of light and strange shapes were surrounding me. My hands looked like they had glowing, red beams of light following close behind their every movement. I started to laugh and then I felt a strange panic.
“Don’t start tripping out on me, Howard.”
“I’ve never felt these effects before.”
The walls of the ship seemed to be moving in and out like the ship was alive. I heard a breathing sound like the interior of the bughum was gasping for its next breath. Everywhere, there were little stars dancing around in strange circles. I heard a thousand different voices like I was in some coliseum instead of a small space.
“Relax. Howard, we’re here.”
“Thank God.”
The door to our ship opened up slowly and I got to see what appeared to be another world.
“Where are we?”
“This is my home planet of Norne, home sweet home to me.”
The thing’s planet was frozen tundra with a few creatures like him lurking around and about. They looked like they were struggling to survive. Hunger and desperation seemed to thrive here. The most disturbing image was the little creatures that looked like they were begging for food.
“Are they all starving?” I asked.
“Yes,” the thing said.
The thing pointed out some of his fellow creatures who were using a machine to keep them permanently frozen.
“Will they stay frozen?” I asked.
“They will until they are put into the larger ships and taken off to other planets.”
“This place is awful.”
“Welcome to my world.”
“Why show me all this?” I asked.
“To make a point,” he said.
“I still don’t understand why you are doing this.”
“I know.”
“Please don’t show me anymore,” I said.
“Sorry, Howard, you’re getting much more. You see, you saved my life from that dreaded ice. My kind always repays a debt like that. We’re going places, friend.”
I knew that this bizarre Christmas trip was far from over. The thing was going to take me places. It was obvious that they would probably be places I did not wish to go. The nightmare was not over yet. He looked at me and smiled again.
“It’s time to go. Buckle up for your own time. Think of me as the spirit of today’s Christmas.”
“You mean Christmas present.”
“Whatever. Get ready for another trip, Earthling.”
“Oh my God,” I said.
Low and behold, I saw my old client, Jim Noworth. He was starving and sleeping on the sidewalk.
“Why show me this?”
“You have pity on this man. Don’t you?” asked the thing.
“I do,” I said.
“You shouldn’t,” he said.
“He’s starving.”
“No. He’s a lazy bum.”
“No,” I insisted.
“Yes. I’ll prove it to you. Quickly, get back inside the bughum.”
“Okay,” I said.
This time, the trip was real short. About two seconds and we were back a year ago. I found out that a short trip doesn’t mean there haven’t been significant changes! I recognized the fat and happy Americans of the old days. There were jobs for everyone and a thriving economy. What a difference a year can make!
“There’s your boy,” said the thing.
“Jim?”
“Yes. He’s one lazy human!”
“He’s in line to get unemployment,” I said.
Jim was in line to collect and was speaking softly to the woman at the front desk.
“So you couldn’t find suitable employment?” she asked him.
“No. I tried, but there was no available work.”
“Here you go. Come back in three months.”
“Thanks,” Jim said.
I watched in horror as Jim walked away towards the liquor store. He bought five bottles of vodka. Then he walked across the street to the drug store. The dirt bag bought over a hundred bucks worth of lottery tickets. Then he started to walk home towards his apartment.
“That no good, lazy bastard!” I screamed.
“Now you’re starting to open your eyes, Howard.”
“I know what you’re doing, but I still have faith in the innate goodness of mankind.”
“I’ve got my work cut out for me, human.”
“Do you know how many hours we spent looking for acceptable employment for him?” I asked.
“Many hours of hard work, Howard,” the thing replied.
“Yes.”
“Did he ever accept any of the job offers?”
“No,” I answered.
“How do you know?”
“You just showed me. That was last year. He was taken off my caseload because he was about to get off the system,” I explained.
“Now you know the truth. A lazy drunkard who loves to gamble takes his unemployment check home on Christmas eve.”
“You’re right. He takes all those goodies home to his government taxpayer-paid apartment. It’s a disgrace.”
“Social services are the real disgrace, human.”
“No,” I said.
“If I need to show you more, I will. You see what has resulted from all of you bleeding hearts trying to help this man. He’s taken advantage of the system over and over again. You should all be ashamed for being such enablers of this kind of behavior.”
“What would happen to an individual like this on your world?” I asked.
“Do you really want to know?” the thing asked.
“I do.”
“We use them for spare parts. The organs are sold to the highest bidder. That way, they are of some use. Productive members of my alien society often have stressful conditions on their bodies. The lazy die to preserve the best and brightest among us.”
“Oh God,” I yelled.
“What is it, Howard?”
“I’m sorry that I asked.”
“Well, I knew you would be,” the thing said.
“This is terrible. Like a nightmare. I feel like I’m in an unusually scary episode of the…..”
“The Twilight Zone.”
“Yes. I forgot that you could read my mind.”
“I can, and I know what you’re thinking right now.”
“You do?” I asked.
“Yes. You’re holding on to false hopes again. You think just because there are a few lazy clients, that don’t make most of them bad.”
“Yes. That’s what I’m thinking.”
“If you like, I can show you most of the people that you have tried to help. If you like, I can show you what they’re really like.”
“No. Please don’t,” I said.
“Very well, I can still read your thoughts, human.”
“Come on. Please let me have that,” I said.
“No. Your co-workers, supervisors and colleagues are all rotten to the core as well.”
“I see,” I said.
“No, but you will,” said the thing.
So the thing put it all out there for me. We traveled in time, both the future and the past. He showed me the pitiful display that is the people in my chosen profession. There were all the angry, divorced women who secretly hate men entering their precious, female-dominated field. There was more. More then I wanted to see and it was all bad! The board of directors and CEO of my social services network were firing people on Christmas. Much more and it was bad. My co-workers were talking badly about me behind my back. They were wondering when I was going to get divorced. I told them I was a widower and had no future plans for marriage. One of the angry social workers was secretly documenting every little mistake I made. Trying to get me fired all the time. She was jealous because she heard that I had better vacations then she did.
“You see now,” said the thing. He was laughing hysterically. “I thought that you people were there to do well for the common good of humanity. Instead, there is more petty, vicious greed than you would find on Wall Street. The phoniness is almost unbearable, even to me. That’s odd, because I have no respect for your race whatsoever. These people are a disgrace. No wonder no one could help anyone else. All they cared about were themselves.”
“All right, you showed me some terrible people. I can still remember the good souls who worked and labored to help the handicapped, the mentally ill and the homeless!”
“Can you really?”
“Yes.”
“Really?” the thing asked again.
“Absolutely, I can!”
“I think your mind is remembering past events the way that your philosophy of life would like them to be.’
“What?” I asked.
“You have put false memories in your head to justify the stupid and naïve way that you think.”
“Oh,” was all I could think to say.
“Let’s go back in time again for a healthy example of this phenomenon.”
“You’re on. I’ll prove you wrong,” I said.
“Your track record on being right sucks. Let’s go.”
It was Christmas Eve, fifteen years ago. I was working in a group home for mentally ill teenagers. My only co-worker was Sarah Goodwin. She was devoutly religious and worked very hard for the poor and downtrodden. I watched her read Christmas stories to the poor kids and make them hot chocolate. Later that evening, she took them to church and then went caroling around the entire neighborhood. She had family, but they were in a different state. There was also the factor that she was unmarried and could work virtually any shift. She was always free except for Sundays, of course. It was delightful to watch her and see how much the kids loved her and truly enjoyed her company.
“What the hell is wrong with her?” I asked the thing.
“Nothing,” the thing replied.
“My point exactly, nothing.”
“Nothing that isn’t wrong with the rest of human kind.”
“Okay,” I said.
“There will be more to see, Howard.”
“I hope so.”
“You do?” he asked.
“Indeed, I do. This seems like a wasted trip for you to make your point,” I said.
“It isn’t,” the thing disagreed.
“Prove it.”
“No problem, human.”
The monster showed me more scenes from the past. Sarah could not hold a job in any other field. She was a complete and total failure except for in social work. That didn’t convince me that she was bad. Everybody has some kind of failure in their life. I always knew I was stupid when it came to math and science. That didn’t mean I couldn’t help disadvantaged people find work during bad economic times. It certainly didn’t mean that I couldn’t be there for homeless people who needed to find the warmth of a shelter or the security of a full time job. I didn’t see what the hell the thing was trying to pull here. We were good people. Sarah and I are good. We have always been there for others and have done some pretty impressive social work.
“I can read your thoughts, human.”
“So?”
“So, please stop flattering yourself.”
“I wasn’t,” I insisted.
“I beg to differ. You were and it’s nauseating when you do!”
“Damn you to hell, you outer space freak!”
“Hey,” the thing laughed again. “Let’s not say anything we might regret later. I don’t want there to be any hard feelings here, Howard. You and I have a very prosperous relationship established in the future!”
“We do?” I asked.
“You bet!”
“Maybe I am a self-righteous ass,” I said. “I don’t know. There is still a big part of me that doesn’t believe that to be true. Anyway, you bastard, if anyone on this wretched planet is a good person, it’s Sarah.”
“Oh, my poor…Howard,” the thing sighed.
“What?”
“Please allow me to show you the whole ugly truth!”
Unfortunately, the thing did show me the whole and entire ugly matter right before my very naïve eyes. Sarah was suddenly right in front of us, arguing with her mother. It was indeed a pitiful and horrendous sight to behold. Her mom was calling her names and it was not a pleasant situation.
“Why can’t you hold a job?” her mother asked.
“I will hold a job when it’s God’s will.”
“God doesn’t seem to care much about you,” said her angry mother.
“Yes, he does. God loves all of us,” Sarah insisted.
“Then tell him to find you a job you won’t lose in a damn week!”
“Mother, please don’t be blasphemous!”
“I’m just telling you the ugly truth, girl.”
“No. You’re trying to get me to back slide right back into a wicked life,” said Sarah.
“No!” argued her mother.
“No? I think you’re trying to bring me down, Mom.”
“No.”
“What do you mean?” Sarah asked.
“I’m sick of this damned nonsense! You were nothing but a little whore on drugs a year ago. Now I have to listen to all this crap about how you are redeemed and going straight to heaven. I’m so sick of this crap. You’re a whore and a loser. Stop deluding yourself with nonsense. Accept that you’re a promiscuous loser.”
“Mother, that’s a terrible thing to say to your daughter.”
“Is it now?”
“Yes. Someday when I’m a mother I will encourage righteousness with my children and not cut them down with hurtful words like you do!”
“Do they?”
“Fine, be that way,” said Sarah.
“Stop this silliness and bring in some money, girl!”
“Mother, I have a job interview with social services tomorrow.”
“Great. That should bring in a lot of money.”
“Mom, I w
ant a career helping others.”
“Business should be your field, girl. You need to make money. I’ll wish you were a prostitute before I’ll see you making next to nothing at the taxpayer’s expense,” said her mother.
“What a dreadful thing to say.”
“No, my dear, no, it’s not. I want you to make enough money that you won’t have to live here and you can make it on your own.”
“I will,” Sarah said.
“Sarah, that’s not what I’m hearing.”
“Mom, I’m moving out of state. I’m going to Pennsylvania tomorrow.”
“For a social services job, you mean?”
“Yes.”
“I liked you better when you were a whore.”
“What?”
“You heard me. Better a whore than a fool.”
“It’s the lord’s work, Mom.”
“No, dear…it’s a fool’s work.”
“I’ll miss you, Mother.”
“Please don’t go; I feel like you’re making a mistake.”
This time I had to speak up a bit. How could this be considered a terrible scene? The mother just revealed her true feelings for her beloved daughter. Granted, she’s one insulting bitch, but still there was some love. I can’t imagine living with my mom right now. I would, literally, rather be homeless. I never told my parents how bad off that I was. Still, Sarah was my age. I thought living off your mother when you were in your early forties was tragic. I guess I thought things would improve and I could keep relying on that homeless shelter.
“Stick around, kid.” The thing smiled at me. “It gets better!”
“Sorry. I have to go now,” Sarah said to her mother.
“Don’t come crawling back to me when you fail. You’re nothing but a loser. Stupid loser you are. You’ll always be a stupid, pathetic fool.”
I was beginning to understand the thing’s point of view. The only reason that she wanted to keep her daughter around was to pay bills. She never really loved her daughter. There was definite overt resentment there.
“It gets even worse,” he displayed a wicked smile. “It gets much worse than this little episode. Please come with me and see for yourself.”
It was worse. It was much worse, just as the thing has promised me. In the future, Sarah was a prostitute. She couldn’t make any money in social services. I saw her prostituting herself for money. So much for her love of God and living the devout life, I thought.
“It gets even better,” said the thing.
