by Marian Tee
But these days, that was impossible.
She only had to hear his name and she already felt like she was about to explode with pain, and chancing upon one of his countless commercials randomly playing on a website was more than enough to have her bursting into tears.
She knew this had to stop.
But she just couldn’t.
Switching off the lights, she flopped onto the bed on her back, arms spread wide.
Day 105 of her self-medication, Seri thought. She had read online about addicts managing to quit by cold turkey but so far, it wasn’t doing anything except to make Seri miss Vassi even more.
If only she could tell Fyodor she needed to go to rehab without having any questions asked.
She didn’t think she could last another month like this.
It felt like she was wasting away---
Someone knocked on the door.
Forcing herself up, she walked towards the door, not bothering to turn the lights back on. She opened the door, asking, “What---”
Her mouth snapped shut.
Vassi was staring coldly at her, dressed in a leather jacket, with a white dress shirt and tie underneath. No ordinary guy could have even pulled off something like it with California’s current temperature, but since this was Vassi---
He looked perfect.
So much that her heart started doing its weird thing again.
Oh no.
For a moment, they simply stared at each other, her face pale, while Vassi had a hard expression on his.
“Sergei called me.” He crossed his arms over his chest.
Her heart dropped to her stomach.
His silver eyes narrowed at her. “And now I see that things are even worse than what he’s told me.”
She gulped.
“This has got to stop, Seri.” The anger made her flinch, but it didn’t stop Vassi, who gritted his teeth at her. “I’m not an idiot. I know you’ve been avoiding me. I have no fucking idea what I’ve done or said to make you angry at me and to be honest, I would rather see hell freeze over before speaking to you first---”
His gaze raked her from head to toe.
“But when you start losing weight, that’s fucking foul.” His tone became savage. “So you win, Seri. Whatever it is I’ve done, I’m sorry. Now will you please fucking forgive me and put us both out of our misery?”
But Seri could only look at him, her lips trembling hard at the effort it took not to cry.
If only…
Mother of Russia, if only it was that easy.
“Dammit, leech.” Impatience and frustration underlined Vassi’s tone. “Just come here and do what you need.”
Do…what…she…need?
When she still didn’t move, Vassi cursed under his breath. “Seri.” He looked at her. And then he opened his arms, muttering, “I’ll even spoil you like those two idiots if that’s what you want so just---”
She threw herself in her brother’s embrace.
Vassi’s arms closed around her like steel bands, and the worst thing about it was that they were chains that she didn’t ever want to be free of.
“I’m sorry,” Vassi muttered harshly against her hair. “Whatever I did or say, I’m sorry, okay?”
She didn’t answer. She couldn’t answer.
Because the truth was, she was the one who had to say sorry.
And she was.
She was sorry that she had come to realize that she was in love with her stepbrother.
Chapter Three
Three years ago
It was another school day, but her sophomore year had turned out to be vastly different from the last, for many reasons.
Firstly, Sergei and Misha were no longer able to be with her everyday in school. Fyodor had laid down the law last summer, forcing Misha to accept his high school diploma and attend university while Sergei had been coerced into having his internship with Fyodor’s own business.
And so it would be just Vassi and her starting today, Seri thought nervously, which was not good at all.
“I read an article about the importance of learning outside school,” Misha remarked casually over breakfast. “Do you agree with that, little dove?”
In the act of taking another spoonful of her cereal, Seri lowered her spoon and answered readily, “Yup.”
“Thought so.” Misha nodded in satisfaction. “Which is why I think you should skip school for today and accompany me to university---”
“Stop being selfish, Misha,” Sergei snapped.
Misha rolled his eyes, retorting, “And I suppose last night’s suggestion to Seri about a home study program and volunteering to be her tutor is an act of selflessness on your part?”
Color flushed the high-boned cheeks of the oldest Grachyov brother.
“The two of you spoil her too much,” Vassi drawled from the doorway.
Seri sat up straight at the unexpected sight.
When had he come home? Wasn’t he supposed to be still filming some kind of action blockbuster in Peru?
Vassi claimed his seat beside her, and when she didn’t look at him, he peeked at her face. “No welcome hug, leech?”
Right.
Hug.
He wanted a hug.
She said feebly, “My, umm, arms are injured?”
Misha frowned. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Let me see---”
Afraid that her other brother would realize she was lying, she said quickly, “But I think it’s starting to feel better now. I was probably just, umm, tired from playing tennis yesterday.”
“But you don’t have tennis in school,” Sergei pointed out, bemused.
“In my room,” she clarified. “Using Wii.” And to prevent more questions, she got up from her seat and hugged Vassi.
He kissed her cheek.
She wished she could close her eyes and savor the feel of his lips on her skin.
She wished, but she knew she couldn’t and so Seri forced herself to pull away and return to her seat.
Vassi turned to his brothers. “Getting back to the way you have been ruining our sister with excessive doting---”
“Easy for you to say,” Fyodor remarked mildly. “You’re the only one among your brothers to still have a valid reason to be with our kroshka everyday.” He grimaced right after, as if suddenly realizing that he was also part of the unlucky equation.
Seri couldn’t help smiling. “Papa.”
“Say, Seri, I need to fly out to Argentina later tonight. What if I talk to your teachers and---”
“Papa.” This time, it was the three Grachyov brothers who spoke sternly.
Fyodor sighed. “I will miss you, kroshka.”
“I’ll miss you, too, Papa.”
Vassi shook his head. “That’s all very sweet, but we must not let ourselves be diverted.” He pulled out his phone, and his gaze focused on Seri as he drawled, “Guess what Professor Alexeyev emailed me.”
Derr’ mo.
She coughed. “I can, umm, explain---”
“Explain then. Explain how you managed to fail a quiz that the professor had given the class a week to review for. A week that also happened to coincide with the workshop recently held by Hikaru Utada.” He raised a brow.
Seri opened her mouth to explain but closed it when she realized Vassi would easily see through her. Another idea came to Seri, and she opened her mouth again, but a moment later she ditched the excuse, knowing that Vassi would also see it for the lie it was.
“I give up,” she said glumly. “You’re right. I prioritized the workshop over school. I’m sorry.”
Vassi ruffled her hair. “You’re forgiven.”
“Really?” She brightened, thinking that this was the first time for Vassi not to make her suffer one of his lectures – which could last for hours – or even worse, his silent treatment, wherein he would torture her by acting like she didn’t exist.
Vassi smiled at her. “Of course, leech. You’re forgiven.” He paused. “But it doesn’t mean
there aren’t any consequences.” As he motioned for one of the staff to refill his coffee, he murmured, “Firstly, you are forbidden from watching any anime until your next quiz.”
“What?” she gasped. “But this Friday is the finale---”
“Until your next quiz,” Vassi said firmly.
Seri glared at him. “Monster.”
“And because you’ve displayed such maturity by resorting to name calling,” Vassi continued smoothly, “you are also hereon banned from listening to J-Pop.” When she opened her mouth to answer back, he warned pleasantly, “If you say one more word, no reading shoujo manga either.”
She shut up, but she couldn’t stop herself from glaring at Vassi. Monster! He really was a monster, the only boy in the family to always get on her case every time she prioritized voice acting over schooling.
Which was so ironic, Seri thought resentfully. It wasn’t like he prioritized his studies over being a Hollywood star.
An uncomfortable silence had followed, broken only by Misha asking Sergei about his upcoming trip to Russia. Fyodor and Vassi entered the conversation, and the atmosphere returned to normal, leaving only Seri to sulk alone.
Monster, she thought again, and her blood boiled.
She tried to finish her cereal as quickly as she could, wanting to take revenge. She was going to leave for school before he did. She wouldn’t talk to him, wouldn’t---
And then she felt it, Vassi tugging on a lock of her hair.
Her heart skipped a beat.
And another.
And another.
And that was it, she thought glumly. She was no longer mad. She was just back to being…hopelessly, secretly, crazily in love with someone forbidden.
If only Vassi could ban her from feeling this way, too.
It would probably be the only punishment she’d welcome with open arms if it worked.
“I know what you’re thinking.” His voice was low, as if he didn’t want the other boys in the family to hear her.
“Hmph.”
His lips twitched. “You should know by now, leech. I think you look cuter when you’re angry.”
She stuck out her tongue.
His lips curved in a smile. “Extremely cute.”
And there went her heart again, Seri thought mournfully.
“You know I’m only doing this for your own good, da?”
She nodded. “Da.” And she did. Really. Just like she also knew that tonight, which she had to keep a secret from the boys, was also for her own good.
* * *
“They’re going to kill me when they find out about this,” Davey mumbled. It was seven in the evening, and they were on their way to Seri’s first ever goukon.
She said bravely, “No, they won’t.” But actually, she wasn’t that sure. The boys could be pretty unreasonable when it came to her and the opposite sex, which was why she had lied to them about tonight’s mixer and instead told them she was pulling an all-nighter at Davey’s house.
Beside her, Davey sniffed, “You know they’ve got the biggest sister complex in the world.”
“Umm…”
“And please don’t tell me you’ve forgotten what they did to the last guy who tried to approach you in school?”
“Nope. I don’t remember.” It was a lie of course. She did remember, and the memory of how that went was still enough to make her cringe.
She had been in eighth grade, patiently waiting for her ride home. Somehow, Fyodor and her brothers had their dates mixed up that day. All of them had thought it was one or the other’s turn to fetch her from school, and when Seri realized what had happened, she had told them she could easily walk home, which of course everyone balked at.
It was already five in the afternoon when Malcolm Tudor, who had been a couple years older than her, spotted Seri by the waiting area. He had gone straight to her and started flirting with Seri, and although she had felt shy and tongue-tied, she had also liked having his attention since Malcolm was one of the popular boys in school.
She had been laughing at one of his jokes when the boys arrived almost at the same time, and they had just been a few feet away from her when Malcolm impulsively tried stealing a kiss---
Well, that was that.
Malcolm had ended up stealing kisses from three different pairs of fists instead, and since then, no one in school had tried approaching her.
Davey stopped in front of a posh-looking karaoke hall. “We’re here.”
Knowing her friend had good reason to speak like he was at his own funeral, she quickly squeezed his arm in apology. “I’m sorry, Davey. But I just feel like this is what I need to do---”
Davey shook his head. “You’re wrong. What you need to do is tell---” He saw the way Seri paled, as if she believed his next words would kill her.
He opened the door, saying brightly, “Let’s party!”
Goukon was basically the Japanese term for mixers, a drinking party where men and women had blind dates as a group and it was up to them who ended up with whom. Normally, finding a way to sneak in alcohol would be a pain, but since a friend of a friend happened to own the karaoke place, an ample supply of booze had been made available from the start.
When Davey and Seri entered the suite reserved for the party, the goukon was already in full swing, with everyone made livelier by the free-flowing booze. The room was dark except for a huge retro disco ball showering the room with multicolored rays of light, and the music playing out of the speakers was loud enough to have everyone yelling to get heard.
There were only two chairs left unoccupied, but they were in separate tables. When Davey looked at her worriedly, Seri summoned up a smile, saying cheerfully, “I’m going to be okay.” She pushed him towards one of the tables. “Go on.”
Davey hesitated, knowing this would be the first date – of any kind – for his friend.
Seri rolled her eyes at her friend’s evident worry. “Stop acting like you’re one of my brothers and have fun.” She gave him another push and when Davey reluctantly made his way to one table, she took a deep breath and made her way to the opposite direction.
There were five guys and two girls, but none of them looked familiar to her.
Maybe all of them were from the other agency, Seri thought.
There were about fifty of them in attendance, half from Shiawase, the casting agency that Davey and Seri both belonged to, while the other half came from Kane Enterprises. Everyone was good looking, of course. Gone were the days when looks didn’t matter when it came to being voice actors or seiyuu. These days, one had to be versatile and multi-talented, someone who could impress behind and in front of the cameras.
She gestured to the chair, asking uncertainly, “Is it taken?”
The guy seated next to it shook his head with a grin. “For you beautiful, you can sit wherever you want.” He patted his lap. “This included.”
She managed a laugh as she took her seat, but she also couldn’t help inching her chair just a bit further away from him. While she did find the guy’s words funny, they also left Seri feeling slightly discomfited and awkward. No one in school had ever flirted with her so openly before.
“I’m Rob,” the guy was telling her as he offered Seri his hand.
She shook it and had to struggle a bit before the guy released his hold on her hand.
Rob gestured to the other guys at the table. “These are my friends, Colt, Ian, and Gary, then the girls are Marie and Sam and finally, there’s Finn---” He nodded at the slightly older-looking guy seated at the other end of the table. “He’s on vacation from Hollywood.”
Oh. The last word immediately had her thinking about Vassi, but she hurriedly pushed all such thoughts aside. The point of coming to this goukon was to find someone who could replace him and not to continue fantasizing about someone out of her league.
Clearing her throat, Seri swallowed back her shyness and smiled at the sea of strangers in front of her. “Hi, I’m Seri Devereaux.”
She waited for the usual chorus of hellos, but instead there was just silence, with six out of seven pairs of eyes widening at the sound of her name.
“Seri Devereaux.” Rob repeated her name in a sick-sounding voice.
“Isn’t that the same name as the stepsister of the Grachyov brothers?” This was from the redheaded Marie, who had an uneasy expression on her face.
Seri hesitated for a second before admitting reluctantly, “I’m their stepsister---” She was barely finished speaking when Marie shook her head at her.
“I’m out of here,” the other girl said.
And just like that she was gone.
Okaaaaay. Had she done something to offend Marie, even if it was her first time to meet the other girl?
She turned to the others and was astonished to find that Rob and his three friends were also busy scrambling to their feet. “Umm, what’s happening?”
“I’m sorry.” But Rob looked more anxious than apologetic. “You look like a nice girl. Actually, I’m very sure you’re a really nice girl, but…” He backed a step. “Nothing personal, you know? I need my job.”
“We all do.” Although Ian had only muttered the words under his breath, Seri had been able to interpret the movement of his lips, and her confusion deepened.
“What do I have to do with your jobs?”
The four guys gaped at her.
“You’re serious?” Gary asked incredulously.
“Everyone in town knows that whoever hits on you is good as dead here.” Even as Colt made his explanation, he was already backing away towards the door, evidently eager to keep as much distance between him and Seri.
Seri couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Had her brothers really said something like it? “Are you sure---” But her voice trailed off, the door slamming behind the four guys putting an end to their conversation.
Someone tapped her shoulder from behind, and Seri turned to find the other girl, Sam, smiling at her.
“Do you want me to drive you home?” Sam asked sweetly. It had occurred to her that Seri was underaged, attending a drinking party. The Grachyov brothers would worship at her feet if she could get this brat home.
