“Please say somethin’.” I couldn’t sit in silence any longer.
My dad wiped off his face and finally sat straight. “What do you want us to say? Were you even planning on telling us that you were shackin’ up with the help?”
“Daddy? Do you have to look at it that way?”
“Your father is just hurt, sweetie. We wanted so much more for you. You just graduated college and started a great job. You’ve got so much ahead of you. We don’t understand how this could have happened. You never mentioned that man to us once. Accordin’ to your cousin, he was warned to steer clear of you. Is that why you kept it a secret?”
I wish I knew how to explain my relationship with Rusty, but more than that I wished that I could come clean about the real biological father of my baby. Trying to describe my relationship situation with my parents required me to lie to their faces. I felt so sick over doing it, even as the words escaped my lips. “Our relationship is complicated.” I looked down and played with my fingernails, knowing I couldn’t even begin to look in their direction. “He was around when I was going through a tough time, and to be honest I wasn’t lookin’ for a relationship. It just sort of happened.”
I knew without even looking that my father was cringing at the idea of me being intimate with a man. Both of my parents knew this wasn’t just any guy my age, who was trying to make a future for himself. Rusty appeared to be a drifter, with no real future for anything. Had I been able to tell them that he was once a successful person maybe it would have gone in a whole separate direction. “Does he love you?” Of course my dad would want to know that. He’d kill a man for disrespecting me.
When I opened my mouth to answer I thought of my last conversation with Rusty. I’d told him that I couldn’t be with someone that compared me to his dead family. A wave of emotions hit me as I realized how awful I must have made him feel. It still didn’t change the fact that I’d never be able to know if his feelings were for me, or just because of some sick reminder that I provided him with. “Yes. I think so,” I lied.
“You think so?”
“We’ve never said it out loud. Come on, it’s not like you and Mom. I didn’t know right away that we were fated to be together forever.”
My dad let out and air-filled laugh and shook his head, while my mom gave me her normal confused stare. “Bella, don’t be sarcastic. Your father is just concerned.”
“I get it, okay? I’m havin’ a child. I’m goin’ to be a mother. I don’t see why it’s so hard to be able to hear. You got knocked up and planned on doin’ it all alone too. You didn’t know Daddy was goin’ to step up and take responsibility when you made the decision to keep me.”
“This is different. I thought I lov-.”
My dad wasn’t going to let her discuss my sperm donor. The mere mention of his name gave me the creeps anyway. “Don’t you dare compare this, young lady. Your mother made the choice because she thought she was going to have support. Yes, things happened and the rest is history, but her life isn’t yours. How do you know this Rusty guys isn’t going to disappear on you?”
“He won’t.” I had no idea if he’d stick around, especially when the truth about Tate came out. Still, I had to appease them for the time being. “He’s not like that.”
“What do you even know about this guy? Your uncle always says he’s a bit insane. Aunt Van thinks he’s creepy and probably has a shady past.” Leave it to my aunt to freak out. She’d been through a terrible time with my biological father. After that she’d never trusted mysterious men. “I know he’s a good man, and that he’d do anything for me. Isn’t that all that matters?”
“Of course he’s going to be nice. He’s screwing someone that just got out of college.” My dad stood up. I could see his fists clenched, like he wanted to punch something.
“Can we just drop the Rusty part for a minute? This is why I waited to tell you. I know I’m not perfect, but I make good money, and if I had to I could take care of me and my baby alone. Now, I don’t need your support, but I sure could use it. You’re treatin’ me like it’s the end of the world, and it’s not. I’m having a baby, not becomin’ a stripper.”
“If you became a stripper I wouldn’t be this calm. Damn, don’t even joke about that.” He walked into the kitchen and came back with a beer. I watched him open it and take a sip, all the while I thought about Rusty, and the reason he didn’t drink.
“Bella, your dad and I will always support you. We’re just in shock, that’s all. This baby is our family. Of course we’re goin’ to love it, and support you. Whatever you need, we’ll take care of it, won’t we, babe?”
My dad shook his head. “Yeah. Sorry, I’m just trying to come to grips with being a grandfather. I’m old as shit. Next I’ll be having a heart attack and keeling over.”
“Daddy, don’t say that.” My overuse of the ‘daddy’ only made it more apparent that I was desperate. Everyone in the room knew it, but nobody was bringing it up.
“You’re making us grandparents before we even turn fifty. It’s a bit hard to grasp.”
I stood up from the chair and walked over to my dad. My arms wrapped around his stiff body, and finally I felt him reciprocating. “I love you, Daddy. Please don’t ever say that. I’m going to need you to stick around, and so is your grandchild. I can’t bring another Mitchell into this world without the two of you by my side.”
He pulled away and looked me right in the eyes. “We’ll be there, Izzy. You know we will.”
Things got better after that moment. My parents stuck around for a short time after that and finally headed back to my aunt and uncles to go to bed. I knew neither of them would get much sleep, but at least they didn’t hate me like I’d feared.
Since I knew my brothers would need to get in the house, I left it unlocked. Never in a million years would I think Rusty would have snuck over to see me, but as I sat up in my own bed seeing him standing over me, I knew it was true.
“What are you doin’ here?”
“I think you know the answer to that.”
“If my family finds out they might hogtie and torture you.” There was no telling what Noah had imagined doing to him.
“I’m not concerned about your family. I ain’t here for them.”
“Why are you here? I thought I told you to stay away from me.”
“That’s not going to happen, Iz. I can’t leave you alone, not anymore.”
“This changed nothin’! You’re not even the father of this child. How could you stand up and make such a mockery of yourself. They’re goin’ to find out the truth. It’s only a matter of time.” I wasn’t trying to threaten him, or bring him pain. I just wanted him to feel bad for adding to my stress.
“I don’t care if they find out the truth. By that time it won’t matter anyway.”
I was intrigued. “Why is that?”
“Because you’ll be in love with me.”
His statement shocked me, especially coming out of his mouth. He was always so quiet, never cocky. “What did you just say?”
“I said you’ll be in love with me.” It was freaking me out that he was just standing over me, so I sat up and backed my ass further on my bed. He crouched down and leaned forward so our faces were even. “Once you admit it, there’s no telling what we could be.”
I used my feet to push him away. “You’re foolin’ yourself if you think that will happen.”
“I know you feel somethin’.”
“I know you’re crazy. Please go home Rusty. I’ve had enough drama for one night.” All I wanted to do was go to sleep, or at least try.
“I’ll leave, but only if you let me say one more thing.”
“Whatever. Say it and go.” I crossed my arms and waited.
He pointed at me as he spoke. “You said something to me tonight that I can’t shake off. I realize that I came onto you because of how you reminded me of my girls, but never since that very moment I felt those sweet lips on mine, have I ever compared you to
them, or tried to replace them with you. This thing between us is real and it’s new.”
“Please leave.” I could feel that burning in my throat again, and didn’t want him seeing me emotional. If he stayed for another second I was going to beg him to be with me, and that couldn’t happen.
“I’m telling you the truth.”
“I don’t care,” I lied again. “Just go. I’m too pissed at you to ever consider hearing the words comin’ out of your mouth.”
He tossed his hands high above him. “Fine. This is obviously hopeless.”
I listened for him to exit out the back door before I let myself cry. My life was mess, and I knew I had to get it figured out before my baby was born.
Chapter 23
Rusty
She’d shut me down again. You’d think I’d be used to it and stop trying, but no, I was always glutton for a punishment.
Halfway back to my trailer I saw headlights coming in my direction. Since I was trying to avoid the family at all costs I darted into the woods and crouched down. The last thing I needed was to be in some kind of brawl. I was a grown man with morals. Just because they all believed me to be a terrible person didn’t mean it was real.
When I got back to my trailer I locked the door and just stood there with my hand on the knob. I leaned my head against it and closed my eyes. This was one of those times where I craved a drink. Even though I knew it wouldn’t solve anything, it would at least numb the pain and frustration that I was feeling.
It took me a while to leave that spot and kick off my boots. All of my efforts to impress her family had failed. Not even my ridiculously expensive outfit was going to help my cause. Once I was down to my boxer shorts I headed for the bedroom. The night was ending, and I needed to calm down before I woke up and had to answer all of their burning questions and accusations.
I don’t really know how long I’d been asleep, but when I peered at the clock I noticed it was nearly three in the morning. Something had woken me up, so I sat there, waiting to see if it was just a dream or maybe a critter underneath the trailer. Then I heard it again. A light knocking caused me to jump out of bed and cautiously make my way to the front door. Being that her family was out for blood, I grabbed my large flashlight and prepared to open the door. In just my underwear, I cracked the door, shaking and ready to attack.
Isabella stood there, her hands crossed over her chest. “Can you take a walk with me?”
“It’s the middle of the night. Come inside.”
The light of the moon was the only thing allowing me to see her. She looked down and then shook her head from side to side. “I can’t come inside, because we both know what will happen if I do.”
I have to admit that hearing her say that gave me some comfort. It meant that no matter how mad she was at my actions, she still knew she’d want me. “I need to put on some pants. Can you at least step in here while I do that?”
Even though she was hesitant, I watched as she climbed the three steps and stood in the doorway. I headed back the bedroom, the whole time wondering if I was dreaming this whole thing. She’d obviously walked all the way to my place in the middle of the night. When I came back out she was sitting on the couch. I stood in front of her and reached out my hand. “It’s warmer inside. Are you sure you want to walk?”
“I’m not sure about anything. That’s why I’m here in the middle of the damn night. This is all so messed up. I don’t know what in the hell I’m doin’.” I kneeled down in front of her and placed my hand on her knees. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
“You can’t touch me like that. You can’t touch me at all.” She stood up and pushed me to the side as she walked clear across the room. “This is the problem. I can’t be around you and not want somethin’ more. When you’re around it messes with my head.”
“I’m not following you, Iz.”
She took several steps toward me. While peering into my eyes she began to explain. “This thing between us has to be over, Rusty. I can’t keep fightin’ this.”
I reached forward, grabbing the elastic to her pajama pants. She moved closer with ease, and her breath was hot against my face as I attempted to change her mind. “I can’t let you give up.”
I watched her eyes close as I inched my lips to hers. My hand kept a firm hold on her pants, in fear that she’d try to pull away. Our first kiss was slow, and cautious. It wasn’t until I felt her hands touching my upper arms that I finally let go and wrapped my hands on her waist.
Just as I was about to guide her back to my bedroom she pulled back. “No. I didn’t come here for this.”
I wiped my mouth before speaking. “Then what? Did you walk all this way to tell me to go to Hell? These mood swings of yours are making my head spin, Iz. It’s like one second your right there with me and the next your somewhere else. I never know what to expect.”
“Exactly!” She sat back down on the couch. “Don’t you get it? You make me crazy. It’s got to stop. All of this has to stop. That’s why I want you to stay away from me. I need to make good decisions. Please, if you care about me at all, you’ll let me do this.”
I put my hands on my head unable to rationalize with her form of decision making. “This is ridiculous. I’m not some child you can send to the corner. I’m a grown man who wants to be with a grown woman. Why is that so hard for you to get? You say you’re confused, but all I’m seeing is you fighting yourself. You and I both know there’s something between us. Why can’t you admit it? Why is it so hard for you to look me in the eyes and tell me how you feel?”
“You know why. I already told you. I’m not going to fill some void you have for your family. I don’t care how good you’d treat me.”
“Isabella, don’t say that, especially when you know it ain’t the truth.”
“The truth is a joke.” She began to sniffle like she was fighting tears. I pulled her to a standing position and forced her to look at me.
“My feelings have nothing to do with who you may or may not look like. I want you because you make me feel alive again. I think about you all of the time because I can’t get your lips out of my head. I long to be with you because I’m falling in love with you.” My next words were almost a whisper. “Why can’t you believe that?”
She looked away and started crying. “Because I can’t.”
“You can’t, or you refuse to? Is this even about me?”
She wouldn’t answer.
“It’s not about me at all.” I let go of her arms and backed away. “It’s about the father of your child, isn’t it? After everything you’ve told me you still want to be with him?”
“It’s not like that.”
“How is it not like that? You either want to be with me, or you want to be with him. Don’t tell me that you don’t want your child to have a father, because one look at the bond you have with your own dad would prove that theory untrue.”
I knew I was pushing the limits with her. If I knew anything I knew she was ready to break. It was never my intention to stress her out, but I certainly wasn’t okay with her walking away from me when I knew I was the better choice.
“Rusty, please don’t make me answer. Just let me go back to my house.” Why was she avoiding it?
“So that’s it? Does he know about the baby? Did you already call him, and that’s why you’re pissed at me? Did I ruin your plan to bring him back into the family?”
“Stop it,” she pleaded.
“No. I need to know. Is that it? Is that why you can’t let yourself fall in love with me?” Admittedly, saying that out loud brought up some feelings that I wasn’t prepared to experience. I wanted this woman, more than I even knew. The idea of her pushing me away for someone else hurt. It was like an oozing cut that was going to get infected and eventually cause me to lose a part of myself. I focused on my breathing as I spoke. “Please answer me.”
“Yes, okay? It’s because of Tate. Are you happy now? Is this what you wanted, Rusty? Did you
want me to come over tonight to hurt you? Does it make you feel better knowin’ that I don’t want to be with you?” Her words stabbed me in the heart, and for a few seconds I had to look away and clench my jaw to avoid showing her how her words were getting to me.
“No,” I grabbed both of her arms and pulled her close to me. “I’m not happy, but I also know you’re lying about something. There’s no way that you don’t feel what’s between us. Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t want me. TELL ME DAMN IT!” I raised my voice and watched her jump. Her glossed over eyes looked petrified.
“I -.” She tried to speak, but couldn’t bring herself to do it.
I knew what I had to do, and I wasn’t going to hold back this time. My lips smacked against hers, as my hand reached around and grabbed the back of her head. At first she tried to pull away from our kiss, but after only a few seconds she was being lifted in my arms and carried to my bed.
There was nothing slow and passionate about this encounter. Clothes were ripped off as I prepared to claim her, to take what I knew was going to be mine. She wasn’t going to deny me what I already knew she wanted.
Her naked body welcomed me. I filled her will every bit of pent up emotion I had in me. She clung to my skin, digging those nails deep into the edges of my back. The harder she scratched, the more I got off on it. Our lips collided, vigorously meshing our tongues only to pull away and tease each other with them. Our pace never slowed, knocking the headboard of my bed loudly against the wall in the room. She reached back and held onto the top of it, allowing me to slam in and out of her. Her pussy, so wet, yet tight enough to make my dick feel smothered, fulfilled my lust for her. The second I felt those inner walls squeezing, I came hard, hovering over her while I gained some sense of stability. Finally, after opening my eyes to admit what we’d just done, I peered into hers, waiting for her to respond in some way. When she said nothing I leaned down and drug my lips overs hers. Her eyes closed again, and I watched as she sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and moaned. “I don’t care what you say, Iz. I know exactly where you want to be.”
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