“When my brother died, and my sister left, my parents let me have whatever of their things that I wanted…they both had a ton of music, so I took that.”
We move on to Sixteen Candles and I find myself sniffling when Jake Ryan’s standing outside the church waiting for Sam and The Thompson Twins “If You Were Here,” plays.
“Wow, it’s not that tender,” Maven comments.
“I can’t help it,” I sniffle.
“Maybe we should watch Alien next, or Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.”
I nod but don’t know about those movies, and Gwen comes up to the opened door.
“You girls hungry?” she asks.
We’re both lying on the bed, on our stomachs, facing the T.V, both sitting up when she comes in. She has a tray in her hands with chips, sandwiches, cookies, and popcorn, along with assorted drinks. Maven gets up and puts another movie in, and it begins as I take the tray and set it on the bed.
“Thank you,” I tell Gwen and she leans over to kiss my forehead and gives me a long look.
“You girls have fun,” she tells us as she closes the door behind us.
There’s a weird muffled noise and Maven pauses, “Do you have a cellphone?” she asks.
“Is that what that was?” I ask, getting off the bed and retrieving the phone from my purse.
She sits on the bed and starts eating popcorn, as I flip it open and see a message.
Joey: Hey babe, all settled, lights out in two minutes and up at five a.m. tomorrow. Love you beautiful.
Me: Love you, got your letter, made me cry, Maven’s here and making me watch movies and be happy. Good luck tomorrow.
I wait for him to reply, but he doesn’t, and I don’t know how quickly these phones send messages. But the pain in my heart twinges a little, although nice to hear from him, it just reminds me he’s gone.
“What’s this?” I question, lying on the bed again and taking a slice of turkey sandwich off the tray and begin nibbling it.
“For Keeps,” she says, her eyes focused on the movie. “It’s about this boyfriend and girlfriend in high school and she gets pregnant and they leave home to join the real world because their parents want her to have an abortion-”
“Oh my God,” I state, feeling my stomach roll a little.
Setting the sandwich down as I sit up. Maybe it’s from crying, but I feel a hot rush flush my face.
“Here, drink some water,” Maven says, uncapping the top of the bottle and handing it to me.
I take a sip of the cold water, and it begins to settle my stomach. She watches me, and I feel the wave of nausea slowly leave, returning me back to feeling okay.
The next morning, I wake up to Maven’s arm over the back of my head. At first I don’t remember why she’s here, or where Joey is. But gradually, the ache comes back. Throughout the day, the pain dulls from time to time when my mind is taken off the current situation. But when it comes back, it comes back with a vengeance. It hurts so bad, I put my hand over my heart hoping it will ease the pain. I try to picture Joey at his first day of boot camp, and pray it’s everything he hoped it would be.
Maven tells me we’re going to the clubhouse tonight, there’s some sort of thing going on and she tells me since Joey can’t be there, I need to represent him. I think it’s bullshit, but it might be better for me to get out of the house. Gwen and Joseph are going too, so I don’t feel so guilty about trying to take my mind off stuff. I ride with them to the clubhouse, and Gwen tells me she can take me home anytime, and I’m grateful for that, I don’t know how I’ll react to being somewhere I’ve only ever associated with Joey. As soon as we enter, Maven’s at my side, and I think she’s been drinking. She kisses my cheek and drapes her arm across my shoulders.
“Katie!” she exclaims, raising her other arm with a beer can in her hand.
“Hi,” I smile, and I’m a little taken aback because I’ve never seen her like this before. “You’re drunk,” I comment.
“I’m drunk,” she nods.
“Why?” I don’t know why I ask this, since she can do whatever she wants, it’s just so out of character.
“Well, my dad got arrested today,” she sighs.
“What?” I ask and turn to her, concern written all over my face.
“Yup, probably going to prison for the rest of his life,” she adds.
“What happened?”
“I don’t care,” she tells me, but it’s obvious she does since she’s been drinking due to it.
I sigh and don’t know what to do for her, I feel like she does everything to make me feel better, but I feel helpless with this.
“Just hang out with me,” she says and I curse my inability to hide my emotions.
“Okay, I can do that.”
She smiles and kisses my cheek again. “Let’s get another drink.”
We walk over to the bar, every seat is filled and I recognize most of the faces. Including Dornan who’s sitting with a blond chick on his lap, her breasts huge and right at eye level to him. He gives me a chin tip, but then quickly his attention turns to Maven.
“Give me another beer,” she tells Rocket.
He gives her a look like he knows she’s had too much, and doesn’t move.
“I’m your fucking V.P. give me a beer,” she demands.
Heads turn, including mine. But before I can ask her, Rocket grabs another can of beer from the fridge and gives it to her. She starts talking to a guy named Boo-Boo beside her, and I feel someone at my side with their eyes on me.
“Oh, it’s you little thing,” he says with glassy eyes and a lazy smile.
“Smokey, right?”
His smile gets wider, and is very childlike, like he’s about to tell a joke or something. Although the first time we met, his demeanor made me a little nervous. But now that he’s sitting here, I think it was more just that he’d walked in on Joey and I post blow job.
“You remember me,” he states.
“Why do you call me little thing?” I ask.
“Because you have these big beautiful doe eyes and look like Bambi, Bambi’s a cute little thing.”
I give him a look, almost shocked at his honest and sweet comment. Rocket taps the bar top in front of me.
“Anything for you Ms. Katie?” he asks.
“Water, please,” I smile.
“Not drinking?” Smokey asks.
“No,” I shake my head a little.
“Here you go,” Rocket says handing me the bottle and I smile in thanks.
“You don’t like to drink here, or at all?”
“My parents were alcoholics,” I confess, and I don’t know why I just told this stranger something so personal.
“Shit,” he mumbles, looking down at his can of beer between his hands.
“It’s not like I won’t eventually, it’s just not my thing, ya know?”
“Yeah, I get you,” he nods. “You said ‘were,’ your parents dead or something?”
“No, no…well, I don’t know actually, I haven’t seen them in a few years, they might be,” I shrug.
And it’s strange because I haven’t thought about them in a long time, and thinking about them conjures no feelings or sadness.
“Oh yeah, I think I heard something about that when I came back, they beat you or something fucked up right?” he asks, taking a swig of his beer.
I like how uncensored he is, and I realize that’s how all these people are with me. I never knew how refreshing it is to have open dialogs without dodging eggshells or watching words.
“Joey said you were a nomad? It’s called nomad, right?”
He nods, taking another swig of his beer.
“Yeah, a few years I was out there.”
“What made you decide to do that?”
I ask this with that same no bullshit policy that comes with being in the clubhouse, but I do watch his expression to make sure I haven’t overstepped my boundaries. I’m not a member of the club, and Joey told me that there are things that outs
iders and old ladies just can’t know.
“I fell in love, gambled everything and I finally had someone I needed to hold my self-accountable to. I didn’t go far, but it feels like another life.”
“Fell in love, huh?” I comment.
“Yeah,” he pauses and looks down at his hands, a small smile taking over his lips. “Me and a few guys did some business in Vegas and I saw this gorgeous chick, fucking fell in love with the dealer…so I went back as often as I could just to see her.”
My mouth dropped, my eyes looking at him with disbelief.
“Wait a minute, wait a minute,” I shake my head.
He gives me that wide grin again, and I think I see his cheeks become a little red.
“You racked up a gambling debt because you liked the blackjack dealer?” I ask, trying to see if I follow.
“Something like that.”
I tilt my head back and begin laughing, loudly.
“It’s not the dumbest thing I’ve ever done, trust me,” he says and then begins laughing with me.
“I don’t mean to-” I tell him, covering my mouth with my hand to stop. “But I don’t think that’s dumb, I think it’s actually pretty cute.”
“Shhhh, don’t say cute in here, you’ll ruin my reputation,” he says with mock seriousness.
“So, where is she now?” I ask.
“She’s just outside of Vegas, working as a waitress. She’s trying to start a landscape business, so I’m going to save all my money and help her.”
Again, my mouth pops open.
“I think that’s, wow, that’s-”
“Stupid, I know, it’s like bribing her to be with me. But I have to do this for her, so even if she doesn’t want to be with me after, we can get a divorce-”
“Hold on, you’re married?”
“Yeah, actually…we got married by Elvis one drunken night.”
“Smokey, you’re blowing my mind, what?!”
“But, no one here knows…” he trails off, drinking his beer.
I realize what he’s telling me is huge, and private, the fact that he would talk to me about this at all is flattering.
“So, why aren’t you together?”
“I thought everything was fine…but, I kind of lied to her about being in the MC, and when she found out, she was pissed and kicked me out.”
“Why was she so pissed about the MC thing?”
“When we first met, she told me something about growing up with her dad being a biker, how he treated her mom and her like shit, was always gone. So, I knowingly kept it from her about my life. When she kicked me out, I know she was hurt I lied, I know she was just proving a point, but I thought by now she’d take me back.”
I nod, understanding, my mind still blown by all this.
“What’s her name?”
“Emily,” he sighs.
I can see by just talking about it, and mentioning her name, that it saddens him.
“So, I went to do my nomad thing for a while, but then responsibilities happened and I needed money for some shit, so I got back into the club doing some jobs here and there. Then she found out I was lying and kicked me out. But I had to get back in because I can’t get the money for her any other way, it would take me fuckin years.”
“Don’t you want to be with her?” I ask in confusion.
“Fuck yes, I’d do anything.”
“So why the two times I’ve seen you, you’re drunk as a skunk?”
He gives me a look, and it’s like for a moment his eyes clear and he’s really there.
“I get lost in my head, like I’m doing all this and she’ll refuse the money or some bullshit. She’s super hard headed…I just want her so bad…if I can’t be with her, I’ll fuckin die.”
“Well, that’s a terrible attitude,” I comment, sipping my water.
He looks at me again with clear eyes. “You think?”
“She already thinks this life, that the biker life is not what she wants to be a part of. You’re not doing much to prove her wrong in that aspect, if you get drunk all the time.”
His expression changes, like he hadn’t thought about it like that before.
“Shit,” he sighs.
“But, that’s just my opinion,” I shrug.
“I’m the V.P.-” Maven begins again on the other side of me.
“Why does she keep saying that?” I ask aloud.
“If her dad goes away to prison, then she gets patched into the club to take his place,” Smokey tells me.
“I thought women couldn’t be in the club?”
I know this because when Joey and Dornan patched in, I asked why Maven wasn’t.
“It’s usually not allowed, but her grandpa started the club and bloodlines or some shit. That’s why she’s drunk, not because of her dad, but because she’s about to be thrown into a whole new world, little thing.”
I inhale deeply and look over at her, she’s more drunk than I initially thought, and I watch as Dornan makes his way over towards her, still talking loudly.
“Come on V, let’s go for a walk,” he tells her.
The way he looks at her is so sincere, and I wish he’d get his head out of his ass and just fucking tell her he’s in love with her already.
“No, I’m having fun,” she tells him, and her voice is lowered and collected.
“Come to the bathroom with me?” I ask her.
“I’m fine,” she states.
“No, you’re acting like a fucking fool, come on,” Dornan tells her.
“Fuck off,” Maven tells him.
Then I hear a commotion from the front doors, and see a large group of men walking in.
“Oh my God!” Maven squeals and jumps off her bar stool, making her way over towards them.
“Great,” Dornan mumbles.
I watch as a guy covered in tattoos, and a mean expression on his face is the one Maven jumps up to wrap her arms around. He doesn’t seem to be particularly thrilled or even notice a grown woman hanging on him.
“Who’s that?” I ask Dornan.
“Brayden, her boyfriend,” he replies flatly.
Then he walks off and I turn to see Smokey talking to someone else, and I feel like I should go home. I track down Gwen and tell her I’m going to walk, that I need some fresh air. She gives me a long look, deciding on whether I should be alone or not, and then smiles as she tells me goodnight.
“Need me to walk you out?” Dornan asks, pulling away from his blond date’s mouth for air.
“Nope, see you later.” I wave and push open the massive front door of the club.
I walk down the long driveway to Main Street, pulling my cellphone out of my back pocket to see if I have any messages, but I don’t. I know where Joey is there’s a three-hour time difference, and he must be asleep. I wonder if he’s exhausted, and it feels like forever ago since we were at the airport. With a heavy heart, I walk down the few blocks to the house.
Heading to the side of the house, I let myself in the unlocked door, instantly seeing a bouquet of flowers in a vase on the kitchen counter, alongside my wedding bouquet that Gwen is drying out for me. The vase of fresh flowers is overflowing with sunflowers and other ones I don’t know the names of.
I wonder what the occasion was for Joseph to get these for Gwen, but then I see a card nestled inside the long stems with my name on it in Joey’s little neat handwriting. I pluck it out, and pull the top up to retrieve the card.
Sending you these today just because, always thinking of you, never forgetting your beauty, missing you more than you will ever know.
Your loving husband, Joey
A smile stretches across my face, as my eyes tear up, and God why can’t I stop crying. Yes, I’m sad but shit, this is getting ridiculous. The back door opens and I vigorously wipe my face with the backs of my hands, expecting to see Gwen, but when I turn, Dornan’s standing there.
“What’s wrong?” I ask with a sniffle.
“You think Joey would be happy if he knew
I let you walk home alone?” he asks.
“Oh,” I hiccup.
“Was making sure you got in okay, saw you were crying,” he states.
I exhale a stuttering breath, and before I can even pretend I wasn’t upset, or tell him I’m fine, I walk over to him and my arms close around his torso. His body is different than Joey’s, but it’s comforting. After a moment, he pats my back while his other hand rests on the side of my head. I don’t cry in his arms, but just need the physical reassurance from a hug, and I think maybe he does too. Our best friend is gone for a while, and I know Dornan probably hasn’t talked to anyone about what he’s going through.
“You should get a cellphone,” I sniffle.
“Why?” he asks.
“Joey has one, that way you can message him anytime.”
He doesn’t reply but gives my head a pat.
“Are you okay?” I ask, “I mean, with all this, him being gone?”
“Yeah, sure,” his voice a little sullen and a lot unconvincing.
“I’m here if you ever wanna talk,” I offer.
“Thanks,” he says with a sigh.
Chapter 11
Joey’s been gone for three months. I wish I could say everyday it gets easier to be without him, but it doesn’t. I mean, yes, the debilitating sadness of missing him comes and goes, but it never goes away completely. I received a letter from Joey every day. Every day. If it didn’t come through the mail, something would show up on the kitchen counter, or on my pillow, without a stamp or return address, just my name. And I wondered if he’d given a stack to Gwen or Dornan, in order for me to get them all the time.
As the days passed though, the more Joey and I were able to talk. The first few days of his boot camp were crazy he said, but now he was in the swing of it and knew how to schedule time for us. He told me he was asked to be an Army Ranger, which I had no idea what that meant, so I went to the library later that day to look it up. I read that the Army Rangers are the premier infantry of the U.S. Army, a combination of special operations and elite airborne light infantry. Their highly trained and rapid light infantry unit specialized to be deployed against any special operations targets.
I still didn’t understand much more than it was something special and only for the best of the best. He also told me he was going to become a weapon’s specialist, which basically means he’ll know every weapon the Army uses, including allied and foreign weaponry. Again, I knew this was another important thing, and by the way Joey talked about it, he was pumped.
Take On Me: Plantain Series Book Three Page 12
