by Mary Smith
“Now, slide forward.” Alden continues holding onto me.
My brain understands what I’m supposed to do, but my feet, as usual, don’t corporate and they go in different directions,
“Oh!” I yelp as I begin to fall.
“Gotcha.” Alden wraps his arms around me, holding me close to his body. “Fuck you’re hot.”
“Stop flirting,” I whisper.
“Mom, are you okay?” Kace races over to us.
Alden releases me a bit but still has a firm grip on my waist. “I’m okay.”
“You can do it, Mom. I’ll help.” He reaches for my free hand.
“Thank you, baby, but I think I should just sit down.” I tug on Alden. “I’m going to break a leg.”
He chuckles. “Nah, but I understand.” With the help from both of them, I sit back down on the bench.
For the next hour, I watch Alden give Kace hockey lessons. Stick handling, slap shots, skating techniques, and more advice to keep Kace intrigued and happy. I feel bad because all these years he’s never had a male role model or real father figure in his life. I’ve been focused on keeping the bills paid. I hadn’t realized how much Kace craves a male in his life.
“Who’s ready for food?” Alden asks as they skate over to me.
“I am.” Kace raises his hand.
“We need to celebrate again.” Alden announces. “Kace Royer is the new starting left wing of the Manchester Cubs.” He raises his arms and cheers. “Kace! Kace! Kace!”
We all laugh.
“Can we go to the hamburger diner?” My son looks between us.
“Let’s hit it, Buddy.” They fist bump and Kace heads down the tunnel. “Need help, malady?” He holds out his hand.
“Thank you.” I stable myself on the skates. “Thank you for everything.” I lower my tone. “He really enjoys talking about hockey with you.”
“Me too. It’s nice to remember when hockey was fun.” We walk together hand-in-hand.
“It’s not fun anymore?” I question.
“No, it has its moments, but there are times I’d like to take a sick day and binge watch Netflix on the couch.”
“I figured right now you’re on top of the world. Kace is counting the games down to the record.” He’s even asked to stay up late to watch the games.
“I was going to try to make it to his game on Friday, but I don’t think I’ll be able to.” Alden opens the locker room door.
I smile at him. “We know. You can’t be in two places at once.”
Alden helps me to the stall and then unlaces my skates. “Keep these and next time we’ll try again.”
I should argue there wouldn’t be another time for me, but I simply nod and take the skates from him.
Kace and he begin chatting again. My son tells him about when he first started skating. Aunt Lois is the one who taught him. She would babysit him and take him to the public rink. I remember how quickly Kace learned and loved every moment on the ice. I should have put him in hockey sooner.
I drive by myself to the diner as Kace wanted to ride with Alden. We walk in together and Kace picks out a booth for us to sit in. Again, he wants to be next to Alden. I shouldn’t be jealous, it’s actually cute.
We order drinks and food when it hits me...how is Kace going to feel after this is over? Shit! I never thought about that scenario. I can easily see how attached he is. Soon, Alden will be out of our lives and Kace is going to be the one who gets hurt.
I’m the worst mother ever.
“Baylor?”
I turn my attention to Alden.
“Are you okay?”
No. “I’m fine.”
“I have to go to the bathroom.” Kace announces and Alden moves to let him out. I watch him closely. I know he’s trying to be a little adult, but he’s my baby.
“Baylor, what’s wrong? You look sad.” Alden leans in close across the table.
I shake my head. I sure as hell don’t need to tell him my rambling thoughts.
“Come on. You can talk to me.” His tone is firm but sincere.
I say nothing.
“You know I’m going to bug you until you open up.”
I sigh. I know he will. Alden is very persistent. “It’s crazy.” Maybe that’ll back him off.
“I can deal with crazy.” He smirks.
“I didn’t think this through.” I start.
“You mean dinner?” He furrows his brow.
I attempt to explain, but Kace comes back and I clam up. I don’t want to ruin their evening. Again, Kace keeps control of the conversation as we eat. I’m grateful because it gives me time to figure out how to get out of this without hurting Kace.
There is no way.
I’m definitely not going to win Mother of the Year.
ALDEN KISSED MY cheek as we left him. On the drive back to our house Kace falls in and out of sleep. The kid has worn himself out.
My heart drops when I pull into my driveway and see Rocco on the porch. Shit! “Kace, wake up.” I nudge his shoulder. “Your dad is here.”
He opens his eyes and stares. He must think he’s dreaming.
“Go on. He’s waiting. I’ll get your stuff.”
Kace gets out of the car and goes to Rocco, but it’s not the same enthusiasm he has for Alden. I gather his backpack, hockey bag, and sticks.
“Open the door. It’s fucking freezing.” Rocco growls at me.
“Nice to see you too.” I sneer and unlock the door.
Rocco pushes past me almost dragging Kace to the couch. Rocco looks almost the exact same as he did ten years ago. The difference is he has more muscles and tattoos. His bald head has a massive eagle on the back and the wings wrap around to his temple. He has a skull with a top hat on the front of his neck and poker cards on either side. His arms are mostly American Traditional minus the gigantic back piece of an aquatic scene of topless mermaids and ships.
“Where were you?” He demands.
“I told you already.” I do my best not to argue in front of Kace, but it’s hard with Rocco.
“Kace-Kace, aren’t you glad I’m here?” He hates it when Rocco calls him Kace-Kace.
My son nods.
“You’re big for an eight year old.” Rocco pushes on his shoulder.
“I’m ten.” He corrects his father.
“Really?” He seems shocked by this information. He looks at me.
“He is.” I confirm.
“Oh well…” He pauses for a second and I almost thought he felt bad. “Your mom told me you’re playing sports. You need to go ahead and quit that shit.”
“What?” Kace and I say in unison.
“Sports are for pussies.” Rocco continues.
Kace looks at me and there are tears in his eyes. “Mom, do I have to quit?”
“Son, say goodbye to your dad and get ready for bed.” I order.
Kace sniffles and I see a tear escape as he heads to the bedroom without saying anything to Rocco.
“Have you lost your fucking mind?” I hiss at him.
“Sports suck. He needs to be learning a trade and responsibility.” He lunges back at me.
“Responsibility? What do you know about responsibility? And for your information, Kace is excellent at hockey. The coach even gave him a starting position.”
“Why? Are you fucking the coach?”
“Oh God shut up.” I raise my voice. “In fact, just go.”
“I drove all the way over here.” He stands and crosses his arms. Rocco is only a head taller than me. However, he’s rock hard and I’ve seen him fight.
I need to get him out of the house before he loses his temper. “Just go say goodbye to Kace and we’ll figure out another time for you to come back.”
“What the fuck ever?” He slams into my shoulder as he passes me and shakes the pictures on my wall when he shuts the door with all his might. He never glanced toward Kace’s room.
I drop to the couch and I cover my face with my hands. I take several deep bre
aths to calm my nerves.
“Mom, are you okay?” Kace softly asks as he touches my arm.
I remove my hands and look at my son. It was only yesterday he was learning to walk and now he’s a young man. “I’m fine, baby.
“Do I have to quit hockey?”
“No.” I pull him into my arms. “You’re the starting left wing for the Cubs.”
“I will if you want me to.” His voice cracks. I pull him back and his eyes are full of tears again.
“I want you to wash your face, brush your teeth, get into your pajamas, and go to bed. You have a big day tomorrow.” I kiss his cheek and send him down the hall.
I’m the world’s luckiest mother.
MY DAY HAS been insane. Work. Running errands. More work. Grab Kace from school. Quick snack in the car. Rush to the rink.
My usually hyper son hasn’t said more than ten words to me since I picked him up. When we walk toward the rink he’s completely white.
“Hey.” I grab his hand and pull him away from the small crowd around us. “Are you going to be all right?”
He’s frozen in place.
“Talk to me, Kace.”
“What if I fall? What if I don’t make a goal?”
I’m about to tell him it’s all going to be okay when my Facetime begins to ding. It’s Alden.
“Hey,” I say to him.
“Let me talk to Kace.” He orders.
I turn my phone around and hand it to Kace.
“Hi, Alden.” Kace’s voice sounds small.
“Hey, Buddy. Are you ready for your game?”
“I’m scared.” He confesses.
“I figured but don’t be. We’ve all been the same way before our games. Hell, I’m nervous about my game.”
“You are?” He’s eyes go wide.
“I sure am.”
“I didn’t think you ever get scared.”
“Well, I do. But I have a top secret trick that helps. Want to know what it is?”
Kace nods.
“Take a deep breath and quietly say, ‘I’m going to do the best I can.’ Repeat it back to me.”
My son takes a deep breath. “I’m going to do the best I can.”
“See! You got this. Don’t worry about goals or minutes on the ice. You listen to your coach and do the best you can.”
The color returns to his cheeks as does his smile. “I’ve got this.”
“I know you do, Buddy. I really wish I could be there.” There’s a sad tone in Alden’s reply. “But you can tell me all about it when I come by, okay?”
“Okay, and Alden?”
“Yeah, Buddy?”
“I know you’ll be great tonight too.”
“Thanks. I’ll see you soon.” Alden disconnects.
Kace takes another deep breath. “I’m going to do the best I can.”
I give him a second before asking, “Are you ready, Kace?” I hold out my hand.
“I’m ready.” He takes my hand and we go into the rink.
AUNT LOIS IS next to me as we cheer on Kace. He’s doing magnificently. He has already scored one goal and has one assist. I may lose my voice and my hands already hurt from clapping. I’m proud of him.
Alden: I’m about to hit the ice. How’s Buddy?
Me: GREAT! 1 goal and 1 assist.
Alden: That’s my boy!
My heart skips a beat. Alden truly is a great guy. It’s obvious he cares for Kace. I still have no clue what’s going to happen with us. This is putting me in a weird position since I can clearly see how Alden and Kace feel about each other. Someone is going to be hurt and I want it to be me instead of Kace.
I suck.
Kace’s game ends and the Cubs win by four. The kids celebrate on the ice and all the parents stand and cheer for all of them. I feel the tears building up with pride for my baby boy.
“Excuse me?” A woman in her mid-thirties comes up to Aunt Lois and me. “Are you Kace’s mother?”
“I am.” I’m a bit apprehensive of her. The mothers at Kace’s school are not the kindest ladies. It’s off-putting when females come up to me.
“I’m Timothy’s mom. Heidi.” She holds out her hand. “Timmy hasn’t stopped talking about Kace.”
“Oh Kace has been the same way.” Timmy is Kace’s new best friend. “We’ll have to let them have a day together.”
“Timmy would love it. Listen, the reason I introduced myself is because I’m the one who orders the shirts.”
“Shirts?”
“The ones with the Cubs logo and your child’s number, and then it’ll say ‘Kace’s Mom’ on it.”
“Oh, I want one that says Kace’s Aunt.” Aunt Lois jumps in.
Before I can answer her Kace comes running over to me and hugs me. He’s got to stop growing. He’s almost to my chin and he’s only ten.
“Mom, did you see the whole game?”
“I watched every second of it. You were fantastic.”
He beams and then hugs Aunt Lois, who praises him just as much.
“About the shirts?” Heidi brings my attention back into focus.
“Yes. Right. I want one,” I answer.
“One what?” Kace asks and Aunt Lois explains about the shirts. “We should get one for Alden.”
“No, baby, I don’t think—”
“He would love it, Mom. I know it.” The hopeful gleam is in his eyes.
“Well, he calls you Buddy. We’ll get one that says Kace’s Mom, Kace’s Aunt, and Kace’s Buddy,” I tell Heidi.
“Great. You can pay when they come in.” She smiles as Timmy comes up to her.
“Okay, let’s grab some dinner and head home.” I suggest.
“Mom, could we go home and eat there. The Bears are playing.” He clasps his hands together.
“All right.” I invite Aunt Lois but she says she’s tired and heads home.
When we get back to our house, I make Kace’s favorite meal of mac and cheese and hot dogs piled with ketchup and mustard. I make him take another shower before he stinks up the place.
I turn on the game as I begin to cook. I try to focus on the announcers to see if they say Alden’s name. Kace informed me tonight Alden has to get a point to tie the record and tomorrow’s game to beat the record. I’m hoping he gets it.
“Come eat, Kace.” I set his plate on the table.
“Why can’t we eat by the TV tonight?” He begs.
Normally, I would say no, but I want to see the game too. “Okay but don’t spill anything.”
“You’re the best, Mom.” He carefully picks up his plate and plops himself in front of the TV.
I sit on the couch and nibble on my food. I’m as focused on the game as Kace. There’s one period left and no one has scored yet. My stomach is in knots, and I’m not sure if my food will stay down. I hold my breath as Alden takes the ice again. Every time the puck is passed to him I can’t breathe at all.
But he comes up empty each time.
He goes back to the bench and as the camera focuses on him it’s clear to see the determination in his eyes. He wants this point. I know the look because he gave it to me when I told him no for sex. My eyes remain glued to the screen as the seconds tick down. He jumps the boards one more time. The score is still zero to zero.
“Mom, I’m nervous.” Kace comes over and curls up next to me.
“Me too.” I kiss the top of his head.
The Bears are not able to get the puck away from their net. Everyone is fighting for it. Suddenly, the puck is free and Alden’s on—what I learned to be called—a breakaway. Kace and I jump to our feet, yelling for him to shoot. He rears back his stick and slaps the puck as hard as he can…
It dings right off the post.
Kace and I both groan as if we’re in actual pain. My eyes are still on Alden as he goes back for the puck again. He fakes left and shoots the puck.
It sails right over the goalie’s head and the buzzer goes off.
Alden leaps into the air with his arms up and the
biggest smile on his face. Kace and I are jumping up and down and cheering for him as well. The entire Bears team clear the bench and celebrate with Alden. The camera moves out to show a shot of Alden’s mom and Amara. Elizabeth is crying. She’s proud of her son and should be. I can almost foresee the future. With Kace’s passion for hockey, I could be just like her, watching my baby playing professional hockey and breaking records.
“Mom.” Kace shakes my shoulder. “Can we watch Jungle Book now?”
“Oh.” I check the clock. It’s late and he should be in bed, but it is Friday. “Go ahead, but then it’s bed.”
“Deal.”
He turns on the Blu-ray and I clean up our uneaten food. When he wakes up tomorrow he’ll be starving and will want a massive bowl of cereal. Like hot dogs, he can eat it anytime and all the time. Then again, I could too.
After I clean up the kitchen, I take a quick shower and change into a comfy pair of flannels. Some would think it’s strange I love flannels, but I do. I curl up on the couch with my sketchbook and work on Amara’s piece. She has a lot she wants to incorporate, but I think what I’m coming up with will work. A knock on the door startles Kace and me.
“Who is it?” I call through the door.
“Alden.”
I unlock the door and open it. Standing in a perfectly tailored suit and trench wool coat, he’s delicious.
“What are you doing here?”
Before he can answer me, Kace comes bounding from the living room and wraps his arms around Alden’s waist. Alden’s face lights up and he hugs him back.
“Alden, do you want to finish watching Jungle Book with me?”
“Hell yeah!” Alden removes his coat and jacket and tosses them over the couch. He and Kace curl up together as I become invisible. I’m okay with it. They’re both happy.
“We watched your game. We’re proud of you,” Kace says. “I got a goal tonight. Oh,” he bolts upright, “I have something for you.” He jumps off the couch and runs to his bedroom.
“We are really happy for you.” I sit down on the chair, moving his coat.
“I really didn’t think I was going to get it,” he whispers. “I was a wreck.” He pushes his hand through his hair.
“I’m proud of you.” I take his hand in mine.
“Thank you.” His dark brown eyes stare into mine.
