“I never thought I was better than anyone else. I still don’t.” Emotions were building inside her, everything on top of everything else becoming too much to bear. “I just thought I was your friend. And I thought you were mine.”
Josie must have seen it because she put her sandwich down, wiped her mouth with her napkin and reached out to pat Megan’s hand.
“Shit, I’m sorry Meg. I shouldn’t have said those things. I’m sorry, ok?”
Megan nodded, dabbing at a tear in the corner of her eye. “What am I going to do?”
“Ok, tell me exactly what he said,” Josie asked, picking up her sandwich again as she shoved two fries dripping with ketchup into her mouth.
“He said he wants one night and that I had five days to think it over.”
“Or what?”
“I don’t know, he didn’t say. I assume or else he’d tell Jake what I’d done.” She shook her head, looking away. “I don’t know. There were too many people and I was just… I didn’t expect it, you know? God, how could I have been so stupid?”
“You weren’t stupid, Meg. It was easy money.”
Megan pushed the soup away and put her crackers on the table. “And now I’m going to pay for it.”
“Think he’ll let you do that? Will he take money?”
“I don’t know. I can offer it I guess. I don’t know how I’ll get it but…”
“What do you mean you don’t know how you’ll get it? You’ll get it from Jake.”
“And tell him what?” She couldn’t even think of that.
“Lie, tell him you bought a nice new dress. Who cares?”
“I do. I can’t lie to him. I don’t want to.” She looked around at the other diners who had turned their way and she lowered her voice.
Josie rolled her eyes and shoved the last bite of her sandwich into her mouth. “Well then,” she began, finishing up her fries before wiping off her hands and tossing the napkin down on her plate. “I guess you’ll have to give him that night,” she said, looking at Megan straight on.
Megan met her gaze and for the first time, saw what was real. They might have been friends once, but she wasn’t even sure about that because what she saw in Josie’s eyes wasn’t compassion. It wasn’t warm or even close to it. And it wasn’t the opposite either. There was no emotion there, her expression was flat. Josie couldn’t have cared any less about Sean Connelly showing up in Megan’s life. In fact, she might even be just a little happy about it. Megan snorted, shaking her head and for the first time ever, Josie dropped her gaze. Megan wanted to say it was from shame at having been found out but that would be giving her too much credit.
She opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again, reaching for her wallet. She pulled out a $100 bill and tossed it on the table.
“That should cover lunch and then some. Keep the change. Goodbye Josie.”
Josie sat there staring at her as Megan pushed her chair back, stood and walked out the door. She didn’t look back once, she didn’t have to. Josie was a part of the past she wanted to let go of and this was the first step in truly doing that. This was the easy step. The next part would be much more difficult and she wasn’t sure if she’d be the one doing the walking away. The next part mattered, and in a way, she was grateful to Josie.
She unlocked her car and climbed inside, putting the key into the ignition but not turning it. She took a deep breath and looked straight ahead, clear for the first time since the night of the party.
You can’t run from your past. You can’t hide from it. If you try, it will always be there lurking around every corner, ready to pounce when you least expect it.
She realized how all her time with Jake hadn’t been based on truth or trust. At least not on her side. She loved him, she loved him so much the thought of what telling him would do to him twisted her heart and pushed tears from her eyes. But it was something she had to do. She had to tell him the truth, all of it. It was the only way to go forward. She only hoped they would be going forward together and not apart.
She checked the time. It was almost two in the afternoon. Jake would be busy but now that she had decided, she couldn’t wait. What if she lost her courage by the time he came home? She wouldn’t take that chance. She pulled out onto the road and drove to his office.
* * *
Jake tried not to make it obvious that he was checking his watch. He sat at the head of the long conference table listening to Sean Connelly carry on about matters that didn’t need half the attention he was paying them. Connelly bothered him and there was more to it than his dislike of the man as a potential business associate. Yes, Connelly was one of the few board members who hadn’t yet decided on which company would get the bid but it wasn’t only that. And besides, Jake had the majority of the votes. At least he thought so, but he also knew until the ink was dry on the contract, anything could happen.
“Sean, I understand your concerns…” Gray interrupted him. “But with all due respect…” Jake turned to look through the glass wall into the lobby, more than a little irritated with things. It was then that the door to the office opened and his wife walked inside. He watched as the receptionist greeted her and caught the expression on her face as she made her way to his office without turning to look into the meeting room where he sat. He stiffened. She never came to the office or very rarely so and only if they had a lunch appointment together. He was about to excuse himself when Sean called his name, bringing him back into the conversation.
“What’s your plan with the tower structure? It seems like an additional cost we should avoid and doesn’t serve any purpose I can see.”
The man had no eye for beauty. If it were up to him, he’d build a flat strip mall that would add nothing but be an eyesore to the community.
“Gentlemen,” Gray stood. “I’m afraid we’re discussing a moot point. At this moment, we need to concentrate on making a decision on who gets the project. These details can and will be worked out at a later time. Now I have to excuse myself. We’ve got some family coming in and no offense to all present, but I’d rather be there than here.”
There was some mumbling and two others stood. “I’m in agreement with Gray,” one of them said.
“Me too,” the other said, before turning to Sean. “Sean, if you have something you need to iron out with Jake, I suggest a private meeting, but I agree with Gray. Moot point.” He turned to Gray. “Gray, enjoy your visitors.”
The three of them collected their things.
“Good day, gentlemen,” Gray said, nodding as he walked out the door followed by the two others.
“Why don’t we finish up this meeting in private, Sean?” Jake said. “We’ve kept you all long enough I think.” He addressed that last part to the others who were now collecting their belongings, most of them looking relieved. They’d been in here since ten o’clock that morning.
“I’ve got time now, Roark.”
Connelly seemed to be getting more aggressive of late. Jake took a deep breath and exhaled, counting to ten. He waited for the others to leave, considering stepping out to see Megan but deciding to just get this over with now.
Once everyone left, he closed the door and turned to Sean.
“All right, Sean, why don’t you tell me what’s really bothering you now?”
* * *
Megan heard the voices in the reception area and rose to her feet. Her palms were sweaty and ever since having decided what she would do, she had been rehearsing how she would say it, where she would begin. Jake was in a meeting and she had asked the receptionist not to bother him.
She waited ten minutes until the voices died down, expecting Jake to walk in any minute. But when he didn’t and another ten minutes passed, she went outside to see where he was. She was walking to the receptionist, Jess, who was jotting down some notes from a caller when Megan turned toward the boardroom. She stopped dead when she met her husband’s eyes. He was angry, she could tell even from this
distance.
Sean Connelly stood across from him, his posture more relaxed, his mouth into what looked to her like a sneer. He folded his arms across his chest and smiled at her.
“Mrs. Roark?” Jess called out from behind her, forcing Megan into action.
Was she too late? Had he already told Jake? He had said five days but maybe he’d just gone ahead and told Jake anyway before she had a chance to. Maybe he had planned on telling Jake all along.
Her stomach heaved and she covered her mouth with her hand, those two crackers she had managed to eat at the restaurant threatening to come back up.
“Are you all right, Mrs. Roark?” the girl asked, coming around the desk.
She looked at her then ran out into the hallway and to the ladies room where she went to the first stall, fell to her knees and vomited.
“Meg!” The door slammed open and Jake ran in.
She wanted to tell him to go away, not to watch, but her stomach heaved again and his hands were on her, rubbing her back, gathering her hair and holding it away from her face.
When it was finally over, she sat back on her heels, reaching a weak hand to grab some toilet paper to wipe her mouth.
“Come on, I’ll get you cleaned up,” Jake said. He flushed the toilet, helping her rise.
“No. It’s gross,” she said, turning away from him and walking to the sink herself. One glimpse at her reflection, her now puffy, blotchy face and red, wet eyes, and she turned on the tap, splashing water over her face, covering it with her hands.
“It’s not gross. Let me help you.”
Was she too late? Had he told Jake already? But if he had, why was Jake being so nice? He wouldn’t be, he would be mad. He had been mad, she had seen his eyes.
She reached up and turned off the tap. He held out a few paper towels to her and she wiped her face. She then faced him, her husband, who stood there, one arm on her, holding her gently, his expression only that of concern.
“Better?” he asked.
He looked like he had a thousand questions.
Megan shook her head. “I’m sorry,” she said, smiling as her eyes filled again with tears. God, would this never end? “Did he tell you already?” she asked.
“Did who tell me what? What are you talking about? Come on, let’s get out of here.”
She resisted, holding on to the counter for support when Jake turned back to her. “Is he gone?”
“Meg,” he shook his head, “what the hell’s going on?”
“I’m sorry,” she said again. “I came to tell you but…” She clutched her mouth and pulled away, running again to the toilet. She had eaten all of two crackers, there couldn’t be anything left.
Jake opened the bathroom door, “Get me my keys, Jess. Fast.” He turned back to Megan who was dry heaving. “I’m taking you to the emergency room.”
“No!” He couldn’t take her to the hospital. She just had to tell him now. “I’m ok, Jake. It’s ok.”
“It’s not ok. You’ve hardly been eating since the party and you’re throwing up everything you do manage. We’re at least going to Dr. Sloane and that’s final, Meg.”
Jess walked into the bathroom looking from one to the other. She handed Jake his keys and Megan’s purse. “I hope you feel better, Mrs. Roark.”
“Thank you Jess,” Jake answered for her. “I won’t be back today and maybe not tomorrow.”
“But, Mr. Roark, your meeting tomorrow…”
“I don’t care. Cancel it,” he said, his eyes on Megan all the while. “Let’s go.”
Megan knew not to argue. When Jake took that tone, final was final. At least it was just her doctor and not the ER.
“Jake,” she began when they got on the elevator.
“Not now, Megan. I think you should just rest until we get there. We can talk tonight.”
In the parking garage, he put her into the passenger seat and strapped her seatbelt before climbing in on the other side. He drove fast to the doctor, asking her if she was ok every few minutes.
At least she had stopped crying.
When they got to the doctor’s office, they only had to wait a few minutes before the nurse called them in.
“What’s going on?” Dr. Sloane asked as Jake helped Megan up onto the examining table.
“Nothing. I’m fine, I just…”
“She’s not fine. She’s been vomiting since Saturday and can barely keep anything down. I’m pretty sure you’ve barely eaten a full meal, Meg,” Jake said, suddenly stern with her.
Dr. Sloane stuck a thermometer into her mouth and asked a few questions, which Jake answered while she sat watching them.
“When was your last period?” she asked when she took the thermometer out, her temperature normal.
Megan began counting back. She wasn’t very good at keeping track but apparently Jake was.
“It’s been a month, hasn’t it? Maybe a little longer,” he said.
Megan only looked at him, surprised.
“We’ve been living together for a year Meg. I know your cycles.”
“Bathroom’s down the hall Megan,” Dr. Sloane said, handing her a box she retrieved from the cabinet.
She stared at it, as did Jake. It was a pregnancy test.
“We’ll know for sure in a few minutes but morning sickness doesn’t normally restrict itself to just the mornings.”
Megan still stared at it, unable to reach out and take the box.
Jake took it for her. “I’ll go with you,” he said.
Megan turned to him, pushing her hair behind her ear. “I… it’s not possible.”
“Humor me,” Dr. Sloane said, her back already to them as she jotted down some notes.
She walked as if in a dream to the bathroom. Jake unpacked the stick and held it out to her once they were inside and he had locked the door.
“I don’t think I have to pee,” she said, still staring at the thing.
“Try.” He read the back of the box.
She took the stick from him, her hand trembling. “Can you turn around?”
“I’ve seen you pee before.”
That was true, she wasn’t normally so modest at home. She lifted her skirt and pulled down her panties and apparently, she did have to pee. When she was finished, she set the stick down on the counter and washed her hands while they waited. She looked at him while he looked at the stick. It wasn’t even a minute before he smiled a strange smile. It was one of disbelief, of awe even. She glanced down at the two pink lines.
“Maybe we have to wait longer?” she asked, taking the box from him and looking at the very clear picture on the back of the box.
“I think we’re having a baby, Meg,” he said, his eyes suddenly wet.
She stared at those two little lines, unable to speak.
There was a knock at the door. “Well?” Dr. Sloane called from the other side.
Jake pulled her into his arms and hugged her tight. “We’re having a baby!”
Chapter Nine
“So what did you come in to talk about by the way?” Jake asked that night when he turned out the lamp. He pulled her close, tucking her back into his front, holding her to him, one large hand on her belly.
She put her hand over top of his and linked her fingers through his. “Oh, gosh, I forgot already,” she lied, her eyes wide open, ready for another sleepless night of thinking. “Are you ready for this?” she asked.
“It definitely happened sooner than I expected but yes, I’m ready. Absolutely.”
“I know I forgot pills once or twice but that’s every month.”
“Are you happy about the news?” he asked tentatively.
She pulled his arm tighter. “Of course. God, Jake, there’s nothing I’d like more than to have your baby. It’s just so fast.”
“We’ll have some months to get used to the idea.”
“Will I have to stop at the bakery?”
“Not as long
as you can do it and you feel good. You will have to try to eat though.”
“I know. I just… everything makes me nauseous.” She had thought it was Sean Connelly but the nausea was from the pregnancy or maybe a combination of the two.
“Meg,” he moved, switching the light back on. “Look at me.”
She did, the weight of what she had to tell him heavy on her heart.
“What did you come to the office to tell me? You were so upset, you said something about him telling me. What did you mean? Who were you talking about?”
She sat up and looked down at her lap. A part of her wanted to tell him now, but he was so happy. So happy with the news of the baby. She couldn’t do it. She would wait, she’d have to wait.
“I’ve just had a lot on my mind.”
“Well, unload it. We promised no secrets between us.”
She could only glance at him for a moment.
“Meg, there’s nothing you can say that will change how I feel about you.”
Oh yes there was.
“I had lunch with Josie today,” she began. As soon as she said Josie’s name, his expression darkened. “It’s ok, you’re right. You were right all along. I just finally saw it today and I won’t be seeing her anymore.”
He stared at her for a moment. “What made you decide?”
She shook her head. “I’d rather just forget about it for now at least, ok?”
“Is this why you’ve been so distant?”
She nodded, feeling guilty.
“The no-lying rule still stands and not telling me is as good as lying, you know that. And it’s there to help you, not so I have an excuse to punish you. I don’t actually like punishing you.”
“I know. I don’t like it either.”
“Just promise to tell me next time, will you? You’ll feel better for it. You know things are always worse when you keep them bottled up.”
She nodded, yawning. “I’m sorry.”
He turned out the light. “Let’s get some sleep.”
They lay down and he gathered her again into his arms once again. “I love you, Meg.”
Taming Megan Page 8
